A discussion ensued in class last week about the Facebook-centered verb form "to friend." Most of my students were of the opinion that not only is this "new verb" here to stay but that in a few years time no one will remember a time when it wasn't a verb in common use. They believed the same would be true of "to facebook" as a verb. Then they asked my opinion, and I gave it to them.
Yes, over the centuries we have added new verb forms to the general fund of English words. Most have come to us from the specialized jargon of sub-groups of English--think "to mouse" entering the language from the language of computers. Some we borrow from other languages.
Re "to friend," it may indeed enter general English and remain for a while, as a specialized form of "to befriend," referring only to befriending someone on Facebook. I don't think, however, that it will replace "to befriend" in general usage. For one thing, despite Facebook's desire for it to be otherwise, there are more people who are not on Facebook than are on Facebook. For those not on Facebook, the use of "friend" as a verb will raise eyebrows. For another thing, I believe that it will remain as informal usage and won't be accepted in "official" writing, such as that required in academia. And for another thing, I think this will be a generational divide, with those who grew up without "to friend" as a verb generally not using it in regular parlance.
As to "to Facebook," it's not going to be even as much accepted as "to friend" might be. Generally, trademarked item names that have entered the language and have survived in common usage are for items in a general class of commonly used things. Thus, many people today tell you to go get a kleenex when you sneeze, even if that isn't the brand of tissues you use. The same used to be true for the items that keep food cold in your kitchen--for decades those items were referred to as fridgidaires, no matter whose brand they were. A lot of people, when asked if they would like a cup of coffee, will respond with "Do you have Sanka?" It's not that they are asking for that brand in particular; they are asking if you have decaffeinated coffee available. Could be the time of day, but I'm having trouble thinking of even one product that has come into the language as a verb other than "to hoover" as a substitute for "to vacuum."
My students looked at me with disbelief when I gave them my opinion. And they were totally disbelieving when I told them that 20+ years from now they will find themselves in the awkward position of having to explain to their own kids and grandkids just what Facebook was. It's a fad, and like other fads in the past, it will have its time and pass into oblivion. No one wants to hear that the world they count on being there may only be temporary. I left them with this thought: Do you believe that technology has reached its zenith? Do you believe that all that is possible to be invented has already been invented? Do you believe that computers as presently constituted are the end of the line? Is there something better, something different beyond computers as we understand them today?
Perhaps I should have given them that old saying I grew up with: here today, gone tomorrow. If it could happen to me, it can happen to them.
Just a little note on all that "friending" that goes on and wanting everyone to "friend" you.
Be thou the first true merit to befriend; His praise is lost who stays till all commend.
Alexander Pope
Showing posts with label vocabulary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vocabulary. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Errr What?
Thanks to multiple generations living at the same time, we get some rather funny English language usage. Two examples come to mind.
Jacob did a post recommending the debut album for Shua Kessin. Album? Someone is still putting out 33-1/3rpm albums? Nah, didn't think so. But the word still being used is album. For my generation that denotes a record, clearly not what can be being referred to here.
The other example is one I point out to my students. Get online and go to your email page. Under the from/to/date/subject you will find "cc" and sometimes "bcc." I ask my students what this indicates. Some of them know this means you are sending a copy of the email to someone other than the person in the "to" space. So I ask them "Why cc then? Why not just c or maybe the word copy?" And then I explain to them what "cc" meant and still means to millions of living people--carbon copy. And then I have to explain typewriters and sheets of carbon paper. There is a certain irony in having technologically advanced tools such as a computer and the Internet using the abbreviation for a product long gone obsolete. They could envision and design and produce computers and email but their thoughts stopped cold at what to title the line for sending copies?
Note: there can also be some cross generational, cross speaker confusion when more than one language is involved. G6 posted some pictures of bathroom doors in Switzerland. In one picture a dooris marked as WC. I am going to guess that native speakers of American English are going to look at this marking and get confused. The WC does not refer to a woman's bathroom but stands for Water Closet, the British word for what we call a bathroom. The marking "closet" has nothing to do with hanging up your clothes--pronounce it closet (accent on the last syllable), and again, it refers to the room where the toilet is, as opposed to the "badeh tzimmer," where the bathtub is. Yiddish speakers here in the US can get strange looks if they use "closet" to refer to the bathroom. I remember once having a friend ask me why my mother would excuse herself to use the closet. My parents eventually dropped using both German/Yiddish words, particularly since American bathrooms do not, for the most part, get divided into two separate rooms, one for the toilet and one for the bathing area.
Jacob did a post recommending the debut album for Shua Kessin. Album? Someone is still putting out 33-1/3rpm albums? Nah, didn't think so. But the word still being used is album. For my generation that denotes a record, clearly not what can be being referred to here.
The other example is one I point out to my students. Get online and go to your email page. Under the from/to/date/subject you will find "cc" and sometimes "bcc." I ask my students what this indicates. Some of them know this means you are sending a copy of the email to someone other than the person in the "to" space. So I ask them "Why cc then? Why not just c or maybe the word copy?" And then I explain to them what "cc" meant and still means to millions of living people--carbon copy. And then I have to explain typewriters and sheets of carbon paper. There is a certain irony in having technologically advanced tools such as a computer and the Internet using the abbreviation for a product long gone obsolete. They could envision and design and produce computers and email but their thoughts stopped cold at what to title the line for sending copies?
Note: there can also be some cross generational, cross speaker confusion when more than one language is involved. G6 posted some pictures of bathroom doors in Switzerland. In one picture a dooris marked as WC. I am going to guess that native speakers of American English are going to look at this marking and get confused. The WC does not refer to a woman's bathroom but stands for Water Closet, the British word for what we call a bathroom. The marking "closet" has nothing to do with hanging up your clothes--pronounce it closet (accent on the last syllable), and again, it refers to the room where the toilet is, as opposed to the "badeh tzimmer," where the bathtub is. Yiddish speakers here in the US can get strange looks if they use "closet" to refer to the bathroom. I remember once having a friend ask me why my mother would excuse herself to use the closet. My parents eventually dropped using both German/Yiddish words, particularly since American bathrooms do not, for the most part, get divided into two separate rooms, one for the toilet and one for the bathing area.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Why English Teachers Get Grey Hairs
I just fielded the sixth call for one of my children that began "Can I speak to____ please." One I could have dealt with--six was just too many.
There are two words in English that are usable when discussing whether or not something will be done by someone. One of the words is "can": the other is "may."
When you are making a request to speak with someone, the word to use is "may." "Can" has to do with your ability--physical, mental, emotional--to be able to do something.
When you say "May I introduce you to______?" you are asking for permission. The same thing for "May I speak to______?" But when you say "Can I speak to______?" you are going to get this response from me: "I don't know. Can you?"
School has yet to start and I am already getting irked by the grammar and usage groaners that are flying fast and furious. Come on, it's not as if I'm insisting that you use ineluctable correctly.*** Two simple words: can and may.
***Yes, ineluctable. A student last fall, in talking about a particular candidate for public office whom he did not feel stood a chance at getting elected, wrote that the candidate was ineluctable, so not the meaning he wanted to convey. What he wanted was unelectable. Ineluctable means incapable of being evaded; inescapable;inevitable; unavoidable. And as it would turn out, that candidate was, indeed, ineluctable. I, like that student, would so much more have preferred that the candidate be unelectable.
There are two words in English that are usable when discussing whether or not something will be done by someone. One of the words is "can": the other is "may."
When you are making a request to speak with someone, the word to use is "may." "Can" has to do with your ability--physical, mental, emotional--to be able to do something.
When you say "May I introduce you to______?" you are asking for permission. The same thing for "May I speak to______?" But when you say "Can I speak to______?" you are going to get this response from me: "I don't know. Can you?"
School has yet to start and I am already getting irked by the grammar and usage groaners that are flying fast and furious. Come on, it's not as if I'm insisting that you use ineluctable correctly.*** Two simple words: can and may.
***Yes, ineluctable. A student last fall, in talking about a particular candidate for public office whom he did not feel stood a chance at getting elected, wrote that the candidate was ineluctable, so not the meaning he wanted to convey. What he wanted was unelectable. Ineluctable means incapable of being evaded; inescapable;inevitable; unavoidable. And as it would turn out, that candidate was, indeed, ineluctable. I, like that student, would so much more have preferred that the candidate be unelectable.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
The Bathroom is for Other Things too
I was teaching in a comprehensive immersion program for ESL students. Although we were in class 30 hours a week there needed to be language learning taking place outside of school as well. The following was one of my recommendations and it works well also for non-ESL people who would like to improve their vocabulary.
We human beings spend an awful lot of time in the bathroom. Let's not "waste" all of it. If you are brushing your teeth the recommended number of times a day and for the recommended amount of time, then you have a perfect vocabulary learning situation. Make up a small index card with new words on them that you feel you should know or that would be beneficial to know. (Plenty of word lists on the Internet that "educated" people are supposed to know. Try the GRE word lists or the PSAT word lists or the SAT word lists.) Put on the definition, an example of how the word is used and any synonyms or antonyms the dictionary gives you. Tape that card to the side of your bathroom mirror. Instead of staring at yourself while brushing, memorize some vocabulary. Leave each card up for a day or two if you need to. Then put up another card. If you are a "fast" learner, tape up two cards.
