The truth or dare game was popular a while back. I refused to play because the answers to a lot of the questions that were asked were truly nobody else's business. It occurs to me, however, that a new version of the game needs to be brought out. The players are your parents and aunts and uncles and siblings and cousins and married friends. Okay, you can also play with strangers.
Here are the questions that you have to ask.
1) Who was your actual shadchan? How did you find them?
2) Did you know this person well?
3) Did they know you well?
4) When the shidduch was red were you ecstatic, glad, so-so or really not happy about it?
5) On the first date did you hear bells/whistles or a chorus of nightingales?
6) Did your parents make you decide on the first date if this was going to be IT?
7)On which number date did you know for certain that this was the person for you?
8)Were you sure the other person felt the same way?
9)Was there something about the other person that still bothered you even after you were engaged?
10) Is your husband/wife exactly the same now in every way as when you got married?
11)Did marriage turn out to be exactly as you thought it would be when you got engaged?
12)How close is your spouse to the ideal picture you had in your head when you began dating?
13)What are the differences between that ideal picture and the spouse you have?
14) You might also ask the person to name 4 of the places they went out on a date to with the person they married, just as a memory test.
Okay, that's enough to start out with. Make sure you take a tape recorder with you, even if you never turn it on. It gets people nervous enough to open up. If the story sounds kind of "too" perfect, tell whomever you are interviewing that you are going to speak to their mother in law next. Amazing how the stories may change or differ.
Here's what I am willing to bet: the answers to the questions are going to surprise you. I think you will also discover that Prince and Princess Charming are figments of the imagination. You also might, just might, come to realize that getting married is not all that "simple" for anyone.
Report back what you find out please--I'm in the mood for some little horror stories.
Not sure just what is going on with my parents but I asked my mother the question about hearing bells and she sort of turned a funny color and wouldn't answer. I asked my dad and he couldn't stop laughing enough to answer me. So I asked my grandmother what was going on and she told me that only after I was married was she going to answer that question. My sister and I think there is something really funny going on but can't even imagine what would be so strange that this question would get these reactions. Any suggestions on how to find out?
""Any suggestions on how to find out?""
Sure - get married :-)
A close friend was trying to avoid answering number 9 so of course I pushed her for the answer. Sort of surprised me. The thing that bothered her about her choson is still there with her husband. She sort of shrugged and said that it was not more important then the things she did get so she tries not to let it bother her now.
Her husband has no patience to teach someone the things that he knows. When they were engaged he tried to teach her how to drive. She didn't talk to him for a week after the first lesson. She went to a driving school after that because she didn't want this to break up the shidduch. I don't think I would have reacted the same way but then I'm not her.
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