Freezer Surprise

During this month it becomes necessary to use up everything that has been in the freezer up to now. This results in some truly interesting meals being produced. I've dubbed these meals "freezer surprise." Mostly these meals are perfectly edible if not terribly inspired, and they all do just fine if you pour on the ketchup or a load of brisket sauce.

Slices of potato kugel, baked in the oven and topped with ground turkey meat sauteed with pearl onions, green beans and the last of the frozen zucchini--see the reference to ketchup. The small remnants of pasta still left in five containers, broken to uniform size with a meat mallet, cooked and topped by finely chopped turkey hot dogs mixed with ground chicken, the remnants of what is left in the jar of garlic and some additional frozen zucchini that miraculously surfaced again--see the reference to brisket sauce.

What to do if what you find in the freezer is not enough to serve all the people you need to serve? Never fear. Cut into tiny bite-sized pieces, stick tooth picks into each piece, put some sauce in a small bowl for dipping, place on a tray and tell your family these are hors d'oeuvres. Complaining miraculously stops if you call them hors d'oeuvres. Cut up that cucumber you just found in the back of the fridge into chunks and add for variety. Same goes for those 6 baby carrots hiding in the veggie bin. If you really want to get exotic, put a tooth pick into some grapes and place on the tray.

Eggs and egg substitute are your best friends during this time. Whisk some spices into the egg substitute, dump in all the left over odds and ends of veggies from the freezer and from the veggie bin and bake for about 45 minutes. If you really want to get fancy, chop up the left over anything from shabbos and stir it into the mixture. (I do offer this warning--chopped gefilte fish and cauliflower in eggs is not a grouping made in heaven. Not even the sauce could save this one.) When questioned as to what you are serving, do not under any circumstances call the dish quiche. There seems to be a male gender problem with quiche. I have found that calling it "Xan yin Ma" in the Cantonese style seems to stop the conversation. Sprinkle with chow mein noodles if you still have any and you lend authenticity to the dish.

It's been my experience that the less you can tell what the dish is made out of the more chance that someone will eat it; therefore, chop, mince and grind everything. And until you've eaten chicken chow mein soup you haven't truly lived. Also, anything that has been chopped and ground can be mixed with cooked pasta and baked with sauce. The only thing necessary is to give the dish either a French or an Italian name. People will accept a lot of funny cooking if they think it is a foreign dish.

I will tell you one truly marvelous result of cooking freezer surprise three nights in a row. You just might get a phone call from your husband or your children in which they tell you that they know how hard you have been working to make Pesach and that they absolutely do not want you to have to add in cooking another weekday meal and they are at the pizza shop and did you want pizza or falafel or maybe some baked ziti? Or maybe you'd like some nice BBQ chicken from the local takeout store?

Just a little note, not so tongue in cheek: these kinds of meals are one of the best reasons for keeping a list of what you have in the freezer and using it up regularly. It avoids those "buried treasures" that surface pre-Pesach.