Conversations in Klal

Heaven Forfend that it should come to this!

2012-01-19T15:20:00.002-05:00

The following was sent to me via email, with no author (or no real author) listed. Yup, there's some humor in it, but a lot more of irony. In so many places and in so many ways parts of Klal are heading in this direction.

It has come to the attention of the Flatbush Vaad Ha Tznius that the Rockland Kosher Supermarket located in Monsey , NY has instituted a policy of covering up the picture of the girl on bottles of Downy fabric softener before putting these containers on their shelves. See http://tinyurl.com/8xg7joq It is not known what this supermarket does with products manufactured by Aunt Jemima and Betty Crocker. Nonetheless, the Flatbush Vaad Ha Tznius is not about to be outdone by Monsey. Therefore it has issued the following guidelines regarding laundry.

It has come to our attention that many families, including those who pride themselves on following all aspects of halacha, are regularly not conforming to proper Tznius guidelines. Unbelievably, many, many families are washing men's and women's clothing together at the same time in the same washing machine. This is an unprecedented breach of Tznius.!!! How could anyone think that one is allowed to wash men's and women's undergarments at the same time in the same washing load?!!! What has our nation come to when people have fallen to such a low level? For shame!!! This practice must stop!!!!Given this we are issuing the following guidelines regarding the doing of laundry.!.

Ideally each observant home should have two washing machines and two dryers - one washing machine and one dryer should be used exclusively for men's clothing and the other washing machine and dryer should be used exclusively for women's clothing.

2. In the event that a family cannot afford to have two washing machines and two dryers, the following rules should be adhered to:
a. Under no circumstances should men's cloths be washed in the same machine as women's clothing at the same time. They should, of course, also be dried separately.

b. After doing a load of men's clothing, one should run the washing machine through a complete cycle without any cloths in it using hot water. Then one may wash women's clothing in this machine. The same procedure should, of course, be followed after washing a load of women's clothing, namely, run a complete cycle using hot water without any cloths in the machine. Then one may wash men's clothing in the machine.

c. After drying a load of men's clothing the dryer should be allowed to cool off completely. After this, one may use the dryer for drying women's cloths. The same applies after drying a load of women's clothing before using the dryer for men's clothing. It is not enough to let the dryer cool below Yad So Ledas Bo. The dryer must be completely cooled off.

Our forefathers lived in a land that was between two rivers - the Tigris and the Euphrates . The reason is obvious to anyone who thinks into it a bit. One river was used to wash women's clothing and the other to wash men's clothing. Surely we can continue this tradition by observing the rules stated above.We are confident that everyone who takes Yahadus seriously will abide by the guidelines stated above.

With Torah greetings,
Names withheld by request due to concern that our wives will stop doing our laundry.

Paper Does Not a Marriage Make

2012-01-10T06:00:00.001-05:00

I've often maintained that if my husband and I had had to date under the rules in place today, there is no way that we would have been fixed up, never mind actually be married to each other. My friends agree with me, but one said there was no way to prove the truth of this statement with the kind of proof that would be needed to make a dent in the shidduch problems we see today.

Well, I sort of found a way to prove my statement. I decided to fill out one of those convoluted shidduch questionnaires, giving the info that was applicable when I was dating. I also filled one out for my husband, again giving the info that was applicable when he was dating. Then I spoke to three people I know who are active in shidduchim, giving them the info without the names attached, and asking them what kind of a person I should be looking out for for the man and the woman of the questionnaires, or could I redt the two to each other?

In all three cases, none of the shadchanim would even consider the "man" and the "woman" of the questionnaires as being a good match. They admitted that there were some points that were congruent, but not enough of them and not in the areas where it counts today. They pointed out that there were too many gray areas in the hashkafic sector, where the man and the woman wrote that they would be amenable to whatever their spouse wanted but had no definite immutable preferences for themselves. The man and woman did not agree on paper as to where their ideal place to live would be. Personality traits were quite markedly different, as were most of the items listed under favorite activities for leisure time. The shadchanim admitted that there were a few points that meshed well, but not enough of them for the shadchanim to waste their time in trying to redt these two to each other.

I should point out that on none of the questionnaires I viewed were people asked to fill out how well they did at compromising, when, where and under what circumstances. None of the questionnaires asked about the commitment of the person or about their work ethic in achieving a goal. None of them asked the people filling them out to define what the important traits for a spouse are.

So there I had it in black and white--hubby and I were not, under today's "guidelines," a good match for marriage, and shadchanim thought it would be a waste of their time to redt us to each other. Fortunately, we met in other times and without having to fill out a single piece of paper other than our marriage licence. Fortunate, because next month we celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary. And doubly fortunate that we believed that the Riboneh Shel Olam was mezaveg zevugim, and He didn't require us to fill out a questionnaire.

Let's Use Drugs

2012-01-06T11:18:00.003-05:00

The following was sent to me via email. Sorry, I don't know who to credit as author, but I thank them heartily. Note: update--author information in the comments below.

FDA approves new drug for the annoyingly religious

BROOKLYN, NEW YORK - The first ever prescription heretic drug hit the shelves today. Approved by the FDA last month, Apikorex is intended as a treatment for the approximately one million Jews who are insufferably religious. Tests prove that the drug is effective at reducing a range of symptoms, from having a heart attack when discovering a woman within a five mile radius is wearing stockings whose thickness is insufficient and shouting
"You'll burn in Gehenom for that," to excessive demands of glatt kosher meals after being imprisoned for molesting children.

Dr. Yeruchem Genukshoyn calls the drug a huge step forward in the battle against uber-religiousness. "If you're in a religious mood every so often," he says, "that's good, that's normal. This is for those who have a persistent makpid-checking outlook on life."

Chava Frumstein of Kiryas Joel began participating in a clinical trial of Apikorex six weeks ago. "I was always telling people to cover their ankles," she says, "Telling them their wrists were exposed. And that was just the men." Chava says she never knew how her annoyingly religious attitude was affecting those around her. "Over and over I'd ask my husband to check and check, recheck, and rerecheck the vegetables for bugs, no matter how many times he said no," says Chava. "She was always going on about those damn bugs," says her henpecked husband, Molech, "I didn't know if there was anything I could do to help her." "I used to think," Chava prattles on, "why am I the only one who cares how far away the water was that was used to bake matzah? Now I realize I was sick, I needed treatment."

Chava says the drug may have saved her marriage. "Now," whines Chava, "Molech and I can sit on the couch and not talk to each other, just because it's wonderful to be able to do that." Dr. Genukshoyn adds, "We have to erase the stigma attached with getting help to psychotically religious Jews. Real medical help. You know what it's like to be around these people? It's pretty [expletive] annoying."

Doctors estimate that Apikorex could reduce by about 40% the amount of money funneled from fathers-in-law to children who refuse to work because Moshiach is coming and we need to be prepared with as much Torah as possible.

Kosher Cheese Recall

2012-01-02T06:48:00.002-05:00

Recall of shredded cheese made by Millers and Haolam

It's the shredded cheddar, mozzarella and pizza cheese with expiration dates of Jun 5, 2012 through Sept. 4, 2012. It's being recalled because of listeria contamination.

You can check the lot numbers at 888-980-8804

You can return it to your retailer for a refund.

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T06:00:00.001-05:00

Here it is 2012 and I'm still trying to figure out where a lot of 2011 went to. But, just as each new day brings new possibilities with it, so does the advent of a new calendar year. Here's hoping that 2012 will be a good year, one filled with health, wealth and contentment. And to borrow from a classic poem, here's hoping that "joy will ring in Mudville" and that Mighty Casey won't strike out. Whatever you want for this new year, I hope that you get it and enjoy it.

Evil is Alive and Living in Beit Shemesh

2011-12-28T08:28:00.003-05:00

There's a film that has been going viral and causing all kinds of excited conversation, a whole lot of it so skewed as to make truth an obsolete idea. It's called "Between the Suns" and deals with the situation taking place in Beit Shemesh in Israel. I'm providing the link below and adding a warning that this film can cause nausea and violent headaches, among the mildest symptoms.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFm1tZkEuxI&feature=share

Grown men, daring to call themselves religious, have, among other heinous acts, been spitting on little girls and calling them whores and prostitutes, all because they attend a school for girls that is too modern for these monsters and dares to be across the street from a community they live in (if one can say that such disturbed individuals are actually alive in a human sense).

The whole film is disturbing, but among the worst of the words spoken is the man who insisted "I am a healthy man." Healthy?! It is healthy to attack little girls because they dare go to school--a religious school--in a school that does not meet this man's perverted standards? Healthy to call a 7-year-old a whore? Healthy to declare that their women know their place and keep to it, no matter what God may have decided? Healthy to hurl sexual epithets at a six-year-old?

Someone in Israel, a whole lot of someones, needs to come down hard on the lunatics in Beit Shemesh. Where are the rabbonim of the community they live in, and where are their words of condemnation? Where are the municipal leaders, whose job is to keep all citizens of the city safe from attack? Where are the voices, hundreds and thousands of voices, raised in righteous indignation that disturbed and violent men are allowed to prey on innocent children?

Among other things, we will be judged on how well we protected the weakest and most innocent among us, and when we let such madmen attack our innocent children, then just who are we?!

Just Whom Are We Kidding?!

2011-12-19T10:37:00.003-05:00

If you get squirmy reading about "those things," you might want to skip this posting.

A lot has been written about the YU club newspaper which published a fictional piece the subject of which was premarital sex. The club has lost the University funding for its newspaper. People are gasping that anyone "frum" could write such a thing. After all, that kind of shmutzy sex doesn't happen in the frum world. For those who believe that, they aren't just wearing blinders--they've gone blind. Nothing like trying to sweep under the rug anything you don't want to have to admit happens--and has been happening for centuries.

