The Shidduch Crisis--Defining Terms--Part #1

"Everyone" says that there is a shidduch crisis existing today.We all seem to accept this to one degree or another. If you are single or the parent of someone who is single you may accept this more than those who have long been married. Perhaps we ought to ask if there actually is a crisis. The first step would seem to be to define the word "crisis."


A crisis is:

1.a stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events, esp. for better or for worse, is determined; turning point.
2.a condition of instability or danger, as in social, economic, political, or international affairs, leading to a decisive change.
3.a dramatic emotional or circumstantial upheaval in a person's life.

To summarize: a crisis is a point of great change marked by instability, danger or emotional upheaval. It is the point at which all future events are determined.

In my opinion the word "crisis" is both appropriate and inappropriate to apply to shidduch making today. When applied to any one individual who is looking for a shidduch I would say that there is definitely emotional upheaval when looking for a shidduch. Certainly the circumstances of any person's life are going to change if they are looking for a shidduch. Whatever they did for fun, relaxation, and enjoyment to fill the "empty" hours of their life is going to take a back seat to the suddenly all important job of "getting married." After years of being relatively secure in who you are, entering into shidduchim means that others are going to say "yes" or "no" to you based on their evaluation of who and what you are. A "yes" to a date can bring euphoria and a "no" to a date can be crushing.

Certainly this is a time of instability. When you go to college to get a degree you know what you will come out with after a set amount of time if you "follow the rules." There is no such certainty when you enter shidduchim. I believe that most people would agree that entering shidduchim is a turning point in their life and that what happens while in shidduchim will have affect on their future. If they find someone and get married relatively early, their lives are going to go in one direction. If they do not find someone early on they may find their lives going in a direction that can be positive or negative for them. To sum up, people in shidduchim are going through life changing events.

Does this mean that there is a crisis in shidduchim as a whole? What if instead of the word "crisis" we substituted the word "problem"? If we take "problem" to mean a glitch in the smooth operation of something, an impediment to the successful completion of something, then yes, I believe we have a problem in shidduchim today--many problems actually. And in some cases the problem/problems are leading to a social crisis for shidduch making in general. I don't believe that Klal Yisroel as a whole is as of yet faced with a crisis, but I can see it coming if the problems we face are not addressed.

To conclude, any given individual may indeed be at a crisis point vis-a-vis shidduchim. Klal as a whole is not at that point yet. There are problems that need solutions if a Klal-wide crisis is to be avoided.

More to Come.