I received a copy of a flyer via email that kind of has me scratching my head. It's for an evening being sponsored by The Erna Lindenfeld Hachnosas Kallah Fund of Queens. Parents of singles and the general public are invited to hear Shaya Ostrow, MSW, author of The Inner Circle: Seven Gates to Marriage, as he gives insights into "Empowering Parents Through the Challenge of Shidduchim." This program will be Tuesday evening, July 14, 7:30 p.m., Lander College, 4th floor, Kew Garden Hills.
What part has me scratching my head? The "Empowering Parents" part. Taken at face value that word empowering would lead me to believe that parents are not at present empowered, kind of a hard concept to have to swallow. But if you link parents with shidduchim it might be a bit more intelligible: a whole lot of parents who feel they have absolutely no control over any of the shidduch making process. (Although an awful lot of singles would challenge that vociferously.) And yet.... Parents are going to be empowered through the challenge of those shidduchim?
I'll admit that I have been guilty a time or two of aggrandizing a program I've been asked to do the publicity for: kind of difficult otherwise to distinguish one PTA "come and buy what we have for sale because we need the money" kind of evening from others just like it. And yes, I once advertised an evening where we were having a speaker as being "A Night of Glittering Jewels," basically because the speaker hadn't yet decided what he would be speaking about, but he was the shul President's brother, and woe betide anyone who would simply have put down "Topic to be decided later" or "He has no idea what he's going to talk about but we guarantee that he'll be talking."
Some day I'd like to see someone be really honest and advertise a speech like this: "Hey folks, there's good news and there's bad news, and you're going to hear some of both, although the bad news probably outweighs the good news. But hey, our speaker is going to try and make you feel better even if that isn't going to change much. Besides, it's a chance for you to gather with others in your sorry boat and co-kvetch."
Whatever happened to plain, simple English, the kind that doesn't require 15 minutes of study to understand, if that's even possible? Or to quote Mark Twain, from his short story "A Fable," "He said that when it took a whole basketful of sesquipedalian adjectives to whoop up a thing of beauty, it was time for suspicion. ..."
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
So, Where Is It?
Back in September of 2008 there was a very public to do about the Sexual Abuse Task Force that Dov Hikind was forming to investigate child abuse in the yeshiva system. If you will remember R' Benzion Twerski was supposed to spearhead that Task Force but resigned after threats were made against his family. Hikind promised that the Task Force would still go forward.
Okay, it's now the beginning of July. Anyone out there with any knowledge that such a task force exists, existed or did anything with the knowledge that Hikind publicly proclaimed that he had about "hundreds" of cases of such abuse? Back then I made a comment that I hoped and prayed would be proven to be wrong, wrong, wrong: I said that "when I hear a politician is forming yet another commission, I don't hold out much hope for any action being taken."
So, please make my day and tell me that that Task Force is out there and working hard at ridding us of the predators who have been shielded for so long. Some good news coming out of Klal would be nice for a change.
Okay, it's now the beginning of July. Anyone out there with any knowledge that such a task force exists, existed or did anything with the knowledge that Hikind publicly proclaimed that he had about "hundreds" of cases of such abuse? Back then I made a comment that I hoped and prayed would be proven to be wrong, wrong, wrong: I said that "when I hear a politician is forming yet another commission, I don't hold out much hope for any action being taken."
So, please make my day and tell me that that Task Force is out there and working hard at ridding us of the predators who have been shielded for so long. Some good news coming out of Klal would be nice for a change.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Word Play for Groan-ups
Thanks to one of my colleagues for sending the following to me. A few you may have heard or read before, but most are new verbal bullets, sure to cause groaning when they hit. Didn't you know that groaning is very good for you healthwise? Groaning on a regular basis can prevent the accumulation of gaseous fumes in the intestines (there's a reason there is a PU in the word pun), as well as stimulating the cerebral cortex. Enjoy!
