The War of the Snoods--part #2--Oh man.

In part #1 of this posting I gave a history of head coverings for women. The gist of the posting was that hair coverings have varied over the course of centuries, and that most hair coverings have been made of fabric in some shape or form. Shaitlach are the newcomers on the block. I also mentioned that the type of hair covering is a matter of style and custom, and that men usually don't mix into women's styles, except for this hair covering issue.

Now why do you suppose that a man, who would rather face a firing squad then have to go dress shopping with his wife, will suddenly go out of character and get excited about something as mundane as a snood? There are some general principles involved.

Fact number one: men look at women. When a young man walks into a girl's house for the first time and she comes out to meet him, the first thing he looks at is her hair. (Okay, it is not the first thing he looks at, but we are discussing hair here so humor me.) Clearly men have some type of fascination with women's hair. Poets refer to women's hair as their "crowning glory." And our chachamim surely looked at hair, otherwise they could not have decreed that a woman's hair is a temptation for a man, and therefore a married woman's hair should be covered, so as not to raise temptation in anyone other than her husband. Need further convincing? One of the definitions that the Gemorah uses for "miyus" (ugliness) is a bald woman.

Fact number two: men like long hair on women. If you ask them straight out which is more preferable, long hair or short, it's a landslide vote for long hair. If you want to see fireworks be around a couple where the woman has cut her long hair short.

Fact number three: men don't deal well with change, and certainly not with radical change. When they find something, in our case a kallah, they want assurances and guarantees that nothing will ever change. How his kallah looked on the day he met her is how a man wants her to look "ad mayo v'esrim." Some men go to the point of obsession with this. Not convinced? Try rearranging the furniture in your house to get a new look. Your husband, grumbling all the way, will be bumping into the couch that "shouldn't be there" for weeks until he readjusts to where everything is. Try getting rid of the shirt he has now worn enough so that it is comfortable--read threadbare here. How much more so when we talk about a woman "rearranging" herself.

Fact number four: men do not care about what is fashionable and stylish as much as women do. A man's ideal shopping trip is one where he hands a list to his wife and she goes shopping. If he is forced into a store his goal is to be in and out before his car has had a chance to get cold. Women's fashions change from season to season and from year to year, and women change with the fashions. While there has been a growing trend to do the same for men's fashion, most men have no trouble resisting.

Fact number five: men do not care about accessories as much as women do. Women wear far more of them and are more concerned about how things look together, and about matching the right pieces together. A man could wear the same tie pin from birth to death and never give it a thought.

Fact number six: men, particularly young men, despite any number of exhortations in our holy writings NOT to do so, tend to judge the package by the wrapping. They look at the outside first, the inside second.

Fact number seven: men value comfort above formality. Watch a group of boys heading out of the Bais Medrash and into their dorms. Off come the ties and the jackets. Off come the hats. Chairs and couches? Made for lounging in. Sitting up straight and stiff is not their idea of comfort. Watch a group of young men in a classroom. Slouching is the favored method of using a desk.

Fact number eight: Men are highly competitive. (Yes, women are too, but on different playing fields.) They check each other out continuously, and they compare themselves to others. They do this with jobs and salaries, they do this with the types of cars they drive, they do this with the "toys" they buy, and yes, they even do this with how well they learn. The "best boy in Lakewood" designation originated with a man, not a woman. And oh they surely do this with the women they marry. While the negative term "arm candy" was coined in the secular world, lots of frum men have adopted the principle, if not the phrase. How are other men going to see my wife? Will I be envied? Will I be pitied? Will they say "poor guy"? Will other men say "There goes one lucky guy"? And, for the most part, they will deny ever ever comparing their wife to other wives. (Note: when men have been married for some time the competition changes its look. It evolves into the "my wife is a fantastic balabusta" competitive level.)

There are other "facts" but these should suffice for now. They should give us a fairly good basis for analyzing the male attitude in the "snood wars." What will follow in another posting is a presentation of facts that should help us to analyze the female attitude.