The survey on who should support learning couples is now closed. Of the five choices, three got no votes: the girl's parents alone, the boy's parents alone, whichever set of parents can afford the money. Of the 15 people voting, 13 or 86% said the young couple should support themselves, however they can manage to arrange that, and 2 or 13% said that both parents equally should support the couple.
What is the purpose of a survey or study? To gather useful information that can be used in making decisions about something. Today, in Klal Yisroel, it seems to be the working assumption that a girl's parents should support a young learning couple. Yet, in this survey no one chose that method of support. Does this represent an attitude that is beginning to change in Klal, or is it specific to the people who happen to come to this blog? The sampling for this survey is too small to make any definitive statements. If we want to see if attitudes are changing, we need responses from more people.
So here I go again, "driving the bus." After you've asked about "One at a Time" shidduchim, you might want to ask 10 or more people that you talk to anyway to vote for one of the survey's choices--just have them tell you. Then please report back. A survey of 150 or more people gives us a lot better information. And this I promise you, if 150 people say that they believe that young couples should be supporting themselves, then I will get off my chair and write an article for someplace other than this blog publicizing the fact.
3 comments:
I found the blog too late to vote but it would have been a vote for the couple doing their own support. or maybe there should have been another choice there that said none of the above. If a boy and a girl are getting married they are moving to a different life and why should a boy sit for years and force a wife to leave her kids with others while she works. A married man has responsibilities like supporting his family. What responsibilities does a learning boy have? He'll always remain a boy and never become a man until he does what a man is supposed to do.
Theoretically, I've been trained to disagree with you, Anonymously. But deep down, I agree totally. We've each got our curses down here on earth, and I'm reluctant to take my husbands on in addition to my own, at risk of sacrificing my children. And you know how it goes: you can do one thing well, or two things mediocre-ly.
So I'm posting this as anonymous because I'm afraid of what others would say if they knew what I really thought. Yeah, like bad I agree with anonymously. Why is it only about him? What about me and our kids? My mom was one of those women who supported and she tells me to look for someone who is earning. No matter how great it was for my dad it wasn't that great for my mom or for us. She was always so busy with everything and we kids weren't missing anything important but I don't remember any just doing nothing minutes to just sit and talk without also doing something in the kitchen or the laundry. Maybe I will have to work anyway because my husband will not earn enough to support a frum lifestyle but at least that will be a decision that my husband and I will make not a decision that some rebbe made without knowing me and what I believe and what I need or want.
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