It's All a Coverup

Figuring out what clothes will cost a young couple is almost impossible. This is a case where the factors affecting spending are so variable as to make one figure impossible. But let's look at those factors.

What you do. If you are sitting and learning your required "uniform" is pretty much set. You can get away with far fewer clothes since you are wearing the same thing day in and day out, always assuming that laundry is being done frequently. Your chavrusa is highly unlikely to notice if a button is missing or if your cuffs are fraying. If you are working in an office someone just might notice if you've worn the same shirt and tie 30 days running. Frayed shirt cuffs and obviously patched pants are frowned upon. You will need more clothes. Women who are working will clearly need to have more clothes as they cannot, unlike a man, wear the same black suit and same white blouse with it five days in a row. That's not a fashion statement but a female fact of life. If you want to avoid having people talk and talk about you, you are going to wear something different each day in a week. If you are a woman staying at home with young children then your daytime clothing does not have to be as varied. Note "does not have to be." The owner of the local grocery is just not going to remember that you wore the same skirt and top when you were in 4 days before. Clothing is far more casual if you are a stay at home mom, or at least should be.

Where you live. Frum communities have "standards" of dress. It is sometimes difficult if not impossible to figure out just who is setting these standards but they exist and are known about by the residents of these communities. Some communities are more formal in their requirements then others. Women who go out of their homes to shop and run errands and go to their children's schools are expected to be dressed in a certain way, or at least certain types of clothing are frowned upon. Years back one of the Borough Park Bais Yaakov schools sent home a note to parents that mothers who were coming to pick up their children were not to be wearing hats or tichels but were to be wearing sheitlach. Everyone complied. What constitutes casual wear in one community might well be Shabbos wear in another. Skirt lengths, skirt material, foot wear, types of stockings, types of coats etc. all have to meet community standards, standards that can and do change every few years. Of course you can decide to wear what you want and the standards be damned, but do not discount the discomfort level if you are always the odd man out.

Outsiders who come into a community for visiting or shopping can be spotted immediately because of the way they are dressed. Here in the US the worst that can happen is that you get strange looks. In Israel, dressing wrong can get you beaten up or "chased out of Dodge."

This applies to men as well, although in a more limited sense. If you are wearing jeans or chinos in a community where black slacks is the norm, you are going to get funny looks and you are going to be talked about, sometimes to your face, and mostly behind your back.

Social Obligations: This is more of a problem for women then for men. Various types of social affairs require different types of clothing. Conversation in a clothing store: Chaya--I really like this skirt! Malka--but where will you be able to wear it? Chaya--I was thinking to Rivka's vort with a nice top. Malka--nope, not a vort skirt. Maybe for Shabbos afternoon? Chaya--Nah, a little over the top for the afternoon. Malka--would probably be good for a kiddush in shul. Chaya--you can't wear a skirt to shul on Shabbos, only a suit! Malka--maybe for a bris? Yeah, that might work but only with the right top. Chaya--I don't see any of those tops here. Malka--yeah, nice skirt but it has no place to really go.

There is no social aspect of frum lives that doesn't seem to have a "required" uniform. Woe betide the woman who doesn't get with the program. And just to make things more fun, the required uniform changes every few years. You really think you are going to be able to wear that "little black dress" for the next 20 years?

Overheard at a l'chaim: "That woman really should not have worn such an inappropriate outfit. All it does is force the rest of us to speak loshon horah"

Go ahead, make a detailed list of all the various types of social functions and community functions you are likely to attend, and then list all the types of clothing needed to be "properly" dressed at those functions.


Men actually have it a lot easier in this area. A black suit and a white shirt takes you through an awful lot of social functions.

The ins and outs of style. Books could and have been written on dressing stylishly. What they all boil down to is this: styles change--frequently. Ergo, you are going to have to go shopping to stay in style. Styles change seasonally, so fall's colors will not be spring's colors, and this season's hem lines will not be next season's hem lines. And men's fashion is not immune from change either, although the changes remain around for longer. Flat front trousers versus pleated front trousers. Two button suits versus three or four button suits. Straight leg pants versus flared leg pants. Trouser cuffs versus no cuffs.

Style addiction is a very real problem in many frum communities. And it is partially fueled by having clothing stores in the community, owned by frum people who are not going to make a living if you wear the same suit for the next 10 years.


The Cleaner Must Have Shrunk My Suit: Weight and size fluctuate, sometimes for biological reasons and sometimes for many other reasons. Women and men frequently have multiple wardrobes--the before and after method of getting dressed. It seems that the answer to "this doesn't fit right any more" is to go shopping rather than to try and do something about any weight loss or gain. Newly married couples in their first few years are particularly prone to this malady.

So How Much Will Clothing Cost Us? If you are trying to figure out how much to budget for clothing then first make a list of absolutely everything that you can wear. Don't just stick to the obvious. Underwear also needs to be paid for. And socks and stockings. And gloves and scarfs. And foot wear of all kinds such as various kinds of shoes, boots, and slippers. And robes and pajamas and nightgowns. And hats, male and female. Now figure out what kinds of activities you will be participating in. Ask yourself what community standards are where you are living. And be honest and rate yourself on the "I want to be in style" scale. And then really be honest and ask yourself where you are willing to shop--does it have to be Lord and Taylors or Bloomingdales or one of the "Avenue" shops? Or are you willing to spend some time in the discount malls or online?

Toss this figure into your budget--and it is way too low for many, many people that I know--at least as a place holder to remind you that clothing has to be paid for. Let's add in "only" $2500 a year for clothing the two of you. That brings our total for a place to live, cars, food and clothing to $60,700. After tax income. And you're not finished yet. There is more, way more, that needs to go into the budget.

To be continued.