Two of my students, one present and one former, became chosonim recently, both to girls from Los Angeles. I gave the present student a mazel tov and asked who the kallah was. He gave a name and mentioned Los Angeles. I asked him if he had gotten any of the "strange" comments along the line of "What, there weren't enough girls in New York?" He laughed and answered "A few. But I borrowed a line you threw out in class one day, about how Hashem isn't mezaveg zevugim by zip code. There was no possible comeback to that one. Thanks." Not quite along the lines of Shakespeare's "to be or not to be, that is the question" but someone was listening anyway.
The former student, while he was in my class, was balancing yeshiva, a part-time job and full-time college. He was a young man and people were pressuring him to enter into the shidduch parsha. Frankly, he had too much on his plate already without adding this also. He asked me for my opinion--he had been offered a good full-time position with the company he was working for. Should he go for the job or go into shidduchim? This was a fairly easy going student whose smile had been slipping because of "over committment." My advice was to take the job first--he was graduating--and then get into shidduchim. And yes, I frankly told him that he would be "worth" more to the right girl if he was making a living. He sought me out last night to tell me he had just become a choson. He asked if I remembered the advice I had given him. And then he added "I'm glad I listened to you, and so is my kallah."
Of course, in a fair world, these two boys and their kallahs would now be working hard so that two Los Angeles boys would find two girls presently in New York. It's only fair to keep the numbers even.
To those who are teaching--you never know what thing you have said may have affect on a student. The affect may be seconds later or even years later. Take heart--sometimes students listen.
4 comments:
Just don't quiz me!
Aw shucks lon, I was so looking forward to marking that quiz! I had in mind one simple essay question: In an essay of 10,000 words or more, please tell me everything you know, everything you think you know and everything that you definitely don't know. Make sure to cite your sources and double space throughout. Points will be deducted for misspelling my name. Points will be added if you can spell your own name.
You are very right. A teacher who encouraged my son and always told him that he would find his way if not today then tomorrow influenced him to keep tryi8ng even when the others in the yeshiva basically ignored him and felt that he would not be able to do much so let him alone. For years he remebered what that teacher said and it gave him chizuk to keep working and keep trying. At 19 because he never gave up he finally did find his way. He is BH successful in what he does and is married and has children. and he always remembered what that teacher told him. That teacher was a honored guest at his chasuneh.
And then there are the things that teachers and principals say that you should forget about as soon as you hear them if they don't make sense for you. Like the teachers who are always saying that if you don't go to seminary and the right seminary then you won't make a good shidduch. Or if you don't listen to what the school says and do everything that they say then your life will not be as good as it could be. It's funny but in the small group of us that just didn't fit the mold of our high school we are all married and no divorces after 15 years. That's not the case if you look at the girls who took the route the school said to take. Not everything that a teacher says is worthwhile remembering.
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