Words that Strike Terror in the Heart--Letting go.

For those of you with weak stomachs I suggest you take a deep breath before reading on. What follows has been known to "slay the mighty" and "lay the strong down weak." Yes, I am referring to......cleaning out the attic. Steady there. And if you substitute "garage" or "basement" the terror still remains.

A few years back we ending up having to clear out our garage because we were going to be using the space for something else. After the heart palpitations had calmed down to manageable the obvious question arose: where was all the "stuff" going? My husband's answer was to build a few sheds in the yard to hold the "necessary" items, and, of course, a whole bunch of things went up to the attic. There, that wasn't too painful.

This was supposed to be a relaxing summer for me. There were a lot of things on my "to do" list but everything was manageable. My husband had a different "to do" list, including dismantling those same sheds he had built to hold the garage contents. We had to hire a dumpster to take the refuse. My first reaction, when asked what we were going to do with the stuff from the sheds was "put it in the attic." I so did not want to deal with sorting through a lifetime of collections. And then one Sunday morning, with the temperature outside at a hot and humid 94 degrees, my husband announced that we were "cleaning out the attic." As long as the dumpster was there we might as well "clean house."

It has been a few weeks and I can finally say the word "attic" without pain. Sorting through everything that had not seen the light of day for years was not fun. Some things were so old that no possible use could be found for them. Some things I had been sentimental about years ago I sure did not feel the same way about now. Some things I could not remember why I had bothered to put into the attic. And some things that were up there I could swear did not belong to us, had never belonged to us and somehow got into the attic all on their own.

Some things that still had some use for others were given to various tzedakas and organizations. Some things were put straight into the garbage. And yes, some things, but far, far fewer of them were returned to the attic for storage. And what every person in the house swore was that never again would the attic be allowed to fill up to be looked at "some day."

Cleaning out that attic actually taught me a couple of valuable lessons. I pass them on in hopes that I might save you some of the agony I went through.

First, I plain and simple had too much stuff. And so did my kids and so did my husband. We are a consumer society and you could sure prove it by my attic. I once read a "self help" article that said that before you make any purchase you should look at what you are going to get rid of to make place for that purchase. One in, one out. It's not a bad piece of advice.

Second, putting something off does not mean it will go away. You may not like something you have to do, but it is not going to get more enjoyable later.

Something else occurred to me. I had a "personal" attic, otherwise known as my mind and memory. And my memory, like my attic, needed a good cleaning. Some of the things in my memory had long ago ceased to be of use to me, but there they were, taking up space. Some of the things in my memory were not items that were doing me any good and, in some cases, were doing me lots of harm. There were things in my memory too imperfect to use any more. And I had no idea why and how some other things had gotten into my memory.

What kinds of things were up there? Past hurts and anger, stored to be used again "some day." Memories of "what was" that were keeping me from thinking about and seeing "what is" and "what will be." Stray thoughts that had taken up residence, taking up space that something better, more worthwhile could surely use.

I've been making a concerted effort to empty my memory of the "junk," leaving only what is worthwhile to keep. And I've been thinking that Klal could use a good cleaning of its communal "attic." Yes, there are things that the members of Klal should never forget, things like the Shoah, for one--those things should stay in its attic. But the "he said, they said" petty bickering that sometimes breaks out among different groups in Klal ought never to get up into the attic, and should surely be cleaned out and thrown away now. The irrational enmity that is sometimes seen between various groups in Klal should not be stored away. "Sinas chinam" doesn't belong in the attic. The political maneuverings and the grabs for communal power should have no place in the attic.

What I learned in cleaning out the attic in my house is something that Klal also needs to learn: you cannot put off the day of reckoning for ever. Someday you are going to have to clean the attic, and the longer you put it off, the more painful it is. One good way to avoid the pain is to refuse to put junk in the attic to begin with.