In addition, try to find situations where you can use that new word on the day you are learning it. Linguistic wisdom holds that if you use a word 5 times it is yours for life. Drop the word into conversation at the family dinner table. See how many places you can locate that word in the printed material that you read each day.
Learning is not limited to the schoolroom. Even the lowly bathroom can be an educational tool.
We human beings spend an awful lot of time in the bathroom. Let's not "waste" all of it. If you are brushing your teeth the recommended number of times a day and for the recommended amount of time, then you have a perfect vocabulary learning situation. Make up a small index card with new words on them that you feel you should know or that would be beneficial to know. (Plenty of word lists on the Internet that "educated" people are supposed to know. Try the GRE word lists or the PSAT word lists or the SAT word lists.) Put on the definition, an example of how the word is used and any synonyms or antonyms the dictionary gives you. Tape that card to the side of your bathroom mirror. Instead of staring at yourself while brushing, memorize some vocabulary. Leave each card up for a day or two if you need to. Then put up another card. If you are a "fast" learner, tape up two cards.
In addition, try to find situations where you can use that new word on the day you are learning it. Linguistic wisdom holds that if you use a word 5 times it is yours for life. Drop the word into conversation at the family dinner table. See how many places you can locate that word in the printed material that you read each day.
Learning is not limited to the schoolroom. Even the lowly bathroom can be an educational tool.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
An English PUNdit
For those who appreciate the strange things we sometimes say when we speak and write I found the following site that might give you a lift.
http://www.innocentenglish.com/
Just as a sample, here are the top ten best puns of all time:
1. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
2. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.
3. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
4. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
5. She used to have a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off.
6. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
7. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.
10. Did you hear about the guy who emailed ten puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh? Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
http://www.innocentenglish.com/
Just as a sample, here are the top ten best puns of all time:
1. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
2. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’.
3. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
4. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).
5. She used to have a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off.
6. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
7. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.
10. Did you hear about the guy who emailed ten puns to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh? Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Foibles of English Writers
There is sometimes a huge difference between what we think we said or wrote and what we may have actually written or spoken. The following are a good reason for insisting on proofreading.
Did I read that sign right?TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so)ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet:IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Friday, July 11, 2008
Muddying the Verbal Waters
I've put up a number of postings about expanding our vocabularies. We too often opt for a general place-holder word instead of finding a word that says what we specifically want to say. It is also true that in trying to find a "nice" way to say things we often create confusion. And then there are those who write about what are fairly simple, ordinary topics but want to make them seem more important then they are. We've all seen examples of "legalese" that make us want to scratch our heads. There is also "business-ese."
The following examples deal with subject matter that is fairly simple; yet, the language and writing is such that the meaning of the passages is becoming lost in a sea of “I-know-lots-of-big-vocabulary-words-and-I-can-prove-it-to-you-itis.” I use these examples with my business writing classes to point out that there needs to be a balance between simple language that can be too vague and complex language that can be too confusing. What is the plain meaning of each of the passages?
Pending further deliberations based on extensive collaborative research and inquiry, it would not be prudent at this time to speculate as to the possible future outcome of the program under review. It is, therefore, strongly recommended that students not be channeled into the aforementioned programs unless they are advised that a certainty exists that said programs may have changes established that would seriously disadvantage those whose assumptions are that the program will remain as presently structured throughout the duration of their school attendance.
Barring any unforeseen circumstances, it is believed that all scheduled appearances as previously documented and entered into the required electronic records of appointments will come to fruition.
Because the tensile strength of the chemically engineered substance nylon has fluctuating variations that make it sensitive to outside disturbances, care must be exercised to avoid contact between the substance and abrasive or corrosive agents which might inflict damage upon it.
There does not exist at present, as documented in the professional literature and based upon extensive and comprehensive research, a true and binding correlation between the ingestion of comestibles falling into the class known as “non-nutritive menu components,” which do not actively and positively contribute to the essentials of human nutrition as set down in the precepts established by the Federal Food and Drug Administration, and disorders of the derma that fall into the established category of acne, although some documentation would seem to point to such a correlation. It would be our recommendation that care should be exercised when including such products, as further research is ongoing which may show associative patterns.
It is possible to conclude that other factors besides atmospheric hyper hydro-oxygenation may contribute to increased levels of body fluid being released through the process of pore retro-hydration, particularly as influenced by seasonal and atmospheric fluctuations and variations, as well as hyper-kinesis as may be found in athletic endeavors.
I'll give you a hint on this last one. In Victorian times ladies who had the particular condition described were described as "glowing" or "glistening." The plain, Anglo-Saxon term was considered as rather too vulgar to apply to people.
The following examples deal with subject matter that is fairly simple; yet, the language and writing is such that the meaning of the passages is becoming lost in a sea of “I-know-lots-of-big-vocabulary-words-and-I-can-prove-it-to-you-itis.” I use these examples with my business writing classes to point out that there needs to be a balance between simple language that can be too vague and complex language that can be too confusing. What is the plain meaning of each of the passages?
Pending further deliberations based on extensive collaborative research and inquiry, it would not be prudent at this time to speculate as to the possible future outcome of the program under review. It is, therefore, strongly recommended that students not be channeled into the aforementioned programs unless they are advised that a certainty exists that said programs may have changes established that would seriously disadvantage those whose assumptions are that the program will remain as presently structured throughout the duration of their school attendance.
Barring any unforeseen circumstances, it is believed that all scheduled appearances as previously documented and entered into the required electronic records of appointments will come to fruition.
Because the tensile strength of the chemically engineered substance nylon has fluctuating variations that make it sensitive to outside disturbances, care must be exercised to avoid contact between the substance and abrasive or corrosive agents which might inflict damage upon it.
There does not exist at present, as documented in the professional literature and based upon extensive and comprehensive research, a true and binding correlation between the ingestion of comestibles falling into the class known as “non-nutritive menu components,” which do not actively and positively contribute to the essentials of human nutrition as set down in the precepts established by the Federal Food and Drug Administration, and disorders of the derma that fall into the established category of acne, although some documentation would seem to point to such a correlation. It would be our recommendation that care should be exercised when including such products, as further research is ongoing which may show associative patterns.
It is possible to conclude that other factors besides atmospheric hyper hydro-oxygenation may contribute to increased levels of body fluid being released through the process of pore retro-hydration, particularly as influenced by seasonal and atmospheric fluctuations and variations, as well as hyper-kinesis as may be found in athletic endeavors.
I'll give you a hint on this last one. In Victorian times ladies who had the particular condition described were described as "glowing" or "glistening." The plain, Anglo-Saxon term was considered as rather too vulgar to apply to people.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
The Cold Blooded Murder of the English Tongue
There were some truly wonderful musicals that were popular when I was younger, many of which still maintain their popularity today. One set of lyrics in particular could just as well be entitled "The English Teacher Anthem." They do it so well, so I'll let Lerner and Loewe make my points for me. (Emphasis in bold is mine.)
WHY CAN'T THE ENGLISH?
From "My Fair Lady"(Alan Jay Lerner / Frederick Loewe)
Rex Harrison - 1956
Harrison: Look at her, a victim of the gutters,
Condemned by every syllable she utters.
By right she should be taken out and hung,
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue.
(Meow!) Heavens, what a sound!
This is what the English population,
Calls an elementary education.
Bystander: Come sir, I think you've picked a poor example.
Harrison: Did I?
Hear them down in Soho Square,
Dropping "H's" everywhere,
Speaking any way they like.
You sir, did you go to school?
Bystander: Whatta tyke me for, a fool?
Harrison: No one taught him "take" instead of "tyke".
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse,
Hear a Cornishman converse.
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat.
Just like this one. (Garn!)
I ask you sir, what sort of word is that?
It's Au and Garn that keep her in her place
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face.
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak.
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique.
If you spoke sir, instead of the way you do,
Why you might be selling flowers too.
Bystander: I beg your pardon.
Harrison: An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him.
The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him.
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get.
Oh why can't the English learn to set
a good example to people who's English is painful to your ears?
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears.
There are even places where English completely disappears.
Well, in America they haven't used it for years.
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
Norwegians learn Norwegian, the Greeks are taught their Greek.
In France every Frenchman knows his language from A to Zed.
The French don't care what they do, actually,
As long as they pronounce it properly.
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning,
And Hebrews learn it backward which is absolutely frightening.
If you use proper English you're regarded as a freak.
Oh why can't the English,
why can't the English learn to speak!
WHY CAN'T THE ENGLISH?
From "My Fair Lady"(Alan Jay Lerner / Frederick Loewe)
Rex Harrison - 1956
Harrison: Look at her, a victim of the gutters,
Condemned by every syllable she utters.
By right she should be taken out and hung,
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue.
(Meow!) Heavens, what a sound!
This is what the English population,
Calls an elementary education.
Bystander: Come sir, I think you've picked a poor example.
Harrison: Did I?
Hear them down in Soho Square,
Dropping "H's" everywhere,
Speaking any way they like.
You sir, did you go to school?
Bystander: Whatta tyke me for, a fool?
Harrison: No one taught him "take" instead of "tyke".
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse,
Hear a Cornishman converse.
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat.
Just like this one. (Garn!)
I ask you sir, what sort of word is that?
It's Au and Garn that keep her in her place
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face.
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak.
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique.
If you spoke sir, instead of the way you do,
Why you might be selling flowers too.
Bystander: I beg your pardon.
Harrison: An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him.
