All the World's a Stage


As we go through life we go through many stages. This is a normal part of living. As we enter into each stage and proceed through it we may find ourselves changing in some ways. Experience will teach us that certain views we had in another stage don't "fit" in the stage we are in or may be proven to have been "wrong" all along.


I was once at a lecture and heard the Rav say that we mistake the idea of there being "one" zivug for each of us. He said that we should rather think that there are many zivugim that have been prepared for us, one for each stage of life we go through. If we "miss" the zivug for our first stage we still have a chance with the one prepared for us in our second stage and so on. He pointed out that those who are widowed may still find someone "right" and get married again, because they are marrying this zivug for the stage they are now in. Those who are divorced may find their "real" zivug also. And certainly those who have never married still have a chance at every point in their lives.


Part of what I took away from this lecture was that people need to be open to change--in their lives and in their thinking. What suited someone when they were 19 may not suit them when they are 29 or 39. People who are too rigid in their thinking, who do not mature and change, may still be looking for the exact same type of person at 34 that they were looking for at 20, and the requirements don't fit the stage.


Some people go from stage to stage in a shorter amount of time then others do. Some find the process easier then others do. Some fight the changes with all their might and thus thwart the natural process of maturing.


Perhaps the shidduch process would be easier for all members of Klal if they would be honest and recognize that the "indelible" requirements they have now for a life partner may not be what is really going to suit them. If they would recognize that they will change in the future, they might be able to bring that change on earlier, particularly if things don't seem to be going the way they want in this stage of life.


But a word of caution. Sitting back and doing nothing now on the grounds that you can always find someone later is also not the answer. We have no knowledge beforehand about in which stage we will find our zivug. It is our job to try sincerely to find our zivug in each stage, but not to lose hope if a particular stage doesn't bring us the results wanted.


It is an open secret that if someone had introduced me to my husband when I was 18 I would not have been interested. At 24 he was clearly what I wanted and needed. I am thankful to Hashem that I was able to see with the right eyes at that time.



I hope for all who are looking for their zivug that they should be zocheh to the "seichel" to know that zivug when they find him or her, and that they should see with "clear" eyes, no matter which stage in their life they find their zivug.