Just why is it do you suppose that the old Yiddish of pre-war Europe had a word in it referring specifically to a child clearly conceived before its parents were officially married if premarital sex didn't exist back then? And yes, in chasidishe and yeshivishe and more modern communities. Such a child was called a "zibele," a seven-monther.

And if we are talking about hypocrisy and blindness and things that get published that "shouldn't" be published, how about an offering from one of the KosherKouponz providers. The Davida company advertises itself as purveyors of aprons, dish towels and the like. So imagine the 'fun" to be glancing through their offerings and smack dab in the middle of all those aprons and towels is a "faux fur jock strap," illustrated no less. Going to see any outrage? Not likely. We pick and choose whom we will skewer and what we will admit exists.

Good old Klal, with its "out of sight, out of mind" attitude.

Life is Like That

2011-12-11T19:36:00.002-05:00

It hasn't just been raining and pouring on us these past few weeks--it's been a category 1759 hurricane. But here's a lesson I've had drummed into me during this time--life is like that, so make the best of it. Here's another one of those lessons learned: life doesn't have to be all bleak if you 1) don't let it be and 2) look for the silver lining in those clouds. There have actually been a few times where smiling/laughing took place. Please God, in the months to come there will be more of those light occasions.

Mom's recovery is going as it should, even if not as quickly as she and we would have liked it to go. Along the way I've had to be a mother to my Mother while still remaining as her daughter--not an easy balance but a necessary one. And yes, sometimes I've taken comfort from that old saying "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

For those of you going through your own version of hell, hang in there. It really is true that when today ends, it's over, and tomorrow is a new day with new chances to get things right. And if you get a chance to say Mazal Tov to someone, don't put it off--it could be just the tonic to cure what ails you.

On Murphy's Law

2011-12-07T07:47:00.001-05:00

Yes, everything I ever needed to know I learned in grade school, because that is where I first learned about Murphy's Law. All the rest of my education is just commentary. The Law, briefly stated: If something can go wrong, it will go wrong. We'll never know just when it will go wrong, or quite how it will go wrong, or where it will go wrong. We'll never know if that "wrong" will be short lived or long lived. A correlative to Murphy's Law: Knowing that something can go wrong doesn't mean that we can fix things so they won't go wrong. I'll call that correlative "Man tracht und Gott lacht."

Back in an older posting on preparing services for the elderly who will need them, a whole lot of readers were in agreement that because today's families are larger, thus supplying more "manpower," there will always be someone in the family available to care for an older parent or grandparent, lots of somebodies available. Uh huh. See Murphy's correlative #2: just because something is going wrong for you doesn't mean that it isn't also going wrong for someone else in your family at one and the same time. And it also doesn't mean that something has to be going wrong for that someone else either; something good can be happening which makes it impossible to help you out when that help is needed, something like the birth of a new baby. And let's not forget to mention that close family can be spread out across the country.

Over the last two weeks we have had three different family members hospitalized for acute care, a few "regular" cases of stomache viruses, a sinus infection, a case of bronchitis and a ruptured vessel in the knee area. That's in addition to any regular allergies or conditions. And we have a couple of newborns. And for a lot of the family they are either facing the end of a school term and final exams or the craziness that comes to some businesses at the end of the year. And that's without adding in a few simchas--and yes, those, too, take a lot of effort and time for the baal simcha. We now have our second family member in long-term institutional care. And yes, this is business as usual for families of any size.

Yes, somehow everything that must be taken care of is being taken care of, but not without cost. Until you find yourself in the position my family is in at present you can have no idea of just how much time, effort and money is needed to keep on top of things. It's way too facile an answer to say that today's families are large so there will always be someone available--ready, able and willing--to take care of what may be necessary, all with no problems. And no, the organizations that Klal has available for situations such as we found ourselves in are not sufficient in many cases. One major hospital in Manhattan prides itself on it's bikur cholim activities and services to patients in the hospital, such as a kosher kitchen to provide fresh kosher food and meet special dietary requirements. Uh huh. Perhaps if you happen to find yourself entering that hospital on a Monday thru Thursday. If you come in on a Friday thru Sunday you just may find yourself in trouble if you are counting on that bikur cholim help.

When something moves out of the theoretical into the real you just may find out real life is not all that simple. And yes, Murphy is alive and well and practicing in our area.

Note: B"H the prognosis for my mom is good. The doctors are certain that she will walk again, albeit with a walker or mechanical aid of some sort. We're still some ways away from that point. Keeping her spirits up (and ours too) is a major part of our agenda.

A Brief Update

2011-11-29T08:10:00.003-05:00

Sorry readers but this is so not going to be a week for "thoughtful" postings. My mother fell and broke her hip--problematic at any age and even more so if you are 90. She will be going from the hospital to a rehab center for some prolonged therapy and, I"H, she will walk again. To say the least, things are hectic here. Thank you all for your kind wishes.

And just a small thought that I wish I had heeded: when things are going well, thank God every few minutes that they are--in a blink things can change. Yes, Murphy's Law is alive, well and functioning to the max.

A Request for Tefillos

2011-11-26T23:11:00.002-05:00

I'm asking my readers to please say tehillim for my mom, Feiga bas Leah. She had unexpected surgery yesterday and has a long recovery in front of her, and we all hope a successful one.

Enjoying Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T06:00:00.000-05:00

Lots of people who want it known that Thanksgiving is "their" holiday, not ours. Baloney. It so happens that we are a part of that "they," and this holiday is ours as well. And for those who can't seem to decipher history too well, this is not a religious holiday; it is a day of remembrance and of being thankful that this is where we live.

Many, many people who have a day off from work today, allowing them that rare mid-week opportunity to get together with family and friends--all part of the process of making memories to last a lifetime and beyond.

However and where ever you are celebrating the day, I wish you joy and the pleasure of good company. And yes, please take a moment to thank the country we are living in for being here, offering its citizens a freedom not seen anywhere else. That freedom was hard-won, and thanks to those who had the vision to come here to our shores and to persevere in the face of multiple hardships.

No, What's on Second

2011-11-23T10:35:00.003-05:00

Yes, a dreary, rainy day; yet, my mood is quite sunny. I've just spent a few moments reviewing class notes for a lesson for tonight, and I'm smiling all the way. We are studying the effect that words can have when they go forth. Yes, some of the items we'll be looking at are quite serious and had incredible effects on those who heard the words spoken or who read the words written. But I also point out that words can add a bit of lightness to our lives as well. To illustrate, I am using a comedic routine that originated back in the late 40s, early 50s, first presented by the comedy team of Abbot and Costello. This routine had everyone in stitches back then, and still causes laughter today.

To brighten your day--and to answer the question of "Who's on First?"-- head on over to the link below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfmvkO5x6Ng

Speech and Action: The Perfect Marriage of Mind and Body

2011-11-21T06:00:00.000-05:00

So many, many conversations in Klal that spew forth words in abundance about what we are doing wrong, about what needs changing. But let someone pen the words "Then we need to say these words strongly to those perpetrating the wrongs, we need to tell them in no uncertain words that change is needed" and suddenly different words come forth. "It will be bad for shidduchim so people won't get up and protest." "Group actions aren't going to work; maybe individual actions might help someone individually."

True, first a problem needs to be articulated before we can begin to see a solution. But once we see the problem clearly, then what? Will our words die unspoken, unfulfilled because we lack the gumption to back up those words with actions? It is the marriage of thoughts, words and actions that will bring about change

Just what deeply hidden fears are truly the cause of our failure to speak and our failure to act? When we neither speak nor act are we not our own worst enemies? And if all we ever do is speak but never follow that speech with action, what have we actually accomplished?

Others have written about speech and action before us; perhaps it is time to listen closely and heed the lessons. But it must be speech that is married to action that we will practice. Otherwise, when History writes the epitaph for our time period, we will be characterized as "Full of the sound and fury, signifying nothing." What is it that we truly fear about taking definite actions? We need to remind ourselves that "It is better to try and fail than never to have tried at all." Klal's problems are not going to be solved solely through a form of "verbal chair aerobics."

Words are plentiful; deeds are precious.-- Lech Walesa

After all is said and done, more is said than done. --Unknown

We have too many high sounding words, and too few actions that correspond with them. --Abigail Adams

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.--Harriet Beecher Stowe

Women are Equal Beings in Judaism? Really?

2011-11-18T07:14:00.003-05:00

Thanks to Primum non Nocere for a bit of sunshine in what was starting out to look like a grey day--a column by an Israeli Chareidi rabbi coming out against the horrible behavior towards women that has been justified as being the "true" Jewish way.

http://asformeandbeiti.blogspot.com/2011/11/traditional-jewish-approach-to-women.html

And a Word About Jewish Cultural Literacy

2011-11-17T06:00:00.001-05:00

Lest we think that it is only secular cultural literacy that many have spotty knowledge of, let's ask ourselves about what is being taught in our own schools about our heritage. Yup, ask what "Tanach" refers to and you will get Torah, Nevi'im and Kesuvim. So, I went one step further and asked "Can you name the Nevi'im Rishonim and the Nevi'im Achronim?" Only one male who could name them all from memory(educated way OOT), although quite a few females could. Then I framed the question differently to a different group: "Which of the following are NOT one of the Nevi'im--Yehoshua, Shoftim, Shmuel, Malachim, Hosea, Yoel, Amos, Ovadia, Yonah, Michah, Nachum, Havakuk, Tzefania, Haggai, Zechariah and Malachi?" When asked this way, every single male either said "I don't know/I'm not sure" or eliminated at least one name from the list.

Just what is it that our boys are getting in all those hours/years spent in yeshiva? Not a full dose of Jewish cultural literacy.

On Cultural Literacy

2011-11-16T06:00:00.000-05:00

Included under the rubric of cultural literacy is having a basic knowledge of the history of the country you are living in. There is an assumption, particularly in my generation and the generation immediately following mine, that such history is being taught well. Sigh--not.