The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him.
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get.
Oh why can't the English learn to set
a good example to people who's English is painful to your ears?
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears.
There are even places where English completely disappears.
Well, in America they haven't used it for years.
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
Norwegians learn Norwegian, the Greeks are taught their Greek.
In France every Frenchman knows his language from A to Zed.
The French don't care what they do, actually,
As long as they pronounce it properly.
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning,
And Hebrews learn it backward which is absolutely frightening.
If you use proper English you're regarded as a freak.
Oh why can't the English,
why can't the English learn to speak!
Friday, July 4, 2008
How do I Love/Like Thee? Let me Count the Ways
“Oooh, I like that!” someone squeals in a department store, at a party, at a concert, at the dinner table—just about anywhere you can think of. But what do they mean when they say they like something? Is liking something the same like as when you like someone? “Oooh, I love your hair!” someone else squeals. Are they having unnatural urges towards your hair? What does love mean? What does like mean? Like the words nice and good, like and love have become overused. Think of what you really are feeling about someone/something and find a specific word to convey your feelings.
Some of the possible choices to replace like and love are:
Enjoy, relish, fancy, prefer, appreciate, savor, treasure, desire, cherish, value, fancy, dote (on or upon), worship, exalt, idolize, revere, venerate, adore, favor, admire, prize, enjoy, esteem, relish, choose, want, care for, sanction, delight in, countenance, hold with, approve, prefer, endorse, am fond of, gravitate towards, be partial to, have a penchant for, have a predilection for, be pleased by, be devoted to, have enthusiasm for, have an inclination towards.
Remember, the words in the list are synonyms for like and love—they are not exact duplicates in meaning. You need to consult a dictionary to find the exact meaning of the words in the list; only in this way will you know whether a particular word can replace like or love in a particular sentence. There are many more possibilities besides the ones in the list—think of what meaning you want and then go searching for a word that gives that meaning.
Some of the possible choices to replace like and love are:
Enjoy, relish, fancy, prefer, appreciate, savor, treasure, desire, cherish, value, fancy, dote (on or upon), worship, exalt, idolize, revere, venerate, adore, favor, admire, prize, enjoy, esteem, relish, choose, want, care for, sanction, delight in, countenance, hold with, approve, prefer, endorse, am fond of, gravitate towards, be partial to, have a penchant for, have a predilection for, be pleased by, be devoted to, have enthusiasm for, have an inclination towards.
Remember, the words in the list are synonyms for like and love—they are not exact duplicates in meaning. You need to consult a dictionary to find the exact meaning of the words in the list; only in this way will you know whether a particular word can replace like or love in a particular sentence. There are many more possibilities besides the ones in the list—think of what meaning you want and then go searching for a word that gives that meaning.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Walk, walk, and more walk
Unless we are comatose, we all perform the movement of walking every day. But do we spend all our moving time walking? Don’t we sometimes stroll? Is it possible that we run some of the time? Perhaps we even skip. The word walk is a general term that refers to standing upright and placing one foot in front of the other in a forward direction. It does not always convey the specific information that we want to give to a reader.
Example: John has a broken leg with a cast on it. He cannot put the broken leg flat on the floor. To get from his bed to his desk, would we say he walked? Wouldn’t it be more precise to say that he hopped? Or perhaps hobbled?
Example: Robert needs to be on the 8:00 a.m. bus to Manhattan. It is now 7:55. The bus stop is three blocks away. Is Robert going to walk to the bus stop? Wouldn’t it be more precise to say that he ran or dashed to the bus stop?
Example: You discover a previously undiscovered tunnel in the side of a mountain. You want to give the reader the idea that the tunnel is not very tall. If you say that you walked through the entrance, then the tunnel’s ceiling is higher than your height. If you say you crawled, the reader automatically knows that the ceiling height was too low for you to stand up straight.
Example: John has a broken leg with a cast on it. He cannot put the broken leg flat on the floor. To get from his bed to his desk, would we say he walked? Wouldn’t it be more precise to say that he hopped? Or perhaps hobbled?
Example: Robert needs to be on the 8:00 a.m. bus to Manhattan. It is now 7:55. The bus stop is three blocks away. Is Robert going to walk to the bus stop? Wouldn’t it be more precise to say that he ran or dashed to the bus stop?
Example: You discover a previously undiscovered tunnel in the side of a mountain. You want to give the reader the idea that the tunnel is not very tall. If you say that you walked through the entrance, then the tunnel’s ceiling is higher than your height. If you say you crawled, the reader automatically knows that the ceiling height was too low for you to stand up straight.
Some words to replace walk are:
amble, ambulate, bobble, careen, circuit, cross, dally, exercise, flounce, foot, gait, hike, jaunt, limp, lumber, march, mince, mosey, move, pace, parade, patrol, pedestrianize, perambulate, peregrinate, plod, prance, promenade, ramble, ramp, roam, rove, sashay, saunter, shuffle, sidle, slink, step, stretch, stride, stroll, strut, swagger, toddle, totter, trade, trail, traipse, tramp, travel, traverse, tread, trudge, turn, tiptoe, waddle, wade, wander. Sometimes you scamper. Sometimes you bustle, dart, dash, flit, harry, hasten, hie, hurry, hustle, race, run, rush, scoot, scuttle, skedaddle, speed, sprint, whisk. Other times you bolt, gallop, glide, hurry, hustle, jog, lope, pace, pursue, race, rush, scoot, scurry, scutter,skedaddle,spurt, stampede,traverse, trot. There are times you dawdle, loiter, meander, pace, ramble, rove, saunter.
Keep in mind that not all of these words can be substituted one for the other. When in doubt, look up the meaning.
A note to moms: If you want to teach your children vocabulary and also get them to move around, let them "illustrate" the walk words above by actually performing them.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Mayhem and Murder: Eliminating Said
Think about conversations you have had with a wide variety of people, in a wide variety of situations. Think about conversations you have overheard between other people. How did you know what was meant in the conversations? How did you understand not only the meaning of the words but also the feelings of the speaker? You may have used a number of devices and methods to help you.
First, you were seeing the speaker. What was his/her physical posture like? What did his/her face look like? What were his/her hands doing? What gestures did he/she use? Observe closer. Was he/she sweating? Was he/she pale? Flushed? Was his/her head up or down? Did he/she look you straight in the eye or was he/she looking away? How close to you was he/she standing? What were his/her facial expressions like?
Second, you were listening to the speaker’s voice. Was it steady? Was it high pitched or low pitched? Was the speech full of hesitation? Did the voice change at any point in the conversation?
Third, you were listening to the actual words spoken. What did the words mean—their denotation? Did all the words seem to fit together? Were some words used differently then you are accustomed to hearing them used? Did the words seem to fit what you already knew about the person speaking them? Did the words seem to fit the situation? Did the words raise questions in your mind about what was meant? Did the words seem appropriate for the speaker?
Fourth, you were using the first three to come to a conclusion about the conversation—by adding up the three parts you were able to question whether the words were supposed to be taken literally or if there was a different meaning intended.
But what if you weren't physically present? There is a difference between experiencing someone’s saying “I feel wonderful” and being able to verify that or interpret that or reject that because you are right there, a part of the conversation or a direct observer of the conversation, and reading “I feel wonderful,” he said. When you read that statement, you have fewer tools to evaluate it. A good writer has to provide clues to the reader that will give the reader some of the same experience that he would have if he were really a part of the conversation.
One way to help the reader is to use specific words to paint vivid, detailed pictures. Replace the general with the exact. One such word that needs replacing is the word “said.” Just telling me that a person said something gives me no information to enable me to understand what is going on.
What do people really do when they “say” things? Here are some of the things that they do---
Confide, breathe, whisper, hint, insinuate, infer, intimate, suggest, present, bestow, plead, allege, proffer, submit, demonstrate, observe, evince, illustrate, manifest, proclaim, disclose, divulge, offer, lay out, reveal, add, unveil, note, express, phrase, put, state, disclose, tell, report, enunciate, announce, note, declare, emphasize, proclaim, pronounce, imply, communicate, utter, bring out, chime in, declare, deliver, comment, remark, cite, quote, recite, repeat, affirm, assert, aver, avow, protest, indicate. They also groan, giggle, titter, laugh, cry, scream, yell, shout, chortle, chuckle, guffaw, snicker, murmur, vocalize, mutter, report, roar, snap, yelp, bawl, cry, hiss, howl, whine, yelp, cajole, petition, shriek, screech, shrill, sneer, joke, ridicule, taunt, drone, pontificate, lecture and inform. (If you like your words in alphabetical order, try the list below.)
Using these words allows us to form a mental picture of what really was being “said.” It tells us how the reader said something and possibly even why. These words add “sound” to the muteness of pen on paper.
So, one way to bury said forever is to substitute a more specific, more vivid word. Another way is to use description to let us know what is going on, and then give us the direct words of the speaker without a “said” word.
#1
He leaned close to me, so close that I could feel his breath stirring my eyelashes. His eyes bored straight into mine. I could feel his right hand, still holding the knife, caress my cheek. “I want the money now.”
OR
“I want the money now,” he threatened.
OR
“I want the money now,” he growled menacingly.
#2
He stood uncertainly in front of the desk. His nervousness betrayed itself in the rhythmic brushing of his hand up and down his thigh. He wasn’t really looking at me but at some point over my shoulder. His voice, when it finally emerged, held a note of quiet desperation. “I want the money now.”
