Out of town is NOT Outer Space--part #2.

In the first part of this posting I mentioned some common attitudes about "out of town" that can be seen in New York. In speaking to friends, themselves out of towners, they confirmed what I already knew. New Yorkers consider themselves the center of the Jewish universe here in the US, and indeed in every place but Israel.


I'd like to share the following to illustrate some points about "out of town." When I was single I was asked to speak at a Friday night oneg at the White Shule in Far Rockaway. There were three of us speaking, all from out of town, one who had been a Rav in South Africa. I was pleased to have been asked until the person doing the asking ended with "You know, we're interested in hearing what you people think." You people? As if we were some strange species.

I remember calming down a bit and I do remember the gist of what I spoke about. Keep in mind that the New York of many years ago is not the New York that you see today. Yes, there was clearly more kosher shopping here and more restaurants and many shules and yeshivot, but nowhere near what is seen today. I told my audience that I thought that too many frum people in New York were "convenience store" Jews. It was convenient to be frum here in New York, so they were. There were plenty of kosher butchers and products with hechsherim. There were take out food stores galore. There were pizza shops popping up in every frum community and other restaurants too. Parents here not only had yeshivot for their children locally, but choices of yeshivot. Need a mikveh? Just a few minutes away from home. Have a fight with someone in your present shule? No problem, there's another shule a few blocks away. And if you couldn't find what you were looking for really locally, then Williamsburg was a short drive away. So yes, New Yorkers were practicing Jews--it was awfully convenient to be so. But I was not convinced that these same Jews were inside and outside Jews. They "talked the talk but didn't always walk the walk." In New York no one had to sacrifice anything to be frum.

I then took a look at out of town frum Jews. And I wondered aloud just how many New York Jews would remain frum if they had to contend with what out of towners did. When coming from Europe my family ended up in Portland, Oregon, not exactly a hotbed of frumkeit. And yet, my family remained frum. They didn't wait to be served up frumkeit on a platter. There was an old mikveh in Portland, leftover from the turn of the century migration of Jews from Russia. It was old and dirty and falling apart, but there were only a few women in town who would use it regularly so why bother fixing it up. My mother and my aunt took it upon themselves to have a new mikveh built. Our families were not loaded and money was not there to burn, but a mikveh was important. They sweated out the raising of funds and the building. They were there day in and day out supervising the building. And yes, Portland got a kosher mikveh.

Yeshivot? There was nothing there. And again, my parents and my aunt and uncle were determined that there would be. One of my cousins had been sent away to yeshiva in Seattle at the age of almost 9. No one in the family wanted all of us to have to be sent away, so a push was made to start a day school. Now there were other families who came on board with the idea--some traditional some just interested in the idea of a private school, but with all the very monied people in Portland it was my parents and my aunt's family who put up their homes as financial surety for the yeshiva. And yup, a day school was started.

The kosher bakery in Portland closed just about when we arrived there. I ate my first bakery products when I arrived in New York at 17. We baked everything we needed at home. Kosher meat? Yes, we had it. The shochet from Seattle would come down every few months to Portland and would shecht for our two families and for a few others who also needed and/or wanted kosher meat. Freezers, big ones, were a necessity. Pre-kashered chicken? Didn't exist. I remember afternoons in the basement with my mother cleaning and kashering chickens.

Ah, Pesach. Most products would be imported from Seattle or from Los Angeles or New York, at a cost you wouldn't believe. I remember clearly the one Pesach that we imported two pints of sour cream from Minneapolis. With a lot of little kids in the family, we needed kosher milk for Pesach. My uncle "rented" a cow from someone, went out to feed it, watching that the food did not have contact with the milking pails, and then before Pesach he milked the cow to get us milk. The milk was boiled up to kill the germs. You haven't lived until you have had week and a half old home-boiled milk.

A lulav and esrog? Imported. You need tzitzis for a boy? Imported. You cannot know what joy is until you discover that "Educator," a cookie brand, has come under the OU and is available in a local supermarket.

Yes, my family eventually found itself "having" to move to New York. First I was sent away to school and then the next year my brother would have to leave to New York as well. My parents couldn't see being long distance parents and they pulled up roots and moved.

Were we welcomed with open arms by the Jews in New York? A few. For the most part we were looked at like specimens fit for a microscope. After all, how frum could we be if we had lived out of town? Eventually we would find our place in our community, we would make friends and become part of life here. And yes, the members of our community would discover that frum was frum, no matter where it was found. But we never, ever lost the out of town designation. My youngest sister turned six after we moved here and for her it was different than for the rest of us. She went to school and camp here, her friends were all from here and she really doesn't remember much about the "olden days" out of town. And yet, she still comes from an out of town family "ad hayom."

Just a little note from my mental scrapbook. My mom is European and speaks with an accent, although it has mellowed over the many years she has been in the US, and she speaks a fluent English with an "educated" vocabulary. At a function in Far Rockaway someone said to her: " I notice that you have an accent. Where are you from?" My mom answered "Oregon." The man said "Oh, that explains it." Out of townism with a twist.

I sent a preliminary copy of this posting to someone whose opinion I value and asked if she had any comments. Her personal comment was as follows: "I guess I always wonder with out of town people why they put themselves through the hardships. I mean, it's not like there are not plenty of jobs and opportunities available in New York. Why stay out of town if life there is so difficult for Jews? Why would someone take a chance that the hard life would eventually wear them down and c'v they would lose their frumkeit?"

"Kol Yisroel areivim zeh lozeh?" On paper maybe. If you are from out of town and living in New York, you are the "other." Heaven help you if you are still living out of town and want to continue to do so. Why is this so? Fodder for another posting to come.