Wednesday, April 23, 2008

You Really Never Know

A friend sent me an email today that gave me a good laugh. She is also involved in redding shidduchim and had contacted me many months ago about a former student of mine. I thought the shidduch sounded interesting and suggested it to the past student. He was busy with someone when I called but he said that it sounded like it would be good for someone else that he knew. That someone else called me. I got his information and got back to my friend. She talked to the girl. The girl said he really did sound good but she had just accepted a date from someone else. Would the boy perhaps be interested in one of her classmates that she thought would fit? Friend got back to me, I got back to the boy. The boy listened carefully and said it sounded good but it sounded even better for one of his other friends. His friend called me.

Back I went to my friend, who called the second girl, who said that it would be great except that she is three inches taller than the boy. Could I check if that is a problem? Played phone tag yet again and yes, it was a problem. But the boy had a different boy, taller, who he thought would be good. At this point, I said to please call my friend directly and let's eliminate a few of the middlemen.

I heard nothing further, and since I didn't "have a horse in the race" I didn't ask. Why am I now laughing? This switching of possible partners went on for yet another 4-5 sets of men and women. The last couple that it ended up with turn out to be muchatonim of a sort and so spoke directly to each other. They knew they weren't for each other but each had someone else for the other one. That didn't work out but the man and woman they were considering asked if they could pass on the names to two other people that it sounded ideal for. And yes, it was ideal, and yes this last couple in an extended game of telephone shidduch tag got engaged. What is so funny? They are the first man and woman my friend and I tried to set up to begin with. Heaven alone knows how many people were involved in finally getting this couple together.

Makes you a true believer in bashert. It also proves the truth of another saying: it has to be the richtigen zivug in the richtige tzeit--both time and people have to be right. Who is the shadchan in this case? Clearly the Ribboneh Shel Olam was. And it reinforces my belief that God has a sense of humor.


Scraps said...

That's fantastic. :-D

Anonymous said...

But ProfK, you didn't tell the best part of the story in the posting. The choson always told us that he was never going to marry an out of town girl because it gets too complicated for yom tov and when you have kids. And the kallah is from waaaay out of town. Guess where he is going for the second days?

SuperRaizy said...

I love that story.
It reminds me of a couple that I know that have been married for 23 years. Someone tried to set them up, but because the girl was significantly younger than the man, he felt uncomfortable and said no. A few days later, the girl, feeling lonely, took a walk on the beach in Tel Aviv and met a guy that she was attracted to. After talking to him for a few minutes, his brother showed up. Turned out that she and the brother really hit it off and they began dating. When it was time to get engaged, the girl took him to meet her friend. As soon as the couple walked into the friend's house, the friend shrieked "I don't believe this! This is the guy that I tried to set you up with months ago!"
Hashem totally knows what he's doing.

Anonymous said...

Whoa. That was dizzying -- how'd anyone keep track of all the original shidduch's mutations?

It's not uncommon for people to get engaged later to someone they rejected at first, but this is something else!

:-) BM abroad

ProfK said...

My friend knows the beginning part of the web when she and I were involved and then when only she was involved. When she heard the girl was a kallah she called to say mazel tov and asked who redt the shidduch finally. The kallah knew some of the web going backwards from the end. No one is quite sure how many other people were involved in the middle although they pretty much think it was 4 or 5 sets of other people passing along the names.

And we think the world is so vast and unconnected. Jewish geography with a vengeance.

frumskeptic said...

very cute story!!

thanx for sharing :)

Anonymous said...

Nice :-)

Anonymous said...

Re shidduchim - re the alleged shortage of male candidates - I just read somewhere that a study showed that women who didn't eat a good breakfast had a lower percentage of male children. Maybe the 'Yeshivishe' community needs a campaign for better breakfasts ?

Anonymous said...

Here is a url for it

Anonymous said...

what does "muchatonim" mean?

ProfK said...

Those related through marriage rather than blood. Specifically it can be used to refer to your spouse's parents, who are your parents muchatonim. If your parents refer to your father in law, that is their muchaton; referring to your mother in law that is their mechutainista. It is also used more generally to refer to anyone who is connected to your family through a marriage. Thus any of your spouse's relatives, no matter how close or far, are your muchatonim. They would not be your children's muchatonim since your kids would be related by blood.

Comes from the Hebrew word for marriage.

halfshared said...

Wow. That is truly amazing. Thanks for sharing.