Tuesday, October 16, 2007

One Solution to the Shidduch Crisis

I found the following posted on the five towns shule email list. While any efforts to help make shidduchim for the members of Klal Yisroel should be applauded, I'm not convinced that this method is going to make much of a dent. My personal opinion is that the money is being "thrown" at the wrong party to a shidduch--the shadchan. Please read and comment.

Silent Tragedy - Shidduch Initiative
Posted by: "Chaim Tropper" mailto:chaim@nasionline.org?Subject=camt999
Mon Oct 15, 2007 12:23 pm (PST)
Silent Tragedy.
Much has been written about the frum shidduch scene and specifically a seemingly unfair advantage boys have. It would appear that boys have all sorts of options while girls are starving for shidduchim. It seems likethere are so many wonderful older girls who just haven't gotten married. Many members of the frum community have been scratching their heads wondering why this is so. As it stands now, statistically, without a neis from Hashem Yisbarach, approximately one out of every 10 frum Jewish girls will never get married. This phenomenon is a result of two factors: One, our population, bli ayinharah, is growing rapidly, at a birth rate of about four percent a year. Second, in the average marriage in our circles, the male is older than the female by about three and a half years. The result of these two factors is that for every 1,000 boys starting the shidduch process, there are approximately 1,125 girls starting - with at least 125 more girls than boys seeking shidduchim. This gap is only widening every year.I t is imperative that we close the age gap between couples. One obvious wayof achieving this would be for boys to marry girls within two years of theirown age, and vice versa. If this were to become the norm, the problem would be alleviated in large part. But to make this happen, strong encouragementis needed from friends, parents, shadchanim, and rebbeim for boys to consider girls who are within two years of their own age.The NASI (North American Shidduch Initiative) Fund has being launched to address this conundrum. The Fund's goal is to encourage shidduchim with a smaller age difference by providing an incentive of $750 to shadchanim of couples who are within two years of age of each other. Shadchanim of couples in which the chosson and kallah are less than a year apart would receive$1250. A shadchan of a couple in which the girl is at least three months older than the boy would receive $2000.A similar program was initiated by the Star K in Baltimore two years ago. It is clear that since its inception, shadchanim have been paying closer attention to the issues there, and the girls for whom the program was created have been helped greatly. If this situation is not remedied, the problem will likely get worse. As the number of older unmarried girls steadily increases, girls and their families might be compelled to begin the shidduch process at an even earlier age,only further widening the age gap, thus intensifying the crisis. Now is an "Eis Laasos." If you would like to be part of the solution please contactNASI917 804 5556347 8802463email adress is info@nasionline.org

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

It seems a bizarre lack of faith. I mean, if we're going to believe that everyone has a bashert or two, how can we start specifying that he/she had better be within a certain age range?

Besides, many women believe older guys are preferable because they're more mature. A generalization, of course, but still.

ProfK said...

lon,

I agree with you. Neither age nor zip code appears in our holy writings as a condition of Hashem's being mezaveg zivugim.