Wednesday, July 22, 2009

A New One for Me

While you are reading this, I'm busy getting ready to go out. Yes, hot and humid weather and I'm into a suit, stockings and that blasted heat attracting sheitle. Why? Because we are going to an aufruf today. Yup, you read that correctly. And at 7:00 a.m. Friends have a son getting married right after Shabbos Nachamu and they didn't want the aufruf so close to the wedding. They also didn't want to make the aufruf smack dab in the middle of the nine days either, Shabbos or not. Consultation with the Rav and he suggested that Rosh Chodesh would be fine. This is going to be a first for us. We've never been to a non-Shabbos aufruf before.

I am only praying that the seudah to follow the davening will be a bris-type of meal--light milchigs. No matter how many times I've been to a bris that used fleishigs, I just can't face cold cuts before noon, never mind chicken and kugel. And those of you who are coffee people will understand when I say that if the meal is fleishigs I'm first going to get my morning coffee somewhere around two in the afternoon at the earliest.

What we don't do for our friends!


G6 said...

On the bright side,
may all your forays as such be for simchas!

Anonymous said...

I am not aware of any halachic requirement for an aufruf. And if that is the case, what excuse could they possibly use to have a meat meal? Maybe they are also having a siyum?


ProfK said...

My "prayers" were answered--milchigs for the seudah. And yes, lots and lots of hot coffee.

I actually enjoyed this aufruf more than I do the ones on Shabbos. Because of the day and time only those with real "shaechus" to the family were there. The seudah was smaller than it would have been on Shabbos but everyone there really felt a part of the simcha.

Rachel said...

A weekday aufruf would certainly save money. Those elaborate shabbos simchas can cost mega money. We also went to a different type of an aufruf last year, although it was on Shabbos. There were 4 boys in the shul all getting married within the same two week time. The parents pooled together and made one aufruf for all four. They all four got aliyas, the crowd would pretty much have been the same for each aufruf. But each parent paid only 1/4 of what it would have cost otherwise.

Ari said...

Seems rather unnecessary, given the vort, the l'chaim, not to mention bridal shower. I'm not getting why an aufruf need be more elaborate than the chasan getting called to the torah / reading the haftorah and some sincere mazal tovs? Hadn't realized that the aufruf was another event to organize on the road to a wedding (followed promptly by sheva brachos, of course).

Anonymous said...

My son-in-law's aufruf was on the Monday of Memorial Day weekend (the kids got married the 1st weekend of June). Whoever was not on vacation and was available to come was there and no one had to rush off to work.
I am all for the aufruf not being the Shabbos before the wedding. It is too hectic for the families. Even if only a few relatives come and the friends of the Chattan, you still have to arrange to house and feed them for all of Shabbat. Not what you want a day or two before the wedding!

ProfK said...


An aufruf was more than just the choson getting an aliyah even back when I was getting married almost 38 years ago. Mostly everyone gave a shule-wide kiddush; some followed this with a lunch for a smaller crowd or even for the same crowd.

However, back then there were not 1,482 engagement type affairs before the wedding, and for those who held sheva brochas for the week after the wedding it was just likely to be 10 men invited to the parents' house for dessert and bentching. A week's worth of restaurant/catering hall sheva brochas just was not the "style."

enough said...

A joke.

The whole idea of an aufruf is since there is a chiyuv (or is it minhog?) for the chosson to have an aliyah the Shabbos before his chassunah. So when they have it at another time, it is not really an aufruf.

Like when I hear that people decided to have an 'aufruf' a week before when it should be. What a joke. It may be a party, but not an 'aufruf'.

Allen said...

Enough said, I don't know if there is a chiyuv for a choson to get an aliyah before his marriage but there certainly is a minhag to do so. However, shabbos has not always been part of that minhag. In the Europe of not so long ago many couples got married on a Friday before candle lighting. The choson was called up for an aliyah on Thursday at leining. Sometimes it was a Monday, sometimes a Shabbos.

And the term aufruf is not one that is used by everyone nor has it been used at all times. From the word I would imagine it had its origin in the Yeki community. My grandparents are Slovakian and my grandfather always talks about a choson ba'varfung, not an aufruf.

Anonymous said...

And in Israel they call it "shabbat chatan". My shabbat chatan was at the guesthouse of Kibbutz Kiryat Anavim, a few days after Tisha B'Av, and two days before our wedding on Tu B'Av. I'm a Yekke, so I called it both shabbat chatan and aufruf. We also called it "a place to keep all the relatives until the day of the wedding" :-)

My wife and I tried to find enough apartments to rent/use in Yerushalaim for all the family from the USA and elsewhere, but had no luck, so we ended up at the guesthouse instead.