In introducing a how-to-do-research unit I am teaching, I pointed out that some of the questions the students were being asked to find the answers for were not straightforward. A student asked for an example of such a question. The example was: "Who was the Vice President under Millard Fillmore?" And then a different question came back at me, more than once: "We had a President named Millard Fillmore? Really?"

Yes, a boy's yeshiva high school problem, in that American History is being reduced to a few facts compacted into a highly foreshortened course. But our boys are not alone in being ignorant about President Fillmore. Apparently the Web abounds with listings of our lesser known, less famous or completely unknown Presidents. Among those most frequently cited as lesser known/not known are: Martin van Buren, William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, Zachary Taylor, Millard Fillmore, James Buchanan, Rutherford B. Hayes, James A. Garfield, Chester A. Arthur, Benjamin Harrison. I'm not saying that we all should know every detail of every President's life, but not recognizing the name? The Presidents on the list I just gave represent approximately 1/4 of all of our Presidents. That's an awful lot of missing name recognition.

President Fillmore, however, seems to win the contest for the most famous forgotten President. So, a few facts about President Fillmore, if he, too, is on your forgotten list. He was the thirteenth President of the United States, serving from 1850--1853. He was not elected to the presidency but became president, as he was the Vice President, when President Zachary Taylor died of cholera while in office. During his term in office he shepherded the Compromise of 1850 through Congress to passage. California was admitted as a free state in the Union. Fillmore also sent Commodore Matthew C. Perry to Japan in order to convince the empire to open up to free trade.

See? Getting that little bit of cultural literacy history didn't hurt a bit.

One Way to Cut Wedding Costs

2011-11-14T06:00:00.002-05:00

There are a number of reasons as to why getting married if you are frum costs as much as it does. One of those reasons is the sheer number of people who are invited to both engagement parties and the wedding itself. 300-400 people at a wedding is not considered as being "large," and a lot of weddings have far more people. When you are dealing with this many people at a simcha, all the other costs are multiplied by the number attending, and they become huge.

We attended a simcha given by someone looking to control costs while still having all those "nearest and dearest and whomever" be part of the simcha. An engagement party was given on a motzoai Shabbos at a very nice hall. Refreshments were of the fleishig smorgasbord type. There was a DJ playing recorded music. There was one photographer--a friend of the family--taking photographs. The hall had available very small silk flower arrangements of the type suitable for small cocktail tables, which they included as part of the cost for the hall. There were a few waiters to set up the food stations, but it was serve yourself throughout the evening. People came and stayed for as long as they wanted to stay. They sat where they wanted and with whom they wanted, hopping from table to table to visit with friends if that is what they wanted. Choson and kallah and their parents actually got to meet and greet all the guests who came.

The wedding itself is going to be a destination wedding in Florida. The estimate is that the number of guests won't exceed 40 people, if it goes that high. It will be held in a Miami hotel small meeting room and will be a "restaurant-type" dinner after the chupah. A photographer will be there for photos during the chupah. Only the immediate family and perhaps one or two close friends of the choson and kallah will be attending.

Estimates are that making the pre-wedding and wedding festivities will cost both sets of parents, who are splitting the expenses, about 1/5 to 1/4 of what it would have cost if all the "rules" in place in NY were followed, and that includes airfare for tickets to Miami.

Everyone at the motzoai Shabbos affair had a good time and got to celebrate with the choson and kallah and their families. They felt like they were "part" of the wedding celebration.

Certainly one way to curtail costs while having everyone wanted be part of the festivities.

Elevens Anyone?

2011-11-11T11:11:00.005-05:00

Just in case you're looking to take a small break as you adjust to having to get everything ready on the first short Friday, a glance at a clock and at a calendar should put a smile on your face. As I am typing this it is 11/11/'11, 11:11am. And if you're still up, you can smile again tonight when it's 11/11/'11,11:11pm. Even a small moment of smiling can brighten a busy day.

For Veterans Day

2011-11-11T06:00:00.000-05:00

I wish I had some extra time to be able to write a more personal posting about Veterans Day, but it's not going to happen, so let me reprint below the words of our President about Veterans Day. Yes, truly, the President is right that we, citizens of the US, owe our veterans a whole lot.

VETERANS DAY, 2011
BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
A PROCLAMATION

Today, our Nation comes together to honor our veterans and commemorate the legacy of profound service and sacrifice they have upheld in pursuit of a more perfect Union. Through their steadfast defense of America’s ideals, our service members have ensured our country still stands strong, our founding principles still shine, and nations around the world know the blessings of freedom. As we offer our sincere appreciation and respect to our veterans, to their families, to those who are still in harm’s way, and to those we have laid to rest, let us rededicate ourselves to serving them as well as they have served the United States of America.

Our men and women in uniform are bearers of a proud military tradition that has been dutifully passed forward—from generation to generation—for more than two centuries. In times of war and peace alike, our veterans have served with courage and distinction in the face of tremendous adversity, demonstrating an unfaltering commitment to America and our people. Many have made the ultimate sacrifice to preserve the country they loved. The selflessness of our service members is unmatched, and they remind us that there are few things more fundamentally American than doing our utmost to make a difference in the lives of others.

Just as our veterans stood watch on freedom’s frontier, so have they safeguarded the prosperity of our Nation in our neighborhoods, our businesses, and our homes. As teachers and engineers, doctors and parents, these patriots have made contributions to civilian life that serve as a testament to their dedication to the welfare of our country. We owe them a debt of honor, and it is our moral obligation to ensure they receive our support for as long as they live as proud veterans of the United States Armed Forces. This year, as our troops in Iraq complete their mission, we will honor them and all who serve by working tirelessly to give them the care, the benefits, and the opportunities they have earned.

On Veterans Day, we pay tribute to our veterans, to the fallen, and to their families. To honor their contributions to our Nation, let us strive with renewed determination to keep the promises we have made to all who have answered our country’s call. As we fulfill our obligations to them, we keep faith with the patriots who have risked their lives to preserve our Union, and with the ideals of service and sacrifice upon which our Republic was founded.

With respect for and in recognition of the contributions our service members have made to the cause of peace and freedom around the world, the Congress has provided (5 U.S.C. 6103(a)) that November 11 of each year shall be set aside as a legal public holiday to honor our Nation’s veterans.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim November 11, 2011, as Veterans Day. I encourage all Americans to recognize the valor and sacrifice of our veterans through appropriate public ceremonies and private prayers. I call upon Federal, State, and local officials to display the flag of the United States and to participate in patriotic activities in their communities. I call on all Americans, including civic and fraternal organizations, places of worship, schools, and communities to support this day with commemorative expressions and programs.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this third day of November, in the year of our Lord two thousand eleven, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-sixth.
BARACK OBAMA

Interviewing, not Dating

2011-11-10T08:44:00.005-05:00

I was helping a student prepare for a job interview. Obviously I looked over the "official" paperwork needed, such as the resume. We checked that all the keywords necessary for this type of job were present on the resume and that the requisite references were actually going to be of benefit to him.

After that we did a practice run for the interview itself. Again, obviously, we worked on how to answer the "What is your biggest weakness?" question that interviewers all ask, as well as all the other strange questions that are now part of the interview process.

I had checked out the company the student was interviewing with, and it basically uses a three-interview process. After interview three you are either in or you aren't getting hired. Some companies may only use a two-interview process; a few require more, with a number of people within the company.

After the student left it came to me that shidduch dating today definitely resembles the job interview process, in the "paperwork" that has to be filled out in excrutiating detail, in the strange questions that can be asked during the dating "interviews," in the required references, and in the shortness of the whole process. Many people advise those in the dating parshah to avoid raising any personal issues or giving personal family information until the initial interviewing is completed and you are pretty much guaranteed the "job." And shidduch dating is like job interviewing in this aspect also: at the end of X number of dates you are either getting engaged or you're ending the connection.

Sorry, but I believe that equating marriage with getting a job is part of the problem with the shidduch process today. Maybe many years ago people who applied for a job were hoping to stay with the same company for their whole working lifetime. Today such an expectation won't be met. The estimate is, for someone entering the work world today, that they can expect to have anywhere from 13 to 24 jobs during their working lifetime. Longevity in the workplace is not a given.

There is also this: should a company be unhappy with someone they have just hired, should the fit be wrong, there is no problem in letting that employee go. Ditto should the employee find that he/she doesn't like working in that particular company. "Business employment divorce" is so common that it raises nobody's eyebrows.

When we treat shidduch dating as if it were a job interview, we shouldn't be surprised at the quickness of the process; after all, should the employee not work out it's simple to get rid of them. It's no coincidence that the divorce rate in the frum population has gone up, nor that broken engagements are far more common today than ever before. Nor is it a surprise that many "employees" and "employers" are not happy within their relationship.

If we insist on a business metaphor for dating, then we need to pick a more useful metaphor. Getting married is not becoming someone's "employee." Getting married is about establishing a "business" and needing a partner to do so. Getting married is about believing that the business may start out small but will grow over time and develop strength. Getting married is about learning how to compromise and learning when you can't compromise, all for the good of the business. Getting married is about expending a lot of time and effort in keeping a relationship working so the business won't fail.

Maybe instead of shadchanim and the whole ridiculous dating rigamarole that we put our singles through today, we should hand over the whole thing to some experts in the field of independent business establishment. They couldn't do a worse job than is already being done using the employee/employer job interview process in place now.

Yes, Sometimes It's the Little Things That Count

2011-11-07T08:39:00.002-05:00

We are frequently told by all sorts of people that we need to stop agonizing about the little things and look at the big picture. We won't ever solve our big problems if we continue to nitpick at minutiae. We need to admit that something large is wrong and go after it. Sure, sometimes.

