tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2096776708897685863.post7098299218335660864..comments2024-02-23T04:39:49.329-05:00Comments on Conversations in Klal: No More, Please!!!ProfKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17954446826821665314noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2096776708897685863.post-51663321768293515252011-10-31T00:21:14.929-04:002011-10-31T00:21:14.929-04:00Will Eisner can be a very controversial artist/wri...Will Eisner can be a very controversial artist/writer especially his New York stories where he gently mocks nebbish New Yorkers and people who live in quiet existentialist despair.<br /><br />Quiet existentialist despair is not a good shidduch date.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2096776708897685863.post-47787603112014093972011-09-09T11:33:01.866-04:002011-09-09T11:33:01.866-04:00Trudy,
I don't understand what's so diffi...Trudy,<br /><br />I don't understand what's so difficult. The opportunities are only limited if you limit your way of thinking or limit what is "acceptable." I met my wife in college. We both went to the same secular university and were involved in the Orthodox group there. I know of several other couples from our university that met in the exact same way. I know people from other secular universities that met that way and I even know many YU/Stern couples as well. They may be on different campuses, but that hasn't stopped anyone who's interested in meeting someone of the opposite sex.<br /><br />In fact, this is how my parents met, through social involvement in an on-campus Jewish group. My wife's parents met at a hotel in the Catskills - back then it was acceptable for Orthodox, single people to just go to a hotel and RELAX and meet others without all this nonsensical religious singles programs now that do more harm than good.<br /><br />Why can't you meet someone at shul or during kiddush? They live in your neighborhood, you see them every week. Why can't you make a Shabbat meal and invite people over? These things are only verboten if you decide they are. And, if you live in a community where it is forbidden, well, who's fault is that?<br /><br />Why not ask friends to set you up? Just take a chance and call the person up or make it "blind" and just meet on the date. You know, without all the checking and investigating and detective work.<br /><br />Join your shul's chessed or bikur cholim group. Maybe your shul has a book club or other programming. Check out the local Y or JCC - they often have programs and lectures. Attend mixed gender shiurim or learning programs. Become an NCSY or similar advisor, you'll meet other advisors and get to travel to other communities as well.<br /><br />I think that's easily 5 and probably closer to 10. And, they're all MO friendly (i.e., I didn't say "go to a bar" or whatever). The sky is the limit as far as opportunities. People who live in the NYC area especially and say they "can't meet someone" aren't trying hard enough, are trying in the wrong way, or are just too picky.<br /><br />It's a lot like trying to find a job. Some people put in no effort or direct their efforts to the wrong things and then wonder why they can't find a job. Some people don't interview well and don't want to work on those skills. Some people went to bad schools or have no experience and yet want a starting salary of 6 figures at a big firm. Some people won't consider certain jobs or don't apply to a job that requires a cover letter in addition to a resume.<br /><br />I'm sure you can figure out the analogies to the dating world.JSnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2096776708897685863.post-11767650037804428832011-09-09T09:37:20.801-04:002011-09-09T09:37:20.801-04:00Trudy, we are not exactly talking about children j...Trudy, we are not exactly talking about children just back from a year in seminary. Adults can meet other adults safely. Almost the entire country does not use the blind date system, and people end up getting married, for the most part.<br /><br />Nothing wrong with a little help if someone genuinely has an idea of a good match, but adults can meet other adults. Not every shul has adopted the mechitza kiddush yet.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2096776708897685863.post-25304532873829478582011-09-09T09:27:02.107-04:002011-09-09T09:27:02.107-04:00get your children to meet someone the "old fa...get your children to meet someone the "old fashioned way" - actually going up to someone and talking.<br /><br /> Okay JS. Go ahead and name 10 places where this could happen today. Name even 5. Other than the really rare meet and mingles that a few places will hold, where do we have opportunities for our kids to just go up to each other, say hi and have a conversation? Even what you call the Modern Orthodox are finding themselves resorting to intermediaries just to get a line on a single who falls in the general ballpark.<br /><br />We spend years telling our kids over and over "Don't talk to strangers" and then we'd like such a kid to just go up to some guy wearing a kipah in the middle of Macy's and strike up a conversation? <br /><br />Maybe that should be a posting Prof. A list of places where it's safe for a single of either sex to go up to an unknown single of the other sex and strike up a conversation. Going to be a short posting but something is better then nothing.Trudynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2096776708897685863.post-63099999982974592772011-09-08T21:26:45.867-04:002011-09-08T21:26:45.867-04:00To me, I guess it would depend if he considered Ti...To me, I guess it would depend if he considered Tintin to be comics. I can certainly live without Archie, DC Comics, et al, but I consider Tintin to be seminal.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2096776708897685863.post-23560401764374807522011-09-08T10:01:44.930-04:002011-09-08T10:01:44.930-04:00Well, it would seem the system works just fine. Y...Well, it would seem the system works just fine. You (and your daughter) got to find out before even meeting that this guy isn't compatible with your daughter. He places a high value on what you consider to be narishkeit. If this is what he truly values for whatever reason let him be paired off with someone else who values it as well. Pick your maxim: "birds of a feather fly together" or "stupid is as stupid does."<br /><br />Point is, seems there's no real shidduch crisis - people who place tremendous value on certain things that the general populace does not are going to have a harder time finding a match. You and your family are clearly more modern than you think you are (or, at least, more modern than these sorts of people). I'd suggest you embrace it and get your children to meet someone the "old fashioned way" - actually going up to someone and talking.JSnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2096776708897685863.post-52160298620310857132011-09-08T10:01:18.478-04:002011-09-08T10:01:18.478-04:00Ok. Now I get the phone call from you last night. ...Ok. Now I get the phone call from you last night. Some people really need lives. Now I understand why the person who called me up with a shidduch yesterday was pleasantly stunned when I told him beyond a few non-negotiable issues (no 60-year-olds please), I'm not interested in giving someone the third degree and a phone call can't hurt.<br /><br />And, for the record, my brother gifted me with a limited edition X-Men comic book a few weeks ago and I was in seventh heaven. I might not let a small child read some of the issues in my Marvel collection (which has to do less with frumkeit and more with age-appropriateness), but how that classifies as a shidduch question mystifies me (and I'm never giving up my X-men classics!).profk_offspringnoreply@blogger.com