Have you ever gotten an email from someone you know passing along a "funny" story and not finding it funny in the least? Or have you ever been in a social situation where someone starts out with "This is so hilarious....," tells a story or a joke, and you find yourself wondering what could have made this person think the story was funny or appropriate? I would imagine that most blondes are sick and tired of blonde jokes, and most lawyers won't see the humor in lawyer jokes. I also would imagine that most men would not see the humor in some of the "husband" jokes that pass around, and that most women wouldn't be amused by the "wife" jokes that are out there. Prior to the national elections I was getting a lot of emails that were marked HILARIOUS in the subject line and that I found not at all funny, there being an assumption that since I know the sender I must also have the same political stance that he/she does--I didn't.
Why bring this up? A blog that I not only read regularly but enjoy had a particular title on a recent posting. I was not the only Staten Islander to respond to that title in a negative vein. In point of fact, the title miffed me greatly. We Staten Islanders have been dumped on by the rest of the City far too many times to see any humor in that dumping. Which brings me to the point of this posting. Humor is not universal in nature. What will be considered funny depends on many factors. Humor can be generational, can be gender-based, can be geographic, can be culturally determined, etc., etc. and so forth. I'm fairly certain that no one has yet to create a joke that will be universally appreciated, regardless of who you are and where you are and what you are.
The blogger on the site that had the title that miffed me responded by telling his readers that it was a JOKE--why were we all getting so bent out of shape?! Well you see, some of us didn't see the title as a joke; there was nothing of humor in it. I tell my students that when they are writing and speaking they need to keep this in mind: what does my audience need/want to hear, all of my audience?
If you're going to pass along a joke email--or write a "funny" title--you need to step away from that email for a minute and ask yourself will the reader, given the reader's life and circumstances, find the email funny? Is it possible that some of the people I'm going to send the email to will take offence? If there is any doubt on your part, don't send the email.
Note: Our President gave me another perfect example of how you realllllly need to watch out when you are saying something "funny," and ask how ALL members of the listening audience might respond. His comment linking his bowling skills and the Special Olympics, far from being seen as wry or humorous, hit large parts of his audience as offensive. Let the speaker/writer be wary.
6 comments:
Perhaps the *reader* should think to take a step back sometimes and determine whether it makes more sense that a line is made in jest or with sarcasm than meant seriously.
The test is what the "reasonable" person would assume. If the "reasonable" person thinks that (since this is about me) I seriously think, after reading my blog and having a reasonable idea of how I say and do things; not having ever really been to Staten Island; and going there on invitation and also to do business (!), that I would SERIOUSLY be saying that Staten Island is a dump, that person should probably question their reasoning.
People crack "mistake by the lake" jokes about Cleveland all the time, a term coined when the Cuyahoga River set on fire about 30 years ago. You don't see Clevelanders getting bent out of shape when people crack a joke about it; they get annoyed when people say such things in a clearly *serious* vein. The problem with President Obama's joke was not the joke, which while its humor was weak, would have been fine for most people to say, but because it's something that the President of the United States should not.
People make jokes, and sometimes, people don't get them. That's fine. But readers should not assume - especially when they have a person bias - that someone is making a negative comment, and learn to read with more of an open, rather than accusing, mind. Without a very good reason to assume the person means quite seriously the negative comment they're making, don't.
On a different note, if you were at the boutique last night you could have come by to say hi! :)
ProfK and Ezzie, if you were my kids I'd tell you to both take a time out and head to separate corners. As a neutral observer, you are both of you correct. Ezzie, yes the hearer of a joke should ask themselves if it is likely that the person MEANT to be offensive. If the answer is no, then it's just a joke that person doesn't get or doesn't like and it should end there. KBut ProfK is also right that the person telling a joke should ask themselves if there is something in the joke that is likely to offend or upset someone in the group listening. If the answer is yes then don't tell the joke. It doesn'[t matter if your intentions were good--what did you actually do?
Let me give you a personal example. I grew up hearing all those jokes about older people having senior moments. Some of them were funnier then others but no one got offended in our house. Until someone did. When my grandfather started exhibiting symptoms of Alzheimers my mother saw no humor at all in jokes she would have laughed at years ago and neither did the rest of us. I think that's what ProfK meant, that different situations can determine what a person thinks is funny. I don't think the people telling those senior jokes meant to hurt us, but they did anyway. Maybe we should just remember that shmiras haloshon applies to jokes and humor too.
OK, not a big commenter here, but as someone who grew up in SI (and, full disclosure, one who very recently got to know the SerandEz gang), I get the SI=garbage dump sensitivity. I know how annoying it is when the first thing people ask you when they find out you live in SI is, "does it smell?"
However,I didn't find Ezzie's post to be offensive. When someone makes a joke, where they are coming from is just as important as what they are saying. That same joke coming from someone who grew up in Brooklyn or Queens may have been more offensive. But, being that Ezzie is from Cleveland, and given that New York Jewry tends to take such an elitist attitude towards their out-of-town counterparts, I would find it hard to take his "disparaging" comments seriously.
It is similar to what you mention with President Obama. Its not so much what he said but the fact that HE said it.
I think you might like Nellie McKay's "Mother of Pearl" (aka "Feminists Don't Have a Sense of Humor"): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hU446HDtGv8
Trudy - Agreed. In this case, it seemed to me to be something everyone would laugh at; like I said, the ppl I knew in SI thought it was fine.
S - {waves} Thanks! :)
GilaB - That's great! :)
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