CREATIVE PUNS FOR "EDUCATED MINDS"
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2.. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said,
'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your Count that votes.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
CREATIVE PUNS FOR "EDUCATED MINDS"
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2.. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said,
'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your Count that votes.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
Haveil Havalim #224
The latest edition of Haveil Havalim can be found at
http://atimeofthesigns.blogspot.com/2009/06/haveil-havalim-224-fourth-of-july.html
Some good reading, so go and enjoy.
http://atimeofthesigns.blogspot.com/2009/06/haveil-havalim-224-fourth-of-july.html
Some good reading, so go and enjoy.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Bringing it Down to a Really Human Level
So much has been written and spoken about the present economic crisis. Foremost in the minds of many Jews has been the high cost of being frum, as frum is constituted now. Everything mentioned costs in the thousands and the hundred thousands--yeshiva tuition, homes in frum neighborhoods, simcha making etc.. I am not unsympathetic to those who look at frum expenses and look at salaries of $50K, $100K, $200K and upward and ask the frustrated question "How? How will any of this get paid for?!!"
But today I got a different economic lesson that put a lot of things into perspective vis a vis what constitutes a money crunch and "not making it." I went to my regular gas station to fill up my car. Yes, I said "fill it up please" when I drove in. I noticed with some displeasure the high prices that are again in affect for gas--$2.85-9/10 at this station--and I was grouchy about the cost, but I said "fill it up." Another car pulled up to the gas island directly across from me. The woman at the wheel told the attendant that she would like $2.00 worth of gas. Both he and I stared at her. $2.00? The attendant started to say that they wouldn't sell less than one gallon of gas, but the woman forestalled him, and in a tearful voice begged him to please sell her that $2 dollar's worth of gas. She told him that all she had in her wallet was $2 and the car was on empty and she needed to put in the gas so she could go to work and pick up her paycheck. She promised him she would come back for more gas when she had money to pay for it, but without that 2/3 of a gallon she was going to be not only out of gas but out of money for everything she needed, like paying her rent and buying food. The attendant carefully squeezed out the $2 worth of gas, with the woman silently crying behind the wheel of the car.
The next time any of us is tempted to complain about our $45K tuition and our $18K camp bills, perhaps we should remember that woman and give thanks that our worries are far better funded then we will admit they are. Our problem is that we are having trouble having the tuition and the camps and the large houses and the fancy anything you want to name all at the same time.
What, I wonder, would we do if the "tank" were truly on empty and all that we had was $2?
But today I got a different economic lesson that put a lot of things into perspective vis a vis what constitutes a money crunch and "not making it." I went to my regular gas station to fill up my car. Yes, I said "fill it up please" when I drove in. I noticed with some displeasure the high prices that are again in affect for gas--$2.85-9/10 at this station--and I was grouchy about the cost, but I said "fill it up." Another car pulled up to the gas island directly across from me. The woman at the wheel told the attendant that she would like $2.00 worth of gas. Both he and I stared at her. $2.00? The attendant started to say that they wouldn't sell less than one gallon of gas, but the woman forestalled him, and in a tearful voice begged him to please sell her that $2 dollar's worth of gas. She told him that all she had in her wallet was $2 and the car was on empty and she needed to put in the gas so she could go to work and pick up her paycheck. She promised him she would come back for more gas when she had money to pay for it, but without that 2/3 of a gallon she was going to be not only out of gas but out of money for everything she needed, like paying her rent and buying food. The attendant carefully squeezed out the $2 worth of gas, with the woman silently crying behind the wheel of the car.
The next time any of us is tempted to complain about our $45K tuition and our $18K camp bills, perhaps we should remember that woman and give thanks that our worries are far better funded then we will admit they are. Our problem is that we are having trouble having the tuition and the camps and the large houses and the fancy anything you want to name all at the same time.
What, I wonder, would we do if the "tank" were truly on empty and all that we had was $2?
