An apology for not posting this earlier, but life has been rather hectic in the K household since Hurricane Sandy unfurled. Nothing that is severely life threatening happening, but so much going on that there simply are not enough hours in the day to get to everything I'd like to get to. And no, it isn't all "bad" news that we are dealing with, as B"H we have an engagement in the family today--a simcha to sweeten what has been rather sour of late.
I hope that all of you are well and coping with life, and that you, too, have some simcha to make things "taste" better. Hope to be back on a regular basis soon, but making no promises. Life has a way of dealing you the hand it wants, not necessarily the hand you are going to be a big winner with.
Showing posts with label Personally speaking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personally speaking. Show all posts
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
All the Best
With Shabbos and Rosh Hashanah running so close together, let me now first wish you a gutten Shabbos. May you all also be blessed with a new year of peace and health, of joy and happiness, of contentment and success, a year filled with all the blessings Hashem has to bestow. And may we all be zocheh to be wishing each other a wonderful new year next year at this time.
Shanah Tovah!
Shanah Tovah!
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Rabbis' Speeches
When I first moved to New York my family lived in Far Rockaway. Our main shul was the White Shul. And certainly one of the draws for that shul was its rabbi, Rabbi Rafael Pelcovitz. One thing that stands out about Rabbi Pelcovitz was his speaking ability. Congregants actually looked forward to his speeches on Shabbos, and they weren't short ones. Yes, he had all the personal qualifications that make up an excellent speaker, but it was more then that. The subject matter he chose for his speeches was such that people really thought about and talked about that subject matter.
Obviously, his speeches were "learned" in their presentation of elements of Tanach and the commentaries. Obviously he spoke of the parsha of the week or about Shabbos or about elements of a particular yom tov, but he went much further than that. He related what he was speaking about to the everyday lives of his congregants. He made a clear connection between then and now. And yes, he was not afraid to tackle community issues that had come up. He was not afraid to take a stand on a problem facing our community in particular or the greater community of Klal. He didn't dance around these issues but clearly put forth an opinion. He called for change, and not just in a philosophical sense. He was activist in all the finest senses of that term.
And that is what I find missing in so many of the rabbanim who head up shuls or head up our multitude of Jewish organizations. They sing a philosophical tune, but they aren't there calling a spade a spade about the issues and problems we face in Klal. They give us all kinds of new p'sukim about the parsha to deepen our understanding of the parsha, but they wimp out when it comes to taking a stand on the real life issues. It seems that so many of them have a "don't rock the boat" attitude, and clearly don't see that the boat is sinking in so many cases.
Our rabbanim are called our leaders, and I wish they would act the part when it comes to the practical issues of Jewish life. Plenty of people in Klal who can give you a proper "taitch" for what a posuk means. Shul rabbis and organization heads need to go beyond that. I certainly hope and pray that in this new year that is coming up for us that our so called "leaders" actually and finally prove that they understand the problems and issues facing us, and that they are willing to publicly raise their voices in calling for change and for repairs to a system that needs them. I live in hope.
Obviously, his speeches were "learned" in their presentation of elements of Tanach and the commentaries. Obviously he spoke of the parsha of the week or about Shabbos or about elements of a particular yom tov, but he went much further than that. He related what he was speaking about to the everyday lives of his congregants. He made a clear connection between then and now. And yes, he was not afraid to tackle community issues that had come up. He was not afraid to take a stand on a problem facing our community in particular or the greater community of Klal. He didn't dance around these issues but clearly put forth an opinion. He called for change, and not just in a philosophical sense. He was activist in all the finest senses of that term.
And that is what I find missing in so many of the rabbanim who head up shuls or head up our multitude of Jewish organizations. They sing a philosophical tune, but they aren't there calling a spade a spade about the issues and problems we face in Klal. They give us all kinds of new p'sukim about the parsha to deepen our understanding of the parsha, but they wimp out when it comes to taking a stand on the real life issues. It seems that so many of them have a "don't rock the boat" attitude, and clearly don't see that the boat is sinking in so many cases.
Our rabbanim are called our leaders, and I wish they would act the part when it comes to the practical issues of Jewish life. Plenty of people in Klal who can give you a proper "taitch" for what a posuk means. Shul rabbis and organization heads need to go beyond that. I certainly hope and pray that in this new year that is coming up for us that our so called "leaders" actually and finally prove that they understand the problems and issues facing us, and that they are willing to publicly raise their voices in calling for change and for repairs to a system that needs them. I live in hope.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Back to Labor Day
Today marks Labor Day, a day observed as a holiday here in the US (although you might ask all those who have to work today how they feel about that). However, for those in the various fields of education, today might better be referred to as Back to Labor Day--the last "free" day before schools begin. Some schools have already begun, but those that haven't will all be up and running this week.
And if schools are starting, can yom tov be far behind? Time to put away those lazy, hazy days of summer and start planning for the weeks ahead. Time not only to have school supplies handy but also all those items you might need for yom tov meals and observance. Time to be thinking about menus and cooking and who will be invited to various meals. The supermarket chains in our area already last week had Rosh Hashanah items advertised and on sale.
The weather in our area is making it easier to sit at a desk and plan--rainy, mega humid and so not bbq weather. However you are going to be spending today, I hope it will be an enjoyable end to summer. And to really get ahead of things, please note that next year Rosh Hashanah will be on Labor Day.
And if schools are starting, can yom tov be far behind? Time to put away those lazy, hazy days of summer and start planning for the weeks ahead. Time not only to have school supplies handy but also all those items you might need for yom tov meals and observance. Time to be thinking about menus and cooking and who will be invited to various meals. The supermarket chains in our area already last week had Rosh Hashanah items advertised and on sale.
The weather in our area is making it easier to sit at a desk and plan--rainy, mega humid and so not bbq weather. However you are going to be spending today, I hope it will be an enjoyable end to summer. And to really get ahead of things, please note that next year Rosh Hashanah will be on Labor Day.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Murphy is Chortling
The last week of classes, which was last week, is always hectic for me, as is final exam week, which is this week. If I only had school to concentrate on I would still be ultra-busy. But "real" life is also going on during this time. Last week it was real life with a vengeance. I was seriously going to be a walking, talking experiment in whether life can be sustained if you don't sleep for a week. And to add to the bedlam, a tooth decided to act nasty and there was a wonderful--not--visit to the dentist.
On Friday I had decided to just pretend the week hadn't happened and enjoy the peace of Shabbos. Sigh. A bit after 5:00 central Staten Island was hit with a power outage that took out the power for 80,000 people. Con Ed swore the power would go back on that night so we tried our best to leave switches on for lights we would need and air conditioners etc.. I lit a burner with a match and put up a blech so we could at least have some warm food. Let me tell you, eating dinner by candlelight is only romantic in Regency novels. Still, it was kind of nice to sit around and talk to each other, even if we were in the dark. And glory be, Con Ed came through and the electricity came back on that night. I'll admit it was a bit odd to go from room to room and see all the clocks flashing.
