From now on all singles in Klal Yisroel are going to use color to let the world know who they are and what they want. Not only will communication become clearer, but this will have the added plus that singles won't have to talk to anyone--not a shadchan and not even their dates. They will only need to point, in case anyone should have missed the visual cues.
The Binney & Smith people who bring us Crayola brand crayons have made this easy for us. We only need to adapt their color shades and names for our purposes. So how will this work?
Boys will be required to wear color-coded kipot and neckties. Girls will be required to all wear color coded headbands and nail polish. In addition to each color's having a specific meaning as regards shidduchim, there will also be patterns in which colors can be mixed. Stripes will signify one thing, while plaids or paisley will signify another. The choice of fabric will also be significant; velvet will tell you one thing, silk another. Also coming into play will be items such as embroidery, sequins and beading.
Let me give you some examples of how this would work. A black kipoh would be used for married men only. Men who are engaged to be married will wear black kipot with a red stop sign embroidered on them. No more having to guess while staring over the mechitza at a wedding as to who is or isn't taken.
A light green kipoh will be worn by boys who are not married, who are looking and who will require support. A dark green kipoh will signify they are looking for mega-support. After all, green is the color of money. A number embroidered on the kipoh in pure gold thread will signify how many years of support are being looked for. If no number appears, then support will be for a lifetime.
Pink will signify boys who are not yet in the shidduch parsha. If the pink kipoh also has a white band around it it will signify that the boy is open to getting into shidduchim if you make him an offer he can't refuse. Yellow will signify the boys who are in yeshiva but are not so sure about how long that is going to last. Dark blue will signify boys who are in college but only at night; they are either learning or earning during the day. Light blue will be used for boys who are in graduate school. Thus, boys who wear a plaid kipoh consisting of pink,white, yellow, light blue, dark blue and dark green are those who are at present in college and yeshiva, will be going on to graduate school, are not already in shidduchim but would get in if they get promised sufficient support. If the same colors are in a paisley print then the facts remain the same except that the boy's father will do the supporting.
The colors on neckties would clearly announce personality and personal convictions. A solid black necktie would signify that the wearer will live absolutely nowhere but Brooklyn. A small orange stripe on the tie would signify that in a pinch they would consider Lakewood. A white border on the black tie would signify that the wearer only wants Brooklyn but might be open to other suggestions. A smiley face embroidered on the bottom of the tie would indicate that the wearer likes kids and has done chesed work with them. Trickier to distinguish would be the small black box embroidered on the back of the tie, hidden in the lining, that signifies that the wearer will have the Internet in their future home. Only a few boys will have this embroidery on the front of the tie where everyone can see it.
All singles will carry a specialized scanner that can be aimed at a likely looking suspect and which will immediately read the colors and details and show you a readout of how well the other person matches to what you want.
The possibilities are endless. There is virtually no information that could not be encoded using color, shade, fabric, design and embellishment. And the same goes for the girls' headbands and nail polish. Just think: no more dating. Everything you need to know about a person will be right out there for all to see. And yes, there will be no need for shadchanim any longer. Your scanner will talk to his scanner via WiFi and things will be settled in a nanosecond.
If your colors match his colors then it's off to the chupa you go, hi ho, hi ho.
What have we got to lose by trying this? Anyone else have a better suggestion? I thought not.