Yup, I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy
This may not be the land of my birth, but it's the land that welcomed my family in when Europe tossed us on the garbage heap and hoped we'd rot. Yup, I can complain about the actions of our elected officials and our government with the best of 'em, and I do so knowing that is a gracious gift my country has given to me: the right to complain, to point out where things need changing or doing better. And on this day before Independence Day, I happily read the words that others have penned in praise of our country, and I share them with you. Not a bad thing to remember just why it is that millions of others envy us our land. And when some try to take God out of the equation, it's nice to read words that clearly understand that without God it's all fuzzy math.
America the Beautiful
Words by Katharine Lee Bates,
Melody by Samuel Ward
O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!
O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassioned stress
A thoroughfare of freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God mend thine every flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law!
O beautiful for heroes proved
In liberating strife.
Who more than self their country loved
And mercy more than life!
America! America!
May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness
And every gain divine!
O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!
O beautiful for halcyon skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the enameled plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till souls wax fair as earth and air
And music-hearted sea!
O beautiful for pilgrims feet,
Whose stem impassioned stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till paths be wrought through
wilds of thought
By pilgrim foot and knee!
O beautiful for glory-tale
Of liberating strife
When once and twice,
for man's avail
Men lavished precious life!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till selfish gain no longer stain
The banner of the free!
O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till nobler men keep once again
Thy whiter jubilee!
(written by Samuel Francis Smith; the tune used for this song is "God Save the Queen", the British National Anthem)
My country tis of thee,
Sweet land of liberty,
Of thee I sing.
Land where my fathers died!
Land of the Pilgrim's pride!
From every mountain side,
Let freedom ring!
My native country, thee,
Land of the noble free,
Thy name I love.
I love thy rocks and rills,
Thy woods and templed hills;
My heart with rapture fills
Like that above.
Let music swell the breeze,
And ring from all the trees
Sweet freedom's song.
Let mortal tongues awake;
Let all that breathe partake;
Let rocks their silence break,
The sound prolong.
Our father's God to, Thee,
Author of liberty,
To Thee we sing.
Long may our land be bright
With freedom's holy light;
Protect us by Thy might,
Great God, our King!
America the Beautiful
Words by Katharine Lee Bates,
Melody by Samuel Ward
O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!
O beautiful for pilgrim feet
Whose stern impassioned stress
A thoroughfare of freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God mend thine every flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law!
O beautiful for heroes proved
In liberating strife.
Who more than self their country loved
And mercy more than life!
America! America!
May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness
And every gain divine!
O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!
O beautiful for halcyon skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the enameled plain!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till souls wax fair as earth and air
And music-hearted sea!
O beautiful for pilgrims feet,
Whose stem impassioned stress
A thoroughfare for freedom beat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till paths be wrought through
wilds of thought
By pilgrim foot and knee!
O beautiful for glory-tale
Of liberating strife
When once and twice,
for man's avail
Men lavished precious life!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till selfish gain no longer stain
The banner of the free!
O beautiful for patriot dream
That sees beyond the years
Thine alabaster cities gleam
Undimmed by human tears!
America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
Till nobler men keep once again
Thy whiter jubilee!
(written by Samuel Francis Smith; the tune used for this song is "God Save the Queen", the British National Anthem)
My country tis of thee,
Sweet land of liberty,
Of thee I sing.
Land where my fathers died!
Land of the Pilgrim's pride!
From every mountain side,
Let freedom ring!
My native country, thee,
Land of the noble free,
Thy name I love.
I love thy rocks and rills,
Thy woods and templed hills;
My heart with rapture fills
Like that above.
Let music swell the breeze,
And ring from all the trees
Sweet freedom's song.
Let mortal tongues awake;
Let all that breathe partake;
Let rocks their silence break,
The sound prolong.
Our father's God to, Thee,
Author of liberty,
To Thee we sing.
Long may our land be bright
With freedom's holy light;
Protect us by Thy might,
Great God, our King!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Please,No More Michael!
For those of you who are wondering if the news media have finally lost it completely, drop in on Super Raizy and she'll explain it for all of us "dumb" people.
http://superraizy.blogspot.com/
http://superraizy.blogspot.com/
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