Sukkah Soaking--hope not

My men folk got busy today and put up the sukkah.  My daughter is already planning out how she'll decorate it this year.  I'm busy inviting guests for the yom tov meals in the sukkah.  Everyone seems to have a truly positive attitude about sukkos--except for the weather forecasters.  Haven't found a forecaster anywhere who is saying anything but thunderstorms, heavy rains and cooler weather for the first days of sukkos.

Of course, those forecasters do not have a stellar record of accurate predictions, but darned if they don't somehow manage to be pretty accurate if the time period is a yom tov one.  I'm hoping that they are truly, truly wrong about next week.  After all the work and preparation, it would be nice to actually be able to use the sukkah, not just stare at it through the patio doors.  Regardless, I'm going to have to think of just how all that company will play out if it's pouring outside.  So not something I want on my to do list.

Gone and Not Forgotten

It's very strange, given the last few weeks, to be spending a Monday morning somewhat at leisure. There's no need for figuring out menus for yom tov/Shabbos meals any longer. There's no exhausting mega-trips to grocery stores on the horizon. Pots and pans are safely tucked away where they belong and will stay there for a good few days yet. The mountain of laundry has reduced itself to a climbable hill. My refrigerators are finally getting to the point where I can see the shelves, and opening the door isn't taking a chance on an avalanche pouring forth.

And yet.... Now that yom tov is over I find myself missing the idea that all of us will be in the same place at the same time, that all of us will sit down to leisurely meals together, meals that encourage family conversation. After three weeks of intensive family time, the curtain has come down on yom tov, and it's back to business as usual.

Oh well, I can console myself with the knowledge that Chanukah is not all that far down the road, and there will be family hustle and bustle yet again.

Sigh, those suckers born every minute are still with us

I once did a posting on bottled salt water available for use at the Pesach seder.
http://conversationsinklal.blogspot.com/2008/04/i-saw-it-and-i-still-dont-believe-it.html#comments

Now Jameel has up a posting about a ready prepared eruv tavshilin, for "only" $2.89 a pack, available here in the States. http://muqata.blogspot.com/2011/10/chutz-laaretz-laziness.html

Okay, okay, gourmet cooking may be out of reach for a lot of people, but boiling an egg?!

Shanah Tovah

With hopes and prayers that this will indeed be a sweet new year, filled with blessings of every kind. For all of you and your families, may you truly enjoy this time together: I hope that you will be able to make wonderful memories that will last a lifetime. And may we all be zocheh to be wishing each other a shanah tovah next year at this time.

Looking at Washington Heights for a Saner Way

It's a fact that many people here in the NY area do not have a personal sukkah where they are living. For some it's a matter of physical setting: they live in an apartment building and there is nowhere to put up a sukkah. For some it may be that they no longer can physically cope with putting up a sukkah. No matter what the reason, there will be people who will not have a sukkah available to them for the yom tov of Sukkos.

Yes, there are many shuls around the city which put up communal sukkahs. But how those sukkahs can be utilized by shul members is widely various. In some shuls only kiddush can be made in the shul sukkah. Some shul sukkahs will only accomodate men who wish to eat there rather than whole families. In many shuls around the area shul families can eat their meals in the shul sukkah, but those meals will be provided by the shul caterer, at a cost of $20-30 per person--you do the math for a family of 5 for a three-day yom tov repeated twice. (Note: many of those caterers will only provide meals on the first and last days of yom tov; for chol hamoed the sukkah is "closed").

Last year G6 had up a posting about how she was preparing to bring over her food to the shul kitchen in Washington Heights because her meals would be in the shul sukkah. This is one method I applaud whole heartedly. Yes, I know there are some other shuls who allow this as well, but relatively few of them. Yeah, yeah, I've heard all the comments about the kashrut concerns if everyone could bring in home-cooked food to this shul sukkah, and use the shul's refrigerators for storage. Frankly these are empty excuses because they are so easy to work around. I'd like to see more shuls follow the example of the Washington Heights Kehillah in providing a sukkah for member use without strings attached that cost an arm and a leg.

