Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Blame It on the Weather

I am in a decidedly grumpy mood--have been for a good few days now. The weather gets the lion's share of the blame for this. I understand that the reservoirs need water. I know, I know, down south they would kill just to get a tiny bit of what we have been getting. Sorry, but these arguments work just about as well as the "kids are starving in India" comments used to work back when we were kids. It's grey, muggy, overcast and just plain yucky outside. This is May 5 and in the short period of about 10 days New York has given us July and November weather.

Anyone who has seasonal-related allergies or other conditions where the weather and atmospheric pressure can cause problems should be sympathising with me. I've tried, really tried to get my spirits up but I can't seem to fight Mother Nature. The posts I've put up during this time period seem to match my weather-induced mood; on the heavy side and not all that cheerful.

So I decided to try and lift my spirits by seeing if anyone sent me something humorous via email that would coax me out of the grumpies. No such luck. One email contained something called "What Men Want." And it contained the following gem, long a point of contention in the male/female wars.

Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down..
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

So blame it on the weather, but I'm finally going to answer the up or down question in language that men might understand. This is a mathematical problem guys. There are two basic functions that the toilet can be used for. Women use the toilet with the seat down for both functions. Men use the toilet with the seat up for one function and the seat down for the other. Out of 4 possible toileting situations the seat must be down in 3 out of 4 of those situations. The probability is 3 to 1. Therefore guys, since math is on our side, leave the seat in the down position!

Oh sheesh, a few more days of this darned weather and I might, just might, tell men what women really want. I'm not sure the world is ready for that yet, so I'm taking a 60's Boomer's moment and hoping it will help. Please, please "Let the Sunshine in!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EegRh8Z4H-o (Warning: there may be one or two illustrations which do not abide by the rules of tsnius precisely.)


TJ said...

You may not have lightened your mood but you did wonders for mine. I'm the lone female in a home with 6 males. The toilet seat issue got shortcutted when my sister had one of those t-shirts made up for me with a toilet on the front with the seat down and with "Because...I'm the Mother" written on it. I never wore the shirt but it hung on a hangar in the bathroom until everyone got the picture.

Can you believe that some parents back then thought the 5th Dimension were strange and wondered how we could listen to their music? First time my mom accidentally overheard and really listened to the lyrics of a modern piece one of the kids was playing you should have seen her face.

Come on, smile. It really could be worse.

SubWife said...

I am a woman too. I have read this little gem before and found it brilliant. I personally never understood this whole seat up/down problem. Seriously, just put it down.

When I mentioned this at work, I had an admiration of the entire male population. Too bad this gift of mine is of no use to the male population b/c hubby actually puts down the seat.

Ezzie said...

As someone who always puts it down just because, I nevertheless have to disagree on the logic. Men use the bathroom far more often to begin with (up), so it's less than 3:1. Moreover, I don't see women in a house of mostly men leaving it up despite that outnumbering, either, so that's not great reasoning.* See the first comment.

Before you note that even men are 50/50, see my first comment. :)

Anonymous said...

Ezzie - Men use the bathroom far more often to begin with (up), so it's less than 3:1.It's even more than 3:1. Mainly because women pee more often than men do (I don't know why, it just is). I'll illustrate.

Let's say a man poops twice a day. Same for a woman.

Let's further say that a woman pees 6 times a day and a man pees 3 times a day.

Now let's recalculate the ratio.

Down = 2 + 2 + 6
Up = 3

Ratio = 10 : 3 which is slightly more than 3:1 (which can also be expressed as 9:3).

Mark :-)

SubWife said...

This conversation becomes less and less appetizing. ProfK, maybe you should put a warning out to not read this particular post during lunch.

Anonymous said...

I sometimes forget that not everyone has 5 little kids. In our house poop and pee are regular points of conversation. The twins, our youngest, are just about toilet trained, but we still congratulate them on their toilet accomplishments quite often.


SubWife said...

No, we "only" have three little ones. LOL! And we discuss these matters openly as well. Somehow, call it a double standard, discussing adult "business" is less appetizing. Don't really know why.

I didn't mean to criticize, honestly.