OR
“I want the money now,” he pleaded.
OR
“I want the money now,” he begged.
OR
“I want the money now,” he whispered shakily.
Become intimately acquainted with a dictionary and thesaurus. There are thousands of words locked up between the covers yearning to breath free—break their bonds!
Here lies Said
Buried and Unsung
0—2008
Rest in Peace
Words to Replace Said:
Accused
Acknowledged
Admitted
Advised
Affirmed
Alleged
Announced
Answered
Argued
Articulated
Asked
Asserted
Attested
Authenticated
Averred
Babbled
Barked
Begged
Bellowed
Bellyached
Beseeched
Boasted
Bragged
Cackled
Called
Challenged
Charged
Chattered
Cheered
Chided
Chirped
Chuckled
Claimed
Clarified
Commanded
Commented
Confessed
Confided
Confirmed
Conjectured
Contended
Conveyed
Contradicted
Cooed cried criticized
Croaked
Declared
Delivered
Demanded
Denied
Denounced
Disagreed
Disclosed
Disputed
Divulged
Effervesced
Emphasized
Enunciated
Espoused
Exclaimed
Explained
Explicated
Expounded
Fumed
Fussed
Gasped
Giggled
Gossiped
Griped
Groaned
Grumbled
Grunted
Gurgled
Gushed
Harangued
Harped
Hissed
Hollered
Howled
Inquired
Insisted
Instructed
Interjected
Interpreted
Interrogated
Interrupted
Laughed
Lectured
Maintained
Mentioned
Moaned
Mouthed
Mumbled
Murmured
Mused
Muttered
Nagged
Objected
Observed
Ordered
Persuaded
Pleaded
Pledged
Pondered
Prattled
Prayed
Predicated
Predicted
Proclaimed
Professed
Promised
Pronounced
Proposed
Protested
Quipped
Quoted
Rambled
Ran at the mouth
Rattled on
Raved
Recalled
Recapitulated
Recited
Reiterated
Rejoiced
Relented
Remarked
Repeated
Replied
Reported
Reprimanded
Responded
Retorted
Revealed
Reviewed
Roared
Sang
Sang out
Sassed
Screamed
Shouted
Shrieked
Slurred
Snarled
Speculated
Spoke
Sputtered
Stammered
Stated
Stuttered
Suggested
Summarized
Talked
Tattled
Teased
Tempted
Testified
Told
Translated
Uttered
Verified
Vowed
Wheezed
Whined
Whimpered
Whispered
Yelled
First, you were seeing the speaker. What was his/her physical posture like? What did his/her face look like? What were his/her hands doing? What gestures did he/she use? Observe closer. Was he/she sweating? Was he/she pale? Flushed? Was his/her head up or down? Did he/she look you straight in the eye or was he/she looking away? How close to you was he/she standing? What were his/her facial expressions like?
Second, you were listening to the speaker’s voice. Was it steady? Was it high pitched or low pitched? Was the speech full of hesitation? Did the voice change at any point in the conversation?
Third, you were listening to the actual words spoken. What did the words mean—their denotation? Did all the words seem to fit together? Were some words used differently then you are accustomed to hearing them used? Did the words seem to fit what you already knew about the person speaking them? Did the words seem to fit the situation? Did the words raise questions in your mind about what was meant? Did the words seem appropriate for the speaker?
Fourth, you were using the first three to come to a conclusion about the conversation—by adding up the three parts you were able to question whether the words were supposed to be taken literally or if there was a different meaning intended.
But what if you weren't physically present? There is a difference between experiencing someone’s saying “I feel wonderful” and being able to verify that or interpret that or reject that because you are right there, a part of the conversation or a direct observer of the conversation, and reading “I feel wonderful,” he said. When you read that statement, you have fewer tools to evaluate it. A good writer has to provide clues to the reader that will give the reader some of the same experience that he would have if he were really a part of the conversation.
One way to help the reader is to use specific words to paint vivid, detailed pictures. Replace the general with the exact. One such word that needs replacing is the word “said.” Just telling me that a person said something gives me no information to enable me to understand what is going on.
What do people really do when they “say” things? Here are some of the things that they do---
Confide, breathe, whisper, hint, insinuate, infer, intimate, suggest, present, bestow, plead, allege, proffer, submit, demonstrate, observe, evince, illustrate, manifest, proclaim, disclose, divulge, offer, lay out, reveal, add, unveil, note, express, phrase, put, state, disclose, tell, report, enunciate, announce, note, declare, emphasize, proclaim, pronounce, imply, communicate, utter, bring out, chime in, declare, deliver, comment, remark, cite, quote, recite, repeat, affirm, assert, aver, avow, protest, indicate. They also groan, giggle, titter, laugh, cry, scream, yell, shout, chortle, chuckle, guffaw, snicker, murmur, vocalize, mutter, report, roar, snap, yelp, bawl, cry, hiss, howl, whine, yelp, cajole, petition, shriek, screech, shrill, sneer, joke, ridicule, taunt, drone, pontificate, lecture and inform. (If you like your words in alphabetical order, try the list below.)
Using these words allows us to form a mental picture of what really was being “said.” It tells us how the reader said something and possibly even why. These words add “sound” to the muteness of pen on paper.
So, one way to bury said forever is to substitute a more specific, more vivid word. Another way is to use description to let us know what is going on, and then give us the direct words of the speaker without a “said” word.
#1
He leaned close to me, so close that I could feel his breath stirring my eyelashes. His eyes bored straight into mine. I could feel his right hand, still holding the knife, caress my cheek. “I want the money now.”
OR
“I want the money now,” he threatened.
OR
“I want the money now,” he growled menacingly.
#2
He stood uncertainly in front of the desk. His nervousness betrayed itself in the rhythmic brushing of his hand up and down his thigh. He wasn’t really looking at me but at some point over my shoulder. His voice, when it finally emerged, held a note of quiet desperation. “I want the money now.”
OR
“I want the money now,” he pleaded.
OR
“I want the money now,” he begged.
OR
“I want the money now,” he whispered shakily.
Become intimately acquainted with a dictionary and thesaurus. There are thousands of words locked up between the covers yearning to breath free—break their bonds!
Here lies Said
Buried and Unsung
0—2008
Rest in Peace
Words to Replace Said:
Accused
Acknowledged
Admitted
Advised
Affirmed
Alleged
Announced
Answered
Argued
Articulated
Asked
Asserted
Attested
Authenticated
Averred
Babbled
Barked
Begged
Bellowed
Bellyached
Beseeched
Boasted
Bragged
Cackled
Called
Challenged
Charged
Chattered
Cheered
Chided
Chirped
Chuckled
Claimed
Clarified
Commanded
Commented
Confessed
Confided
Confirmed
Conjectured
Contended
Conveyed
Contradicted
Cooed cried criticized
Croaked
Declared
Delivered
Demanded
Denied
Denounced
Disagreed
Disclosed
Disputed
Divulged
Effervesced
Emphasized
Enunciated
Espoused
Exclaimed
Explained
Explicated
Expounded
Fumed
Fussed
Gasped
Giggled
Gossiped
Griped
Groaned
Grumbled
Grunted
Gurgled
Gushed
Harangued
Harped
Hissed
Hollered
Howled
Inquired
Insisted
Instructed
Interjected
Interpreted
Interrogated
Interrupted
Laughed
Lectured
Maintained
Mentioned
Moaned
Mouthed
Mumbled
Murmured
Mused
Muttered
Nagged
Objected
Observed
Ordered
Persuaded
Pleaded
Pledged
Pondered
Prattled
Prayed
Predicated
Predicted
Proclaimed
Professed
Promised
Pronounced
Proposed
Protested
Quipped
Quoted
Rambled
Ran at the mouth
Rattled on
Raved
Recalled
Recapitulated
Recited
Reiterated
Rejoiced
Relented
Remarked
Repeated
Replied
Reported
Reprimanded
Responded
Retorted
Revealed
Reviewed
Roared
Sang
Sang out
Sassed
Screamed
Shouted
Shrieked
Slurred
Snarled
Speculated
Spoke
Sputtered
Stammered
Stated
Stuttered
Suggested
Summarized
Talked
Tattled
Teased
Tempted
Testified
Told
Translated
Uttered
Verified
Vowed
Wheezed
Whined
Whimpered
Whispered
Yelled
Friday, June 20, 2008
When Nice is Nice
Thanks to Leahle for her comment in which she asked whether or not there are any situations where good or nice would be appropriate. Yes, there are a few, a very few such situations.
The same question came up in one of my graduate courses, and the following was my answer.
Of Nice and Men
An Ode Abjuring Clarity
- - - Prof K
Alas, he swallowed a thesaurus
For, heaven forfend, he mustn’t bore us
Nor commit that cardinal vice—
Egregious use of the forbidden word “nice.”
Long nights he labored, drenched in perspiration,
Awaiting divine locutionary inspiration.
Oft bleary eyed, persistently he created,
With palsied digits and breath quite bated,
Until, perchance, his recalcitrant muse
Who had heaped upon him abundant abuse,
Relented sufficiently from her denigration
To allow, at last, creative elation.
And thus it transpired that both juvenile or valitudinous
His characters palavered in utterances multitudinous
Acquiring verbal lock-jaw along the way.