How does your community handle the shul sukkah issue? Does it work well for all?

Hachnosos Orchim and Yom Tov

Once again yom tov is approaching, something to be looked forward to with happiness and joy. Aside from the obvious religious elements of the holidays themselves, there is the chance to spend time with family and friends, time to sit down together and share a meal and conversation. And once again there will be those in our various communities for whom this joy and happiness will be missing.

There are any number of people in our communities who don't have anyone to share yom tov with. They may be elderly with little or no family living close by. They may be singles without family in the area. Some are students from out of town with few, if any, places to go for yom tov. They may be new young couples who have only recently moved into an area and who don't know many people as yet. There are many reasons for why these people will be alone for yom tov, but one reason that should not be there is that no one in the community took the time and effort to invite them for a meal.

Now, not five minutes before yom tov starts, is the time to give a thought to those who will be alone for yom tov. Now is the time to pick up the phone or go over in person and extend an invitation. Now is the time to show that you understand hachnosos orchim and what it can mean to the person facing a bleak, lonely yom tov. Just because you don't know someone is no reason to hesitate over inviting them; after all, a stranger is only a friend whom you haven't met yet.

Ahead of the Game

In case you haven't looked at a Jewish calendar lately, let me be the one to give you the good news--Yom Tov is pretty much around the corner. And this year the calendar is chock full of three-day yom tov/Shabbos combinations.

Now, with most people off for the Labor Day extended weekend, is a good time to sit down with your personal calendar and make some plans. Have clothing that is going to need a trip to the cleaners? Make it this week and take some of the pressure off of yourself erev yom tov. Now is also a good time to shop ahead for those items that will stay fine between now and yom tov. But if you are going to be shopping ahead then save yourself a real headache and make up your menus now so you know just what it is that you have to purchase.

Now is the time to figure out just when you are going to be able to put up your sukkah. Now is the time to figure out when you are going to squeeze in haircuts for everyone. Now is the time to shop for any clothing necessities. Even with planning ahead, time is going to be at a premium for those who work. Give yourself some breathing room and figure out your schedule for the next weeks now.

If you have the freezer space now is also a good time to bake or cook some items ahead so that there is less to have to squeeze in before yom tov.

In short, it's no use to pretend that yom tov isn't coming as soon as it is. Want to have an enjoyable yom tov? Start now!

What is Advice?

A number of blogs and online sites, this one included, frequently give advice on how to do things. But what is advice? According to the dictionary advice is "an opinion or recommendation offered as a guide to action, conduct, etc.." In short, advice is a suggestion, not a rule or law. Advice is a "how-to" manual that you may choose to follow or not.

But how do you figure out whether or not advice you have received is right for you? How do you figure out whether advice you are receiving will work for you? Well, here comes a piece of advice about advice: know what it is you are asking about and asking for when you seek advice.

Let's take an area on a lot of people's minds right now--Pesach. Lots of advice out there now on how to prepare for Pesach, what to buy for Pesach, how to budget for Pesach. And yes, a lot of that advice is good advice---if it works for you. So, what goes into determining whether or not you can use advice you've received?

None of us are living identical lives. Where we live can impinge on what advice will work for us. By this I mean geographical location as well as our actual physical place of residence. Shopping for foodstuffs in the heart of Midwood Brooklyn is different from shopping in a small town in the heartland of the country. And yes, shopping in SI is also different from shopping in Brooklyn. A four-bedroom house with attic, basement and garage is different from a two-bedroom apartment in an apartment complex. And even with these examples there may be major differences--all two-bedroom apartments are not identical in size and layout and neither are all four-bedroom houses. They may have differing amounts of storage space and require different types of cleaning and shopping for Pesach.

