Thursday, October 25, 2007

A Chuckle for the Day

If you need a good laugh, or maybe that should be a good cry, read the following. Gosh I wish I had thought of this! Sorry, in pdf format it looked really "official" but I haven't got the software to "translate" it correctly. And I have no idea who actually wrote this, although someone says it comes from Canada, so I can't give credit where credit is due.

Yonaty and Mehadrin Min Hamehadrin Min Hamehadrin are pleased to introduce:

The Chumra of the Week Club

• Are you concerned that people don't notice and appreciate your yiras shomayim?
• Do you sometimes get the feeling that your neighbor is observing more chumras than
• Have you ever noticed someone looking at your tefillin during shacharis as though there
were something wrong with them?
• Do people occasionally hesitate when you extend them an invitation to eat at your home,
or ask what hashgachos you rely on?
• Has anyone ever said to you in surprise: "Oh, are you maikel?"

If you have ever been faced by any of these mortifying scenarios, The Chumra of the Week
Club (CWC) is for you!

CWC is a new concept in real, authentic, ostentatous Yiddishkeit. Never again will you be
upstaged! Never again will you be at a loss for a chumra! We supply you weekly with the very
best in conspicuous yiras shomayim! (Please note that due to lack of demand for "bein adam
l'chaveyro" chumras, all CWC chumras are "bein adam lamakom".)

Special Introductory Offer (limited time only): Join now and immediately receive three free
chumras from our database (from the categories of your choice) as our introductory gift to
you. Thereafter, each Friday you will receive full source material for a new, exciting, additional
chumra which you can immediately put into use. Within a short time you will have amassed a
chumra list that will amaze your friends and make you the envy of your kollel or shul.

Guarantee: We absolutely GUARANTEE all our chumras to be of the highest quality! Our full-
time staff is busy combing the Bar Ilan CD ROM for the most obscure strictures. (Note that
with Super-frum and Over-the-top membership you can receive even more obscure and
personalized chumras - guaranteed to dumfound both friend and foe.)

Return Policy: If you are not delighted with any chumra you receive from us, you may return
it for exchange within 7 days of receipt - no questions asked. Simply state the reason for the
return (to help us serve you better in future), and the category from which you wish to receive your replacement chumra.

Reasons for return may include (but are not limited to):

• You are already observing a chumra of equal or greater stringency. (Unlikely, as our
chumras are hand-picked for uniqueness and stringency.)
• You know someone who is already observing the same chumra.
• The chumra is not noticeable enough.
• The chumra does not inconvenience other people
• Keeping the chumra would involve personal hardship

Accompanying Factsheet: Our chumras come from a wide range of lesser-known achronim,
including: the "Pi Ha'ason," and the "Shtus Vehevel." Each chumra comes complete with a
fully annotated fact sheet that includes:

• A photocopy of the source material
• A list of justifications for your chumra
• Suggestions on how to introduce the chumra into casual conversation
• Member feedback and success stories

Don't suffer any longer! Don't sit back as others beat you in the race to the top! Join CWC
today and benefit from the special introductory offer! Start your own personal database of
show-stopping chumras by completing the form overleaf and mailing it to us with your
payment TODAY!


Please complete form and send, with your cheque, to The Chumra of the Week Club,
c/o Yonaty Design and Publishing, 12/13 Shalom Bonayich, Netivot 87804, Israel.

Title (check one):

. Harav

. Harav Hagaon

. Harav Hatzaddik

. Hagaon Hatzaddik

. Kvod Kodsho

. Moreinu Verabeinu

. Adoneinu Moreinu Verabeinu

. Hamara De'asra

. G'dol Hador

Other (please specify): __________________

Name ___________ ben ___________ ben ___________ ben ___________

(You must be able to supply genealogical data for the past four generations to be eligible for CWC).

Surname: _______________

Address: ___________________________________________________________

Phone: ____________ email: __________________


Indicate the level of membership you wish to purchase (check one):

. Regular (one new, eye-popping stringency per week - $500 p/a)

. Super-frum (same as Regular PLUS one super-unusual chumra every six months - $650

. Over-the-top (same as Super-frum PLUS an annual chumra tailor-made for you, and
guaranteed to be totally unique - $950 p/a.)


To help us custom-tailor your personal chumra selection, please circle the following, as

1) Litvak / Chassidic / Sephardic

2) FBB / BT

3) Type of coat worn (check one):

. short - single breasted

. short - double-breasted

. knee-length - Two buttons on back? ( YES / NO )

. ankle-length

. drags on floor

Years in kollel _______ Current occupation: _____________________________


Yes, please rush me my three introductory chumras by return post! (Check three categories
below from which you would like to receive your free chumras):

. Food - Fleishigs

. Food - Milchigs

. Davening

. Clothing

. Tefillin and Tzitzis

. Miscellaneous


justlooking said...

A riot! too bad the people who should be reading this won't get a chance.

Anonymous said...

Sad but true. I have a whole bunch of used chumras I'm getting rid of. I wonder if they would be interested in buying some from me? Oh I forgot--our communities don't do used anything not even gently used.

jewtoo said...

But will they take credit cards? Or is there a special discount if you pay for the chumras in cash.