The Arrogance of Gaivoh

Our use of language can get us into all sorts of sticky situations, and perhaps nowhere is this better illustrated than with the idea of gaivoh--arrogance.

Arrogance has both negative denotation and negative connotation. It's dictionary definition is: offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride; having or showing an exaggerated opinion of one's own importance, merit, ability, etc; conceited. It has been negative from its inception--c.1300, from O.Fr. arrogance (12c.), from L. arrogantia, from arrogantem (nom. arrogans ) "assuming, overbearing, insolent," prp. of arrogare "to claim for oneself, assume." It keeps company with a number of synonyms whose meanings are also negative, words such as haughtiness, insolence, and disdain.

In short, arrogance is not a personal virtue; one who displays arrogance lacks humility and modesty. It is bad enough when arrogance remains fairly individual-centered; that is, when the arrogance takes the form of personal boasting about accomplishments or possessions. Where the arrogance becomes intolerable is when it moves from personal boasting into the realm of putting down others.

Let's make a distinction now between statements of fact and arrogance. If, in the course of a discussion taking place among a group of students who have just received back test results, one student asks all the others "What mark did you get on the test?" and they all respond with their marks, none of those students can be said to be exhibiting arrogance when they report the numbers. This would be information gathering and fairly neutral. Now let's say that two students in that group both received a mark of "100" on the test and they both say so. Are they being arrogant in reporting a perfect score? Again, no--it's a factual matter. However...let's say student #1 simply answers "I got 100" and leaves it at that, but student #2 says "I aced the test as usual. Doesn't take much to get a perfect score on Mrs. G's tests" or perhaps "I got 100 of course." Now we've moved into the area of arrogance.

And what if no one actually asked the others what their scores were? What if student #2, unbidden, announces with glee to the others "What an easy test that was--I aced it of course!"? Now we're dealing with self-aggrandizement, and that is arrogance.

But let's move away from children--let's move on to adults. Not only are arrogant statements used to boast about personal qualities, characteristics and attainments, but they are used to put down others. Were I to boast that I am the best at something then that would mean that others around me can only be second best, if that.

This is not to say that in some some specific areas there is not a hierarchy of achievement in which some are rated as being on a higher level than others are. But that ranking is done based on specific requirements for attaining high ranking, requirements that everyone knows about and agrees to. What is more, those who are placed in the top ranks are PLACED there by others--their ranking is not based on what THEY say they know/have/do but on some sort of an objective scale of measurement. Thomas Edison is considered one of the most prolific and greatest inventors of all time but he didn't say so--others did and do.

Now to a look at Klal and how arrogance plays a huge part in its workings.

I mentioned in an earlier posting that talking about Klal as a unified whole is an error--it isn't, nor has it ever been. Go back in history not all that far to pre-War Europe and you will find that Klal was a highly splintered entity. One divide was the east-west divide. Western European Jews looked down on Eastern European Jews and Eastern European Jews looked down on Western European Jews. Each group believed themselves to be the best and had no problem with over-the-top aggrandizement of their own "superior" characteristics and achievements and no problem with putting down all the others.

Nor was the splintering strictly along the lines of West vs. East. Within each geographic area the arrogance flowed unbounded as people from country A looked down their noses at people from country B, where, even within the same country, people from city A looked down their noses at people from city B. And yes, even within the smaller confines of a single city people from area A of that city looked down their noses at people from area B. And yes, the divide also was global, as Europeans looked down their noses at non-Europeans. And then we had the ashkenazic/sephardic divide.

Well, here we are, living in the good old US of A, and you wouldn't know it in a lot of places as that European arrogance is alive and well and living in Klal. Despite the fact that most Jews living here were born here, there are some members of Klal who don't use American as their identification when talking to other members of Klal--they reach a long ways back and self-identify as German or Polish or Italian or Hungarian or what have you. Do they do so when speaking to others as a means of determining if that stranger they've just met might have come from the same area and maybe they are related way back on the tree? Nope, they don't. So what practical purpose can such self-identification serve today?

One purpose is as a social divider--you can't be part of my social group because we long ago did not come from the same place and where you came from is so not a place that was admired by my ancestors. It's purpose is exclusionary rather than inclusive.

Another purpose is to build a hierarchy within Klal--a totally artificial one. Depending on who is doing the ordering, some groups will be placed much higher than others, based on factors that are totally and completely idiosyncratic, without any real or factual basis, and not agreed upon by other members of Klal, whose ordering of the hierarchy will be radically different.

