"Professionalism" and Shadchanim--a discussion.

There are those who are "professional shadchanim." Shadchanus is their only occupation. They charge money for their services. This occupation is not a new one--matchmakers have been around for centuries. What should be understood, however, is that these shadchanim, up until the last decade or so, had no training for their profession--and most still do not --they weren't "state licenced" or anything even approaching it. They had no training in psychology or social work or counseling. Any training they had was strictly "on the job." And yet, they somehow made a go of their profession. The "better" shadchanim stayed in business and were sought out. No one asked to see their credentials--what possible credentials could they have?

Today we live in an era of "experts." For every single human endeavor there is going to be an expert somewhere. For every expert who says you are doing everything right, there will be an expert who says you are doing things all wrong. Lately I visited a number of other blogs to see what other people use their blogs to discuss. I'll admit that I was interested in seeing how others handled the issues confronting getting married today. I ran across more than a few blogs whose authors were "experts"--people credentialed in psychology, sociology, counseling and the various "helping" fields, and virtually without exception I was shocked at what I found. While a few of these blogs complained about the "expertise" of paid professional shadchanim, most of the blogs had a very negative view of those who are "volunteer" shadchanim, who are involved because of the mitzvah.

The gist of their complaints is that the untrained shadchanim had no business redding shidduchim because of the possible harm they could do. They make themselves out to be "experts" and they are not. They cannot possibly deal with the possible mental and health issues that could arise in people they are trying to marry off. They cannot possibly know and understand the intricacies of personality involved in making a match. In short, volunteer shadchanim are a disaster waiting to happen. And more than a few scoffed at the idea of the "mitzvah" as a justification for what they consider good old fashioned meddling in the lives of others.

Frankly, I am floored. If I read the comments correctly the millions of shidduchim made by volunteer shadchanim and by those for whom shadchanus is a profession are just sheer dumb "luck." I am not going to take their comments too personally. On the twenty-two occasions that I have been blessed to be a part of making a shidduch, I am also fully aware that there was an other hand then mine "directing traffic" so to speak--The Ribboneh Shel Olam. I was not "mezaveg zivugim"--He was.

When we study expertise in class I always tell my students that you need to look at an expert's credentials, and you also need to look at any personal bias on the part of the expert, any "ax" they may have to grind.

So, do we take the experts' evaluations of volunteer shadchanim as "the truth" or is there something else going on here? My personal experience with the shidduch group that I am a part of is that all the women work conscientiously in setting up shidduchim, they devote hours of time and effort and they sincerely try to be aware of any problems that might exist. We are none of us perfect but we certainly try our best.

How do you feel about volunteer shadchanim? Is there some area that needs drastic improvement that I am just not seeing? Please respond.