How much "free" money do you have available? Is there one working spouse or two? What are your financial obligations? What, if any, kind of debt are you carrying? How conservative or how liberal are you when it comes to spending money, and on what kinds of items? How much "free" time will you have to take care of all Pesach preparations? Will you have any help in the preparation, whether spouse, other family members or paid help? Is there anything going on at work that may impinge on how and when you prepare for Pesach? How big a family are you providing for? Children present? Age and sex of those kids may make a difference. Going to be having company for Pesach? What type and for how long? Will you be home all of Pesach or away for part or all? Any of your family or company have food issues or medical issues that have to be factored in? And just how old are you? What a 20-year old can possibly accomplish may not be what a 50/60-year old can accomplish as regards sheer physical strength, stamina or just plain get-up-and-go.

And the above may only be the tip of the iceberg as regards personal factors that make us "different" from others. In short, there's a lot more to advice than it's inherent "goodness" or "badness." What works for you may not work for me and vice versa. The key is to be honest with yourself about what your personal situation is, what all the factors are that have to be taken into consideration, and take or not take advice based on your unique position. No need to be upset if you find you can't use what you think may be a good piece of advice--if you can't use it it isn't good advice for you.

On Those Dreaded P Words

Yup, I'm about to mention those words beginning with P that have been known to strike terror into the hearts of women all across the globe--Purim and Pesach. How is it that such a small, simple letter can have the effect that it does?

In and of itself Purim should be no more a major undertaking than any other holiday we have that lasts one day, but it takes on more significance because it is a visual signpost that the other P will arrive only a scant month later. The two holidays are a study in contrasts. For Purim our houses, and certainly our kitchens, are chock full of items containing flour[think chometz]--goodies that are looked forward to a whole year. Even those who may not stock up on cakes, cookies and other noshes and nibbles may do so for Purim. Shalach Monos arrive containing more nosh than some households will see the entire rest of the year. There is a major seudah, and because one can drive on Purim, the number of guests at the seudah may far exceed the size of any regular or holiday meals throughout the rest of the year. Look at your home after the seudah is over and neat and tidy are not the words that come to mind.

Four weeks later neat and tidy and clean are precisely what is required. No matter how little or how much you choose to do in making Pesach, you are going to be cleaning, and cleaning more than you do for other holidays during the year. Those kitchens that might be perfectly organized during the rest of the year are going to be turned upside down in trying to find a space to put Pesach dishes, pots, silverware and all the paraphernalia necessary for the yom tov. People who don't keep chometz in their homes over Pesach are going to be scrambling to make a month's worth of meals that will use up all that chometz.

Let me mention a few other P words that can help alleviate some of the tension involved in Purim and Pesach--planning, perusing, preparing, purchasing and prioritizing. Now is the perfect time to sit down and start making lists for both holidays. Now is the time to be planning out menus so shopping for those meals will be organized. Now is the time--no other holiday on the calendar--to take care of some of those cleaning chores that you know you are going to be doing and that are going to add to your stress if you leave them to the week before Pesach. Want to wash curtains in the various rooms of your home? No time like the present. Light fixtures looking a bit grungy or a closet that is crying out for reorganization? No time like the present. Two of my local supermarkets have already put out a lot of their Passover displays THIS WEEK (and you should see the sales prices on some of the items). If you have a spot where to store those non-perishables, take your shopping list and get what you can now--those items are not going to be any fresher 6 weeks from now, and many of them will have disappeared off the shelves.

How tense you are going to be going into Purim and Pesach can depend on how well you prepare yourself right now. So, grab a cup of coffee and open up your Purim/Pesach files on the computer (note: if you don't have those files, now is a good time to establish them). It's more than time to get rid of some of the stress these holidays bring on and add back a full dose of joy and simcha.

Suddenly at "Leisure"

It was a bit strange this morning to wake up and suddenly remember that there was no reason to jump out of bed and straight into the work harness of shopping and cooking and preparing for yom tov. And yes, despite some kvetching about the sheer number of meals that were going to be prepared, served and eaten, I miss yom tov's not being just even a few more days. The family will be heading out to their own nooks and crannies today and the house already sounds too empty. We're going back to being governed by the requirements of the workday calendar, and although I'm not dreading that, it's going to take some getting used to after a month of yom tov.

