There are two types of things we are required to give on Purim: one is Shalach Monos; the other is money for matonos l'evyonim. It's pretty simple to differentiate between the two. There are a number of ways that shalach monos can be given: 1)make up and deliver yourself; 2)make up and have someone else deliver for you; 3)purchase from a store ready made and either deliver or have someone deliver for you; 4)purchase from an organization or school and deliver the packages or have them deliver for you. In this last case you might be receiving one package coming from many people together. For matonos l'evyonim many people give money to a shul rav who then dispenses the funds in a discrete manner; others give directly.
But there seems to have arisen a third type of giving that is--thank you Shakespeare--"neither fish nor fowl nor good red meat." This "gift" arrives in the mail, inside a small envelope. When you open the envelope you find a card inside. The text varies from organization to organization but the basic message is the same: this year we aren't giving you shalach monos but we've donated money in your honor instead. Why do people bother with this? There seems to be no logic to these cards. If you are giving matonos l'evyonim then fine, you are supposed to do so. It is YOUR mitzvah you are fulfilling. It is not my mitzvah that is being fulfilled. But then why tell me that you did this for me instead of sending me shalach monos? Your donating money "in my honor" does not fulfill your obligation to give shalach monos and it doesn't fulfill my obligation to give matonos l'evyonim.
I can understand if people are cutting back on their shalach monos lists; however, I can pretty much figure that out by myself when a package does not come to my house. I don't need a printed, mailed announcement to let me know not to expect a package from Family X. There is surely no obligation to announce to others that you have given matonos l'evyonim. And, frankly, a "thinking of you at this time of year but not going to do much about it" card is not one of our required givings. It does, however, send my hubby ballistic, and I don't like it either. How do you feel about those cards?
8 comments:
Surprised to read this; would have thought that you would support a better use of funds than for excessive mishloach manot.
Don't see the problem for having a card at the ready, should a friend or neighbor come by with a basket. Handing them a card is a way of acknowledging their gift and explaining to them why you will not be giving one in return.
Now, are you really giving matonos lavyonim "in their name?" Probably not. But it's a turn of phrase that makes it seem personalized.
As for pre-emptive mailings to friends, then I can understand your bewilderment . . . but honestly, there are worse things than reminding people to give a little more to matonot levyonim than mishloach manot.
Sometimes I think you are in my brain!
I also don't understand or like this.
I'm very happy to hear that these people are cutting back on elaborate or excessive giving of shalach monos, but do not understand the concept of tzedaka being given "in lieu" ... there's no such thing.
Just give tzedaka, give shalach monos in moderation, and skip the cards.....
My shul used to make beautiful shalach manos that you could buy and then be put on the shul list. They thought that that way you could eliminate giving everyone on your bar mitzvah/wedding/bris list. People bought the shalach manos and then sent everyone on the list anyway.
Now my shul asks for money to buy shalach manos for families in Sderot. It's another way of giving tzedaka without having to get, in return, more nosh that you send to your husband's office.
The cards are just another way of giving tzedaka. I found I had so many shalach manos to send and not enough time, I was still delivering shalach manos on Shushan Purim. Now, I can send cards to those that I just can never make it too in a timely manner. L'hefech, I think people will be impressed, not insulted that I was able to send them a card for Purim before Bedikas Chometz!
Thanks for linking to my post on drinking.
We create cards of our own each year, and we them send to everyone in the shul and quite a few others. The cards include a brief dvar torah, and a note explaining that the card and its associated donation to a tzedakah organization are meant in the achdus (unity) spirit of Mishloach Manos.
We do it because there are a few hundred people to whom we would, theoretically, like to send mishlaoach manos, and we just can't do that. So we give actual mishloach manos to a few people (who are less likely to receive from others), and the rest get cards.
If it helps people feel less social pressure to give to the entire neighborhood, so be it.
Ari,
I don't support excessive shalach monos--I can't understand whatsoever why people have attached a "must give to the entire class" or "must give to the entire shul" to a mitzvah that only requires that two different minim/brochos go to two people. This isn't a "social obligation"--it's a religious one. We never followed this ourselves, nor did we allow our kids to give "to the whole world." Now perhaps our list would seem excessive to some people, but the 50 people on it include 11 packages that we prepare and that my kids pay for to send to close friends of theirs. The remaining 39 include our siblings but not necessarily all of our nieces and nephews--only those we are actually going to see at seudah. They also include some packages to those who would otherwise receive no shalach monos. I could easily double or triple that list if I were so inclined (when you're married 37 years and active in your community and outside of it you get to know a lot of people, never mind family) but I'm not going to do it. I don't play keeping up with the Shwartzes any other time of year and I'm certainly not going to start with Purim.
Rebbetzin's Husband,
As a shul Rav I can understand your not sending shalach monos to the entire shul. I would imagine that your shul understands this and finds the card a personal expression from you to them.
To all,
I'd like to reiterate this--those cards in no way, shape or form can "substitute" for or be in lieu of shalach monos--paper is not food. Nor do I particularly care that you gave matonos l'evyonim to organization X. Your giving is your business--why mix up my name in it? You really want to "honor" me in your tzedaka giving? You feel the need to link me to your tzedaka giving? Ask ME which tzedaka I would like you to give to to honor me.
I belong to several organizations that have "group" shalach monos baskets. You give a donation & they send a basket with 100 or more names on it. I know that these group baskets do not fulfill the mitzvah of shalach monos, and for the most part also do not fulfill the mitzvah of matonos l'evyonim, but they are big fundraisers for the community organizations, so I contribute.
When my children were small baking hamantachen and preparing shalach monos for hundreds was a big part of Purim celebrations for us. But now, as my kids are grown, I send a few personal shalach monos to friends and family and give a larger donation for matonos l'evyonim. My close friends in the same stage of life do the same. I ,for one, am happy to get a card saying someone gave to charity and to stop getting too many baskets of stuff I shouldn't eat. As a rule, I am always glad to see that people are giving more to charity instead of spending it on themselves.
PROFK:
come on, i think there are much worse things to get riled up about.
"I'd like to reiterate this--those cards in no way, shape or form can "substitute" for or be in lieu of shalach monos"
who really thinks that they are?
"paper is not food."
actually there are precedents for sending seforim or other literary productions in lieu of משלוח מנות. for example, see one of my favorite pieces of american ephemara:
http://agmk.blogspot.com/2007/03/litvish-maskil-and-his-mishloah-manot.html
anyway, i have no problem with these cards. we've been doing it for a few years (except for this year because i forgot to order them). anything that get's people to spend less on real משלוח מנות (and more for charitable causes) is fine by me.
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