The perfect early date--book it now.

Occasionally I get asked where I think a nice place for a date is. Sometimes the question is where is a good inexpensive place to go on a date. Sometimes the question is where is an unusual place to go on a date. I hadn't really given a great deal of thought to some of my answers until one young man called me up in desperation: he had been to the Liberty Science Center 7 times in 10 months and there was no way he was going again. Could I help? So I sat down to design the ideal first or second date.

The requirements were simple. One, the time spent should be about 2-3 hours, with no more than a total of one hour in traveling time back and forth. Two, the cost should not be overly expensive--no more than $20-30 dollars maximum. Three, some type of refreshments should be available. Four, there should be something there that would stimulate conversation, natural conversation. Five, there should be someplace there where a couple could sit down and talk, not just walk around for the whole time. Six, it would need to be a place that can be visited in the day or at night, during the week and on weekends. Seven, it would need to be climate controlled so that extreme weather would not be a problem. And one of those teeny tiny requirements that is often overlooked--it would need to have restroom facilities. A lot of places met some of the qualifications but not all. Only a few places met all the qualifications. The one that follows is the one I recommended to my desperate young man.

Try a Barnes and Nobles Superstore. "A bookstore? Is she nuts?" Nope, I'm not. Just read on.
There is a Superstore in every Borough so traveling time is not an issue. And trust me on this, you are not going to run into everyone you know from your home neighborhood in the store. All the Superstores have small cafes that are Starbucks concessions. They all have small tables where you can sit down and drink whatever you have ordered, and no one shoos you out after 10 minutes. Cokes are available. So there are refreshments and a place to sit and talk. The prices are nowhere near as crazy as the price of cokes in a fancy lounge. There are also comfortable chairs and/or couches spread throughout the store, so you can also sit there.

But what do you do you ask? You wander through the various sections, and while you do you use the subject matter of those sections to stimulate conversation. Wander through the travel section. Stop and look at the illustrated pictures in some of the guide books--the Frommers travel guides are good for this. Play the game of "If I could go anywhere in the world it would be ___________ and why. Find out how your families spend their vacations. Do your families go away for yom tov or stay home? Where do you go? Why?

Look at the best sellers section. Ask what books you have each read lately. Did you enjoy them? Why or why not? Got a favorite author? Why? What book of this author's would you recommend the most?

Go to the "how to" section or the "crafts" section. You cannot imagine what kinds of how to books there are out there. My all-time favorite is "How to attract frogs to your garden." I spent about 15 minutes just browsing through the book to find out why this oddity should be desirable. Ask each other if there is something you would like to learn how to do. Why? Why haven't you done this yet? Is there something you are good enough at that you could write a how to book? What and why?

Visit the children's section. See what has changed since you were children. Are there still some favorite books of yours from your childhood that are being sold? Why were they the favorites? Would you want your children to read these books too? Why? And watch how the conversation can morph into childhood remembrances and the things you were most fond of, and the things you sometimes wish you could still do but they are too "childish," but you are looking forward to your own children doing.

Visit the gift and collectible section. Is there something there you would buy for yourself? Why? Are there strange things being sold? Things you cannot imagine anyone wanting to buy, and certainly not for the price being asked? Discuss luxuries and necessities. It's a small way to get an idea about spending habits and about what kinds of purchases the other person finds silly and what kinds of purchases the other person finds "necessary" or "desirable." [And should this date eventually lead to a shidduch, you just may have an idea of what to buy for this new spouse of yours, and in what colors.]

Visit the biography section. Whose life would you want to read about? Why? What attracts you to that person? Whose biography would you absolutely not want to read? Why? If someone were to write a biography about you what would be the most important thing they could put in it?

The magazine section has lots of different kinds of puzzle magazines. Buy one, take it over to a table with your drinks and work on a few puzzles together. [Bring a pencil with an eraser with you if this appeals.] You would be surprised how wide ranging the conversation based on doing the puzzles can be. Oh yes, guys, when you are leaving the store offer the magazine to the young lady and ask if she would like to take it home to do more puzzles. If she says yes, you look like a prince for offering. If she says no, you still look like a prince for offering.

You should be getting the idea by now. A bookstore is a great place to find topics of conversation that come about naturally and that also let you get to know each other.

You remember my desperate young man? He took a girl to Barnes and Nobles and he found out just the kind of information that showed him that he and the young lady were definitely not a match. She did not read any "English" books that were not assigned for school. She thought they were a waste of time for a frum girl. She dismissed any children's books she had read while young as having been a mistake, and she would not make that mistake with her own kids. The only book that appealed in the "how to" section was one that was "how to shop for clothes in New York like a pro." You get the idea--so did the young man.

This young man would eventually take a girl to Barnes and Nobles on a second date who was indeed his bashert. They spent about 4-1/2 hours in the store. Their conversation ranged over a wide variety of topics and they enjoyed the ones they agreed on and even enjoyed arguing about the ones they didn't agree on. Before they left the store the young man gave the girl an inadvertent clue that he was going to say yes to another date. He stopped at the front desk and picked out a pretty bookmark for her. He said something like "everyone needs a bookmark to mark the pages that are important." Yes indeed.

Total cost of this date? $12.00 for 4 cokes, $3.00 for a puzzle magazine, $3.00 for a bookmark--$18.00 in all. A whole lot of bang for the buck.

Do you have a place that you think would make an ideal first or second date and that meets the requirements above? Please comment.