I just got an interesting message about the engagement of a former student of many years past. The message can be condensed to one line: "You were right." Six years ago I tried and tried to get this young man to take out a particular girl I thought would fit his personality to a tee. I tried and got nowhere. The girl in question did not fit what the boy said he was looking for, what his parents said he needed, what his rabbaim said he needed, what his friends said he needed and what the man behind the counter at the local corner grocery store said he needed. And to be truthful, the young lady was not herself enthusiastic about going out with him--see all the reasons why the boy should not date her and substitute she for he.
I've mentioned before that for a shidduch to come to fruition it has to be not only the right person but happen at the right time. Apparently six years ago was not the right time. Earlier this summer the boy and his parents were in Israel and staying at a Jerusalem hotel. On their second night there a table for three was not available in the dining room they wanted to eat in. All that was immediately available was a larger table, and they'd have to share with another family. They were hungry so they agreed to the share. Yup, you guessed it. The new kallah's family was that other family, kallah included. The meal went so well that they arranged to spend most of their meals together. And a funny thing happened during those meal times: all the previous reasons why this couple should not go out, could not possibly be a couple, dissolved into thin air. Reality took over and bumped conjecture out of the picture. Apparently "a jug of wine, a loaf of bread and thou" did the trick.
Nope, this wasn't a shidduch that I can take credit for. The "shadchan" credit here goes to the Ribboneh Shel Olam. Without exception and with no caveats, He is the Chief Shadchan, and does a so much better job than His sometimes human helpers do. Now if only others, stubbornly holding to the idea that only today's convoluted shidduch methodology is the right way to make a shidduch, would take heed of the lesson to be learned here. They need to understand that "there is more than one way to skin a cat."
6 comments:
If I had a dime for all of the people who told my Rebbetzin/me that they knew both of us beforehand, but they were sure it could never work... Thank Gd one person had a different perspective.
Hashem is the ultimate Shadchan who puts the dominoes in place. Who ever heard being asked to share a dinner table with another family in an establishment?
Except for the place of meeting this could have been the story of how my husband and I met. We turned down a date with each other to about half a dozen different people who suggested it over a few years. On paper we couldn't possibly be compatible. Only you don't live your life on a piece of paper. When we were accidentally thrown together we discovered something--we were perfect for each other even if not for the reasons that got put on those shidduch resumes. According to those we weren't perfect for each other. Lesson we learned? We are never going to fill out one of those crazy resumes for our kids when the time comes--they're mostly not worth the price of the paper and ink involved.
"Apparently six years ago was not the right time."
maybe it was the right time. heck, maybe it would have even been a even better time. but instead meddling forces intervened
in any case, mazal tov!
Along the lines of what Abba said, I wonder if circumstances like this make one reevaluate how well these parents, rabbis, and friends know the person involved or at the very least hoe well these people know what the person involved "needs".
It would be highly ironic if the person then turns to these parents, rabbis, and friends for relationship advice when they've already guided them so poorly.
Thanks for posting this :)
I fleetingly met my wife-to-be 5 years before we "re-met" each other and started going out.
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