Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Do You Love Me?

Ezzie has an interesting post up entitled "Romantic Sparks." Part of the posting discusses the idea of love--whatever that is--and the social/courting habits of the younger frum elements. When you are told that love is something that will happen after marriage, you might just wonder how you will know when it arrives.

I still believe that the following is a pretty good analysis of what happens when youngsters are encouraged to "just do it" when it comes to marriage, and what happens many years down the road. A lot of people find humor in the song; some mist up at what they see as sentimentality unmasked. I find the last four exchanges as worthy of note. There's the use of the word "suppose," with its tentative denotation/connotation. And to end off, knowing your spouse loves you "doesn't change a thing." Sad to say, too many marriages today aren't the Broadway "hit" that Fiddler was, and a whole lot don't get to the twenty-five year point. Or maybe too many couples are following a different song that was popular not all that long ago--"What's Love Got to Do With It?"

(Tevye)"Golde, I have decided to give Perchik permission to become engaged to our daughter, Hodel
."(Golde)"What??? He's poor! He has nothing, absolutely nothing!"
(Tevye)"He's a good man, Golde. I like him. And what's more important, Hodel likes him. Hodel loves him. So what can we do? It's a new world... A new world. Love. Golde..."Do you love me?
(Golde)Do I what?
(Tevye)Do you love me?
(Golde)Do I love you?With our daughters getting married, And this trouble in the townY,ou're upset, you're worn out, Go inside, go lie down! Maybe it's indigestion.
(Tevye)"Golde I'm asking you a question..."Do you love me?
(Golde)You're a fool
(Tevye)"I know..."But do you love me?
(Golde)Do I love you? For twenty-five years I've washed your clothes,Cooked your meals, cleaned your house,Given you children, milked the cow. After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?
(Tevye)Golde, The first time I met you Was on our wedding day.I was scared
(Golde)I was shy
(Tevye)I was nervous
(Golde)So was I
(Tevye)But my father and my mother Said we'd learn to love each other And now I'm asking, Golde. Do you love me?
(Golde)I'm your wife
(Tevye)"I know..."But do you love me?
(Golde)Do I love him?For twenty-five years I've lived with him,Fought with him, starved with him. Twenty-five years my bed is his.If that's not love, what is?
(Tevye)Then you love me?
(Golde)I suppose I do
(Tevye)And I suppose I love you too
(Both)It doesn't change a thing,But even so,After twenty-five years,It's nice to know.


Gail said...

My mom once told me that the answer to the love question is 'yes' full stop. He'll take that how ever he thinks of love and you gave it how ever you think of love. Getting into a philosophical discussion about how to define love only gets you into hot water. Besides, mom also said that the bigger problem is that lots of people love each other but don't like each other very much. A lot more daily living has to do with like then with love.

Ezzie said...

What Gail said.

People think too much in some ways, and that can be damaging.

JS said...

Always loved that song. Then again, I love Fiddler (sunrise, sunset and chavahle always make me cry).

I think the lack of love (however you define it) is responsible for the rash of divorces in our community (I've heard of 4 couples getting divorced in the last 2-3 months, all with kids).

Maybe there are different social pressures, different expectations nowadays, but the "trust me, you'll grow to love him/her" doesn't seem to apply anymore.

I'm a strong believer in dating for a while - at least long enough to see the person in different situations and talk about different situations. Above all else, I think one needs to see if the other person is selfish or unkind, those are the two things that I think will kill a relationship eventually.