Declaiming in periods pretentiously enlightening,
In stentorian accents quite ludicrously frightening,
When all that was required was, “Have a nice day.”
The same question came up in one of my graduate courses, and the following was my answer.
Of Nice and Men
An Ode Abjuring Clarity
- - - Prof K
Alas, he swallowed a thesaurus
For, heaven forfend, he mustn’t bore us
Nor commit that cardinal vice—
Egregious use of the forbidden word “nice.”
Long nights he labored, drenched in perspiration,
Awaiting divine locutionary inspiration.
Oft bleary eyed, persistently he created,
With palsied digits and breath quite bated,
Until, perchance, his recalcitrant muse
Who had heaped upon him abundant abuse,
Relented sufficiently from her denigration
To allow, at last, creative elation.
And thus it transpired that both juvenile or valitudinous
His characters palavered in utterances multitudinous
Acquiring verbal lock-jaw along the way.
Declaiming in periods pretentiously enlightening,
In stentorian accents quite ludicrously frightening,
When all that was required was, “Have a nice day.”
Murder and Mayhem—Eliminating Good and Nice
There are instances of words that have outlived their usefulness: good and nice are two such words. They have been so overused that whatever specific meaning they may once have had is long gone. They have become “placeholders”—words that fill in in some hazy, general way for a more specific word that we have not thought of yet, or are too lazy to think of. Our job is to give these words a decent burial so that the “real” words can finally come to light.
The following is fairly typical of how good and nice are used in writing and speaking.
When I woke up this morning I could tell it was going to be a good day. I glanced out the window and the weather was nice. I took a long shower, which made me feel good. Then I stared into my closet; I was looking for something nice to wear. Finally I settled on my good denim skirt and my new t-shirt. I got a good bargain on that shirt; it looks much nicer than you would think for the price that I paid for it. Besides, the look didn’t matter as much as the good feeling that wearing new clothes gives me.
Since it is a good idea to eat breakfast every day, I grabbed a coke and a doughnut as I ran out the door to school. A surprise awaited me at school—my first class had been canceled. That’s always a nice thing to hear on a Monday morning. I headed for the cafeteria to find my friends.
“Sarah,” I yelled, when I spotted her. “How was the vort? Was it good?”
Sarah waved as she came toward me. “It was really, really nice. I can’t remember having such a good time before.”
“What was so good about it, Sarah?” asked Rivka as she came over. “ I didn’t think it was a nice vort at all.”
“Why didn’t you have a good time?” Sarah asked. “I thought the food was good, and the music was definitely good. And the people? They were more than good.”
“Good for you maybe,” Rivka complained. “What’s so good about getting food poisoning from the sushi? Or finding out that the girl you thought was being so nice to you is only being that way because she wants to marry your brother?”
Here are just some of the possible words that you can substitute for good.
Righteous, upright, virtuous, honest, true, just, benevolent, moral, chaste, pure, fine, incorruptible, unspotted, untainted, sinless, stainless, tasty, scrumptious, honorable, conscientious, sound, serviceable, real, valid, reputable, proper, fit, suitable, useful, valuable, agreeable, pleasant, satisfying, satisfactory, complete, strong, reliable, healthy, invigorating, nutritious, appropriate, gratifying.
Here are just some of the possible words that you can substitute for nice.
Fine, handsome, pretty, comely, beautiful, lovely, attractive, fascination, captivating, exquisite, dainty, refined, delicate, charming, fair, graceful, elegant, good-looking, well-formed, pleasing, amiable, agreeable, winning, winsome, precise, particular, fastidious, exact, correct.
Since nice and good are sometimes used interchangeably, the words in the two lists above may also fit the intended meaning of either nice or good.
Each of the words above has a specific meaning and usage—look up a word in the dictionary if you are not sure of exactly what it means or how it is used. Remember that a synonym is not an exact replacement for a given word in all possible circumstances of usage.
Note: Anyone who thinks that nice and good don't need replacing should try being a shadchan and having the following conversation with a single.
Shadchan: So, how was the date?
She: It was nice.
Shadchan: I see. What was the boy like?
She: He was nice.
Shadchan: You went out to eat?
She: Yeah, but the place wasn't so good.
Shadchan: Did you at least get to converse with him?
She: Yeah, the conversation was good.
Shadchan: So, would you go out with him again?
She: No, I don't think so.
The following is fairly typical of how good and nice are used in writing and speaking.
When I woke up this morning I could tell it was going to be a good day. I glanced out the window and the weather was nice. I took a long shower, which made me feel good. Then I stared into my closet; I was looking for something nice to wear. Finally I settled on my good denim skirt and my new t-shirt. I got a good bargain on that shirt; it looks much nicer than you would think for the price that I paid for it. Besides, the look didn’t matter as much as the good feeling that wearing new clothes gives me.
Since it is a good idea to eat breakfast every day, I grabbed a coke and a doughnut as I ran out the door to school. A surprise awaited me at school—my first class had been canceled. That’s always a nice thing to hear on a Monday morning. I headed for the cafeteria to find my friends.
“Sarah,” I yelled, when I spotted her. “How was the vort? Was it good?”
Sarah waved as she came toward me. “It was really, really nice. I can’t remember having such a good time before.”
“What was so good about it, Sarah?” asked Rivka as she came over. “ I didn’t think it was a nice vort at all.”
“Why didn’t you have a good time?” Sarah asked. “I thought the food was good, and the music was definitely good. And the people? They were more than good.”
“Good for you maybe,” Rivka complained. “What’s so good about getting food poisoning from the sushi? Or finding out that the girl you thought was being so nice to you is only being that way because she wants to marry your brother?”
Here are just some of the possible words that you can substitute for good.
Righteous, upright, virtuous, honest, true, just, benevolent, moral, chaste, pure, fine, incorruptible, unspotted, untainted, sinless, stainless, tasty, scrumptious, honorable, conscientious, sound, serviceable, real, valid, reputable, proper, fit, suitable, useful, valuable, agreeable, pleasant, satisfying, satisfactory, complete, strong, reliable, healthy, invigorating, nutritious, appropriate, gratifying.
Here are just some of the possible words that you can substitute for nice.
Fine, handsome, pretty, comely, beautiful, lovely, attractive, fascination, captivating, exquisite, dainty, refined, delicate, charming, fair, graceful, elegant, good-looking, well-formed, pleasing, amiable, agreeable, winning, winsome, precise, particular, fastidious, exact, correct.
Since nice and good are sometimes used interchangeably, the words in the two lists above may also fit the intended meaning of either nice or good.
Each of the words above has a specific meaning and usage—look up a word in the dictionary if you are not sure of exactly what it means or how it is used. Remember that a synonym is not an exact replacement for a given word in all possible circumstances of usage.
Note: Anyone who thinks that nice and good don't need replacing should try being a shadchan and having the following conversation with a single.
Shadchan: So, how was the date?
She: It was nice.
Shadchan: I see. What was the boy like?
She: He was nice.
Shadchan: You went out to eat?
She: Yeah, but the place wasn't so good.
Shadchan: Did you at least get to converse with him?
She: Yeah, the conversation was good.
Shadchan: So, would you go out with him again?
She: No, I don't think so.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Changing Words, Changing Attitudes
Our language shapes the way we think about things, changes the way we act. Some words bring out a positive reaction in a listener; some bring out a negative reaction. Yes, there is emotional baggage that comes with words. Which words we use when speaking and writing can predetermine the attitudes of the listeners and readers to those words.
No one likes to be considered as "cheap." Cheap has a negative connotation in our language. As the dictionary tells us, cheap is "Ungenerously or pettily reluctant to spend money." People who are cheap are also close, close-fisted, costive, hard-fisted, mean, miserly, niggard, niggardly, parsimonious, penny-pinching, penurious, petty, pinching, tight, tightfisted. No one likes being called cheap, so we don't take actions that would bring us the hated label.
But what if we were thrifty instead? The dictionary tells us that "thrifty" is "Economical, careful in the use of material resources." People who are thrifty are also canny, chary, frugal, provident, prudent, saving, sparing. Who doesn't want to be thought of as someone who is careful or prudent? Another definition of "thrifty" is "flourishing," with its synonyms of booming, boomy, prospering, prosperous, roaring, thriving. Anyone who would object to being thought of as thriving or prosperous?
When we talk about making changes that could save us money we would be better off using the word "thrifty" rather than the word "cheap." Being thrifty is something we could wear as a badge of honor; being cheap raises some negative pictures we could do without.
Yes, changing attitudes can be as simple as changing the words we use. So you see, dear readers, I'm not recommending being cheap at all; I'm recommending being prosperous by also being prudent.
No one likes to be considered as "cheap." Cheap has a negative connotation in our language. As the dictionary tells us, cheap is "Ungenerously or pettily reluctant to spend money." People who are cheap are also close, close-fisted, costive, hard-fisted, mean, miserly, niggard, niggardly, parsimonious, penny-pinching, penurious, petty, pinching, tight, tightfisted. No one likes being called cheap, so we don't take actions that would bring us the hated label.
But what if we were thrifty instead? The dictionary tells us that "thrifty" is "Economical, careful in the use of material resources." People who are thrifty are also canny, chary, frugal, provident, prudent, saving, sparing. Who doesn't want to be thought of as someone who is careful or prudent? Another definition of "thrifty" is "flourishing," with its synonyms of booming, boomy, prospering, prosperous, roaring, thriving. Anyone who would object to being thought of as thriving or prosperous?