Of course, some elements of yom tov linger a bit even if yom tov is officially over. Thankfully, there are some cook aheads in the fridge, so dinner is already prepared. And then there is the sukkah. Bets are already being taken as to how many more weeks it's going to remain up--not because our men folk are too lazy to take it down but because of the predicted weather. Our sukkah is all wood and putting it away wet is not an option, unless we plan on going into the mold-selling business. The decorations can come down today but the walls are too wet to put into storage as yet. And rain is predicted for all of this week. One year the sukkah finally came down over the Thanksgiving break from work--only week with no rain for months. It looks like that may be the case this year also.

I know tefilas Geshem is for rain in Eretz Yisroel, but we seem to have derived some benefit from it here as well. And yes, I shouldn't be complaining when we truly need the rain here also, but I'm so tired of the smell of wet raincoats and jackets and the dreariness of a sun-less sky. On Friday, when a sudden bright spot appeared on the front window, we all yelled "sunshine" and went to look. Darn, only a large truck whose fog lights when to bright and bounced off the window glass. Want to know how large this country really is? Speaking to my brother on chol hamoed, living in the San Diego area, he reported that they had had a record breaking temperature of 108 degrees, and that was at the bay--hotter inland. Downtown Los Angeles got a record breaking 113 degrees. We got boiled by the rain and he got fried by the sun. Once again proof that man doesn't control nature despite his mistaken beliefs that he can control it.

Oh well, time to shed the yom tov mantle and see if I can remember what "real life" is supposed to be like. I've a feeling that by Wednesday yom tov will be firmly back in the memory folder as preparing for Shabbos takes precedence. Enough dallying by the keyboard--I know there is something that I really should be doing this morning and have been stalling getting to. I think I've gotten up the courage to open the laundry hampers--are we sure that we can't hold yom tov for at least a few more days?!

Alcohol Be Gone

Readers here certainly know my views about getting drunk on Purim, or any other time as well. A commenter on one of the alcohol-related Purim posts mentioned that Simchas Torah in her area is as bad as Purim is when it comes to the drinking.

Posted below you are going to see a letter that was sent out to all residents from the mayor of the Incorporated Village of Lawrence, Nassau County, NY.



Dear Resident:

Over the past several years, our Village has become a desired destination for large numbers of teens duering the Jewish holiday of Simchat Torah, which falls this year on September 29-30. We are concerned with the health and welfare of the children and their guests, the safety of residents and the protection of private property.

The Police Department has advised that they will be actively patrolling our Village during the holiday period.

Underage drinking, vandalism, congregating in streets impeding the flow of traffic and dangerous behavior will not be tolerated. The police can and will make arrests if the need arises.

Furthermore, you will be liable for criminal prosecution under the Social Host Law if an underage drinker is served alcohol in your house. A copy of the law is included with this letter.



We have reached out to our local synagogues, schools and social organizations with the hope that they will initiate activities for teens during the holiday period.

We expect all government personnel to enforce compliance with the laws of our County and we appreciate your doing so as well. Please communicate our message to the teens and guests staying your home so that their well-being is ensured.

Apparently Nassau County has a Social Host Law that went into affect in July of 2007, and the County is serious about upholding it.

Reading the letter I have to wonder just how much Sinchas Torah has changed since I last lived in the Far Rockaway area many decades ago. But whatever is the case, at least in Lawrence (and all other parts of Nassau County) getting drunk and wandering the streets could land you in a whole lot of trouble, and land your host in that trouble as well.

Plenty of food for thought in the letter.

Hurray for Yom Tov

The past month has been fraught with some tension as my mom ended up in the hospital not once but twice, and no one quite knew just what it was that was causing her to feel unwell. She was so not a happy camper, having to spend Yom Kippur in the hospital. And me? I was not happy because she was unwell and also because for only the second time in my life I was not going to be spending sukkos together with my mom.

