Thursday, November 13, 2008

Please, tell me it just aint so

I'd really love to be able to say that it was the codeine in my cough medicine that was giving me hallucinations, but the evidence is there in full living color in front of me. The catalogs for the holiday shopping season have begun arriving en masse. Given some of the items that are being touted as "must have," I think that manufacturers have finally gone over the edge. I leafed through the catalogs wondering what sane person would come up with the ideas for some of these products, and wondering if any sane person would really buy them.

One nifty little catalog was chock full of buying ideas all centered around legs and feet. Never mind the tights that can be personalized with your name embroidered up the legs of the tights. Never mind the adult slippers in the shape of reindeer with bells attached to the antlers. Never mind the sports socks that can be personalized with your photo on them. And never mind something they call "Eau d'ped"--a unique perfume blended, as stated in the product description, to "especially enhance foot aroma." How about special order neon pantyhose in all the colors special for the season that will glow when exposed to fluorescent lighting? And my all around favorite was the glow-in-the-dark polish for your toenails. It comes in 16 "fabulous" colors and, as the ad stated, the polish guarantees that "you will never lose track of where your feet are again."

Please tell me it isn't so, but have any of you in the present or in the past ever lost track of where your feet are? Even with a codeine buzz I am 100% certain my feet are still at the ends of my legs. I have misplaced many things in my life but I can't even begin to imagine how I would lose track of my feet. I do believe that these products are manufactured in China. Clearly someone whose grasp of English is tenuous at best wrote the blurbs for the catalog. At least that is what I'm hoping. Because if not, somewhere in this world there must be someone searching desperately for the feet he/she has lost track of. If you locate that person you might want to do a chesed and send them a bottle of this miracle polish. It's only $3.95 a bottle plus shipping and handling. A bargain in any language.

What's that old saying about there being a sucker born every minute?


SuperRaizy said...

That's so funny that you would write about this today- just yesterday, I got a "breakfast catalog" in the mail. They sell gift packages of English muffins, pancake mix, loaves of bread, etc. through the mail at astronomical prices. I immediately thought "who would spend so much money on English muffins and danish?"

Anonymous said...

I am reminded of a joke "magic trick" that was popular when I was in the early elementary grades. The trickster would ask his counterpart to stick out a hand, stick his hands on either side and start moving his hands around in the manner of a sharper playing the shell game. When he stopped he would ask "OK, which one is yours?" I would not have thought this amusing to anyone beyond the age of 7, but what do I know.

Knitter of shiny things said...

I'm not sure whether or not I've commented about this before, but a few months ago I was shopping with my parents, and I saw orthopedic memory foam dog beds being sold for about $200 (I think. It was a while ago.) What kind of dog needs a memory foam bed?

Anonymous said...

Okay, so maybe I've spent too much time in yeshiva and missed some things of importance in the outside world, but does foot aroma really need enhancing? Like is this a super important social problem that needs addressing?

Bas~Melech said...

I was just excited to see that they've finally started advertising a solar-powered flashlight.


(Ok, so it stores energy during daylight hours. So what. The irony is still there.)

Anonymous said...

We got a garden catalogue that listed an item to get rid of moles that might be digging up the garden. usually this item is just a pole you stick into the ground that has an electrical charge and the moles run away from it. But this new and improved item has a small music player attached to it that broadcasts music underground that is supposed to be even better at getting rid of the moles. It comes with prerecorded rap music that the ad guarantees will "drive the moles crazy and drive them out." The cost was only $99. The rap music drives me crazy so I guess it just might work on the moles.