When we talk about making changes that could save us money we would be better off using the word "thrifty" rather than the word "cheap." Being thrifty is something we could wear as a badge of honor; being cheap raises some negative pictures we could do without.
Yes, changing attitudes can be as simple as changing the words we use. So you see, dear readers, I'm not recommending being cheap at all; I'm recommending being prosperous by also being prudent.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
A Little Note to Readers
School is almost over and some of my classes are already taking exams. Final papers are pouring in and need to be read. This is the part of the term where sane people wonder why they ever went into teaching. I offer this information by way of excuse if it may seem to you that the postings are in the "doom and gloom" mode this week. Matches my mood perfectly.
Allow me to share with you this brief excerpt from a student paper that I was faced with this week and you might understand my mood. The student wrote: "Children go from being tweens into adultery, where more is expected of them." Yes, indeed.
Allow me to share with you this brief excerpt from a student paper that I was faced with this week and you might understand my mood. The student wrote: "Children go from being tweens into adultery, where more is expected of them." Yes, indeed.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
What's in a Name? Plenty.
I have always had a love for language and the etymology of words. So much of the conflict in the middle east seems to center around who is a Palestinian and what is Palestine. A bit of research brought the following to light. It was interesting to me so I decided to share it with you. Sheds a bit of light on the whole "Palestine" debate.
Where did the name Palestine come from?
The name Palestine refers to a region of the eastern Mediterranean coast from the sea to the Jordan valley and from the southern Negev desert to the Galilee lake region in the north. The word itself derives from "Plesheth", a name that appears frequently in the Bible and has come into English as "Philistine." Plesheth, (root palash) was a general term meaning rolling or migratory. This referred to the Philistine's invasion and conquest of the coast from the sea. The Philistines were not Arabs nor even Semites; they were most closely related to the Greeks originating from Asia Minor and Greek localities. They did not speak Arabic. They had no connection, ethnic, linguistic or historical with Arabia or Arabs.
The Philistines reached the southern coast of Israel in several waves. One group arrived in the pre-patriarchal period and settled south of Beersheba in Gerar where they came into conflict with Abraham, Isaac and Ishmael. Another group, coming from Crete after being repulsed from an attempted invasion of Egypt by Rameses III in 1194 BCE, seized the southern coastal area, where they founded five settlements (Gaza, Ashcalon, Ashdod, Ekron and Gat). In the Persian and Greek periods, foreign settlers - chiefly from the Mediterranean islands - overran the Philistine districts.
From the fifth century BC, following the historian Herodotus, Greeks called the eastern coast of the Mediterranean "the Philistine Syria" using the Greek language form of the name. In AD 135, after putting down the Bar Kochba revolt, the second major Jewish revolt against Rome, the Emperor Hadrian wanted to blot out the name of the Roman "Provincia Judaea" and so renamed it "Provincia Syria Palaestina", the Latin version of the Greek name and the first use of the name as an administrative unit. The name "Provincia Syria Palaestina" was later shortened to Palaestina, from which the modern, anglicized "Palestine" is derived.
This remained the situation until the end of the fourth century, when in the wake of a general imperial reorganization Palestine became three Palestines: First, Second, and Third. This configuration is believed to have persisted into the seventh century, the time of the Persian and Muslim conquests.
The Christian Crusaders employed the word Palestine to refer to the general region of the "three Palestines." After the fall of the crusader kingdom, Palestine was no longer an official designation. The name, however, continued to be used informally for the lands on both sides of the Jordan River. The Ottoman Turks, who were non-Arabs but religious Muslims, ruled the area for 400 years (1517-1917). Under Ottoman rule, the Palestine region was attached administratively to the province of Damascus and ruled from Istanbul. The name Palestine was revived after the fall of the Ottoman Empire in World War I and applied to the territory in this region that was placed under the British Mandate for Palestine.
The name "Falastin" that Arabs today use for "Palestine" is not an Arabic name. It is the Arab pronunciation of the Roman "Palaestina". Quoting Golda Meir: The British chose to call the land they mandated Palestine, and the Arabs picked it up as their nation's supposed ancient name, though they couldn't even pronounce it correctly and turned it into Falastin a fictional entity. [In an article by Sarah Honig, Jerusalem Post, November 25, 1995]
http://www.palestinefacts.org/pf_early_palestine_name_origin.php
Where did the name Palestine come from?
The name Palestine refers to a region of the eastern Mediterranean coast from the sea to the Jordan valley and from the southern Negev desert to the Galilee lake region in the north. The word itself derives from "Plesheth", a name that appears frequently in the Bible and has come into English as "Philistine." Plesheth, (root palash) was a general term meaning rolling or migratory. This referred to the Philistine's invasion and conquest of the coast from the sea. The Philistines were not Arabs nor even Semites; they were most closely related to the Greeks originating from Asia Minor and Greek localities. They did not speak Arabic. They had no connection, ethnic, linguistic or historical with Arabia or Arabs.
The Philistines reached the southern coast of Israel in several waves. One group arrived in the pre-patriarchal period and settled south of Beersheba in Gerar where they came into conflict with Abraham, Isaac and Ishmael. Another group, coming from Crete after being repulsed from an attempted invasion of Egypt by Rameses III in 1194 BCE, seized the southern coastal area, where they founded five settlements (Gaza, Ashcalon, Ashdod, Ekron and Gat). In the Persian and Greek periods, foreign settlers - chiefly from the Mediterranean islands - overran the Philistine districts.
From the fifth century BC, following the historian Herodotus, Greeks called the eastern coast of the Mediterranean "the Philistine Syria" using the Greek language form of the name. In AD 135, after putting down the Bar Kochba revolt, the second major Jewish revolt against Rome, the Emperor Hadrian wanted to blot out the name of the Roman "Provincia Judaea" and so renamed it "Provincia Syria Palaestina", the Latin version of the Greek name and the first use of the name as an administrative unit. The name "Provincia Syria Palaestina" was later shortened to Palaestina, from which the modern, anglicized "Palestine" is derived.
This remained the situation until the end of the fourth century, when in the wake of a general imperial reorganization Palestine became three Palestines: First, Second, and Third. This configuration is believed to have persisted into the seventh century, the time of the Persian and Muslim conquests.
The Christian Crusaders employed the word Palestine to refer to the general region of the "three Palestines." After the fall of the crusader kingdom, Palestine was no longer an official designation. The name, however, continued to be used informally for the lands on both sides of the Jordan River. The Ottoman Turks, who were non-Arabs but religious Muslims, ruled the area for 400 years (1517-1917). Under Ottoman rule, the Palestine region was attached administratively to the province of Damascus and ruled from Istanbul. The name Palestine was revived after the fall of the Ottoman Empire in World War I and applied to the territory in this region that was placed under the British Mandate for Palestine.
The name "Falastin" that Arabs today use for "Palestine" is not an Arabic name. It is the Arab pronunciation of the Roman "Palaestina". Quoting Golda Meir: The British chose to call the land they mandated Palestine, and the Arabs picked it up as their nation's supposed ancient name, though they couldn't even pronounce it correctly and turned it into Falastin a fictional entity. [In an article by Sarah Honig, Jerusalem Post, November 25, 1995]
http://www.palestinefacts.org/pf_early_palestine_name_origin.php
Friday, March 14, 2008
A Bit of Purim Torah, English-Teacher Style
I don't know when the idea of "Purim Torah" originated (I'm equally sure some reader is going to enlighten me), but it lead me to think of some of the things in my own field that could use a little humor to lighten things up.
What if people really listened to us when we said "Improve your vocabulary"? The following might be the result.
SUBTLE SUPPLANTERS OF SERIOUS SAYINGS
1. Similar sire; similar scion.
2. Precipitancy creates prodigality.
3. Tenants of vitreous abodes ought to hurl no lithoidal fragments.
4. It is not proper for mendicants to be indicative of preferences.
5. Compute not your immature gallinacenas prior to their being produced.
6. It is fruitless to become lachrymose over scattered lacteal fluid.
7. Cleave gramineous manner for fodder during the period that the orb of the day is refulgent.
8. A feline posseses the power to contemplate a monarch.
9. Pulchritude does not extend below the surface of the derma.
10. Failure to be present causes the vital organ to become more enamored.
11. Every article which coruscates is not fashioned from aureate metal.
12. Freedom from guile or fraud constitutes the most excellent principle of procedure.
13. Each canine passes through his period of preeminence.
14. Consolidated you and I maintain ourselves erect; separated we defer to the law of gravity.
15. You cannot estimate the value of the contents of a bound, printed narrative or record from its exterior vesture.
16. Folks deficient in ordinary judgment scurryingly enter areas of which celestial beings dread to set foot.
17. Liquid relish for the female anserine fowl is the individual condiment for the male.
18. A feathered creature clasped in the manual members is equal in value to a brace in the bosky growth.
19. The individual of the Class Aves, arriving before the appointed time, seizes the invertibrate animal of the Group Vernes.
20. Socially oriented individuals tend to congregate in gregariously homogenius groups.
21. One may address a member of the Equidae family toward acqueous liquid, but one is incapable of compelling him to quaff.