Well, there's an old Yiddish saying, usually applied to things we don't want or that can harm us: "foon vie sot gekommen, aheen zol is geyen"--from wherever it came from, let it go back there. Apparently whatever was bothering mom listened and headed out. And we are all gleeful that mom is going to be coming to us for the second days of sukkos. All is now right in our little world and we can't wait to have her here. I was in something of a funk Sunday morning, really not looking forward to getting into harness again and bonding with my pots and kitchen. And then the news came, and right now I have enough energy to not only cook up a storm but to cook up a category 5 hurricane.

Sure, we all like to eat something that appeals to us, but for my family it's not so much what is on the table as it is who is around the table, and with mom coming yom tov is going to be lustig and freilich.

Let me wish you all a gutten yom tom, and may your hearts and spirits be as well fed as your stomaches are sure to be.

The Luxury of a Sukkah

We think of using a sukkah as the ultimate of getting back to basics--a few flimsy walls, a roof open to the sky, no heat, no air conditioning and just enough lighting so you're not sitting totally in the dark. We certainly don't go around thinking of our sukkahs as the ultimate in luxuries. Too bad that we don't, because we really should.

Do you really think that all those people living in der heim in Europe each had a sukkah for their own private use? Many, many of Klal living in Europe were the poster children for poor and living in poverty. Their regular dwellings were barely a step up from a sukkah, if that. In the small towns and rural areas there was land available to put up a sukkah by your home, if you had that home, that land, and the money. Many of Klal lived in the big cities, in apartment-type dwellings. They had no space where to build a sukkah of their own. Shuls would put up a sukkah for the use of their mispallelim. In many cases it was only kiddush that was made in the sukkah--there was no room to accomodate everyone for eating a full meal. In some cases only the men would eat in that shul sukkah. My grandparents had a hotel and restaurant in Europe in one of the smaller towns. They had a sukkah, and many of those in town who didn't have where to put one or couldn't afford one came to their sukkah to make kiddush.

Now fast forward to America. Where did the majority of immigrants live when they came here? In the crowded urban areas, in apartments--think the lower east side. Sukkahs? Where?! Again, if you were fortunate, your shul had a sukkah. And those sukkahs were not the gigantic edifices you see in some parts of Brooklyn today. Even in the areas where houses were mixed in with apartment buildings, there wasn't much land available to those houses for sukkah building. Some of those sukkahs were built on the small porches and balconies that fronted the homes--just enough room--maybe--for everyone to squeeze in to hear kiddush and then dad and the boys ate their meal in the sukkah, if there was room even for them.

I remember my really early years in Portland, living in apartments and no, we didn't have a sukkah because there was nowhere to put one. Kiddush was in the shul sukkah. When my aunt and uncle bought a small house it had a yard and suddenly we were all eating every meal in the sukkah. When we bought our own house then we, too, had room for a sukkah, one that my dad built from scratch each year--wooden walls and the schach was tree branches that we cut in the woods bordering our area. Many of our decorations were real flowers we had picked from the garden and full corn stalks we got from a farmer not too far away.

My in laws rented part of a two-family house in Boro Park. Their landlord was frum and put up a sukkah that basically filled the space of the tiny parcel of back yard. Only the men in the family ate in the sukkah because there simply was not enough room to accommodate two full families. I spent exactly one sukkos with my in laws precisely because of the sukkah situation. My parents, by then in Far Rockaway, had a bigger back yard and space for a sukkah that we could all sit and eat in--no segregation of the sexes necessary.

Even today there are plenty of people who don't live where they can have their own sukkah. When my cousin, living on the West Side of Manhattan in an apartment, needed a sukkah it was to the shul they went. However, if you wanted to eat a meal in that sukkah, you had to pay for it--the shul caterer provided any food, and no, it wasn't cheap. Where do you suppose all those living in Manhattan now go if they want to eat in a sukkah? Or those who live in the apartment towers in Brooklyn and Queens?

So yes, a sukkah is a luxury. And if your sukkah can accommodate your entire family and then invited company it's a higher level of luxury. We don't tend to think of sitting huddled in the sukkah, wrapped in warm jackets against the cold of an autumn night as luxurious living. Those who don't have this luxury would disagree with you.