Sunday brought its own weirdness, but I was hoping that would be the end of it. Yeah, right. I woke up early this morning and went down to my office. A few minutes after I sat down at my desk my eye caught movement right outside. There was a quail waving around a worm. As I watched it snapped the worm in half sending one half to thunk up against the door. Needless to say, I took my coffee back upstairs--nothing like a thrashing mutilated worm to start off the day.
I ran a few errands that had to be done and afterwards came to my office to check my email. In looking out the door, I noticed that there were now two worm carcasses right by the door. A few minutes later what I believe was the same quail came over bearing yet another worm, and the scenario repeated itself. I called up the SI zoo and asked to speak to someone with knowledge about birds. The person who got on the phone said that quails that are courting frequently bring gifts of food to the object of their courting. Say what?! A quail was courting me?! Then I remembered that I hadn't been there when the second worm was deposited. When I told this to the person, he asked me if the door was solid or glass. When I replied "glass" he had his aha moment. He told me that the quail was probably seeing his reflection in the glass and didn't know that. The quail thought he was seeing another quail, hence the courting ritual.
I put some paper on the door to block the reflection--I don't think I could have dealt with another worm present. I should have stuck with the quail. At one and the same time somewhere along the sewer line someone was doing some digging/flushing, and all the incoming water lines were bringing in brown water. According to the City, it could be up to 48 hours until the problem was cleared up. I was so ready to just pack it in, head for bed and hide under the covers. Luckily I just checked the toilets and sinks and the water is almost perfectly clear. Thank you God for your input so I didn't completely lose my sanity.
I wish Murphy would take his law and go peddle it somewhere else.
On Friday I had decided to just pretend the week hadn't happened and enjoy the peace of Shabbos. Sigh. A bit after 5:00 central Staten Island was hit with a power outage that took out the power for 80,000 people. Con Ed swore the power would go back on that night so we tried our best to leave switches on for lights we would need and air conditioners etc.. I lit a burner with a match and put up a blech so we could at least have some warm food. Let me tell you, eating dinner by candlelight is only romantic in Regency novels. Still, it was kind of nice to sit around and talk to each other, even if we were in the dark. And glory be, Con Ed came through and the electricity came back on that night. I'll admit it was a bit odd to go from room to room and see all the clocks flashing.
Sunday brought its own weirdness, but I was hoping that would be the end of it. Yeah, right. I woke up early this morning and went down to my office. A few minutes after I sat down at my desk my eye caught movement right outside. There was a quail waving around a worm. As I watched it snapped the worm in half sending one half to thunk up against the door. Needless to say, I took my coffee back upstairs--nothing like a thrashing mutilated worm to start off the day.
I ran a few errands that had to be done and afterwards came to my office to check my email. In looking out the door, I noticed that there were now two worm carcasses right by the door. A few minutes later what I believe was the same quail came over bearing yet another worm, and the scenario repeated itself. I called up the SI zoo and asked to speak to someone with knowledge about birds. The person who got on the phone said that quails that are courting frequently bring gifts of food to the object of their courting. Say what?! A quail was courting me?! Then I remembered that I hadn't been there when the second worm was deposited. When I told this to the person, he asked me if the door was solid or glass. When I replied "glass" he had his aha moment. He told me that the quail was probably seeing his reflection in the glass and didn't know that. The quail thought he was seeing another quail, hence the courting ritual.
I put some paper on the door to block the reflection--I don't think I could have dealt with another worm present. I should have stuck with the quail. At one and the same time somewhere along the sewer line someone was doing some digging/flushing, and all the incoming water lines were bringing in brown water. According to the City, it could be up to 48 hours until the problem was cleared up. I was so ready to just pack it in, head for bed and hide under the covers. Luckily I just checked the toilets and sinks and the water is almost perfectly clear. Thank you God for your input so I didn't completely lose my sanity.
I wish Murphy would take his law and go peddle it somewhere else.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Lessons from a Fly
Sometimes we are so focused on the big picture that we forget that the big picture is made up of thousands of tiny brush strokes, each one contributing to the whole. This morning I got a reminder of that, albeit in a strange way.
Yesterday a fly somehow got into the house, a fly of considerable size. He was buzzing around my office and bothering me as I was working. I opened the sliding door hoping that he would fly out. No such luck. This morning there he was again, perched on the sliding door facing the outside. Once again I opened the door and hoped he would leave. This time he flew through the opening and right out into the pouring rain. Two seconds later he was perched back on the sliding door, this time facing in. Maybe it was the early morning hour but I imagined him to be rather mournful that his wish had been granted--he wanted a do-over.
All kinds of platitudes came to mind in watching him, but the one that stuck was "Be careful of what you wish for--you just might get it." Sometimes we are so focused on attaining a particular goal that we forget to ask ourselves the important questions, such as is this goal really going to be the best for me in the long run and what are the costs, if any, if I attain that goal. My fly was clearly not happy with what he had wished for. Tough luck fella. Risk assessment has to come before action, not after it.
Note for a rainy Monday morning: even a fly can teach us things, remind us of things we need to know and remember.
Yesterday a fly somehow got into the house, a fly of considerable size. He was buzzing around my office and bothering me as I was working. I opened the sliding door hoping that he would fly out. No such luck. This morning there he was again, perched on the sliding door facing the outside. Once again I opened the door and hoped he would leave. This time he flew through the opening and right out into the pouring rain. Two seconds later he was perched back on the sliding door, this time facing in. Maybe it was the early morning hour but I imagined him to be rather mournful that his wish had been granted--he wanted a do-over.
All kinds of platitudes came to mind in watching him, but the one that stuck was "Be careful of what you wish for--you just might get it." Sometimes we are so focused on attaining a particular goal that we forget to ask ourselves the important questions, such as is this goal really going to be the best for me in the long run and what are the costs, if any, if I attain that goal. My fly was clearly not happy with what he had wished for. Tough luck fella. Risk assessment has to come before action, not after it.
Note for a rainy Monday morning: even a fly can teach us things, remind us of things we need to know and remember.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Patience
Wisdom has long held that patience is a virtue. As the saying goes, "All good things come to those who wait." Yes, patience and waiting go together. Unfortunately, the word "patience" may soon be listed in our dictionaries as archaic, no longer in use.
We live now in a world that gives highest priority to things that are "instant." Waiting for anything is seen as annoying and out of sync with the way things should be. When we hit the "on" switch for any of the electronic items we own, we expect immediate results. Even a few seconds wait is intolerable. This carries over to other aspects of our lives as well.
I asked the manager at one of our local supermarkets which is the bigger seller: traditional, long-cooking (relatively speaking that is) oatmeal or what is sold as instant oatmeal. He answered that more instant oatmeal is sold. What is the actual time difference between the two items? Give or take, 5-7 minutes. I asked the manager why he thought the instant oatmeal sold more. Yup, his answer included the word "patience." Why stand over a stove and wait for the old fashioned oats to cook when you can nuke the instant variety in a minute? He added that "instant" varieties of just about every food type were big sellers--frozen waffles, pancakes and french toast, 'instant' mashed potato flakes, pre-cooked just about anything, frozen ready-cooked dinners etc..