Still another purpose is for carrying forward the myths and half-truths that fed animosity in Europe and other parts of the globe, bringing history (or a highly perverted form of it) forward into the present. "Everyone" knows that people from place X were highly intelligent, well educated, wealthy and talented. "Everyone" knows that people from Place Y were peasants, uneducated, poor and backwards. Right---wrong! Making all statements about any group will lead to the inevitable conclusion that the statement is wrong in virtually every case. The "rule" as to what a "German" is or a "Pole" is or a "Hungarian" is or an "Italian" is or a "Russian" is has way more exceptions than it does examples that support the rule.

Okay, the purpose of this posting? We in Klal have a long history of pointing fingers elsewhere and blaming "them" when things go wrong--it can't possibly be our fault so it must be theirs. Look at the various communities living here in the NY area alone and you'll see that the geographic animosity is alive, well and mutated to include American places in addition to global ancestry. And then we've taken that geographic animosity and extended it to include highly artificial religious practices divisions. Look at those shidduch questionnaires and you will find anywhere from 10 to the sky is the limit listings of "what type" of Jew are you. "Frum" doesn't cover it any more--what type of frum are you? And the purpose for this type of nit picking categorization? Division.

Kol Yisroel Areivim? Not as long as a map of ancestral descendance plays a crucial role. Not so long as arrogance is the filter through which we deal with others.

Hurray for Fleishigs

There was something wildly gleeful last night about staring into the freezer at the choices of meat. Yes, meat. I don't normally rhapsodize about chickens but today is just a tad different. Last time we saw fleishigs in my house was Monday night and everyone is missing it. Please don't get me wrong--we happen to love milchigs in my house for the most part. And it's not like I just kept serving the same meal over and over again over yom tov. But I definitely have some meat and potato guys living here (and yes, a few gals also) and the thrill of cheesecake and trifle and fish in its many guises is wearing a little thin. (You know that you have milchigs overload when, in watching the birds feeding in the backyard, the conversation turns to how quail is considered a delicacy in uppercrust Europe, and how would you raise those quail so that you could shecht them properly.)

I'm inhaling deeply and the smell of cholent bathes me in a mist of delight. I've decided that there is a life lesson in here somewhere--perhaps something about balance across a spectrum of choices. Forget the philosophy--I've a chicken to bake. Have a gutten Shabbos.

A Gutten Yom Tov

Wishing all my readers a chag sameach with hopes that Shavuous will be for you a wonderful chag, one filled with happy moments and the creation of memories that you will cherish a lifetime.

And yes, please, make those memories. One has no idea of just how long any of us is going to live, so live the moments now to their fullest. Tomorrow marks for me the yahrzeit of my father, Yechezkle ben Yitzchok a"h, the 35th yahrzeit. So many years, and yet the memories created during his lifetime offer comfort now as I think back to all we shared and all I learned from him. May he be a melitz yosher for us all and may his neshomah have an aliyah.

And the Pain Keeps Marching On

Last week there were reports in various media, made by those supposedly in the know about these things, that food stuffs are expected to double in price by ten years from now. So, in 2011 whatever you are paying for food now, you'll be paying double then. In the grand scheme of things ten years is not all that long a time period.

What with yom tov coming, company for meals and a large kiddush in the house I've been doing a lot of shopping last week and this week. One thing I can tell you--the prices this year for produce are far higher than they were a few years ago, particularly given that we are in the growing season for a lot of this produce, a time when the prices traditionally used to go down. Now granted, prices have risen and risen steeply since I got married 39-1/2 years ago. No, we are never going to see 39 cents for a pound of ground chuck anymore. And I don't imagine we'll see 5 cents for an apple or 19 cents for a dozen eggs either. But given the steep rise just in the last few years when you are talking double you are talking serious money just for food.

And here is one thing I can predict, and I don't have to be a Harvard-trained economist to do so: wages will not double in the next ten years. While there has been a lot of discussion about which foods might be considered as wants or luxuries and which ones not, no one has found an alternative to eating to stay alive--we all have to do it, one way or the other. Ten years from now it just might be the other because for a whole lot of people the money just won't be there to buy everything they want or need.