So have a wonderful, joyous yom tov. Those of you in your own sukkahs give thanks for the opportunity to fulfill the mitzvah. And it wouldn't hurt either if you thought of those who can't have their own sukkah and offered an invitation to use yours.

The Yom Tov is for Families Conundrum

Unless your children live around the corner from you, all families will eventually hit the stage of the "Yom Tov is for family togetherness" problem. Yes, problem, if you make it one.

In the first few years of married life, married children come home to their parents fairly often, at least those for whom the travel is not extensive, costly, time consuming or in conflict with work schedules. Once the children's children number more than one the dynamics begin to change. It's hard enough to pack up two adults and one infant for a few days stay elsewhere; it's a real challenge when that involves many more children. And so the request comes: "Mom and dad, come to us for yom tov. It's easier for you two to pack up and come here than for us to pack up five and go to you."

Sometimes the parents do go to the children. Other times they can't--there are still unmarried children at home that the married child cannot accommodate, or there are still young married couples coming home to the parents. And if there are many married children staying at home, parents get on the merry-go-round of "being fair" to all the kids and visiting each of them at some point over the yom tov season. And sometimes the cost and time in traveling makes it difficult or impossible to get together.

In addition there is another point that comes up. In making my calls before Rosh Hashanah I asked one relative if the kids were coming home for yom tov. He answered that no, they weren't, because the sons wanted to daven in their own shuls for yom tov. And there weren't any children for their children to see and play with in the parents' neighborhood. Well, this man wanted to daven in his own shul as well, so everyone was staying in their own homes over yom tov.

In short, it's wonderful when the whole family can get together, especially over a yom tov. But everyone needs to be realistic about how long that may last for. Yom tov is not something to wage a war over between parents and children. If getting together is possible, then enjoy. If it's not, wish each other well and try and schedule some together time when it's mutually convenient and/or acceptable.

Gmar Chasimah Tovah

I think the title of the posting says it all. And may we be zocheh to be here next year wishing each other the same.

An Oldie but a real Goodie

My father introduced me at a young age to the recordings of some of the finest chazonim the world has ever known. He loved the music of Yossele Rosenblatt, and particularly before Yom Kippur he would spend time listening to Rosenblatt's rendition of Kol Nidre. The link below is to Rosenblatt's Kol Nidre, and for those of you who appreciate the output of a talented chazan, even the age of the recording cannot take away from the obvious feeling that poured forth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ioaPlfe-noQ

Rain, rain, can't you delay?!

Rain has been threatening all week here in the NYC area, threatening but not arriving. That is until today. Actually, we should have known it was going to arrive today. A lot of people had plans to put up their sukkahs today rather than wait to do it next Sunday, figuring it was easier to do it now than right after a taanis. What " better" weather to put up a sukkah in than typical sukkos weather.

My men folk are working around the brief breaks in the rain. First break, take out the sukkah parts. Brief break right now, start to get the walls up. Hopefully there will be enough breaks today to get the whole sukkah up and waiting. And it's not just us. With the doors and windows open I can can hear the hammers and drills buzzing up and down the block.

Clearly going to be a day for plenty of hot drinks and a hot, steaming dinner. The best line for today, however, was just delivered by one of my next door neighbors. They are out in the rain break putting away the patio chairs and the son asked his dad "Why are the neighbors building things in the rain?" The dad's answer? "They're Jewish." Yup, the whole explanation in a nutshell. We kill ourselves to afford a house with all the amenities, that will shelter us from all the weather elements, and then we go out in the rain and build a temporary dwelling that has none of those amenities. And we look forward to doing so.

A To-do List Reminder

Just a friendly reminder of a few things to have on your to-do list for yom tov. In the hustle and bustle to get ready some things could slip your mind.

1. Eruv tavshilin--because yom tov goes straight into Shabbos you'll need this if you want to do any cooking for Shabbos on yom tov.

2. Toilet paper--whatever amount of pre-torn paper you use for Shabbos, quadruple it for this yom tov/shabbos combination. Having company? Add even more.