Why are there more and more ready-prepared, take-home food outlets? A whole lot of people with no patience for the slowness of having to cook food from start to finish at home. Why are there more and more restaurants? Same reason.
Even our language exhibits signs of the impatience that people feel today. Texting and twittering capitalize on this impatience by "requiring" a foreshortened form of English. And because that foreshortened English is so convenient, users look at standard English as somehow backwards and too oldfashioned to spend time in learning well.
It used to be that patience was a sign of maturity, of being a "grown up." Little children were always asking "Are we there yet?!" Adults were supposed to know better, to have developed patience. Unfortunately, today it is both adults and children who whine "Are we there yet?!"
Watch some drivers at a red light and you see this impatience. They are tapping the steering wheel, texting or speaking on their cellphones, eating a snack, talking to someone in the car, fiddling with the knobs on the dashboard and turning their head from side to side to see what is going on outside of the car, and sometimes all at the same time.
Look at some of the "rules" in place for shidduch dating and you see impatience perfectly illustrated. By the fifth or sixth date a couple is either engaged or they are over. Some of those involved in making shidduchim have even foreshortened this time requirement. For them, if you don't know for sure that a prospective shidduch is going somewhere by the the third or fourth date, it's over. And some of this shidduch impatience also applies to how long any individual date may last for. Most of the "laws" I've seen say a maximum of two hours for a date. When I read that requirement I really laughed. Here in NY, getting from a point in one part of the city to a point in another part can easily take you one hour in each direction. So basically dating couples don't need to go anywhere but just spend the time inside of a car? Impatience personified.
Yes, I know that today's world also presents us with a lot more to do in those few hours of the day there are to do them. Yes, I know that lots of people are multi-tasking inundated. Yes, there may be certain situations where patience is just not possible. But those same situations are made worse when we don't have the patience to deal with them.
When I mentioned the idea for this posting to someone, they countered with a different old saying: "The race goes to the swift." Patience is an impediment in getting to where you have to go. A different old saying by Aesop came to the rescue: "Slow and steady wins the race." But hey, don't take my word for it--read what some others have said about the value of patience.
Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish. ~John Quincy Adams
How poor are they that have not patience!
What wound did ever heal but by degrees?
~William Shakespeare, Othello, 1604
A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.
~Dutch Proverb
Genius is nothing but a great aptitude for patience.
~George-Louis de Buffon
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life. ~Chinese Proverb
He that can have PATIENCE can have what he will.
~Benjamin Franklin
It is not necessary for all men to be great in action. The greatest and sublimest power is often simple patience.
~Horace Bushnell
A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.
~Cato the Elder
To end off, let me repeat what many a parent has spoken to their children: Rome wasn't built in a day.
We live now in a world that gives highest priority to things that are "instant." Waiting for anything is seen as annoying and out of sync with the way things should be. When we hit the "on" switch for any of the electronic items we own, we expect immediate results. Even a few seconds wait is intolerable. This carries over to other aspects of our lives as well.
I asked the manager at one of our local supermarkets which is the bigger seller: traditional, long-cooking (relatively speaking that is) oatmeal or what is sold as instant oatmeal. He answered that more instant oatmeal is sold. What is the actual time difference between the two items? Give or take, 5-7 minutes. I asked the manager why he thought the instant oatmeal sold more. Yup, his answer included the word "patience." Why stand over a stove and wait for the old fashioned oats to cook when you can nuke the instant variety in a minute? He added that "instant" varieties of just about every food type were big sellers--frozen waffles, pancakes and french toast, 'instant' mashed potato flakes, pre-cooked just about anything, frozen ready-cooked dinners etc..
Why are there more and more ready-prepared, take-home food outlets? A whole lot of people with no patience for the slowness of having to cook food from start to finish at home. Why are there more and more restaurants? Same reason.
Even our language exhibits signs of the impatience that people feel today. Texting and twittering capitalize on this impatience by "requiring" a foreshortened form of English. And because that foreshortened English is so convenient, users look at standard English as somehow backwards and too oldfashioned to spend time in learning well.
It used to be that patience was a sign of maturity, of being a "grown up." Little children were always asking "Are we there yet?!" Adults were supposed to know better, to have developed patience. Unfortunately, today it is both adults and children who whine "Are we there yet?!"
Watch some drivers at a red light and you see this impatience. They are tapping the steering wheel, texting or speaking on their cellphones, eating a snack, talking to someone in the car, fiddling with the knobs on the dashboard and turning their head from side to side to see what is going on outside of the car, and sometimes all at the same time.
Look at some of the "rules" in place for shidduch dating and you see impatience perfectly illustrated. By the fifth or sixth date a couple is either engaged or they are over. Some of those involved in making shidduchim have even foreshortened this time requirement. For them, if you don't know for sure that a prospective shidduch is going somewhere by the the third or fourth date, it's over. And some of this shidduch impatience also applies to how long any individual date may last for. Most of the "laws" I've seen say a maximum of two hours for a date. When I read that requirement I really laughed. Here in NY, getting from a point in one part of the city to a point in another part can easily take you one hour in each direction. So basically dating couples don't need to go anywhere but just spend the time inside of a car? Impatience personified.
Yes, I know that today's world also presents us with a lot more to do in those few hours of the day there are to do them. Yes, I know that lots of people are multi-tasking inundated. Yes, there may be certain situations where patience is just not possible. But those same situations are made worse when we don't have the patience to deal with them.
When I mentioned the idea for this posting to someone, they countered with a different old saying: "The race goes to the swift." Patience is an impediment in getting to where you have to go. A different old saying by Aesop came to the rescue: "Slow and steady wins the race." But hey, don't take my word for it--read what some others have said about the value of patience.
Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish. ~John Quincy Adams
How poor are they that have not patience!
What wound did ever heal but by degrees?
~William Shakespeare, Othello, 1604
A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.
~Dutch Proverb
Genius is nothing but a great aptitude for patience.
~George-Louis de Buffon
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life. ~Chinese Proverb
He that can have PATIENCE can have what he will.
~Benjamin Franklin
It is not necessary for all men to be great in action. The greatest and sublimest power is often simple patience.
~Horace Bushnell
A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.
~Cato the Elder
To end off, let me repeat what many a parent has spoken to their children: Rome wasn't built in a day.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
When Physics Doesn't Apply
Sorry about the hit or miss nature of the postings recently, but I am going to blame it all on Physics. A basic tenet of Physics is that two items cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Extrapolating from that certainly five items cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Now technically you should be able to reverse this tenet and have it hold true--one item cannot occupy two spaces at the same time. Certainly one object cannot occupy 5 spaces at the same time. Sigh, right.
Real life doesn't apparently work according to the tenets of Physics. I'm not alone in this, but I am frequently required to do the impossible--be in more than one place at the same time, doing two or more things at the same time. It's been one of those weeks where no matter where I am or what I'm doing, I'm supposed to be somewhere else as well, doing something else.