If water is dripping down from your ceiling onto your floor then no, putting a pail to catch the drip won't solve the big picture problem: somewhere up above you have a water leak that needs to be fixed and pronto. Of course, putting a pail to catch the dripping water does have its use: it prevents that dripping water from damaging the floor in addition to the ceiling. You know you need a plumber or a carpenter/roofer or both, but they can't arrive at your home until 8 hours from now, and the water continues to drip. Do you refuse to put the pail under the drip because you know that help is coming in the foreseeable future? The weather is not cooperating and there is heavy rain outside, predicted to last all week. Roofers don't work up on the roof in rainy weather. Yes, he promises he will be there just as soon as it stops raining. So now you know that help is going to be on its way at some point--the big picture will improve--but you're going to have to deal with the issue of that dripping water now.

In many areas the members of Klal are like those homeowners who won't put a bucket under a leak because they just know for "sure" that the cause of the leak is going to be fixed--why bother expending energy on small fixes when it's a big fix that is needed? Unfortunately for us, our big picture fixes are not as obvious as the cause of that leak in the ceiling. Not only that, but even where we are fairly sure we know what is causing a problem, there is no specialist dealing with that problem available to us, or the specialists available have limited skills/knowledge to fix our unique problem. And then there is where we effect a repair and discover that what we thought was causing our leak was not the cause, because water is still dripping down from the ceiling.

Yes, we need to view the big picture and try to get to the root cause of any problems that are affecting us. However, in the meantime, we would benefit from taking some small actions that can help us to keep the problem from spreading, that can alleviate some of the difficulties that the big problem is causing us.

One example: yeshiva tuition cost is a major problem. What to do about the high cost of tuition is one of those big picture discussions. But there is a small fix that is available--it won't solve the problem but it could keep it from growing larger. The fix? All parents in a school, whether able to pay full tuition or not, all members of a community, all community leaders, letting the schools know in clear, concrete language that no school will be allowed to raise tuition for the next X number of years, whether 1,2 or 3. The "bucket" would be there for the parents, giving everyone a chance to fix the leak. Or maybe you could plug a smaller leak that is affecting only some parents, and push the schools to make the mandatory lunch program an optional one. Or maybe you could push that no school will be allowed to do any "cosmetic surgery" on or in their buildings for the next X number of years--things like fancy floors in the entry halls, or remodeling auditoriums, or redecorating anything in the school. Unless it falls in the actual "leak" category, the schools should not expect that parents will be paying for decor.

So no, we still need to look at the big picture as regards our problems in Klal, but we cannot lose sight of the fact that unless we also take some of the small steps, unless we put a bucket under those leaks, the problem is going to spread.

Some Reminders: Time Change and the NYC Marathon

2011-11-04T10:19:00.003-04:00

Daylight Savings Time is leaving us at 2:00am Sunday morning. If you will be going to sleep before that hour, change your clocks before you go to sleep. Keep in mind the large number of clocks that might need changing, including Shabbos clocks, clocks on appliances, watches and clocks in cars. Note to Teachers: some of you can expect that the clocks in your classrooms will not have had the time changed. Check when you arrive in the classroom. And just in case anyone is still a bit confused as to what time it will actually be when the clock changes, we go back an hour, so 2:00am will become 1:00am.

The NYC Marathon is scheduled for Sunday. Because of the marathon, the Verrazano Bridge will be out of commission from 7:00am until 3:00 pm. Those needing to go from Brooklyn to New Jersey or from New Jersey to the City will need to find alternate routes to travel on as Staten Island won't be an option.

2 of my Favorite Topics: Writing and Shidduchim

2011-11-02T08:30:00.002-04:00

If anyone still believes that Business Writing as a college-level course shouldn't be given, because, after all, we learned everything we ever will need to know about writing for business in 6th grade, please go on over to the Orthonomics blog for a prime example of why those with only a sixth grade education in business writing should NOT be allowed to put pen to paper.

As to shidduchim, don't you just love it when someone supposedly representing an organization under the auspices of a lot of choshuv rabbanim (whose names nobody will give us) says that it is perfectly okay to "beg, borrow and steal" to come up with the money to pay for the shadchanim being discussed, because, after all, this is shidduchim we are talking about. Clearly this group's organizers are fans of the NY State lottery; their theme seems to be "You've got to be in it to win it" and "You've got to pay to play."

http://orthonomics.blogspot.com/

Weather Woes

2011-10-30T08:22:00.003-04:00

Those living in the Northeast were "treated" yesterday to a change of weather that left many with their mouths hanging open. Firmly still in October, we got a snow storm. This wasn't a few flakes that came and went before anyone could decide if they were really there. News reporters are saying that about two million people in our area are without power thanks to the snow, ice and heavy winds. In some places the power loss was on a house by house basis; in other places entire communities are without power. Teaneck is one of those communities. One of our kids lives in Teaneck and moved home last night temporarily because the local electrical utility is estimating that it may be until Wednesday before power is restored.

I awoke this morning to a blanket of snow still covering the yard completely, covering the sidewalks, covering the cars. A large bed of impatiens was still blooming strongly yesterday morning. This morning those blossoms are icy caricatures of themselves, wearing snow bonnets. Many of our friends still have their sukkahs up, and those sukkahs are also bearing new snow crystal decorations.

The last time I remember snow coming this early was on the last day of sukkos 34 years ago, and then there were only a few flakes that fell, were almost missed, and disappeared.

Obviously the snowstorm was being discussed on a local newpaper's discussion board. One commenter on that board made a spelling error but his/her comment was actually quite important. The commenter spoke about "global warning" being the cause of the storm.

Global warning? Yes, quite correct. We humans have gotten quite pleased with ourselves and our ability to manipulate the world around us. We believe that human ingenuity can solve any problems we face and can allow us to control the world around us. And along comes a snowstorm in October to "warn" us that we aren't in complete control of the world, that nature isn't under our dominion. We may effect small changes in our environment, but controlling the weather is not under our purview. I do believe that a lot of people got the point of that warning yesterday as they blindly manouvered around in the dark, as the "sounds of silence" of hundreds of mankind's electronic inventions were all that were heard.

So thank You Hashem for reminding us that we are only one of Your creations and that world control still rests in Your hands. And thank You for having brought us safely through the storm, even if some of our inventions didn't weather that storm. We take note of Your warning and will hopefully heed it as our lives continue.

Unity or Conformity?

2011-10-28T08:17:00.002-04:00

An interesting article by Rabbi Berel Wein in today's JWR.

"The Danger of confusing unity with conformity"
http://www.jewishworldreview.com/wein/wein_noach2.php3

On Business Writing

2011-10-26T09:59:00.003-04:00

Thanks to JS whose comment on another posting spawned this posting. He wrote: "Also, why are students learning how to write an email/business letter in college? Is this an ESL course?"

Let's keep our focus on now, not on the past. Today there is virtually no college or university that does not give at least one course in Business Writing; many of these schools give multiple courses on the subject (UNLV has an entire department of business writing). It is no longer considered sufficient to "merely" provide education in a student's major. What is of importance to prospective employers is not so much what you majored in--after all, there is an assumption that if you majored in accounting you can add 2+2--but how effectively you can communicate what you know when in a business environment. And no, merely being a native American educated here in the US and a primary speaker of English will not give you the specific skills necessary to produce all the types of business writing/communication required when on the job.

Let's look at e-mail for a moment. Is there anyone reading this who has not already sent thousands of e-mails during his/her lifetime? Of course we all have done so. However, a whole lot of those e-mails have been to friends. E-mails sent for business reasons require a different approach than those sent to friends. It might be perfectly fine to write "Hiya Ari boy" on an e-mail to a friend, but that's a no-no in a business environment. The etiquette of business e-mail writing is quite different from our usual e-mails.

Now business letters. Business letters is a general category with many different types under that rubric, types that can differ greatly one from the other. Are you writing with an inquiry? With a request? Are you sending a sales letter? An appeal for charitable purposes? Are you applying for a job? Are you responding after an interview? Are you making a complaint? Are you writing what is called an adjustment letter? Is your content neutral, positive or negative? Are you giving good news or bad news? Each of these different types of business letters requires a different approach, both as to formatting and to content.

Most high school students who have held part-time or summer jobs have not had the type of job that requires them to write in a business environment. In point of fact, most college students, certainly in their first few years, don't hold jobs that require business writing as part of their jobs either. Just where is it that we expect that our young people will have learned the rules of how to write in a business environment? That is one reason why colleges have responded by giving business writing courses. (Note: for frum students there may be almost no work experience or none. Being a camp counselor doesn't give you writing skills, nor does tutoring someone in gemorah or chumash.) A second reason is that academic writing, the type required in college, differs greatly from business-required writing, in formatting, style, tone, use of vocabulary etc..

A word about content of these business writing courses; they aren't at all limited to only e-mails and letters. Covered in most curricula are e-mails, memos, a variety of letter types, short reports, long reports, instruction writing, the use of appropriate visuals (tables, graphs etc.) to accompany text, resumes, the job interview process, writing to an overseas reader or one known to be ESL, the collaborative writing process, the ethics of writing in the workplace, executive summaries, informative abstracts, descriptive abstracts, how to do proper research, documenting sources, and, of course, grammar and appropriate vocabulary.

So, to summarize, no my students aren't ESL (although a few are), but it's insufficient in the workplace to "merely" be a native English speaker. And let me end with this. All law schools in the first year require students to take Legal Writing courses. Why? Because there are formatting and citation and content rules in the legal field that lawyers need to abide by. The same is true of other business fields, and courses in Business Writing address the specifics that need to be known.

It's A Frum Thing

2011-10-25T08:37:00.002-04:00

Frum young men are not the same as their counterparts in the secular world in some very fundamental ways. A homework assignment I was marking yesterday underscored that in a very real way for me, just in case I hadn't noticed.

