Monday, January 28, 2008

The You-have-to-be-Kidding Awards

Every newspaper brings with it the news of another award program for the best or worst "something" of the year. I think it would be "fun" for Klal to have its own yearly awards. There are surely enough categories. I'm thinking along the lines of an award "for a food that has the most hechsherim on it and still is not eaten by everyone." Or maybe one to the store that sells "the highest priced denim skirt in New York City, and therefore the world." Or perhaps the "Speaking While Brain is Not Engaged Award" to the Rosh Yeshiva who a good few years back "ossured" wearing any sheitlach with red in them since "red hair is the color of "pritzus," and Klal should have no redheads. On behalf of my mom, who had red hair pre-sheitle, and on behalf of my husband's family, which abounds in redheads, thank you for making us wonder why genetics and Hashem put this mark on us.

So, do you have an award you would like to see given? Please write and nominate your favorite absurdity.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have a nominee for the most ridiculous piece of clothing sold in Boro Park award. A 13th Ave. childrens store is selling a stretchy in a 3 month size for $76,imported of course, and it's dry clean only! Who drycleans baby clothes?!

justlooking said...

I'm nominating this for "the strangest label" award. A cholov yisroel candy bar which has chocolate and nuts in it has a warning label by the ingredients that says "this product may contain dairy products and nuts." Only may contain?

Bas~Melech said...

Anono, add to that the pearl/fake-diamond pacifier clips and we've got a prize!

And let's not forget the timeless "silliest shidduch question" and "ridiculous requirements" categories. I nominate "beautiful neshoma." :D

(Prof, you've really got me nervous now, how can I tell if my neshoma's beautiful enough?! I can keep my size down and do my hair, but come on... BTW, I figured out where I've heard the expression before. Isn't that what they used to say about people when they didn't have anything else exceptional to say? As in, Q:"Is she gorgeous? Brilliant? Size 0? Rich?" A: "Well, she has a beautiful neshoma.")

Chaya said...

How about an award for strange advertising that uses English but you have to wonder? A local store advertised Yom Tov makeup--"Makeup you can count on--it stays on for ever. Guaranteed for a lifetime."

G said...

How about the "Obsessed With Being Recognized As Legitimate By Those More 'Religious' Than You" award.

Awarded to just about every self defined Jew on the planet :)

Ari said...

Separate seating at a singles' event or shiur?

Bas~Melech said...

Thanks to Chaya for triggering the idea: Most yinglish in one piece of writing. There are two categories for this award:
1. Most yiddish words spelled out in a supposedly English article. (This is measured as a ratio of yiddish to total words)
2. Most English words spelled out in Yiddish in a supposedly Yiddish article (seen mainly in advertisements)

jewtoo said...

I have to nominate the sign up in a local kosher grocery. "Our selling brands with particular hechsherim does not indicate our endorsement of the kashrus level of any product." Okay, I'll bite, what does their selling those brands actually do?

Bas~Melech said...

jewtoo -- it indicates their desire to turn a profit by selling what people will buy.

Jake said...

Given your latest posting I'll nominate the whole flatbush wig story for the biggest deal made about something that should never have been made award.

Anonymous said...

My shviger gets the how to drive a Jewish hostess crazy award. A cousin from Europe came to NY and she offered to hold a dinner so that all the cousins could meet at once. She had to cook not one but five different types of chickens so that everyone would have the hechsher they would eat, never mind all the chumras on the ingredients for the side dishes. She cooked all the chickens in separate foil containers and covered them and left them all in one oven to stay warm. One cousin refused to eat his chicken because it had been kept warm with all the other chickens whose hechsher he won't use. The best part is that when everyone was leaving they said they should all do this again more often. I know I heard the shviger mumbel Not while I'm still living.