We've got that modern term--multi-tasking--and it definitely defies the tenets of Physics. Weeks like this one I find myself dreaming of a lot simpler world. Ah well, no more time alloted for complaining or contemplation--I've got 3 places to be right now, and here is not one of them.
Real life doesn't apparently work according to the tenets of Physics. I'm not alone in this, but I am frequently required to do the impossible--be in more than one place at the same time, doing two or more things at the same time. It's been one of those weeks where no matter where I am or what I'm doing, I'm supposed to be somewhere else as well, doing something else.
We've got that modern term--multi-tasking--and it definitely defies the tenets of Physics. Weeks like this one I find myself dreaming of a lot simpler world. Ah well, no more time alloted for complaining or contemplation--I've got 3 places to be right now, and here is not one of them.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Cleaning and History
My first cousin made an announcement to me yesterday that really shook me up. Our fathers did almost no talking about their experiences during the war nor about what happened to the rest of their family. Outside of the names of all of their siblings and the names of their parents (kind of obvious since some of us are named for them) we had very little information about the family.
Both my father and her father are no longer living, and her mother is also not living. In cleaning out her parents' apartment, my cousin found a document, written in Yiddish, which gave the full names of our grandparents, the full names of their parents and, amazingly, the place and Hebrew date of their petirah. All these years we kids had no idea of when the yahrtzeit was for these grandparents, thus having no idea of when to have kaddish said. Many have the custom of giving kiddush on a yahrtzeit in memory and honor of the departed, something we could never do before.
The yahrtzeit is this upcoming Friday in the Jewish calendar and strange as it may sound, I'm excited that I can now honor these grandparents in a traditional way. A yahrtzeit candle lit for the actual day of death, the saying of kadish, a shalosh seudos sponsored in their memory, so that people can say "May the neshomos have an aliyah."
All this family connection because someone decided to do some cleaning up. Let's hear it for cleaning!
Both my father and her father are no longer living, and her mother is also not living. In cleaning out her parents' apartment, my cousin found a document, written in Yiddish, which gave the full names of our grandparents, the full names of their parents and, amazingly, the place and Hebrew date of their petirah. All these years we kids had no idea of when the yahrtzeit was for these grandparents, thus having no idea of when to have kaddish said. Many have the custom of giving kiddush on a yahrtzeit in memory and honor of the departed, something we could never do before.
The yahrtzeit is this upcoming Friday in the Jewish calendar and strange as it may sound, I'm excited that I can now honor these grandparents in a traditional way. A yahrtzeit candle lit for the actual day of death, the saying of kadish, a shalosh seudos sponsored in their memory, so that people can say "May the neshomos have an aliyah."
All this family connection because someone decided to do some cleaning up. Let's hear it for cleaning!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Breakfast or Dinner?
Next Sunday our local Bikur Cholim will be holding its annual Breakfast. It should be noted that it doesn't also hold a dinner--this is the "meal" for the year. Frankly, I'm thrilled that Bikur Cholim chooses to do it this way. I can find many good reasons for holding a breakfast instead of a dinner, and they follow, in no particular order.
1. It is easier and simpler for most people to attend a breakfast given on a Sunday than to attend a dinner, usually given on a weekday night, although in the winter occasionally given also on a Sunday evening. During the week most people work, and rushing home from work, getting ready and then traveling to a dinner adds unnecessary pressure to the work week. Because dinner organizers take into consideration that people are working, dinners start fairly late in the evening, thus ending quite late. Again, having a dinner last until midnight or after is hard on working people. Many people may leave the dinner early so they can be home at a reasonable time, thus missing some of the planned and paid for speeches and entertainment, and yes, part of the meal as well.
2. Dinners are usually fleishigs and breakfasts are usually milchigs. The cost to the organization is much higher for a fleishigs meal than for a milchigs meal; thus, the price charged for dinners is usually a great deal more than for breakfasts, without an organization's really making more money for itself.
3. Evening dinners usually have some kind of smorgasbord or passed appetizers first, followed by a served, full-course dinner. Breakfasts are usually strictly smorgasbord-style, and everyone serves themselves. Again, a savings in personnel needed to be hired and for amount and type of food presented. Dinners usually have some kind of alcohol presented, whether an open bar or wines on the tables. Breakfasts don't have alcohol--again a savings in meal costs.
4. Because it's a breakfast, and the costs are less, organizations usually charge less for their breakfasts than they would for a dinner. Chances are that more people will then be able to come to a breakfast, bringing in more money to an organization.
5. All those "tchatchkes" that seem to be required for a dinner aren't there for a breakfast--items like centerpieces, and bands and specially printed bentchers etc.. Again, a savings in basic costs for the organization.
6. Because breakfasts are more informal, people who may not be able to stay for the entire breakfast because of other committments will nevertheless come for even a short period of time, and they are paying the full "entry" fee. Most people will not do this for a dinner. Again, more money coming in for the organization.
7. By the time a dinner gets to its speakers and main program, lots of people are ready to leave for home because it's late or have already left. Most people on a Sunday morning stay for whatever program there is because the meal hasn't been shlepped out and they aren't falling asleep in their soup bowls.
8. Both dinners and breakfasts have other fundraising items attached to these meals in addition to the basic charge for the meal. There may be raffles or items for sale (and most of these are donated to the organization, so it doesn't need to cover the cost for these items by raising the price of the meal). There may be additional fundraising tickets on the tables for people to fill out. There may be an outright asking by the organization for people to please give more than just the charge for the meal. When a dinner is already costing you $300-600 per couple, the impetus to buy more and/or give more may not be there. If a breakfast is "only" costing you $100 per couple or even less, there will be more "extra" giving or "extra" purchasing, and for the most part this is pure profit to the organization.
9. Breakfasts are more informal than dinners are. There is no reason to be dressed to the nines or to worry about having the right clothes to wear--it's pretty much come as you are on a Sunday morning. Breakfasts usually don't have formal seating--take your friends and sit where you'd like (and pretty much like everyone at your table). People seem to be more relaxed at a breakfast, and relaxed people think better of the organization than people who can't wait to get away from the table and go home.
10. Organizations that hold meals during the year also have other straight fundraising appeals as well. For many people the amount given for this extra fundraising is very small. The rationale is that they paid $300-600 already to the organization and that's all that they budget for giving to this particular place. People who are paying "only" $100 or thereabouts for a breakfast are more likely to give more to an organization during the other parts of the year. And that "straight" giving is mostly pure profit to the organization, unlike the meals.
So there you have it--some reasons as to why I prefer breakfasts to dinners, and why breakfasts are more cost effective for organizations than dinners are.
1. It is easier and simpler for most people to attend a breakfast given on a Sunday than to attend a dinner, usually given on a weekday night, although in the winter occasionally given also on a Sunday evening. During the week most people work, and rushing home from work, getting ready and then traveling to a dinner adds unnecessary pressure to the work week. Because dinner organizers take into consideration that people are working, dinners start fairly late in the evening, thus ending quite late. Again, having a dinner last until midnight or after is hard on working people. Many people may leave the dinner early so they can be home at a reasonable time, thus missing some of the planned and paid for speeches and entertainment, and yes, part of the meal as well.