The assignment was to write an email to either your boss or your instructor explaining why you were absent from work or school and what you would be doing to make up for the lost time. Obviously the point of the homework was to see if the students had grasped the basic format/content rules for writing a business email.

97% of the students who chose to write an email to their boss used as an excuse for their absence that their wife had gone into labor and delivered, necessitating their absence that day. 64% of the students who chose to write an email to their instructor used the wife went into labor excuse. Keep in mind that my students are mostly young and mostly unmarried.

This exact same assignment used when I was teaching at two other colleges not under frum auspices got exactly zero responses using a wife in labor as an excuse for absence; yet, the students were the same age group as my students now.

Clearly our frum young men seem to consider marriage and family establishment as relevant to and a basic part of their lives at this age, even those who are not yet married.

I called an ex-colleague who teaches at a CUNY branch and asked her to do me a favor and just ask her classes at what age they either plan on thinking about marriage or at what age they believe that marriage is appropriate. I got her answer back this morning and it clearly showed a difference from my present students' answers. In her classes the females answered that the mid-20s were a good time to get married. The males answered that the mid to late 20s were a time to start looking. She went a step further and asked why they chose those age ranges. Virtually every student answered that they would be finished with college and/or graduate school and would already be working so they could afford to start thinking about marriage.

In the outside world marriage is seen as something that takes place when a person has gotten some life skills and is working. Inherent in the answers my friend got is the idea that marriage is something you do when you are finished with school and are independent financially. (Yes, yes, I know that there are some in the outside world who get married at fairly early ages--the exceptions rather than the rule.) In the frum veldt work skills and financial independence are not deciding factors as to when marriage is appropriate. Girls graduate high school and within the year are "in the parshah." Boys may finish a year in yeshiva post-high school and are "in the parshah."

I'll leave you to ruminate on the differences as regards to when to get married and under what circumstances. And you might want to think about how the differing attitudes between our frum young people and those in the secular world affect the lifestyles of married couples.

Gone and Not Forgotten

2011-10-23T09:41:00.005-04:00

It's very strange, given the last few weeks, to be spending a Monday morning somewhat at leisure. There's no need for figuring out menus for yom tov/Shabbos meals any longer. There's no exhausting mega-trips to grocery stores on the horizon. Pots and pans are safely tucked away where they belong and will stay there for a good few days yet. The mountain of laundry has reduced itself to a climbable hill. My refrigerators are finally getting to the point where I can see the shelves, and opening the door isn't taking a chance on an avalanche pouring forth.

And yet.... Now that yom tov is over I find myself missing the idea that all of us will be in the same place at the same time, that all of us will sit down to leisurely meals together, meals that encourage family conversation. After three weeks of intensive family time, the curtain has come down on yom tov, and it's back to business as usual.

Oh well, I can console myself with the knowledge that Chanukah is not all that far down the road, and there will be family hustle and bustle yet again.

One for Now, any Number for Later

2011-10-09T14:22:00.003-04:00

I'm certainly not the only woman who has been spending a lot of time in the kitchen thanks to yom tov and Shabbos coming out connected. In addition, like many others, I have been preparing some items that I don't cook all that often during the year, mostly because of time constraints or the amount of work involved. And then there are the items that I do use a lot of during the year as well as for yom tov but that can take hours of prep time and can be messy as well. And once again my freezer comes to the rescue.

If you're still not sure that frozen food tastes as good as fresh, it may be time to get over that idea. With some items there is simply no way to tell the difference, and in some cases the frozen food actually tastes better.

For one thing, plain chicken broth, to be used as a basis for any type of soup desired, has zero noticeable difference from the fresh broth. I made up about 30 quarts of the concentrated broth, about half of which were frozen plain, a few weeks before yom tov. The others I made up into three kinds of soup--traditional vegetable chicken, split pea and barley and winter squash and vegetable soups. I purposefully make them thicker so they take up less space in the freezer and can have liquid added after defrosting. No boredom over yom tov as I have three different soups for variety. And there's plenty of broth ready prepared which will cut down on prep time for soups after yom tov, when the Friday's are shorter.

Now lasagnas. Here I actually prefer the frozen variety. I don't freeze the lasagnas already cooked, just ready to bake. I find that the frozen variety gives a slightly softer noodle when baked, with no dry spots at all. And for those who don't freeze lasagna because those lasagna-size pans may work for a holiday crowd but give you too much for regular meals, here's some ideas. If your family is only 2-4, try using the 8x4 small aluminum loaf pans available. One lasagna noodle fits in just perfectly lengthwise. Keep layering and you have a lasagna loaf that will give you the amount you need without leftovers that might go to waste. If you need a bit more, then try an 8x8 square aluminum pan, which will hold two noodles side by side. If some in your family like only the traditional-type of lasagna and some like variations such as vegetable lasagna, making them in the loaf tins allows you to please everyone's taste.

I made kokosh for yom tov, and any bakers out there know that making yeast dough can be a pain in the neck and mess up the kitchen. As long as the kitchen was going to get messy anyway, I made double the amount of dough needed and froze away packages of the dough in one-cake portions. Way easier to defrost one piece of dough, roll and fill and bake then to have to handle all the dough at once. And no, no one is going to be able to tell from the taste or texture that the dough was frozen. I also froze away readymade cakes and I got zero complaints when they came out to be served. If you bake any type of milchig cakes, such as cheese cakes, making extra and freezing them saves a lot of time as well. I have only one oven, so cleaning and turning it so I can use it for milchigs and then cleaning it and turning it back for fleishigs is time intensive.

No matter how careful you are, you are liable to see leftovers that you just aren't going to be able to use up immediately. If those leftovers are chicken or meat, remove the skin and bones, tear the meat into small bite-size pieces, put into a baggie or container with a few spoons of the cooking juices and freeze away. With cold weather coming, a paprikash or stew makes for a welcoming dinner. Just pop the contents of one of those baggies into a pot with your starch of choice and with some veggies and spices, and cook up an appetizing dish in less than half the time.

There are lots of other dishes that freeze well and which are appreciated when time is short and people are hungry. You're doing all that work now anyway, so why not let that work and your freezer save you some time later on.

On Being "Half"

2011-10-05T06:00:00.001-04:00

Rabbi T here http://rechovot.blogspot.com/2011/09/half-jews.html had up an interesting posting about "half Jews." A comment at the time didn't seem to want to form itself, but I've been thinking about points that were raised. So, better late than never, my thoughts follow.

I'm not disagreeing with the basic premise, that children observe the adults around them, and if they see them only "half-heartedly" following the rules--or outright breaking them--then they, too, may adopt a "half" lifestyle.

However, there needs to be a clear distinction made that children are not adults, and that some of adult behavior is not necessarily wrong--being practiced by an adult with full reasoning powers and maturity to see--but would not be appropriate for a child, whose knowledge and reasoning power are not yet fully developed.

Criticising something or someone, when done by an adult, is not necessarily being "half-observant," nor is it being only "half-respectful." (What is tochechah after all?) Sometimes that public voicing is necessary to point out that "the Emperor is naked." Human beings, no matter their training or studying, are still human beings, making them imperfect and not 100% right 100% of the time. We are taught to respect our leaders, not worship them--"Thou shalt have no other gods before Me."

Just what picture do you think children get when leaders of different groups within Klal disagree with each other, criticize each other, declare the "other" to be wrong? When the language gets heated among rabbanim and between such groupings? When Rabbi A paskens X, Rabbi B paskens Y and Rabbi C paskens Z, all referring to the same exact thing, based on the same holy writings? When groups A to Z within frum Klal feel free to criticize and publicly denigrate each other and claim that only their way of practicing and believing is the correct way and all the others are only "half-frum"?

It is not only those who are wilfully going against our laws who are bad examples for our children, who show them that "half-observance" is okay to do. When sinah and chinah are rampant among the various frum groups of Klal, when Jews of one stripe feel free to stone and attack Jews of another stripe and rabbinic leadership does nothing, then what do you suppose our kids are being taught by example?

In short, yes, we adults need to be cognizant of the examples we are setting for our children, but that includes all adults in Klal, regardless of group belonged to, and regardless of where in the hierarchy of Klal we fall.

Sigh, those suckers born every minute are still with us

2011-10-04T06:00:00.000-04:00

I once did a posting on bottled salt water available for use at the Pesach seder.
http://conversationsinklal.blogspot.com/2008/04/i-saw-it-and-i-still-dont-believe-it.html#comments

Now Jameel has up a posting about a ready prepared eruv tavshilin, for "only" $2.89 a pack, available here in the States. http://muqata.blogspot.com/2011/10/chutz-laaretz-laziness.html

Okay, okay, gourmet cooking may be out of reach for a lot of people, but boiling an egg?!

What Would a Smart School Do #2

2011-10-03T06:00:00.000-04:00

Many services that are available in the public schools are also available to yeshivas on site if certain procedures are followed. Among these services are a number of different types of special ed and therapy programs. The main procedure that must be followed is that the personnel provided by the public school system cannot be in rooms that are clearly for religious use as well. This means that regular classrooms, with both their limudei kodesh and secular studies bulletin boards and in-class paraphernalia, are off limits.

Most yeshivas would have no trouble finding a neutral nook that could be easily and inexpensively converted for the use of the personnel providing the free services. Some yeshivas have on staff specialists in just the service areas that Board of Ed would provide for free. Let's say that a yeshiva only spends in the $100-200K range on the salaries for this special ed/therapy staff (and yes, these specialists are pricey in salary requirements). In a school with 400 students, the savings would be a $500 reduction in tuition per child. If the school spends more than the 100-200K (and some do) then obviously the tuition reduction would be greater. If the school has less than 400 students the tuition reduction would also be greater.

Okay, some are looking at the low figure of $500 and sneering--not much of a reduction. Here's the thing: this is one of many deductions that could be made, and they all add up. Are you really going to turn down a reduction of $2500 for your 5 kids?

