Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Avenue J-Walk

There is a terrific irony in my having moved out of Brooklyn as fast as could be managed many years ago and my having spent most of my adult teaching life teaching in Brooklyn. "You know where the action is at" is how a friend put it. Oh, that I didn't have that action! Navigating the streets of Brooklyn takes more nerve, verve and sheer guts than I apparently have any more. Yes, Brooklyn gives you what you can't get anywhere else, and yesterday it almost gave it to me--yesterday I came the closest I hope EVER to come to killing someone.

If you have never travelled in a car along the length of Avenue J, save yourself nightmares and don't go. What was once a fairly sleepy city street has become a magnet for cars, trucks, buses and pedestrians. Where once there was only a stray kosher emporium there is now wall to wall frum shopping and dining. Pedestrian traffic is heavy and never ending. I avoid Avenue J like the plague and snake around through the side streets to get to work, although those side streets are far from driving heaven either, but they are better than going on J. But yesterday I got stuck and had to travel down J.

Avenue J is not a wide street. It has parking on both sides, bus stops every other block and two narrow lanes for two-way traffic. The traffic lights are never coordinated and it can take an easy 10-15 minutes to get from Ocean Parkway to E. 16th. Cars and trucks think absolutely nothing about double parking on this avenue, leaving other drivers to play the game of "thread the needle" with oncoming traffic. Getting into and out of parking spaces on the Avenue should be training for those heading to the world's combat zones. And if you have just seen someone pull into a parking space then proceed with extra caution, because that driver is going to inevitably throw open the driver's side door and emerge straight into traffic without looking and 100% with a cell phone in hand and a conversation going on. If only the vehicles were the only problem.

Strange medical fact: all the people in NYC with vision problems seem to congregate on Avenue J. They don't see when the light is green or when it is red and blithely step into street intersections without looking. They cross in the middle of the street, darting out between cars and trucks. Apparently they have never heard of the rule that when walking on a sidewalk, keep to the right. And here is the real kicker: every one of these people is carrying a cell phone closely held to their ear, concentrating mightily on what Tante Chaya said to Uncle Chaim.

You know who the worst offenders are? The mothers with young children in tow, although "tow" may be too optimistic for what goes on. Take one mother and 3-4 children. Who is holding onto mommy's hand? For starters, mommy has only one hand available, the other clasped tightly around her cell phone. There may or may not be a youngster holding the other hand. The rest of the kids are snaked out in a line behind mommy, except when they aren't. And that is where my nightmare began yesterday. One of those moms had her head up a different part of her anatomy yesterday. She was busy on her cell phone and made the decision to cross the Avenue. The pedestrian traffic signal was on its last blink of "don't walk" when she stepped out into traffic. She did not once turn her head to see if her kids were following right behind her. The screeching of tires was immediate as we braked heavily to avoid hitting her. But the real kicker was that her trail of little kiddies was behind her, one little one wandering off the straight path and heading straight for the moving cars. I came within a real hair's breadth of hitting what looked to be like a three year old. And then I lost it completely. While the mom, still on the phone, is yelling for her kids to get over to her, I got out of the car, marched over to her, grabbed the cell phone out of her hand and hit the off button. I also remember yelling at her that Jews are forbidden to rely on miracles. And then she suddenly seemed to notice her little one, who was busy trying to scratch at a sticker on my bumper.

Did I get an apology? What world are you living in?! Did she immediately and tearfully gather her youngsters up? Well, she did call out to the kids "I told you to stay close to me!" She finally made it across the street, as did all her little ones. And as she got on the curb at the corner she had her cell phone up to her ear again. I'm sure she was telling her friend all about the meshugenah driver who almost did her harm and who almost attacked her, and look who they are giving driver's licenses to today.

It won't solve all the driving problems on the Avenue but perhaps New York State did not go far enough with its law about not driving and using a hand held cell phone at the same time (a law, by the way, that the people in the Avenue J area have apparently never heard of): perhaps what is needed is a new law that forbids talking on the phone while walking in congested travel areas like Avenue J. When I was younger we had a phrase to describe someone we thought had less than the requisite amount of brains and seichel--we used to say that that person "couldn't walk and chew gum at the same time." Substitute "talk on a cell phone" for gum and you've got a perfect description of the Avenue J pedestrians.

I can joke about it sort of today, but yesterday could have been a real tragedy. Had that little one sped up just the tiniest bit or had my reflexes been off just the tiniest bit, I could have killed a toddler. Years back a driver on Fourteenth Avenue in Boro Park made an illegal jump across all the lanes of traffic on a red light and hit my car, where I had just made a legal left turn. Was he hurrying over to see if I was hurt? Was he anxiously assessing what damage he had done to my then 2-week old car? Was he apologetic? None of the above. First, he didn't want to give me his insurance information--"Yiddin can settle this among themselves" is what he said. Like hell. And then the kicker was when he told me that I didn't know how to drive in Brooklyn. He almost got that right, but what he should have said was that I don't like having to drive in Brooklyn.