Those who can't seem to get the knack for budgetting (or who don't see any reason to do so) are so going to be in big trouble in ten years from now. JS once asked me what I predict Klal is going to look like 50 years from now. Not sure about the 50 but I can tell you something about ten years from now: we are going to be in deep trouble unless we put into place some workable fixes now. We are already having trouble providing for the huge number of people with insufficient funds to maintain themselves and their families without outside help. A lot of that help involves providing food. If we are barely making it now, just how does anyone expect that we will continue giving that assistance ten years from now when costs are double? This I will predict--the programs will change and so will the recipients. I can see where any number of those programs are going to limit their donations of food to only those who are in desperate need despite trying to provide for themselves The key is provide for themselves. Those who think that working is antithetical to the frum life are going to be in for a really big surprise--if you don't work you won't eat. The entitlement mode of thinking is going to have to be scrapped (and I for one won't mind its demise at all) and young couples are going to have to face the music right from the beginning of their lives together.

Yup, it's going to be little things like potatoes, and tomatoes, and flour, and eggs and the whole panoply like them that are finally going to force some changes out of necessity. A lot of people in Klal right now are juggling any number of financial balls trying to keep afloat. Double the cost of food and those balls are going to come tumbling down.

Thank You Hashem

It's been a very busy day, what with marking end of term papers and preparing for a big kiddush on Shavuous. The last bunch of cakes is in the oven and I came downstairs to take a break. Why downstairs? Because outside of the sliding doors by my desk is the most amazing relaxation aid ever created--the backyard. And in that yard our resident wildlife freely roams, giving me a front row seat for the action. This time of day it's mostly a bird show, with the performers flitting on and off the stage. And what beautiful and uplifting creatures they are. Some come singly and some come in groups, and I am reminded once again about some of the truly lyrical and also truly strange names that are given to the different types of bird groups. Representatives of each of the following come and visit us, along with many others as well.

A group of jays (we get bluejays)--a band, party or scold of jays
A group of larks--an exaltation of larks
A group of finches--a charm, trembling, or trimming of finches
A group of quail--a bevy or covey of quail
A group of sparrows--a host, quarrel or ubiquity of sparrows
A group of wrens--a herd of wrens
A group of swallows--a flight or gulp of swallows
A group of ravens--a conspiracy, unkindness, murder or storytelling of ravens
A group of starlings--a numeration, scourge or chatter of starlings
A group of cardinals--a college, conclave, deck or radiance of cardinals
A group of hummingbirds--a charm or hover of hummingbirds
A group of robins--strangely enough there is no group name for this type of bird

We sometimes--often times--get so caught up in what man has created that we forget to look around us at the wonders that God has created. So yes, thank you Hashem for allowing me my little adventures and glances into the magnificence you provide in the great outdoors. Thank you for the sweet trill of birdsong. Thank you for letting me slow the pace a bit and look out in peace and contentment.

If You're a Fan

Today is National Doughnut Day. Yup, we've raised this doughy treat to national observation status. Should you be a fan there are all kinds of specials being run today by the various doughnut purveryors. For instance, Dunkin Doughnuts is offering a free doughnut with the purchase of any drink.

There's A Sucker Born Every Minute

I don't usually write postings that take to task other communities for their culinary habits. I am sort of making an exception with this posting. My offspring sent me a copy of a Kosher Koupons offer--pay only $99 instead of the regular price of $125 for the "incredible" package described below. The deal is for a kosher restaurant in the NJ area, not south but north. The restaurant describes itself as being "middle fancy."

Deal Overview
Here's a Shavuos meal that you can proudly admit that you didn't cook yourself.
How much would you pay for:
2 Large Egg Challahs
2 Water challah twist rolls
1 Large Broccoli Quiche 9"
1 Tray Penne Alla Vodka (feeds 8-10 people 9"x13" half tray)
1 Par Baked 12" Marguerita Pizza
1 Large 7" cheesecake
1 Litre of Rieme Lemonade (Made in France)

Go ahead shoppers and cooks out there--tell me just how many meals and of what variety you could produce given $99 to go shopping with? Shall I mention the total inbalance of nutrients in this meal? How about that the portion sizes are seriously out of whack--penne that will feed 8-10 but nothing else that matches that number in the other dishes.

And personally speaking, the day will never arrive when I proudly admit I didn't personally cook a meal for yom tov.

For a community where the school tuitions average out at about $15K per child and everyone is yelling that tuition is too high and they can't afford it or it is seriously straining their budgets, perhaps they should look at their eating habits a bit more closely. If this represents a desireable bargain (and I'll assume the restaurant knows its customer base), please don't tell me what expensive in this area looks like.

Yes, there's a reason for why I personally feel that everyone should learn how to cook--the offer above is part of that reason.