2. Dinners are usually fleishigs and breakfasts are usually milchigs. The cost to the organization is much higher for a fleishigs meal than for a milchigs meal; thus, the price charged for dinners is usually a great deal more than for breakfasts, without an organization's really making more money for itself.
3. Evening dinners usually have some kind of smorgasbord or passed appetizers first, followed by a served, full-course dinner. Breakfasts are usually strictly smorgasbord-style, and everyone serves themselves. Again, a savings in personnel needed to be hired and for amount and type of food presented. Dinners usually have some kind of alcohol presented, whether an open bar or wines on the tables. Breakfasts don't have alcohol--again a savings in meal costs.
4. Because it's a breakfast, and the costs are less, organizations usually charge less for their breakfasts than they would for a dinner. Chances are that more people will then be able to come to a breakfast, bringing in more money to an organization.
5. All those "tchatchkes" that seem to be required for a dinner aren't there for a breakfast--items like centerpieces, and bands and specially printed bentchers etc.. Again, a savings in basic costs for the organization.
6. Because breakfasts are more informal, people who may not be able to stay for the entire breakfast because of other committments will nevertheless come for even a short period of time, and they are paying the full "entry" fee. Most people will not do this for a dinner. Again, more money coming in for the organization.
7. By the time a dinner gets to its speakers and main program, lots of people are ready to leave for home because it's late or have already left. Most people on a Sunday morning stay for whatever program there is because the meal hasn't been shlepped out and they aren't falling asleep in their soup bowls.
8. Both dinners and breakfasts have other fundraising items attached to these meals in addition to the basic charge for the meal. There may be raffles or items for sale (and most of these are donated to the organization, so it doesn't need to cover the cost for these items by raising the price of the meal). There may be additional fundraising tickets on the tables for people to fill out. There may be an outright asking by the organization for people to please give more than just the charge for the meal. When a dinner is already costing you $300-600 per couple, the impetus to buy more and/or give more may not be there. If a breakfast is "only" costing you $100 per couple or even less, there will be more "extra" giving or "extra" purchasing, and for the most part this is pure profit to the organization.
9. Breakfasts are more informal than dinners are. There is no reason to be dressed to the nines or to worry about having the right clothes to wear--it's pretty much come as you are on a Sunday morning. Breakfasts usually don't have formal seating--take your friends and sit where you'd like (and pretty much like everyone at your table). People seem to be more relaxed at a breakfast, and relaxed people think better of the organization than people who can't wait to get away from the table and go home.
10. Organizations that hold meals during the year also have other straight fundraising appeals as well. For many people the amount given for this extra fundraising is very small. The rationale is that they paid $300-600 already to the organization and that's all that they budget for giving to this particular place. People who are paying "only" $100 or thereabouts for a breakfast are more likely to give more to an organization during the other parts of the year. And that "straight" giving is mostly pure profit to the organization, unlike the meals.
So there you have it--some reasons as to why I prefer breakfasts to dinners, and why breakfasts are more cost effective for organizations than dinners are.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
No Complaints
Yes, Pesach is a hard yom tov to prepare for. I don't care how little or how much you do by way of cleaning, but this is a yom tov that tends to bring company with it, and company means cooking, and cooking means shopping and preparing and cleaning up. For most people their kitchens are not as convenient to work in as those kitchens are the rest of the year, with items being stored wherever a place can be found, and that's not always in the kitchen itself. And then, as was the case this year, when yom tov and Shabbos are interwoven, there isn't the "leisure" to cook on yom tov itself--everything needs to be completely prepared before yom tov starts.
However.......
I miss Pesach. I'm sitting at my desk with plenty of cook aheads in the fridge so there's no preparing a meal for tonight. And it is quiet in the house...a bit too quiet. There are going to be no leisurely communal meals and sitting at the table to catch up on what has been going on in everyone's lives. There are going to be no helping hands running up and down the stairs so I don't have to. There are going to be no gabfests while lounging around on the couch. There won't be the multiple voices in the chorus of "gutten yom tov's" that accompany the comings and goings to shul. The dining room table looks strangely bare, decked only in a tablecloth without dishes set for a meal. Where books should be stacked on the coffee table there is only plain wood.
Yes, I worked hard and long to bring in Pesach, but I have no complaints. The yom tov was truly joyously celebrated, and memories were added that will last a lifetime. And yes, being gathered together and being able to talk to each other face to face was worth all the effort. I heard someone say today "Thank God that Pesach is finally over." I'm going to amend that statement to one that pleases me more--"Thank God for Pesach."
However.......
I miss Pesach. I'm sitting at my desk with plenty of cook aheads in the fridge so there's no preparing a meal for tonight. And it is quiet in the house...a bit too quiet. There are going to be no leisurely communal meals and sitting at the table to catch up on what has been going on in everyone's lives. There are going to be no helping hands running up and down the stairs so I don't have to. There are going to be no gabfests while lounging around on the couch. There won't be the multiple voices in the chorus of "gutten yom tov's" that accompany the comings and goings to shul. The dining room table looks strangely bare, decked only in a tablecloth without dishes set for a meal. Where books should be stacked on the coffee table there is only plain wood.
Yes, I worked hard and long to bring in Pesach, but I have no complaints. The yom tov was truly joyously celebrated, and memories were added that will last a lifetime. And yes, being gathered together and being able to talk to each other face to face was worth all the effort. I heard someone say today "Thank God that Pesach is finally over." I'm going to amend that statement to one that pleases me more--"Thank God for Pesach."
Monday, April 9, 2012
Europe? Who Cares
A couple of postings on Orthonomics, dealing with someone's strange idea of how women should prepare themselves to become better shidduch "material," brought out a comment that the writer must be Hungarian, because this is a very Hungarian suggestion that was made. Yes, I admit I saw red. When, when, when are we once and for all going to rid ourselves of our horrible habit of using European ethnicity as a character indicator?! Surely at this point in time in the US, those ethnic labels should be seen as non-relevant--so why are they still used?
If a woman is well-dressed or even flashily dressed, then she must be Hungarian. If she cares about fashionable clothing then she must be Hungarian. If that woman flaunts herself in public, she must be Hungarian. If she is not dressed sedately or in a "truly" tsniusdik fashion, she must be Hungarian. If she has bone china in her home or sterling silver, she must be Hungarian. If she has real lead crystal in her home, she must be Hungarian. If there are any mirrors on the wall of her home, she must be Hungarian. If there is a "fancy" crystal chandelier in her home, she must be Hungarian. Excuse me, but have we all lost our collective minds? Given that Jews lived in every country of Europe pre-WWII, and pretty much do so now, are we seriously putting forth as fact that "only" Hungarians valued and value "the finer things in life"? That only Hungarians are style conscious? That only Hungarians owned and own the aforementioned items?
