We live in a technological society. Everywhere we look there is evidence of this. Yet, when it comes to shidduchim, we are "behind the times." Yes, there are some shidduch groups who have attempted to computerize their shidduch lists, but the effort is uneven.
What is needed is a centralized data base for shidduchim. That's right, everyone who is looking for a shidduch all in one place. Klal Yisroel has some "brilliant" computer people out there and setting up the database is not a difficult thing. There are also business people out there who have space available to be able to give us access to a server to handle the database.
The Chicago Jewish community has such a database for its singles. They also realize how important shidduch making is, and the community pays to support this shidduch office. We could learn a thing or two from out of towners.
Issues of privacy can be handled easily. People's names, addresses--other than city of location--and phone numbers would not be available to everyone "surfing the net." Only the contact person(s) for that single would be able to access that information when there is an actual shidduch being red.
I, and other shadchanim, have made dozens of calls trying to find someone who "fits" the person I am redding a shidduch for. A cross-referenced single database would make things faster and more efficient.
Yes, I can hear the objections flying in. "I don't want/need everyone to know my business." "I like dealing with only one shadchan." Let me give my answers in brief. One, if you are in shidduchim what is the secret? The more people who know, the better your chance of finding a shidduch. No one, repeat no one, knows precisely how or when they will find a shidduch, nor do they know who the "shaliach" will be. Two, you would still be dealing with a shadchan, the contact person listed for the single. Or, your shadchan would be the one "surfing" the database and dealing with the contact person. And yes, there are going to be some people and/or groups that are "territorial" about the people they have on their lists now. No one group is better, more "choshuv" than another when it comes to shidduchim.
Yes, the horrible, terrible "W" word is involved in getting this up and running--WORK. Someone will need to organize the input of the data and maintain the database. Someone will have to decide on and implement the categories and cross-referencing necessary. Someone will have to scan in or enter the information on the singles. Imagine that, having to work to get something of benefit. Would you pay $1 for improved shidduch making? Would you pay $5? Would a shule consider putting $50 or $100 of its budget every year towards helping the singles of Klal get married? Why not? If you and your shules would then we could afford to hire people to help do all this work. Or if you are one of those "computer" people, maybe you would donate a few hours in help.
What's it worth in terms of time and/or money to have the joy of a husband or wife across from you at the breakfast table? Or the joy of rocking your first child to sleep? Better living through computers--now there is an idea whose time has come.
6 comments:
This actually makes sense to me so someone quick, please tell me what the problem with it is.
I actually think it is a good idea. Certainly better than the shidduch mag. which caters only to a certain mold.
isn't this the SYAS concept?
Anonymous,
I admit to ignorance--what is SYAS?
Forget it anonymous--I'm slow but I eventually get there. See You at Sinai?
This approach differs in that all shadchanim or interested parties could have access to the database. SYAS limits itself to its own shadchanim and those who have registered--I believe there is a charge? Think of SYAS as the Manhattan phone book only. This approach would be analagous to the phone book for all of New York City, Long Island and the tri-state area.
We shop in big box stores so why not a big shidduch expo. I just think that what you posted before about changing the questionaires would have to be done before this expo and also getting the database in place would have to be done before.
If its sensible, smart, convenient, easy to use, solves problems and makes life easier Klal Yisrael doesn't seem to want it. We make our own lives miserable and then cant seem to figure out that we did it to ourselves and we need to stop doing it. Yes, I like this idea and I bet others would like it too because it makes things simpler. That is the first strike against it.
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