Readers, New York has many wonderful attractions. Take my word for it--Avenue J should be crossed off of your "must see" list.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

ProfK:
Thank goodness everyone survived (apart, perhaps, from the blood pressure levels!) but it is quite remarkable that the same event could have taken place in one of the chareidi parts of North London.
It is a notable point that whilst we are fortunate to live in a malchut shel chessed, this is almost abused by many of our brethren, who don't seem to understand how lucky they are!

Anon613-London

SubWife said...

OMG! I feel for you. This must have been really traumatizing. I used to live on Ave. J and would love to live there again (because of all the conveniences, etc.), but SubHub refuses to even consider it. He tells me, "There's no way I am driving down Ave. J several times a day." Though I do believe that when it comes to J-walking Boro Park is far worse.

(Btw, there is Brooklyn Eye Center on Ave. J - maybe that's why all the blind and visually challenged of Brooklyn congregate there? :)

David Staum said...

At least it's just the 4 block stretch between Coney Island Ave & E.16

Imagine if it was a 15 block stretch of that insanity, like 13th Ave in Borough Park.

So glad I moved far away!

G6 said...

Oy! I'm so sorry for what must have been an unnerving experience for you - to put it mildly.

There is a saying (though it usually sounds more amusing than it does after hearing a story such as yours) that for people in NY a red light is "merely a suggestion".

Parenting skills class anyone?

Anonymous said...

We live in a smaller community out of the NYC area. I can do most of my shopping for holidays here but I find that I have to head into brooklyn before Passover to pick up certain things. Every time I take that trip I come back and ask my hubby if he is sure that I don't have to bentsch gomel for having survived the driving there. And it's not just J but anywhere in the frum areas.

I wonder if that mother knows just how close to tragedy she came yesterday? I sure hope that your breathing is back to normal. Usually takes me a few days after a trip to Brooklyn.

miriamp said...

Okay, first, I'm glad to hear that both you and that toddler are safe. Baruch Hashem!

Secondly, remember the part you wrote recently about how some jokes just aren't funny? I feel the need to stick up for Blind people, knowing several hundred of them personally -- actual blind people cross at the corner/light, and while they don't look, they do stop and LISTEN for the traffic patterns, because they know they won't see you. The people you are referring to with "vision problems" are stupid yet sighted people who apparently think they are invincible and don't bother to look or listen.

ProfK said...

MiriamP, you are right to stick up for those who are blind, but I purposefully used "vision problems" because it does not specifically single out any particular group and is both general and linguistically neutral enough to apply to any type of vision difficulty, whether physical in nature or whether mental in origin, like the mother I tangled with yesterday. If my use of vision problems offended you, I do apologize.

Anonymous said...

I felt traumatized just reading this post. I feel like I should bench gomel that I haven't been to Brooklyn in at least 10 years (despite living in the NYC suburbs). Hope you're recovering.

Anonymous said...

This level of stupidity is not limited to the frum. A few decades ago witness a 7 or 8 car pile up caused by two cabs on Lexington Ave at 57th St. (At least then 57th was 2 way) Cab number one picked up a passenger on the left curb of Lex., cab number 2 on the right curb. As the light changes, number one guns it and tries to make a right before the rest of the traffic can start; number two guns it to make a right. Of course, they collide in the middle of the street, by which time the traffic in the travel lanes has started so several more cars pile in. Fortunately no fatalities.

Anonymous said...

Oops, 2 tried to make a left, and I witnessed this mess.

Bas~Melech said...

Before you go bashing chareidim, please note that I have driven on Avenue J and elsewhere and I can personally attest that Chinatown is the worst. I hear that in Red China red meant go and Asians are still having trouble adjusting. I kid you not. And besides for the pedestrians, who will patiently wait until your car begins rolling to step off the curb in front of it, I have had the pleasure of having to thread between two garbage trucks, on opposite sides of the street, BOTH facing in the wrong direction and moving! Argh! What's more, the population is so dense that people often just use the streets as spare sidewalks for lack of sidewalk space.

I still take roundabout routes when traveling around J, but when I have to take the Manhattan Bridge or anything around there, I fondly wish for J...

(That said, yeah, please look before you cross)

Anonymous said...

What you describe is pretty much a New York City problem not limited to only the frum areas. But it is more of a problem where businesses and housing are densely mixed, such as in Brooklyn. In real suburban areas, where housing and shopping aren't in the same space,where there are less people living per square inch, you have less of this crazy traffic and pedestrians behave better.

Anonymous said...

Allen makes a good point. In my town shopping is mostly done at larger malls or smaller strip malls. This shopping isn't where people live. In the older part of town you do have a few main streets with stores but those using the stores aren't competing with people who live on the street because no one lives on the street or only a very few do. And those streets are pretty wide also.

There's another thing too. Wherever there is shopping on streets you see a police presence. People don't J walk here or park illegally or any of the other things you see in Brooklyn because a cop will catch you 99% of the time. The cops patrol regularly. I don't think I've ever seen a cop in Brooklyn except when an accident already happened.

Lion of Zion said...

everytime i come back from israel someone asks me if i was scared to drive there.

why should i be scared? i'm glad i learned to drive in brooklyn, as i now feel confident enough to drive anywhere else in the world

G6 said...

http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/article.php?p=32383

:(

Mikeinmidwood said...

LOZ

Brooklyn maybe harder to drive on the streets but israels highways are far more dangerous.