I'm not planning on writing a whole encyclopedia here, but a bit of basic history about that pre-war Europe clearly needs to be stated. The eastern and the western parts of European Jewry didn't much like each other, for a variety of reasons. The easterners thought the west was traveling too far from what Yiddishkeit should be. The easterners thought the westerners were far too interested in the culture of the countries they resided in. The westerners thought the easterners were uncultured, backwards and uneducated.
Now let's place Hungary and also Romania into the midst of this east-west "war." Most people today would place Romania for sure and also Hungary into the eastern European division of the continent. But that would not be totally accurate, particularly as regards pre-WWII Jewish antagonism. First, today Hungary is considered the mid point between Western and Eastern Europe. Historically, Hungary spent centuries entangled with the Austrian Empire; indeed, a lot of history of the region is about the Austro-Hungarian Empire. This would put Hungary in the western camp as regards culture and habits. Romania, or at least certain of its provinces, as well spent a lot of time annexed to Hungary and to Austria, and those provinces fell into the western camp as far as culture and habits. Indeed, for many people in these provinces there is a real confusion as to whether or not they are Hungarian or Romanian. Those who resided in these areas during the 1900s might as well be called Romangarians or Hungromanians.
The Austro-Hungarian Empire and the other countries of Western Europe were fashion conscious, enjoyed the use of color, appreciated fine furnishings and household accoutrements. They appreciated the fine arts and literature and "cultural" offerings in general. Far before eastern Europe would do so, mandatory public education was instituted. The inventions and discoveries coming out of western Europe would wend their way eastward and hit Hungary and parts of Romania before they ever got near to the rest of eastern Europe. In short, Hungary had more western habits than it had eastern habits. So what? Amazingly, we don't go around calling anyone who is fashionable in Klal French or English or Italian or Swiss. Why not? Because the closest physical country to many of those eastern European countries was Hungary/Romania. Those countries' inhabitants may not have known many or any French people, but they likely did know some Hungarians. And so the libel was born.
If someone is sincerely interested in their past history and wants to do an ancestral chart, then fine, knowing the countries that those ancestors came from is relevant. . . but it's not relevant for anything else, and it's more than past time that we stopped pretending that it is.
And no, it is not only the Jews of Hungarian/Romanian descent that come in for some of this ethnic character blasting. In many cases calling someone a "real Yeki" is not meant as a compliment. In Yiddish there is a phrase used to indicate something of an iffy nature kashruth-wise--"Poilishe Pareve"--and no, it too is not meant as a compliment. I asked my mom, whose Yiddish was born and bred in Europe, if there are such phrases for other countries in Europe, and indeed there are.
I checked the calendar and it is 2012. And yet, the old European "trash talk" is still alive and well. Time, more than time, to ditch it. Amazing how contrite we are on Yom Kippur, how sincerely we confess to our sins "ve'dibbur peh," and yet how quickly we revert back to badmouthing members of Klal based on ethnic connections.
We just read in the Haggadah about Klal's being freed from slavery. It is time for that Klal to free itself from its enslavement to ethnic slurs as well.
If someone is sincerely interested in their past history and wants to do an ancestral chart, then fine, knowing the countries that those ancestors came from is relevant. . . but it's not relevant for anything else, and it's more than past time that we stopped pretending that it is.
And no, it is not only the Jews of Hungarian/Romanian descent that come in for some of this ethnic character blasting. In many cases calling someone a "real Yeki" is not meant as a compliment. In Yiddish there is a phrase used to indicate something of an iffy nature kashruth-wise--"Poilishe Pareve"--and no, it too is not meant as a compliment. I asked my mom, whose Yiddish was born and bred in Europe, if there are such phrases for other countries in Europe, and indeed there are.
I checked the calendar and it is 2012. And yet, the old European "trash talk" is still alive and well. Time, more than time, to ditch it. Amazing how contrite we are on Yom Kippur, how sincerely we confess to our sins "ve'dibbur peh," and yet how quickly we revert back to badmouthing members of Klal based on ethnic connections.
We just read in the Haggadah about Klal's being freed from slavery. It is time for that Klal to free itself from its enslavement to ethnic slurs as well.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Not What I Wanted to Hear
I had the radio on in the car as I ran an errand this morning. I so wish I hadn't turned it on. One of the news channels had a special report on the weather we can expect this upcoming summer. The basic gist of the report was that, unless we get some seriously colder weather/freezing temperatures/snow over the next month or so, we can expect that our New York summer is going to be hotter than usual with high levels of humidity. According to the weather experts on the panel, temperatures in the high 90s and in the low 100s is well within possible for us. In addition, those experts said that summertime allergies are going to begin earlier and last for a longer period of time. Oh yes, and we can expect our summer bugs to be hardier and more active, mosquitos in particular.
Sigh, there is definitely a tradeoff for having no snow in the winter. Normally cleaning the air conditioner filters is not on the Pre-Pesach cleaning list, but if the weather is already getting to 80 now, what's to say that it won't be air conditioning weather in two weeks, Particularly with the oven on for two days and a full house of people?
Sigh, there is definitely a tradeoff for having no snow in the winter. Normally cleaning the air conditioner filters is not on the Pre-Pesach cleaning list, but if the weather is already getting to 80 now, what's to say that it won't be air conditioning weather in two weeks, Particularly with the oven on for two days and a full house of people?
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Airline Math--You Didn't Learn it this way in School
My hubby had to fly to Florida for two days. A non-stop flight on United was due to depart at 9:15 am and arrive in Miami at 12:46 pm. The cost for that ticket, from NY to Miami, was $500 for a non-stop economy class ticket. United's math had us puzzled. Since when does it take 3-1/2 hours to fly non-stop from NY to Miami? It only takes 4-1/2 to 5 hours to Las Vegas, and it's over twice the distance. And then there was that cost for the ticket. Actually, that was on the "cheap" end for United, as they also had plain economy class tickets for $584 and way up. (Keep in mind that hubby had to fly on a certain date and return on a certain date, because, yes, you can sometimes get cheaper fares--not much cheaper but cheaper--if you fly odd hours on odd days) You could fly to Las Vegas for $150 less and to LA also for $150 less. So it costs more money and takes more time to go shorter distances than it does longer distances? Hmmm.
Just a note: the flight landed exactly on time in Miami, at 12:46. Only problem was the plane sat on the ground in Newark for more than an hour past the takeoff time before it actually left. So am I now to assume that the 3-1/2 hours scheduled for the flight just "happened" to be for the amount of time a passenger will be stuck in the airplane rather than elapsed flying time?
We fly fairly routinely twice a year. We also know many others who fly way more often, mostly on business, and they aren't happy campers either. It's not exactly that you are getting more by way of amenities or services from the airlines. Seats have gotten to the point where a thin 6-year old might be comfortable. Amenities? What are those? Service? Not so you could notice. Convenience and on-time flights? May be found in a dictionary but not with an airline.
Honestly, there is a word for when people pay to get screwed, and it didn't use to be air travel--it is today.