3. Foil and plastic wraps--those pre-cut foil sheets are great if you only need them for something small. Be safe--tear a few extra sheets of the larger foil and some sheets of the plastic wrap just in case you need them for yom tov. They won't go to waste.

4. Shabbos clocks--whatever shabbos clocks you use for the lights may have to be adjusted as to on/off times due to the longer davening on yom tov. Look at your schedule now and adjust accordingly. Eating by candlelight is only "romantic" in a novel.

5. If you have a sabbath mode stove, make yourself a visible reminder note to set the stove to sabbath mode before yom tov. Cold chicken is okay, but cold raw chicken could cause a problem.

6. Power off any electronic devices you won't be using over yom tov, such as your computer, cell phone, blackberry etc.. You don't need the drain on the power source and neither does the environment.

7. Take out your smile and paste firmly on your lips. Sure, yom tov is a lot of work, but it's work that brings joy in its wake. Don't forget to put that joy on the to-do list.

A Wish for the New Year

I wish for all of you and your families a shanah tovah u'mesukah. May it be for you and for all of us in Klal a year of good tidings and good happenings. May we be blessed with the abundance of the good things that Hashem has to bestow upon us. May each in Klal receive what is needed to sustain life and make that life a full, sweet and contented one.

May this be the year that Klal finally opens its eyes and truly sees that acheinu kol Yisroel--that we are all brothers. Chepping with each other is one thing, as siblings sometimes do--outright sinah is quite another.

Let there be for us so many smachot, so many good occasions to come together that they will push away and blot out any discordance.

When the year comes to its end, may we look back with joy and happiness at what was our portion.

Three Days...Heaven or Hell? You choose.

This year yom tov falls out so that it heads into Shabbos, giving us what we refer to as "three-day" yom tov. For some people, the groans have already started regarding this. There are a number of complaints of the "practical" variety, and a number that aren't.

In the practical vein, you might hear that shopping, preparing and storing the amount of food needed puts a strain on resources. You might hear that eating seven festive meals in three days strains our ability to provide something different at each meal. You'll hear that eating that many large meals in close order is not healthy and results in upset digestive systems, never mind weight gain. I've heard, when the calendar has come out like this, that we're going to run out of clothes before we run out of yom tov.

Then there is the following: spending three days together with no chance for a respite has the makings of a stick of dynamite with a lit match next to it. As much as families may love each other, un-relieved proximity can be mentally/emotionally wearing. Maybe you might, perhaps, make it through Rosh Hashanah packed in together, but by the time you reach the last days of Sukkot there are some whose attitudes can best be described as desperate to get it all over with.

I have heard before how some people miss Shabbos when the calendar comes out like this. When it comes as the tag-end of yom tov, for some its specialness is lost.

And yet, I have also heard those who look forward to these three-day occurrences. They love the idea of being together with family for an extended time period. They love the idea of sitting down at the table together for many meals instead of only a few. They love the idea that Shabbos has company, two connected joyous celebrations.

What makes the attitudes so different when it comes to a three-day yom tov? I believe a lot of it is in how we prepare ourselves for those three days, practically and emotionally. Yes, having X number of people in one house for three days could lead to some friction--so what have you done to prepare for that contingency? How can you build in some "neutral corners" and some private or down time? As to the practical, what can you do now, ahead, so that you aren't extra frazzled in those few days before yom tov starts and on yom tov itself?

Then ask yourself this: is it really necessary to have seven different menus for those seven meals? Is it really necessary that all dishes at any given meal be different from those served at a different meal? Before you make up those yom tov menus ask yourself the really hard question: are you looking to impress someone or to feed someone?

How our families will get through yom tov will depend in large part on how the balabusta in the house sets things up. A little thinking now can avoid a lot of bad feelings later on. Do you really want the only statement you can make after all the holidays are over to be "I lived through it"? You want a heavenly holiday? What you do between now and then, the plans you make, any chores taken care of now, spending some time in thought, can truly make the difference between heaven and hell. Your choice.