There has been some discussion on the blogs about the policy of certain Jewish newspapers and magazines not to print pictures of women, even when a couple is being honored by an institution or organization. In addition, the "Mazal Tovs" in some of these publications refer to Rav______ and wife. But yesterday was a first for me. We got in the mail an appeal letter which was addressed to Mr.________ K and wife. (By the way, filed in the garbage without being opened; we didn't recognize the sender and we didn't like the attitude.)
Frankly, the letter got me reaaaallllly annoyed. It is perfectly acceptable to send a letter to Mr. and Mrs. _____ K. Invitations are sent out this way, as are business letters. Yes, sometimes we get solicitation letters addressed only to my husband and sometimes addressed only to me. That would not have bothered me. There are places that we support individually and the organization knows only my name or my husband's name. But what possible good could this organization have thought would come from addressing their letter the way they did? If this is the wave of the future, I'm going to find a new ocean to swim in.
5 comments:
Oh come now ma'am, surely you don't think that this concept of addressing a woman by her husbands name is a new Jewish invention; it was, until rcentely (for whatever reason) considered to be quite standard in America. For example Eleanor Roosevelt was often referred to as "Mrs. Franklin Roosevelt". Though, as you say, today such a usage has become unacceptable.
...but don't get the wrong idea; I'm a proponent of most forms of Feminism..
My mother can correct me, but your comment misses the mark. She wasn't objecting to the use of a husband's name: Mrs. Joe Shmoe (perfectly acceptable as a form of address). She was objecting to the Mr. Joe Shmoe and wife--that's highly insulting and a serious breach of etiquette.
Curious what you think about wedding invitations that pretty much say the same thing? (ie. The Bride's Father Mr. Goldstein, v'reiusu...i mean, you're celebrating a marriage! Let's not be squeamish, please.) Those are pretty demeaning too, IMHO.
In the case of of a tzedaka using such language, agree that it's not only insulting, but self-defeating and not very savvy.
I agree. I'm never insulted when my husband OBM gets tzedokah solicitaions. I don't even open those. I just throw them out. The organization is obviously working with an old list. What gets my dander up is when I get letters addressed to Mr.(insert my first and last names). I have a very gender specific female name. You can't mistake it. Unfortunately a lot of trees are wasted on this kind of JUNK mail.
Ari,
I hate those wedding invitations! Not going to happen on the one's we will send out. It always puzzles me that when someone is c"v ill then they have no problem in saying Shalom ben Sarah, the mother's name not the father's is used, but when there is, thankfully, a simcha the wife's name disappears. So in bad times you cry out your mother's name but not in good times?
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