Note: due to recent regulations by the FAA, airlines now must include in the posted price of their tickets all taxes and airport fees. This may account for some of the steep rise in posted prices for tickets. Also note the following: the FAA monitors the on-time statistics for flights, both departures and arrivals. Strangely enough my husband's flight, according to the FAA, left on time. Why? Because to be called on time a flight has to depart the gate within 15 minutes of its scheduled departure. So my husband's flight pulled away from the gate "on time" but sat on the tarmac for an hour, and that's not being late according to the FAA. It would be really lovely if our government agencies spoke the same English that we do.
Just a note: the flight landed exactly on time in Miami, at 12:46. Only problem was the plane sat on the ground in Newark for more than an hour past the takeoff time before it actually left. So am I now to assume that the 3-1/2 hours scheduled for the flight just "happened" to be for the amount of time a passenger will be stuck in the airplane rather than elapsed flying time?
We fly fairly routinely twice a year. We also know many others who fly way more often, mostly on business, and they aren't happy campers either. It's not exactly that you are getting more by way of amenities or services from the airlines. Seats have gotten to the point where a thin 6-year old might be comfortable. Amenities? What are those? Service? Not so you could notice. Convenience and on-time flights? May be found in a dictionary but not with an airline.
Honestly, there is a word for when people pay to get screwed, and it didn't use to be air travel--it is today.
Note: due to recent regulations by the FAA, airlines now must include in the posted price of their tickets all taxes and airport fees. This may account for some of the steep rise in posted prices for tickets. Also note the following: the FAA monitors the on-time statistics for flights, both departures and arrivals. Strangely enough my husband's flight, according to the FAA, left on time. Why? Because to be called on time a flight has to depart the gate within 15 minutes of its scheduled departure. So my husband's flight pulled away from the gate "on time" but sat on the tarmac for an hour, and that's not being late according to the FAA. It would be really lovely if our government agencies spoke the same English that we do.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
A Polite Inanimate Object
Every year I know that at least one inanimate object in my house is going to up and die, usually right before a yom tov. Many years there has been more than one "death" in a year.
This year the inanimate object slated to leave my home--the hot water heater-- turned out to be a very polite one. Instead of dying in the week before Pesach, it died this past Sunday morning. In doing so during the early a.m. hours, it made its exit when my husband was home and when a plumber was reachable and available to come to the house. Of course, it destroyed my chores for Sunday, which included a whole lot of uses of hot water. On the other hand, it gave me an unexpected "free" day, and for that I can't complain.
I'm hoping that this will be the end of the "deaths" slated for this yom tov. Perhaps with all the mild weather we've had this winter, only one object will have gotten mortally ill. Yes, I can only hope.
Note: Only a few decades ago this story would have ended differently. A plumber on Sunday? Maybe if you lived in a frum area that had a frum plumber, and he was willing to come to you. But even then, that was more for small repairs than for major replacements. The plumbing supply stores that would have provided the water heater weren't open on Sunday. Hey, back then the large malls weren't open on Sunday either. Almost no stores were open on Sunday, with the exception of a few kosher groceries and/or bakeries. We would have been hotwaterless for at least a couple of days. Fast forward to now and the whole replacement took one examination visit and then the installation visit, all done within 5 hours of our discovering the broken heater. Yes, sometimes I really do love progress.
This year the inanimate object slated to leave my home--the hot water heater-- turned out to be a very polite one. Instead of dying in the week before Pesach, it died this past Sunday morning. In doing so during the early a.m. hours, it made its exit when my husband was home and when a plumber was reachable and available to come to the house. Of course, it destroyed my chores for Sunday, which included a whole lot of uses of hot water. On the other hand, it gave me an unexpected "free" day, and for that I can't complain.
I'm hoping that this will be the end of the "deaths" slated for this yom tov. Perhaps with all the mild weather we've had this winter, only one object will have gotten mortally ill. Yes, I can only hope.
Note: Only a few decades ago this story would have ended differently. A plumber on Sunday? Maybe if you lived in a frum area that had a frum plumber, and he was willing to come to you. But even then, that was more for small repairs than for major replacements. The plumbing supply stores that would have provided the water heater weren't open on Sunday. Hey, back then the large malls weren't open on Sunday either. Almost no stores were open on Sunday, with the exception of a few kosher groceries and/or bakeries. We would have been hotwaterless for at least a couple of days. Fast forward to now and the whole replacement took one examination visit and then the installation visit, all done within 5 hours of our discovering the broken heater. Yes, sometimes I really do love progress.
Monday, March 19, 2012
No, It's Not Anal Retentive
Every morning but Shabbos I take my first cup of coffee down to my computer and type a To Do list for the day. There, in black and white, is a listing of where I have to go, whom I have to call, what I have to do. If, heaven forfend, something is left over to do from the previous day's list, it goes on to the new list. I use a personal system of bold or underlining or all caps to highlight items that are absolute musts no matter what else happens.
As I complete each item on the list I cross it out. There is something very satisfying about seeing all those crossed out items. And the best part of the list is that there are no panic attacks as I suddenly remember something that should have been done hours ago and there's no time to do it.
Life nowadays is just too full and with too much to do to count on memory alone. I've gotten some good natured ribbing about the list (at least I'm assuming it was good natured) but it works for me and so I'll continue.
As I complete each item on the list I cross it out. There is something very satisfying about seeing all those crossed out items. And the best part of the list is that there are no panic attacks as I suddenly remember something that should have been done hours ago and there's no time to do it.
Life nowadays is just too full and with too much to do to count on memory alone. I've gotten some good natured ribbing about the list (at least I'm assuming it was good natured) but it works for me and so I'll continue.
I also keep files on my computer with To Do lists for every yom tov. Those files contain cleaning lists, shopping lists, cooking lists, errand lists, menus and notes on how to make things run smoothly, garnered over many years of making yom tov in my own home.
Just when did being organized and following a schedule turn in to being anal retentive? I've a feeling that those who coined the term are also the ones you will find in a grocery store first doing their shopping an hour before Shabbos, or the ones who are paying megabucks in late fees because they just can't seem to pay their bills on time.
Here's a thought--instead of dissing those who are organized and/or use lists to order their days, you might consider joining them. There's a lot to be said for eliminating panic and frustration from our lives, and lists can help with that, especially if you follow them.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Be Careful of What You Wish For
Note: This time of year the issue of cleaning help seems to get a lot of conversation, or yelling, as the case may be.There are obviously a lot of aspects to the issue of cleaning help, but I present the following as one aspect that doesn't get a lot said about it.
Cleaning help in the house has raised some strident backing and forthing over the years. Some believe that it is wasted money, that it is strictly a luxury. Some believe that it is a sign of laziness on the part of the balabusta of the household. Others, obviously, take the opposite position.
An acquaintance settled the matter in her household, and I approve of her methodology. Her husband decided "reasonably" that since they no longer had little children living in the house--in fact, no children living in the house-- that weekly help was money that could be spent elsewhere. When the regular cleaning help retired he announced that they would not be looking for a replacement.
Okay, facts on the table. Both husband and wife work full-time outside of the house. The square footage of the house is around 2300 square feet. Other than the extra bedrooms (more on that later) the other rooms in the house are used by both husband and wife. The wife concurred with the husband's decision but with the following proviso: the husband would take on the cleaning responsibilities for everything that the cleaning person had been doing. The wife would continue to do all the tasks she had been doing.
