Frum and Feminism: A Match Made in Heaven

There have been occasions when some people have, in jest and not, called me a feminist. My answer? A heartfelt thank you. Because if you can call me a feminist then you are telling me that I am following in the footsteps of Jewish women throughout history. A commenter on the Gemach thread said the following: " The frum claim to have rejected feminism, but it has infiltrated their camp at times." Infiltrated? It's been there all along, thankfully.

Those not in the know seem to define feminism as a rejection of all traditional values, of a striving to be a man rather than a woman. They speak of women who would rather be in the workplace then at home. They use the words "strident" and "harsh" when describing feminists. They shudder at what they are seeing. But they do not recognize one basic truth: Jewish women have been feminists right from the beginning.

Let's look for a minute at the Eyshit Chayil.

Who can find a woman of valor? Her value is far beyond rubies. Her husband's heart relies on her, and he shall lack no fortune. She bestows goodness upon him, never evil, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax and her hands work willingly. She is like a merchant's ships, bringing her sustenance from far away. She arises while it is still night and gives food to her household and a portion to her maidens. She envisions a field and buys it; from the fruit of her handiwork she plants a vineyard. With strength she girds her loins and invigorates her arms. She discerns that her business is good; her lamp is not snuffed out by night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff and her palms support the spindle. She spreads out her palm to the poor and extends her hands to the destitute. She fears not snow for her household, for all her household is clothed in scarlet wool. She made for herself luxurious bedspreads; linen and purple wool are her clothing. Her husband is distinctive in the councils when he sits with the elders of the land. She makes a cloak and sells it and delivers a belt to the peddler. Strength and majesty are her raiment and she joyfully awaits the last day. She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She anticipates the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of laziness. Her children have risen and praised her; her husband, and he extolled her: "Many women have amassed achievement, but you surpassed them all. Grace is false and beauty vain, but a woman who fears Hashem - she should be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands, and let her deeds praise her in the gates."

I have no reason to think that Shlomo haMelech, or whoever actually wrote the Eyshit Chayil, (there is apparently a machlokes) made up the behaviors of the woman described. The woman was a working woman, involved with commerce in addition to all of her responsibilities in the home. She clearly had household help--"a portion to her maidens." The fact that she "had a job" in addition to being responsible for her family seemed not to affect them negatively one iota--"Her children have risen and praised her; her husband, and he extolled her" Written centuries ago and yet a portrait of the modern working woman. Except we like to denigrate that woman for doing just what is described in Eyshit Chayil. Anything that can and does go wrong in frum families today is blamed on the "working" wife and mother who should be at home doing "motherly" things exclusively, as if the concept of "working women" was a new and modern one. It sounds as if the words of Eyshit Chayil were "business as usual" for those days. There is nothing "meek" or "retiring" about the ayshit chayil described. Maybe that is a lesson we should also be learning. "Working women" is not a new concept. Neither is "strong woman but frum."

From the Imahos on down Jewish women have had to navigate minefields not of their own making. They have had to "stand up and be counted" in the public sphere. (Might I remind you that it was the women who publicly did not accept the aygel zahav?) They have had to fiercely defend their families while still looking out for the good of the greater Klal Yisroel. They have sacrificed much so that Klal could prosper. They have been women of wisdom both behind the scene and on the stage. Shy and retiring? Timid? Afraid to speak? Afraid to act? Please, read the chumash again. Which of the women there was afraid to do what had to be done?

The ways of women are not the ways of men. This does not mean that there are not some shared characteristics. "Strength of character" is not a solely male characteristic. Neither is "determination." And "wisdom" is gender neutral.

All Jewish women are feminists by birth and by definition. And the man who is not thankful for that fact is the one who is acting against his own best interests. Where, I wonder, would Rabbi Akiva have ended up if he had not married a Jewish feminist? Where would any of us have ended up? Living with a feminist? Aren't you the lucky one.