Changing Shidduch Making--the Questionnaire

Everyone who has ever red a shidduch or who has been red a shidduch has had to deal with a form of questionnaire. Unfortunately, every individual shadchan or shidduch making group uses a different questionnaire. They also define some of the terms on the questionnaire differently from other people.

What we need is a standardized questionnaire. What we need is some agreement on what basic information is necessary to have and what information really has no bearing on a shidduch. What we need is some agreement on how to define basic terms. What we need is a shidduch convocation for purposes of producing that standardized questionnaire. Oh yes, and what we need is an agreement among the parties to producing the questionnaire to use it exclusively.

Yes, some Sunday, we need to gather together the heads of all the shidduch groups and any interested individual shadchanim and they need to be locked into a large room somewhere and told they can't leave until they have a working questionnaire, one they will all agree is the "official" questionnaire. And maybe to make sure they don't "waffle" around, the press should be present to monitor the proceedings and report on them.

Then the prototype needs to be sent to yeshiva and high school principals and the major rabbinic organizations for any comments or possible changes. And there needs to be a time limit, so this doesn't get shoved off until "tomorrow."

Then the Jewish media need to do a "public service announcement" and publicize that there is a standardized questionnaire and where people can find it, either online or in paper form. Maybe the Jewish presses could print a copy in their papers. And schools of all types would be asked to duplicate the questionnaire and send it home with their older students.

Too impersonal? The questionnaire would have a space, fairly short, for a person to write a personal statement, whatever they want/need a shadchan to know that is not covered by the standard questions.

What would be the affect of this questionnaire? The shidduch process would be streamlined. Fill out one questionnaire and send out copies to all the people you feel might help you get a shidduch. Two shadchanim from different places who are trying to red a shidduch would both be dealing with the same information and "know" what that information actually means. Misunderstandings would be reduced. Shadchanim could spend more time on actually redding shidduchim and less time on trying to figure out what someone is really looking for.

Parents would no longer have to worry if they are asking the "right" questions. Nor would they become highly agitated when some of the "wrong" questions were asked, because those "wrong" questions would be eliminated. If you need examples of those "wrong" questions, read my early postings on questions that a shadchan is asked.

Questions of the "plastic tablecloth versus linen" nature would be completely eliminated. Shidduchim might get red on the basis of what combination of two people would make a good marriage rather than on oblique esoterica that are in no way predictors of future shalom bais. And perhaps we would finally realize that while the basic information in a questionnaire can get two people to the dating stage, it does not substitute for dating.

Will this solve the tangle shidduch making has gotten itself into? Not completely, but it is a start. We are an information driven society. Standardizing the way we get that information as regards shidduchim makes logical sense. It saves time, aggravation and yes, money.