Yup, a lesson learned. On Monday night the husband returned home from work ready to have dinner and to relax a bit. He was greeted by his wife with the monthly cleaning schedule. She explained that some jobs are done every week and some only every month or so, and some before a yom tov. Wasn't he lucky--some of the monthly jobs and yom tov jobs were on the calendar for this week. The wife took care of her chores and then headed for bed. The husband had not yet managed to get out of the front half of the bottom floor. The scenario repeated itself the next night, and the next and the next. And then two of the married kids were coming for Shabbos with their children, and the wife handed the husband the amended cleaning list. And then Shabbos was over and all the extra bedrooms and bathroom were on the to do list as well.
In short, having had to suddenly take over the cleaning chores that had been handled by the cleaning person, the husband finally learned just what that person had been doing, and what it took to take on those chores in addition to the rest of "real life." At one point the husband griped "you could be helping me you know!" to which the wife quite calmly replied "And who will take on the chores that I still have to do even with cleaning help? Maybe you could help me when you get a free minute."And have I mentioned that both husband and wife in this scenario are not youngsters any longer?
And yes, you guessed it, there is now cleaning help in this household. A lesson learned.
In short, I believe that we ought to take the issue of cleaning help out of the public discussion venue and put it back where it belongs--between husband and wife. To blithely put cleaning help into the category of unnecessary luxury or forbidden to those who get a tuition reduction, for instance, is to be blind to the individual circumstances that surround that cleaning help.
Cleaning help in the house has raised some strident backing and forthing over the years. Some believe that it is wasted money, that it is strictly a luxury. Some believe that it is a sign of laziness on the part of the balabusta of the household. Others, obviously, take the opposite position.
An acquaintance settled the matter in her household, and I approve of her methodology. Her husband decided "reasonably" that since they no longer had little children living in the house--in fact, no children living in the house-- that weekly help was money that could be spent elsewhere. When the regular cleaning help retired he announced that they would not be looking for a replacement.
Okay, facts on the table. Both husband and wife work full-time outside of the house. The square footage of the house is around 2300 square feet. Other than the extra bedrooms (more on that later) the other rooms in the house are used by both husband and wife. The wife concurred with the husband's decision but with the following proviso: the husband would take on the cleaning responsibilities for everything that the cleaning person had been doing. The wife would continue to do all the tasks she had been doing.
Yup, a lesson learned. On Monday night the husband returned home from work ready to have dinner and to relax a bit. He was greeted by his wife with the monthly cleaning schedule. She explained that some jobs are done every week and some only every month or so, and some before a yom tov. Wasn't he lucky--some of the monthly jobs and yom tov jobs were on the calendar for this week. The wife took care of her chores and then headed for bed. The husband had not yet managed to get out of the front half of the bottom floor. The scenario repeated itself the next night, and the next and the next. And then two of the married kids were coming for Shabbos with their children, and the wife handed the husband the amended cleaning list. And then Shabbos was over and all the extra bedrooms and bathroom were on the to do list as well.
In short, having had to suddenly take over the cleaning chores that had been handled by the cleaning person, the husband finally learned just what that person had been doing, and what it took to take on those chores in addition to the rest of "real life." At one point the husband griped "you could be helping me you know!" to which the wife quite calmly replied "And who will take on the chores that I still have to do even with cleaning help? Maybe you could help me when you get a free minute."And have I mentioned that both husband and wife in this scenario are not youngsters any longer?
And yes, you guessed it, there is now cleaning help in this household. A lesson learned.
In short, I believe that we ought to take the issue of cleaning help out of the public discussion venue and put it back where it belongs--between husband and wife. To blithely put cleaning help into the category of unnecessary luxury or forbidden to those who get a tuition reduction, for instance, is to be blind to the individual circumstances that surround that cleaning help.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Holiday Greetings
In case you missed it, today has been declared national "No, I Won't!" Day. Any and all references to the upcoming "P" holiday are completely and totally forbidden. Today you do something nice for yourself, even if that means doing nothing at all. Enjoy your "P" missing day!
Monday, March 12, 2012
For a Plain View of what Plainview is Offering
For those who are wondering what the NYC area might offer outside of the usual Brooklyn/Queens areas:
Looking for a thriving, centrally located, modern orthodox community?
Spend a Shabbos at theYoung Israel of Plainview and experience our warmth and hospitality for yourself.
Over 180 orthodox families and growing
New Family Initiative - $25,000 interest-free loan
Free membership first year and $10,000 savings in shul dues
Hebrew Academy of Nassau County Elementary School - $7,500 per student discount over 3 years (Grades K-6)
Convenient Eruv and beautiful Mikveh
Kosher Butcher/Takeout/Bakery/Pizza and more
Rabbi Elie Weissman - 2010 Yeshiva University Young Leader Awardee
Easy Access to major highways and LIRR: less than 45 minutes direct to Penn Station (NO changing trains!)
For more information, contact us athospitality@yiplainview.com or (516) 433-4811 EXT. 108
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Spend a Shabbos at theYoung Israel of Plainview and experience our warmth and hospitality for yourself.
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New Family Initiative - $25,000 interest-free loan
Free membership first year and $10,000 savings in shul dues
Hebrew Academy of Nassau County Elementary School - $7,500 per student discount over 3 years (Grades K-6)
Convenient Eruv and beautiful Mikveh
Kosher Butcher/Takeout/Bakery/Pizza and more
Rabbi Elie Weissman - 2010 Yeshiva University Young Leader Awardee
Easy Access to major highways and LIRR: less than 45 minutes direct to Penn Station (NO changing trains!)
For more information, contact us athospitality@yiplainview.com or (516) 433-4811 EXT. 108
Sunday, March 11, 2012
What's the Context
We've all heard the old advice about how to view a glass. Some view that glass as half empty, and some view it as half full. Thanks to the connotations of "empty" and "full," we are supposed to believe that viewing a glass as half empty is a negative view, and that viewing that glass as half full is positive, and how we should be viewing it.
I don't always agree with the traditional view. My feeling is that you have to look at the context that glass falls within before you decide how to view that glass.
Let's take to-do lists. This time of year, with the "P" holiday coming right up, I'm thrilled if my glass is half empty. It means I got ahead of schedule and have less left to do. Looking at that glass as half full would clearly indicate that I still have lots more to do. In this case "empty" is what I want to see, not full.
I may want my coffee cup full or even half full, but I most definitely want any work needing to be done to be in the "half empty" category.
I don't always agree with the traditional view. My feeling is that you have to look at the context that glass falls within before you decide how to view that glass.
Let's take to-do lists. This time of year, with the "P" holiday coming right up, I'm thrilled if my glass is half empty. It means I got ahead of schedule and have less left to do. Looking at that glass as half full would clearly indicate that I still have lots more to do. In this case "empty" is what I want to see, not full.
I may want my coffee cup full or even half full, but I most definitely want any work needing to be done to be in the "half empty" category.
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