On Applying for a Job--a Boss's Lament

You stride in full of confidence,
And there's pride on your face too.
What boss in his right mind
Wouldn't jump to hire you?

You're sure the job is yours for the taking,
It's only a matter of money.
Well, bochur, I've got something to say,
And I don't think you'll find it funny.

The world of work is not waiting
With its arms opened wide.
It's going to take some effort on your part
If you want to get inside.


It's more than just sauntering in and saying,
"So when do I start?"
You're going to have to audition
If you expect to get the part.


There's lots more like you waiting.
What do you have to offer?
What are you bringing to me
That a job I should proffer?


I owe you nothing bochur,
But here's what you'll owe me:
A full day's skillful working
To earn a salary.


This isn't a tzedaka--
My business is my livelihood.
Why should I endanger my family
On a worker who's not good?


The only question you have for me is
"How much am I going to get?"
Back up a minute bochur,
We're not up to salary yet.

First send me in your resume,
'cuz first I have to read,
If you have anything of the qualities
That the job I'm offering needs.

I'm happy for you bochur
That gemorah you can learn
Now what are you going to do in addition
A living for your family to earn?

You're asking me for a job,
It's not the other way.
So just what can you bring me
That will persuade me you to pay?

This is my world that you're entering,
The rules aren't yours to make,
So I'm asking you now bochur,
Do you have what it's going to take?

I'm not being cruel here, son,
I'm being down to earth.
When you first start out working,
I'll pay you what you're worth.

And it will make me happy, son,
If your work I can praise,
Because then, son, and not before,
You just might get a raise.

But first, bochur, you need to go home
And ruminate oh so carefully,
About all the things you yet need to learn
Before you can work for me.