Note: Yes, I am well aware of what this might do to some of our frum college students--females in particular--since a large number of them major in the various special ed and therapy fields precisely because they know/believe they will find employment within the yeshiva circle. They might--gasp!--have to work for the Board of Education and take their chances that perhaps, maybe they might be assigned to a frum school.

Shanah Tovah

2011-09-28T06:00:00.002-04:00

With hopes and prayers that this will indeed be a sweet new year, filled with blessings of every kind. For all of you and your families, may you truly enjoy this time together: I hope that you will be able to make wonderful memories that will last a lifetime. And may we all be zocheh to be wishing each other a shanah tovah next year at this time.

A Reminder

2011-09-27T06:00:00.001-04:00

The way that yom tov falls out this year, please don't forget to make an eruv tavshilin so that you can prepare for Shabbos on yom tov.

It's Not Just Shopping

2011-09-22T06:00:00.001-04:00

I asked my classes if there was anyone present who had never purchased something online--not a single student who hadn't. Shopping online has become routine. That shopping online applies to almost every age group, perhaps excepting toddlers and infants. And the online shopping experience is providing yet another area where parents and adults need to be vigilant in monitoring what their children are doing online. In fact, adults need to be taking more care as well.

The Jewish World Review had a rather frightening article up about dangerous synthetic drugs that are available online. http://jewishworldreview.com/0911/chemical_roulette.php3 Some of those mentioned in the article were added to other consumer products such as bath salts. In over 50% of the products mentioned the ingredients list was not given or the synthetic drugs were purposefully left off of the list. The amount of the drugs in the products varies from about 25% to 100%, many at toxic levels.

Don't kid yourself by saying the DEA will take care of this problem. From the article: "U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) spokesman Rusty Payne said it is a felony to buy 4-Meo-PCP and possibly some of the other substances. But he said it is "ridiculous" to expect the federal government to stop trafficking of all synthetic drugs.
"There are thousands and thousands of websites who market these products, and it is extremely difficult to police and enforce every single one of them," Payne said."

Online shopping is indeed a convenience, but let's not close our eyes to the fact that it can be darn dangerous as well. Yet something else to add to the job of parenting.

What Would a Smart School Do #1

2011-09-21T06:00:00.002-04:00

Okay, there's been lots of complaining about the present yeshiva system, particularly about the amount of tuition being charged. Instead of another complaint, I'd like to offer a series of small changes that could be made that could reduce tuition cost and parental complaining, at least a little bit.

My first suggestion is about the school week. There are many yeshivas out there for whom the school week runs Sunday to Friday, particularly boys yeshivas. I understand that Fridays in the winter months are foreshortened school days and yeshivas want to make up the "missing" time, so Sunday is what they chose. Those Sunday classes are a luxury that yeshivas just can't afford to host any longer. When tuition is so high that a significant number of parents can't begin to pay full tuition for their children, and so apply for scholarships or pull their kids out, yeshivas need to find real ways to scale back on expenses, and one less day of school is one of those real ways.

Rebbes today are making "real" salaries in most yeshivas, salaries that the gentlemen involved might not be able to make were they working in the secular world. And in addition to salary there are other benefits given, as well as some perks such as free or highly reduced tuition for their own kids. Many an administrator has justified those salaries by pointing out that Rebbes work 6 days a week. Time to get real. First, those Rebbes aren't working 6 full days a week, since Friday is shorter and so is Sunday. So yes, to begin with salaries are not in concert with the days worked. Now, take away Sunday classes and the Judaic studies staff is only working 4-1/3 days a week. Salaries could definitely be cut to reflect the shorter working hours, anywhere from 15 to 25% less. Add in that the administrative staff and office staff and maintenance staff would also be working less hours and that utilities and insurance costs would go down.

Tuition would still be pricey relatively speaking but there is a huge difference between paying $12-16K per child and paying $9-12 per child. Multiply that by three children in school and a real savings can be seen. Make that 4 or 5 kids and the difference is huge.

And this is only one price cut--there are plenty of other places to cut that I'll mention in later postings.

Sincerety in Tefilla

2011-09-20T11:01:00.002-04:00

I think we have proof that a whole lot of Klal last year on Shemini Atzeret were being sincere and were concentrating when they davened--at least when it came to Tefillas Geshem. Here in the New York area (and yes, in other places as well), our prayers for rain have been good and truly answered. In fact, I believe we could say without contradiction that we even got more than what we asked for.

I'm looking out the window at yet another overcast rainy day. It's only the mid-part of September, but it feels like Autumn has truly arrived and means to stay. My eyes see what the weather is like and telegraph to my brain "Yes! Apple, book and couch day!" but my commonsense says "Out you go--errands that must be run!"

I was rummaging in the closet to find my fall jacket and my hands touched my winter parka and jerked away quickly. Okay, I'll take all the rain coming our way and be thankful, but please, let any snow be far, far in the distant future.

And then it hit me--we're only a short time from Tefillas Geshem once again. As I sit here, still a bit soggy and shivery from the outside rain, I do hope that we will be sincere in our tefillos once again. And yet, the soggy part of me suddenly remembers that old saying: "Be careful of what you wish for--you just might get it." I guess there is just no pleasing us.

Looking at Washington Heights for a Saner Way

2011-09-19T06:00:00.000-04:00

It's a fact that many people here in the NY area do not have a personal sukkah where they are living. For some it's a matter of physical setting: they live in an apartment building and there is nowhere to put up a sukkah. For some it may be that they no longer can physically cope with putting up a sukkah. No matter what the reason, there will be people who will not have a sukkah available to them for the yom tov of Sukkos.

Yes, there are many shuls around the city which put up communal sukkahs. But how those sukkahs can be utilized by shul members is widely various. In some shuls only kiddush can be made in the shul sukkah. Some shul sukkahs will only accomodate men who wish to eat there rather than whole families. In many shuls around the area shul families can eat their meals in the shul sukkah, but those meals will be provided by the shul caterer, at a cost of $20-30 per person--you do the math for a family of 5 for a three-day yom tov repeated twice. (Note: many of those caterers will only provide meals on the first and last days of yom tov; for chol hamoed the sukkah is "closed").

Last year G6 had up a posting about how she was preparing to bring over her food to the shul kitchen in Washington Heights because her meals would be in the shul sukkah. This is one method I applaud whole heartedly. Yes, I know there are some other shuls who allow this as well, but relatively few of them. Yeah, yeah, I've heard all the comments about the kashrut concerns if everyone could bring in home-cooked food to this shul sukkah, and use the shul's refrigerators for storage. Frankly these are empty excuses because they are so easy to work around. I'd like to see more shuls follow the example of the Washington Heights Kehillah in providing a sukkah for member use without strings attached that cost an arm and a leg.

How does your community handle the shul sukkah issue? Does it work well for all?

Hachnosos Orchim and Yom Tov

2011-09-14T06:00:00.000-04:00

Once again yom tov is approaching, something to be looked forward to with happiness and joy. Aside from the obvious religious elements of the holidays themselves, there is the chance to spend time with family and friends, time to sit down together and share a meal and conversation. And once again there will be those in our various communities for whom this joy and happiness will be missing.

There are any number of people in our communities who don't have anyone to share yom tov with. They may be elderly with little or no family living close by. They may be singles without family in the area. Some are students from out of town with few, if any, places to go for yom tov. They may be new young couples who have only recently moved into an area and who don't know many people as yet. There are many reasons for why these people will be alone for yom tov, but one reason that should not be there is that no one in the community took the time and effort to invite them for a meal.

Now, not five minutes before yom tov starts, is the time to give a thought to those who will be alone for yom tov. Now is the time to pick up the phone or go over in person and extend an invitation. Now is the time to show that you understand hachnosos orchim and what it can mean to the person facing a bleak, lonely yom tov. Just because you don't know someone is no reason to hesitate over inviting them; after all, a stranger is only a friend whom you haven't met yet.

The Ideal Teacher

2011-09-13T06:00:00.000-04:00

We have all of us had much experience with teachers at all levels of education. Some recent discussions with friends centered around teachers and what would be the qualities that the ideal teacher should possess. Strangely enough, or not so strangely, none of those who were part of the discussions presented the same list of qualities that an ideal teacher should have. In fact, there was only one quality that everyone agreed was necessary, although the definition of that quality varied: consistency. Yup, no consistency in defining consistency.

So let me open this up to my readers. What would be the top qualities you would consider necessary for one to be considered the ideal teacher? Why? Don't be shy--let's hear your comments.

An Online Treasure Trove for Jewish Music Fans

2011-09-12T06:00:00.001-04:00

Hat tip to my offspring who sent me the following link. It's a free archive of 100 Jewish music albums out of Florida Atlantic University. Lots of chazanus and plenty of classic other Jewish albums.

http://faujsa.fau.edu/jsa/home.php

Was it the Boy's Schools or the Girl's Schools?

2011-09-11T13:49:00.004-04:00

Back in August of 2009 I wrote this posting about education for males and females. It involved some rumors that the Bais Yaakov of Boro Park was going to be closing down.

http://conversationsinklal.blogspot.com/2009/08/male-and-female-he-made-them.html

One of the questions I asked in that posting was about "equal treatment" of boys and girls yeshivas. If there is only X amount of money to pay in tuition, will that X amount get divided equally between boys and girls yeshivas, or will boys yeshivas get more of the money?

I'm asking that question again because of some recent happenings. I know that the Bat Torah yeshiva for girls closed down. Fairly certain that Shulamith in Midwood isn't open. It seems to me that all the rumors that have been flying lately--some confirmed and some not--have been about girls yeshivas that are closing. Anyone know as a fact of a boys yeshiva that closed down for this year?

