Philosophy and Cleaning

We don't normally put together Philosophy and Cleaning; however, there are any number of cleaning gurus who have quite seriously pondered the philosophy of cleaning. There seem to be three basic schools of philosophical thought on the subject.

The first school argues that when cleaning, real cleaning--not just a wipe and a promise--is incorporated into our lives as a basic tenet of living then there is no reason for periodic bursts of "take the house apart" fever. In this philosophy one does not look at a closet or window and say "I'll have to put that on my list for later": these philosophers recommend the "see it, do it" approach. In this school there is no serious bout of Spring Cleaning Fever.

The second and third schools have a different philosophy: in these schools it is the approach to cleaning that needs to be changed. The second school has a "similar object" orientation: similar or identical tasks should all be done at once. For these philosophers you do not decide to clean only the window in the kitchen: you clean all the windows in the house. They believe that working in this way allows one to develop a rhythm that carries you through the work faster. The more windows you wash, the quicker you become and the more efficient you become. All your supplies for this chore are available. And when you are done, you are really done.

The third school is a part to whole philosophy. It posits that doing only one item in a room and moving on leaves one with a sense of incompleteness. The recommendation of this school is to pick a room and clean it completely. When you move one from that room you are truly finished with it.

By the way, lest you think I am joking, there are any number of "Cleaning bibles" that have been published, earning their authors a nice penny.

I'm not recommending any particular philosophy except to say that whatever methodology you use, stick to it. Constantly changing your approach results in a lot of aggravation and a lot of missed areas that you are going to have to get to eventually anyway.

What all these schools of philosophy of cleaning miss, however, is that sometimes cleaning is not only about cleaning. I call it the pack rat philosophy. Let me give you an example. You decide to clean out your desk drawers. Simple, no? "All" you need to do is empty everything out, dust the drawers and put everything back in. Wrong! You're going to stop as things come out of the drawers. You may ask yourself, "What are all these things?" You're going to take each item and look at it. And then you find that paper you wrote for English class way back when you were a sophomore in college. And you're going to read it. And you're going to stop for a few moments while you think about the student who sat next to you in that class who was so artistic and you'll wonder if that student ever did anything with his talent. And then you're going to "lovingly" put that paper back into the desk drawer, even though you have no idea what three-quarters of the paper really means anymore, and besides, you hated the instructor. But hey, that's part of your history in that paper.

And heaven help you if those desk drawers also contain things like your old report cards that your mom saved for you beginning with nursery school. And truly heaven help you if those drawers also contain your children's report cards, and the mothers day card your now strapping 6'1" son made for you when he was 5, and a birthday card from a long ago friend that you haven't seen in 25 years. You start reading and two hours pass in a second.

And then there is the pencil drawer of that desk. Ever notice just how many pens and pencils our houses contain? Like rabbits, they seem to multiply in droves. We take them out, clean the drawer, and then what? Perhaps we admit that there might be a tad too many in the drawer and start thinking of where we could donate the extras to, but that's for another day, so they go back in the drawer. And sometimes--Gasp!--we actually throw out some of these items. My youngest is 32, so how is it that we still own so many of those brightly colored school rulers? And why do I still have enough colored markers to outfit a small yeshiva? And then there is the huge tin of crayons. Can you say Hello Kitty stickers? And Peanuts stationery? And that collection of postcards from every place we've ever visited or our friends ever visited?

Let me only briefly mention that closets can be even worse than desk drawers. You know what I'm talking about here. The shoes on the bottom of the closet that are out of style but they match that great suit that you last wore in 1987, and hey, they may come into style again. And then there is the outfit you wore to your sheva brochos which is still in perfect condition, if only you were still that size and if only that style were at all wearable today.

This year I refuse to let sentimentality and reminiscing derail my cleaning, at least for the most part. So far 7 large garbage bags of our past have found new homes, either at thrift shops,donated to organizations that can use the material or in the trash. I was spurred on to get rid of this stuff not in small part by a comment that someone made to me. She said: "Do you really want your grandchildren looking at your old report cards when you die and they have to clean out your things?" Hopefully that won't happen for quite a while, but I got her drift. If what we keep says a lot about who we are, then there are some things I'd really rather were not said about me.