Dozens of advertising flyers are clogging the mailbox and appearing in the newspaper as well. Amazing what they have for sale this time of year. I saw, for the amazingly low price of only $19.99, a specially humidified container for holding wine corks while they are out of the bottle of wine. This product guarantees that the cork will not shrink nor swell and will fit perfectly back into the bottle. I'm still trying to figure out how many times a year I use wine with a cork, and if any of the wine is left so I have to worry about recorking the bottle. Come to think about it, most of the time the cork crumbles half way out of the bottle. But hey, it's a bargain at only $19.99.
How about the handy gadget that allows you to decide the size of the vegetables you are dicing? It can be adjusted from 1/6 inch dice all the way up to one inch dice. Of course, resetting the size seems to have 17 pages of instructions. By the time I would read through the instructions on this handy gadget I could already have diced the potatoes, have them cooking and probably be ready to serve them. This metziah is only $21.00. But if you order now, a free covered bowl is included.
Then there is the truly marvelous master "beeper" gadget. It has little electronic stickers that you can put on all the electronic items you sometimes misplace, like cell phones and land line portable phones and remote controls. With only one new gadget, you can beep all your other gadgets to see where they are. You can also put the stickers on other items you tend to misplace, like keys and your homework. It's this little tiny control. What do you do when you can't find the master beeper? No problem. For this week only you get two for the price of one.
For those too challenged to actually buy a pair of shoes that fit, there is a gadget "guaranteed to stretch your shoes one full size."
There's a nifty little gadget that fits unobtrusively in your pocket. If you are trying to get off a phone call you don't want to continue or if you want people to think you are super popular, it will automatically cause your cell phone to ring. That's not how they are advertising the thing, but I can't think of any particularly good reason why people would need fake phone calls other than the two above. The price? $14.99.
There's a pillow that guarantees it will eliminate tossing and turning all night. How? It holds your head in the same position that you put your head down in. Nice. The body will move 90 degrees but your head will remain in the same position. Wonder if it comes with a certificate good for 3 visits to the orthopedist?
The saying " a fool and his money are soon parted" would seem to apply to a lot of the "must have" items being pushed for sale. Or maybe we should look to W.C. Fields. He said:"There's a sucker born every minute." I used to think that no one could possibly be buying these types of items, but if you check store shelves they seem to be "flying" off the shelves.
Woe betide anyone who tries to buy me one of these things for Chanukah. Of course, if you could find a pair of self-sharpening scissors, or a self-cleaning turkey roaster I just might bless you.
12 comments:
You missed one. You know those all in one pocket knives? You can't take them on airplanes. Now they have one guaranteed to get through the inspections before you board. Makes you feel all safe doesn't it?
Nah, the best one is the can opener that only opens tuna fish size cans. Someone thought we would just love it.
My personal favorite is those sterling silver candle holders you use to light the candles for shabbos with. It's my job to clean the thing and there is no way to get the wax out of the tiny little opening. And then you have to polish it. What's wrong with a match that gets used and thrown out?
Just a little note on Jake's comment: if we are talking about the same thing, the "knife" that Jake mentions is made all out of plastic and has no sharp points or edges. Useful knife, no? But safe on planes.
Someone gave a gift at a shower recently that you have to wonder why they make it. It was a set of these small plastic tubes with sharp serated edges on one end. Looks sort of like an oversize straw. You poke the thing into an orange and then you squeeze the orange and you can sip the juice through the tube. i can just see myself handing these things to my kids in the morning and saying drink up!
At one of the home show expositions we saw a kitchen garbage can that can sterilize and clean itself without any effort on your part. All you have to do is fill the thing completely with water and cleaner, lock the lid and let it agitate like a washing machine. Then all you have to do is pick up the water filled garbage can and pour out the water. Then you turn it on to the dry and sterilize setting. Only takes about an hour and the muscles of a weight lifter. And it cost about $100.
When I was unpacking my stuff in Israel my mom was worried thta my feet would get cold so she put into the suitcases battery operated socks that warm your feet. Never mind they were too thick to fit into my shoes. I was too scared to wear them. What if it rained and I got electrocuted? I couldn't even give the things away. I was too embarrassed even to donate them to a gemach.My roomate finally figured out you could use them to keep frenchfries warm until you were ready to eat them.
When we were in Europe we saw something cute. It's an ultra safety match. You can't light it by striking it or rubbing it or any of the regular ways. The only way to light it is to use a regular match or to stick it into a flame. If I already have a regular match or a flame what do I need the ultra match for? And if it's safer for kids to be around then I also can't have those regular matches around and then I can't light the ultra match when I need to.
Bet I win the prize for strangest gift everpurchased for a married couple by a mother in law. A bottle of special disinfectant to guard against bedbugs in mattresses. You can bet I fought against ever spending shabbos with the in laws. Took my husband a while to figure out why.
Sigh, a correction to above. It was P.T. Barnum not W.C. Fields.
A few years ago my company gave us all bookmarks that were made to look like an envelope with the company address on them only a little less wide. Everyone would see the supposedly empty envelopes on their desks and throw them out. Lots easier just to use a real empty envelope and lots cheaper too.
Too, too funny... May I guess that you've been reading the Sharper Image catalog? Personally, I want a robotic dinosaur with 14 motors and 6 brains that runs for 1 hour if you charge the battery for four hours first. A bargain at $450.
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