If, as I'm coming to suspect, it's the girls yeshivas that are being allowed to close down while money is being funneled into the boys yeshivas, I believe we have a real problem brewing. Some of the commenters on the original posting alluded to that problem as well. What's the problem? We're going to be creating a two-classed system whereby some of our children will be Jewishly educated and some will not. If girls yeshiva education is what loses when push comes to shove, what are we teaching our children about their value to us and to Klal?

Please, please don't bring me examples from pre-war Europe to support this type of attitude--that was then, and this is now. Educating our girls has long been inculcated into us as a requirement.

So, someone who knows the information as a fact, what schools have closed down, and were they a girls school or a boys school? Also, did any coed school fail to open?

9/11 In Memoriam

2011-09-11T06:00:00.000-04:00

On December 7, 1941, Franklin Delano Roosevelt uttered words that have become part of the fabric of American history. Pearl Harbor had just been bombed, and in his speech FDR stated that "this is a date that will live in infamy." He couldn't have imagined at that time that there would be another date to join his, a date that also lives in infamy--9/11.

On that fateful date I was teaching on the Staten Island campus of St. John's University. The campus sits atop Grymes Hill, with a clear view of the harbor and of lower Manhattan. A student came running into the classroom I was in, screaming in horror, and we poured out onto the campus in time to view the second plane crashing into the World Trade Center. None of us could fully take in what we had just seen, but on every face there was a terrified look. The first reaction was that a commercial plane had somehow gotten off course and crashed into the towers. But as news began to filter in to phones the truth came out: this was the second plane to hit the towers, and two planes was not an accident but an attack.

I remember being torn between needing/wanting to find out about my children working in Manhattan, about friends and other family in the Trade Center area, and needing to get my students safely on their way home. I watched as students from off the Island were gathered up by those from the Island, offering a haven until it could be determined just what had happened and what was happening. I made it home in record time and then began the frustrating time of trying to contact those in Manhattan. Eventually all family members would be accounted for but the tears refused to stop as the news filtered in about what had happened that day. So many lives lost that day, so many people who may have lived through the experience but who would never be the same again. So much pain and so much sorrow.

There was a flash in my memory of another day, another school, another time that the country would cry out in horror. I was in high school when the Principal's voice suddenly came over the PA system, instructing us to quickly and quietly pack our books and go home: our country had suffered a tragedy in that President Kennedy had been assassinated. Everywhere on the walk home you saw people in shock with tears streaming. And on 9/11, dozens of years later, assassins would once again come to our shores, and the tears would stream once again.

A few years after the attacks on 9/11, a survivor of the World Trade Center attack would answer, when asked what those trying to escape were doing, "There are no atheists in foxholes. We were all praying like crazy." I know he was right because that's what a whole lot of us who weren't at the site were doing as well. To Whom else but God could we possibly turn when faced with a tragedy of this magnitude?

As we go through the day today it would be appropriate to think of those whose lives were taken, who were murdered for no other reason than they were Americans. And I hope that our resolve, and the resolve of our leaders, will be hardened so that such a tragedy does not come to us again. And yes, it would be a good time for prayers to God, for asking that He guide us in our thoughts and actions so that such bloodshed should not happen again.

No More, Please!!!

2011-09-08T06:00:00.001-04:00

Those who have been reading my blog for a while know that I spent many years as a volunteer shadchan--read no charge--and about a year ago I got out of the business. I could not deal with the "new and improved" methods that have come into existence, particularly the questionnaires and what they ask.

Yesterday someone called me about a shidduch for one of my kids. I was happy to listen to the call until we got to the Grand Inquisition. The person calling got to the "What type of frum is your daughter" question, and having 4 wisdom teeth extracted without benefit of anesthesia started to look really good to me. To give this person at least some credit, she didn't just read off a list of all the different terms we are cursed with for establishing frumkeit, type and degree. Instead, she gave me certain scenarios and asked how my daughter would react to those scenarios. The one where I finally called a halt to the inquisition was the following: What would be your daughter's reaction if someone gave her comic books as a gift? Would she allow such a gift for her children?

Hashem Yerachem if such questions are integral to making a shidduch today or in any way, shape or form can help to define a person's frumkeit. When I called a halt to the questioning the shadchan sounded truly surprised. When I told her that such questions couldn't possibly have any bearing on a shidduch--certainly not on a shidduch date--she told me that the boy in question had put the answer to this question as a high priority. I politely ended the call and breathed a sigh of relief.

I've been married going on 40 years. Not once, not ever did my views on comic books become an issue in our marriage. No, my husband and I have not always agreed 100% on everything we have faced in our marriage, but that is what marriage is about: learning how and when to compromise, learning how to find alternatives when there is disagreement, learning that "winning" and always getting your way is not the object of marriage. Granted, I haven't read all that many comic books lately, but more because of lack of opportunity rather than a decision to stop reading them. Our pediatrician used to have copies of comic books in his office. I admit I was and still am a fan of the Archie comics. However, the kids long ago graduated to an "adult" doctor so I'm not around those comics much any more.

Attitude on comic books as an indicator of frumkeit and shidduch compatibility is just too much for me. Just when I think I've heard it all, along comes something like this.

Surely They Were Jesting

2011-09-06T06:00:00.003-04:00

Thanks to Lisa Hoffman in the Jewish World Review for the following tidbit. Apparently when the frum community gets bogged down in downright ridiculous minutae it's following the lead of our federal government. With all the important issues facing us it's comforting--not--to know our government has what's truly important right in its sights. And to the frum community--this is not the example to be following. You think we appear any less ridiculous when we argue about the color, size, brand, shape and decoration of a hat? Think again!

"It was the vision of the Federal Highway Administration that, by 2018, no sign ever again would use only upper-case letters to spell out a street name. Only the first letters would be capitals, standing precisely 6 inches high.

Furthermore, the lower-case letters would have to be exactly 4.5 inches high. And every street sign in America would be in the Clearview typeface font, and no other.

FHA regulators gave localities until Jan. 22, 2012, to come up with a plan for replacing signs to be in conformance with the rules. If they didn't, their federal funds would be in jeopardy.
What resulted after the FHA posted the proposed rules in the Federal Register last November was a hue and cry from cities and states, which hollered that the idea was a waste of scarce money. New York City said it would cost $27.5 million to comply and Milwaukee pinned a $1.4 million price tag on its compliance.

On Tuesday, the Obama administration relented, announcing the regulations and deadlines would be eliminated, leaving localities free to replace signs when they're worn out and without the stylistic micromanaging that critics portrayed as a metaphor for overreaching by the federal government. "

You Know It Isn't Like It Used to Be When......

2011-09-05T21:26:00.002-04:00

A friend got involved with her grandchildren this summer in a way she and her husband wish they hadn't have been. Her daughter was going to be out of town during camp visiting day so this friend did all the requisite nosh purchasing and shlepped up to camp to spend the day. While they were visiting with their grandsons, said grandsons had the usual complaints about camp--you know, too rainy, the food sucks etc.. This friends husband laughed and said it reminded him of a song we all knew and loved back in the olden days. So he sang it for his grandsons and they loved it. They insisted that zaydie write down the words for them and help them learn it, which he promptly did.

Now fast forward a couple of days and these grandparents got a very upset telephone call from the camp. It seems that the grandsons taught the song to their friends in camp. One night at dinner, one the campers apparently weren't enjoying, during the umpteenth day of rain, the grandsons and their friends broke into their new song. The campers loved it; the administration didn't. They felt it wasn't the type of song that a frum young boy should be singing, that it was disrespectful. And, the administrator continued, the grandsons had the gaul to say that their grandfather had taught them the song, adding lying to inappropriate singing.

My friend's husband could have handled this in a number of ways but decided that straight out talking was best. First he told the camp that yes, he had taught the boys the song. Second, if he found out in any way that his grandsons had been disciplined for singing the song the camp director would find himself in court post haste. Third, he told the director to get a sense of humor. Fourth, he told the director that singing "non-Jewish" music was not an aveiroh.

Anyway, the director backed down and the storm passed. However, the children's parents, when informed of what had happened, made the decision that their kids were never going to this camp again.

No kinderlach, this is not the world I grew up in. Certainly not when Allan Sherman is looked at as a frumkeit issue. The song in question was written and performed by Mr. Sherman in 1963 and is entitled "Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh!" The lyrics are below. I leave it to you to decide just how and why this song is not appropriate.

Hello Muddah, hello Fadduh,
Here I am at Camp Grenada
Camp is very entertaining
and they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.

I went hiking with Joe Spivy
He developed poison ivy
You remember Leonard Skinner
He got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.

All the counselors hate the waiters
And the lake has alligators
And the head coach wants no sissies
So he reads to us from something called Ulysses.

Now I don't want this should scare ya
But my bunkmate has malaria
You remember Jeffrey Hardy
They're about to organize a searching party.

Take me home, oh muddah fadduh,
take me home, I hate Grenada
Don't leave me out in the forest where I might get eaten by a bear.
Take me home, I promise I will not make noise or mess the house with
other boys, oh please don't make me stay, I've been here one whole day.

Dearest fadduh, darling muddah,
How's my precious little bruddah?
Let me come home if ya miss meI
will even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me.

Wait a minute, it stopped hailing,
Guys are swimming, guys are sailing,
Playing baseball, gee that's better,
Muddah Fadduh kindly disregard this letter.

School is Starting and.......?

2011-09-04T06:00:00.001-04:00

The new school year begins in a few days. What, if anything, is going to be different this year from last year? Other than two yeshivas not opening this year (and we are not talking about uber large yeshivas that closed but very small ones), the answer is "nothing." Despite a whole lot of complaints that the present system cannot continue as it is, there it is, continuing. And I'd bet any amount of money--and win--that the complaints will be coming fast and furious this year, just as in the past. Why?

