Heading off Trouble Before It Starts

MotherinIsrael and Orthonomics both posted about an Israeli organization, Paamonim, that helps those in financial trouble organize themselves and get out of debt, and teaches them better budgeting so they won't fall back in debt. So I began thinking: what if we could prevent that debt to begin with? What if budgeting were taught before things get bad?

You hear a lot about choson and kallah classes for engaged couples. The rav who was my m'sader kedushin insisted on meeting with any couples he would be marrying to speak to them about their future plans. But to my knowledge no one insists that engaged couples be taught about the truly practical issues of marriage, like finances and budgeting.

So here is an idea, and it shouldn't be all that hard to put into place. Let's make it mandatory that frum engaged couples also have to have a session or two with a pre-marriage financial counselor. At a time that it is going to start to matter, let them get the information about what the real costs of marriage are. No couple should leave this counselor's office without a filled out working budget with ALL possibilities accounted for. And they should also be given a working budget plan for when children appear, with all the new expenses that brings. In the same way that a choson or kallah teacher tells his/her students that disagreements should not be left to fester but that there are proper ways to handle them, a financial counselor could also talk about debts that are left to fester, and about how to avoid those debts. And forget talking about plastic tablecloths and marriage; it's far more important to talk about plastic credit cards and marriage.

Quite frankly, we tell them everything they need to know about sex and forget that married life is not only about sexual matters. The media have long touted the fact that the number one area of disagreement for married couples, the number one factor causing marital strife is money, not sex. We have sex pretty much covered, and it's time to put our efforts into money.

If someone is looking to do a chesed for Klal, then start an organization whose sole purpose would be financially educating engaged couples. Let this organization develop budgeting materials and financial planning packages that address money and marriage before the problems begin. Surely it is easier to vaccinate against a disease rather than having to try and cure someone of the disease once it has taken hold. And until that organization actually arrives on the scene, shuls could help by requiring their engaged members to attend a class or two given by financial experts. And here is a thought as well; let that organization prepare materials appropriate for high school students and let their volunteers go in each year for a lesson or two on financial planning and responsibility before the students find themselves engaged to be married.

And here's another thought. There are lots of women out there, and yes, men too, who are really great shoppers. How about those shoppers taking a group of kallahs into a supermarket and showing them the techniques of how to save money while shopping? I once did a posting on toilet paper and how not all papers are created equal and how some are better bargains than others. Maybe we need to not only tell kallahs that there are ways to hold down expenses when shopping but show them as well. As the movie said: "Show me the money!"

Yes, I know, I'm talking about creating yet another organization. But this organization would not be doing duplicate work of other organizations. And it's the type of organization that would need all those accountants and business people who have been complaining that many tzedaka and chesed organizations are not organized in a business-like fashion. This type of organization would allow them to put their money and efforts where their mouths have been.