22. Forever refrain from enumerating the dental projections of a bequested member of the Equidae family.
23. One Pyrus Malus per diem restrains the arrival of the Hipppocratic apostle.
24. Fondness for notes of exchange constitutes the tuberous structure of all satanically-inspired principles.
25. Supposing one primarily fails to be victorious, bend further efforts in that direction.
26. Be adorned with the pedal encasement that gives comfort.
27. Prudence and sagacity are the worthier condiments of intrepid courage.
28. He who expresses merriment in finality expresses merriment excelling either in equal quality.
29. A scrutinzed vessel never exceeds 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
30. A rotating lithoidal fragment never accrues lichen.
Hmmm, maybe we should use this as a sobriety test on Purim. Anyone who can make sense of this is definitely not drunk!
What if people really listened to us when we said "Improve your vocabulary"? The following might be the result.
SUBTLE SUPPLANTERS OF SERIOUS SAYINGS
1. Similar sire; similar scion.
2. Precipitancy creates prodigality.
3. Tenants of vitreous abodes ought to hurl no lithoidal fragments.
4. It is not proper for mendicants to be indicative of preferences.
5. Compute not your immature gallinacenas prior to their being produced.
6. It is fruitless to become lachrymose over scattered lacteal fluid.
7. Cleave gramineous manner for fodder during the period that the orb of the day is refulgent.
8. A feline posseses the power to contemplate a monarch.
9. Pulchritude does not extend below the surface of the derma.
10. Failure to be present causes the vital organ to become more enamored.
11. Every article which coruscates is not fashioned from aureate metal.
12. Freedom from guile or fraud constitutes the most excellent principle of procedure.
13. Each canine passes through his period of preeminence.
14. Consolidated you and I maintain ourselves erect; separated we defer to the law of gravity.
15. You cannot estimate the value of the contents of a bound, printed narrative or record from its exterior vesture.
16. Folks deficient in ordinary judgment scurryingly enter areas of which celestial beings dread to set foot.
17. Liquid relish for the female anserine fowl is the individual condiment for the male.
18. A feathered creature clasped in the manual members is equal in value to a brace in the bosky growth.
19. The individual of the Class Aves, arriving before the appointed time, seizes the invertibrate animal of the Group Vernes.
20. Socially oriented individuals tend to congregate in gregariously homogenius groups.
21. One may address a member of the Equidae family toward acqueous liquid, but one is incapable of compelling him to quaff.
22. Forever refrain from enumerating the dental projections of a bequested member of the Equidae family.
23. One Pyrus Malus per diem restrains the arrival of the Hipppocratic apostle.
24. Fondness for notes of exchange constitutes the tuberous structure of all satanically-inspired principles.
25. Supposing one primarily fails to be victorious, bend further efforts in that direction.
26. Be adorned with the pedal encasement that gives comfort.
27. Prudence and sagacity are the worthier condiments of intrepid courage.
28. He who expresses merriment in finality expresses merriment excelling either in equal quality.
29. A scrutinzed vessel never exceeds 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
30. A rotating lithoidal fragment never accrues lichen.
Hmmm, maybe we should use this as a sobriety test on Purim. Anyone who can make sense of this is definitely not drunk!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
The Long and Short of It
We live in a sound-bite world. Package a message to be short and never-you-mind about the content--just make it sound good. And short. Short is the key.
Somehow natural evolution of communication has turned into de-volution. Once it was "Me Tarzan, you Jane" and what a breakthrough that was. Now it's "Me Yankle, you Rivka" and what a sad picture of modern life.
We live in an era with more knowledge available to us then at any other time, and we know less and less about even less and less. Because we are not any longer a nation of readers.
Reading, once the hallmark of the educated person, has become seriously skewed. We have gone from reading and contemplating and discussing books to "Have you read__________?" "Nah, I read the review and that's all I really need to know" to "Nah, the headline on the review said it all."
Nor is it only books we don't read as we once did. Newspapers, journals, and magazines have also fallen prey to the sound-bite scourge.
Nor is reading alone effected. The aphorism that "Great writers must be great readers" still holds true. The quality of writing has deteriorated because people aren't reading.
So no, I don't do short for the most part. No, I won't give you just the "headlines." No, I'm not going to package you a tidbit Madison Avenue-style to gobble down as you head out, no taste and no substance. No, I'm not going to give you the condensed version. If that's what you are looking for in a blog, there are plenty of other sites available.
And for the reader--self-identified as a college student--who sent in the comment, not published, that contained this sentence, thank you for making my point--"Just cause you use alot of big words dosn't mean really that you could be saying some thing."
Somehow natural evolution of communication has turned into de-volution. Once it was "Me Tarzan, you Jane" and what a breakthrough that was. Now it's "Me Yankle, you Rivka" and what a sad picture of modern life.
We live in an era with more knowledge available to us then at any other time, and we know less and less about even less and less. Because we are not any longer a nation of readers.
Reading, once the hallmark of the educated person, has become seriously skewed. We have gone from reading and contemplating and discussing books to "Have you read__________?" "Nah, I read the review and that's all I really need to know" to "Nah, the headline on the review said it all."
Nor is it only books we don't read as we once did. Newspapers, journals, and magazines have also fallen prey to the sound-bite scourge.
Nor is reading alone effected. The aphorism that "Great writers must be great readers" still holds true. The quality of writing has deteriorated because people aren't reading.
So no, I don't do short for the most part. No, I won't give you just the "headlines." No, I'm not going to package you a tidbit Madison Avenue-style to gobble down as you head out, no taste and no substance. No, I'm not going to give you the condensed version. If that's what you are looking for in a blog, there are plenty of other sites available.
And for the reader--self-identified as a college student--who sent in the comment, not published, that contained this sentence, thank you for making my point--"Just cause you use alot of big words dosn't mean really that you could be saying some thing."
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
The Deadly Pronouns
Pronouns are words used to substitute for nouns. They allow us to write in a more efficient manner. For the most part they are benign language elements. A few of them, however, are deadly, causing untold damage and injury. Think not? Read on.
The three most deadly pronouns are them, theirs and they. They can cause a fatal family of diseases known collectively as "yenems." The symptoms of "yenems" are multitudinous: dissatisfaction, envy, jealousy, greed,desire, advanced kinah, aggression, lashon horah, rechilus, motzi shem rah, scorn, anger, and divisiveness, just to name a few.
The organisms that cause "yenems" enter the body mainly through the eyes and ears, areas of the body that are too frequently left unprotected; the organisms can also be spread to others through the mouth. Once in the body the "yenems" bacteria immediately begin to affect vision and also begin to attack brain cells.
While human beings generally try to avoid other diseases and disease-causing organisms, it has been observed that most people actively put themselves in the position of receiving the "yenems" bacteria. In point of fact, the actually go looking for the bacteria. Yes, people want "yenems." It is the defining characteristic of the disease.
One branch of "yenems" also involves the pronouns I, me and mine. Researchers have identified the course of the disease as follows: Patient X sees Person A and immediately thinks "I want what he/she has!" Or perhaps "It's owed to me!" Or perhaps "He/she has theirs now I want mine!" The bacteria in this type of "yenems" is found in everyday household items as well as some rarer items: houses, household furnishings, jewelry, vacation trips, cars, clothing, electronic equipment. Occasions such as engagements, weddings, bar mitzvahs and the like can also activate the "yenems" bacteria.
Another branch of "yenems" works a bit differently. The pronoun we plays a major role in this branch. Those who are infected with this disease may begin to act irrationally. "We are the greatest!" is frequently heard coming from these sufferers. Sometimes it is articulated as "We are better than them!" This branch of the disease works in exactly the opposite manner from the branch discussed above. Sufferers of this version do not suffer envy of them. Instead, sufferers have an irrational need to eradicate them. "They are wrong!" they scream. "They should not be talking!" "They need their heads examined!" "They need to be eliminated to leave more room for us!"
And yes, there are some people who suffer from both branches of "yenems" at the same time.
"Yenems" has reached epidemic proportions. Doctors have no known cure for this family of diseases. "The only thing that people can do," they offer "is to strengthen their personal immune system. This can work to bring the disease under some measure of control. People should know, however, that once a person is infected, the disease may lay dormant in the body forever, emerging full-blown on very little provocation. Monitoring yourself is a lifelong job."
Little pronouns, lots of damage.
The three most deadly pronouns are them, theirs and they. They can cause a fatal family of diseases known collectively as "yenems." The symptoms of "yenems" are multitudinous: dissatisfaction, envy, jealousy, greed,desire, advanced kinah, aggression, lashon horah, rechilus, motzi shem rah, scorn, anger, and divisiveness, just to name a few.
The organisms that cause "yenems" enter the body mainly through the eyes and ears, areas of the body that are too frequently left unprotected; the organisms can also be spread to others through the mouth. Once in the body the "yenems" bacteria immediately begin to affect vision and also begin to attack brain cells.
While human beings generally try to avoid other diseases and disease-causing organisms, it has been observed that most people actively put themselves in the position of receiving the "yenems" bacteria. In point of fact, the actually go looking for the bacteria. Yes, people want "yenems." It is the defining characteristic of the disease.
One branch of "yenems" also involves the pronouns I, me and mine. Researchers have identified the course of the disease as follows: Patient X sees Person A and immediately thinks "I want what he/she has!" Or perhaps "It's owed to me!" Or perhaps "He/she has theirs now I want mine!" The bacteria in this type of "yenems" is found in everyday household items as well as some rarer items: houses, household furnishings, jewelry, vacation trips, cars, clothing, electronic equipment. Occasions such as engagements, weddings, bar mitzvahs and the like can also activate the "yenems" bacteria.
Another branch of "yenems" works a bit differently. The pronoun we plays a major role in this branch. Those who are infected with this disease may begin to act irrationally. "We are the greatest!" is frequently heard coming from these sufferers. Sometimes it is articulated as "We are better than them!" This branch of the disease works in exactly the opposite manner from the branch discussed above. Sufferers of this version do not suffer envy of them. Instead, sufferers have an irrational need to eradicate them. "They are wrong!" they scream. "They should not be talking!" "They need their heads examined!" "They need to be eliminated to leave more room for us!"
And yes, there are some people who suffer from both branches of "yenems" at the same time.
"Yenems" has reached epidemic proportions. Doctors have no known cure for this family of diseases. "The only thing that people can do," they offer "is to strengthen their personal immune system. This can work to bring the disease under some measure of control. People should know, however, that once a person is infected, the disease may lay dormant in the body forever, emerging full-blown on very little provocation. Monitoring yourself is a lifelong job."
Little pronouns, lots of damage.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
On Speaking Hinglish
Students do not look forward to Final Examination time. I can sympathize with them. As a teacher, I don't look forward to this time either, although my reasons are surely different from those of my students. But those who teach English have perhaps a harder time of it then those in other fields. My friend teaches math. Yes, her students will sometimes make some terrible errors in their calculations on her exam, but all she has to do is mark the answer wrong. English teachers are expected to identify the type of error made and to comment on how the error contributes to tangled meaning.
Math teachers don't get term papers to correct. As one student pointed out to me--okay, as many students have pointed out--if I didn't give term papers I wouldn't have the problem of marking them. With some of the errors I just grit my teeth, wonder about the mental faculties of the student, comment on the error and forget about it. Other errors stick in the mind. Some of these errors involve students who "almost" know how to use a word. Others involve unique spelling errors--or perhaps trusting that Spell Check actually knows what it is talking about.
My week has been made infinitely more frustrating by a letter submitted by a student. In the letter the student was to write to management either for or against the idea of a company fitness center. The student concluded his letter thus: "Therefore, I believe that our company should establish a procreation center. This would provide a great benefit for employees who work long hours and cannot find the time for procreation otherwise. I am sure they would use it often and would get great enjoyment from it." They didn't cover this in graduate school! I finally took the coward's way out and merely marked the wrong word as "spelling error."
Because I know that the student will tell me that it was all Spell Check's fault, I attempted all kinds of misspellings of the word "recreation," and sure enough, with one of them the suggested list from Spell Check gave "procreation." What bothers me the most is that a senior in college can't seem to differentiate between "recreation" and "procreation." (Apparently Microsoft can't either.) This does not bode well for his future marriage prospects. Nor for his future employability.
When marking my own students' errors gets to be too much, I head for the books written by Richard Lederer. When I see the errors he has collected over the years my own problems don't seem quite so bad in comparison. Below are some gems from his writing.
ASTRONOMY
Comets...are thought to be ruminants from the beginning of the universe.
Headline: Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
BIRDS
In 1957, Eugene O'Neill won a Pullet Surprise.
Each Thanksgiving it is a tradition in our family to shoot peasants.
News dispatch: The crime bill would reinstate the death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry inspector.
Can anybody explain why Kiwi International Airlines is named after a bird that cannot fly?
BOTANY
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
I don't want to cast asparagus at my opponent!
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce.
Seen in a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
Sign outside a gift shop: Live Artificial Trees.
DISEASE AND MEDICINE
World War II ended on VD day.
The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.
The patient experienced mood swings because she suffered from PBS.
A brand claim: Every rectal thermometer made by Q-Tip is personally tested.
FISH
A squid has ten to twelve testicles that hang down from its body.
Headline: Yellow Perch Decline to be Studied.
ARTHROPODS
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Seen in a Michigan restaurant: The early bird gets the worm; special shoppers' luncheon before 11 a.m.
GEOLOGY AND GEOGRAPHY
In the Olympic games the reward to the victor was a coral wreath.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, was a signer of the Declaration of Independence.
Headline: Experts Increase Probability of a Big Quake in California
MAMMALS
Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow and not the bull.
Queen Elizabeth's navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.
A skunk was found wandering among the phews of a local church.
Lost: small apricot poodle; reward; neutered; like one of the family.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Song line: Chipmunks roasting on an open fire.
The Civil War was started by John Brown, a rabbit abolitionist.
Headline: 4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves.
PHYSICS AND CHEMISTRY
Vacuums are nothings; we only mention them to let them know that we know they are there.
Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin; oxygin is pure gin, hydrogin is gin and water.
WEATHER
Wind is like air, only pushier.
Seen on a Tennessee highway: Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
Headline: Typhoon Rips Cemetery, Hundreds Dead.
GENERAL
Rural life is lived mostly in the country.
Porter...lectured on "Destructive Pests;" a large number were present.
Headline: Sterilization Solves Problems for Pets, Owners.
Many dead animals in the past changed into fossils while others preferred to be oil.
Genetics explains why you look like your father and if you don't, why you should.
And then there are these:
Math teachers don't get term papers to correct. As one student pointed out to me--okay, as many students have pointed out--if I didn't give term papers I wouldn't have the problem of marking them. With some of the errors I just grit my teeth, wonder about the mental faculties of the student, comment on the error and forget about it. Other errors stick in the mind. Some of these errors involve students who "almost" know how to use a word. Others involve unique spelling errors--or perhaps trusting that Spell Check actually knows what it is talking about.
My week has been made infinitely more frustrating by a letter submitted by a student. In the letter the student was to write to management either for or against the idea of a company fitness center. The student concluded his letter thus: "Therefore, I believe that our company should establish a procreation center. This would provide a great benefit for employees who work long hours and cannot find the time for procreation otherwise. I am sure they would use it often and would get great enjoyment from it." They didn't cover this in graduate school! I finally took the coward's way out and merely marked the wrong word as "spelling error."
Because I know that the student will tell me that it was all Spell Check's fault, I attempted all kinds of misspellings of the word "recreation," and sure enough, with one of them the suggested list from Spell Check gave "procreation." What bothers me the most is that a senior in college can't seem to differentiate between "recreation" and "procreation." (Apparently Microsoft can't either.) This does not bode well for his future marriage prospects. Nor for his future employability.
When marking my own students' errors gets to be too much, I head for the books written by Richard Lederer. When I see the errors he has collected over the years my own problems don't seem quite so bad in comparison. Below are some gems from his writing.
ASTRONOMY
Comets...are thought to be ruminants from the beginning of the universe.
Headline: Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
BIRDS
In 1957, Eugene O'Neill won a Pullet Surprise.
Each Thanksgiving it is a tradition in our family to shoot peasants.
News dispatch: The crime bill would reinstate the death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and murdering a government poultry inspector.
Can anybody explain why Kiwi International Airlines is named after a bird that cannot fly?
BOTANY
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
I don't want to cast asparagus at my opponent!
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce.
Seen in a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
Sign outside a gift shop: Live Artificial Trees.
DISEASE AND MEDICINE
World War II ended on VD day.
The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.
The patient experienced mood swings because she suffered from PBS.
A brand claim: Every rectal thermometer made by Q-Tip is personally tested.
FISH
A squid has ten to twelve testicles that hang down from its body.
Headline: Yellow Perch Decline to be Studied.
ARTHROPODS
Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Seen in a Michigan restaurant: The early bird gets the worm; special shoppers' luncheon before 11 a.m.
GEOLOGY AND GEOGRAPHY
In the Olympic games the reward to the victor was a coral wreath.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, was a signer of the Declaration of Independence.
Headline: Experts Increase Probability of a Big Quake in California
MAMMALS
Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow and not the bull.
Queen Elizabeth's navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.
A skunk was found wandering among the phews of a local church.
Lost: small apricot poodle; reward; neutered; like one of the family.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Song line: Chipmunks roasting on an open fire.
The Civil War was started by John Brown, a rabbit abolitionist.
Headline: 4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves.
PHYSICS AND CHEMISTRY
Vacuums are nothings; we only mention them to let them know that we know they are there.
Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin; oxygin is pure gin, hydrogin is gin and water.
WEATHER
Wind is like air, only pushier.
Seen on a Tennessee highway: Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
Headline: Typhoon Rips Cemetery, Hundreds Dead.
GENERAL
Rural life is lived mostly in the country.
Porter...lectured on "Destructive Pests;" a large number were present.
Headline: Sterilization Solves Problems for Pets, Owners.
Many dead animals in the past changed into fossils while others preferred to be oil.
Genetics explains why you look like your father and if you don't, why you should.
And then there are these:
In a New Hampshire jewelry store: Ears pierced while you wait.
In a New York Restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
In LA dance hall: good clean dancing every night but sunday.
In Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owing your home.
In a toy department: Five Santa Clauses,no waiting.
In a Maine shop: our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
On military bases: restricted to unauthorized personal.
On a display of 'You are my one and only' valentine cards: now available in multi pack.
In downtown Boston: Callahan tunnel /No end.
In a window of a general store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come right here ??
In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
In a New Jersey Restaurant: Open 11 AM to 11 PM Midnight.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves....
On the grounds of a private school: No tresspassing without permission.
On a movie marquee: Now playing ADAM AND EVE with a cast of thousands..
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