The first and most obvious reason is that, despite legitimate complaints, no one really wants to be the first one to say "Enough! I'm pulling my kids out!" Here and there we all may know or know of someone who is experimenting with a different way of educating their kids, be it home schooling or a combination of public school and talmud torah or some other way. But the vast majority of parents have a wait and see attitude. First, they want to see what the reaction will be by the community to those parents who have opted for a different education format--and that reaction could take years to happen. And then they are waiting for someone else to provide an already organized in-place alternative.

The reaction is like any other shopping expedition. First, you decide on a class of product you want to buy--let's say cottage cheese. You head for the market and look at all the cottage cheese products available in that store. You may or may not like the taste and flavor of any of those products available, or the price that is being charged, but if you feel you need cottage cheese then you are choosing one of the products available and paying what is asked for that product. Now it's possible that you may complain to the manager about the price, and maybe, on occasion, that price may drop a bit. But as long as the products move off the shelves, the stores have really very little incentive to drop the prices or bring in another brand.

Now sometimes a new brand of that cottage cheese comes on the market. Do you run out and buy it? Maybe, and maybe not. Many people want to see what the general public reaction will be to the product before they opt to buy it themselves. They want to read reviews of how consumers who did buy the product feel about it. They are more than willing to let others be the experimental guinea pigs. It just could be that the new product has nothing to recommend it, to differentiate it from all the other cottage cheeses that are apparently just like it. It could be that the new product is going to require going a bit out of your convenient geographic area to buy--your local market doesn't carry it but a market a few miles out does. And it could be that the new cottage cheese has a very different flavor from the one you are used to (even if you aren't necessarily thrilled with the flavor/price). You've gotten used to the old cottage cheese brand--it may be pricey, but it's convenient to buy, and you know how it's going taste.

In short, we seem to be treating yeshiva education as if it were any other consumer product on the shelf. We eat what the stores have decided to sell, and we pay what they ask. We may complain to each other that "groceries" are costing an arm and a leg, but we are still shopping in those same stores and buying those same groceries.

So yes, the way I see it, this year is going to be just like last year as regards the high price of a yeshiva education. Consumers are going to continue to buy the old products, complaining to each other all the while. Unless someone is willing to take the chance on producing a new product and putting it out on the market for purchase, it's going to be the same-old same-old. It takes a whole lot of investment of time, effort and money to bring a new product to market. No one, it seems, is willing to take the chance that a new product might succeed, might bring in customers.

One final note. Many look at yeshiva education as being something more than just another product we purchase. There are any number of people, with a vested interest, who have endorsed the present yeshiva system as being a necessity as it is presently structured, who have made the system "holy." If you want to be considered as "frum" then you have to send your kids to yeshiva. Guess what? Those who endorse products have a vested interest in having you buy those products, and the interest is usually a monetary one. Movie star X is not endorsing product Y because he/she 100% believes in that product and uses only that product because they believe it to be the best. They are getting paid for endorsing that product. And if they weren't being paid by the producers of product Y, do you really believe that they would go on record saying product Y is the only one for them? Those who go on record saying the present yeshiva system is the only one that works and the only one we should be buying are not different from those movie stars. They, too, have personal reasons for endorsing the yeshiva product, and yes, money is part of it. Do you really believe that a rosh yeshiva is going to bite the hand that feeds him?

Right now a whole lot of "choshuv" people are pushing us to buy an Edsel. And lo and behold we are doing so. A whole lot of people are pushing us to buy gas guzzling overly large sedans when what we really should be shopping for are those wallet-friendly, fuel efficient models. Nope, those wallet-friendly vehicles aren't visually dazzling with all the latest over-the-top techno gizmos. They don't cause our friends and neighbors to go green with envy. They don't necessarily impress anyone--unless you are the practical type who believes that if you can get to point B from point A in comfort and for less money then why would you opt for paying more.

Ahead of the Game

2011-09-04T01:00:00.002-04:00

In case you haven't looked at a Jewish calendar lately, let me be the one to give you the good news--Yom Tov is pretty much around the corner. And this year the calendar is chock full of three-day yom tov/Shabbos combinations.

Now, with most people off for the Labor Day extended weekend, is a good time to sit down with your personal calendar and make some plans. Have clothing that is going to need a trip to the cleaners? Make it this week and take some of the pressure off of yourself erev yom tov. Now is also a good time to shop ahead for those items that will stay fine between now and yom tov. But if you are going to be shopping ahead then save yourself a real headache and make up your menus now so you know just what it is that you have to purchase.

Now is the time to figure out just when you are going to be able to put up your sukkah. Now is the time to figure out when you are going to squeeze in haircuts for everyone. Now is the time to shop for any clothing necessities. Even with planning ahead, time is going to be at a premium for those who work. Give yourself some breathing room and figure out your schedule for the next weeks now.

If you have the freezer space now is also a good time to bake or cook some items ahead so that there is less to have to squeeze in before yom tov.

In short, it's no use to pretend that yom tov isn't coming as soon as it is. Want to have an enjoyable yom tov? Start now!

Getting Back in the Saddle

2011-09-01T10:33:00.004-04:00

Nope, it wasn't last week's hurricane that kept this blog from publishing. Hubby and I missed all the "fun" and excitement by being out of town. While the East Coast dealt with a deluge of water we were under a heat advisory, with average daily temperatures of 112-113--to each their own.

Anyhooo, I'm back and trying to get back on a normal schedule. That is both one of the blessings and one of the curses of going on vacation. For a short period of time you get to do only what you want to do, and do it when you want to do it. And then you come home and a whole lot of something elses are pulling the reins and dictating what to do, when and where and how.

I hope that all of you came through the storm okay and that you enjoy this last bit of summer before we are all back in the saddle again of "real life." Talk to you soon.

From a Different Perspective

2011-08-22T06:00:00.000-04:00

While waiting on line in a store I was privy to a conversation that was going on among the three people in front of me. All three were Catholics and were discussing the closure of three long-existing schools, two here on Staten Island and one in Brooklyn. Two were all girls high schools and one was an all boys high school.

Coming on the heels of news that at least two yeshivot were not going to be opening their doors in September (reported by Orthonomics and others), is there any relationship that can be seen between what I overheard in the market and what is happening with the yeshivas? Yes, there is a relationship.

First, it should be noted that Catholic schools fall into districts: all schools within a particular diocese are under the supervision of that diocese. We Jews do not have this type of districting, where all schools in a particular geographic area are under one supervisory/administration board. Second, the diocese sets general policy for all schools within its boundaries. Third, the diocese can grant monies within its coffers to schools across its area. Fourth, like yeshivas, Catholic schools are not free and charge tuition. This tuition has been going up steadily over the years, and has risen steeply over the last few years. (Note: among the reasons given for this steep rise in tuition were teachers are getting paid higher salaries than in older times, there are more specialists in the system--psychological and counseling and special ed--there are more extra curricular activities, which have gone up in basic cost, and there is more technology necessary to put into place, such as multiple computers.)

In addition, schools in some areas charge far less than some schools in other areas of the diocese, generally following along the lines of whether a particular neighborhood falls into the mostly low earners group, middle earners group or high earners group. The diocese makes up any financial shortfall in areas where the parents cannot pay the full load of tuition.

Now to the comparison of the Catholic/Jewish schools. Both types of school systems have schools known to be stellar as regards academics (secular academics meant here)--think Flatbush Yeshiva, the Ramaz School and a few of the Central/North Jersey schools. Both of these types of schools are pricey and getting pricier. These schools are looking for the best and the brightest, and if those targeted students can't afford the steep tuition, the diocese foots the bill for their reduced or missing tuition. For the yeshiva schools of this type, the schools fund raise to make up any missing monies and/or they raise tuition cost for the parents who can pay it to cover the shortfall.

Like the Catholic schools, yeshivas also fall into geographic or community areas which can be described as poor, middle class or wealthy. Unlike the Catholic schools, yeshivas don't have a diocese to pick up the financial slack if parents in a particular school area cannot pay sufficient tuition to cover the costs of the school.

And yet, even with the diocese available to pick up the financial pieces, 3 schools are closing. Why? One answer given by those standing in line was "They don't print money in the basement you know." Another point that was brought up was that the Catholic community has many types of services available to its members, from feeding the poor to caring for the elderly, and it has reached a point where expenses outstrip readily available cash to pay for those expenses.

And then came the kicker. One woman, who had sent all of her kids to Catholic school and has her grandchildren in those Catholic schools, said that it looked like it was time to rethink the whole idea of separate schooling. And she said the magic words--"After all, these schools are really private schools and who says we can really afford to push private school for everyone when we already pay for the public schools with our tax dollars? It's a different world today and what worked yesterday doesn't look like it's going to work tomorrow."

Yes, there are many points of comparison between the Catholic school system and the yeshiva system. Yes, they are both private education systems whose expenses are outrunning the funds available to pay for those expenses. They do have many similarities. There are also differences. Our yeshiva system is not a system with a central authority over all schools and the ability to shift funds as needed from one school to another. And yes, even with that type of financial ability, it's not possible to keep all the schools open.

Maybe it's about time that we stop trying to fix a system that is clearly broken and can't sustain itself financially and start looking for a replacement system. Maybe we need to be brutally honest and admit "Ma sheh hoyah, hoyah." And perhaps the first step would be to admit that we can't print money in the basement, and there simply is not enough money in Klal to keep the educational system as presently structured afloat, never mind attempt to provide other needed services as well. There is only X amount of money in Klal, and you can't spend X+3 gazillion dollars. That's reality, and we need to admit that.

First in California...where next?

2011-08-21T09:20:00.002-04:00

Thanks to the Professor at Life on a Cotton Ball for reaffirming my faith in our legislative systems--NOT. I wake up every Sunday morning with the positive attitude that this week will be different: this week will be the week that the mistakes of the past will be recognized and steps taken to immediately establish changes that will be helpful for us. Yeah, just call me a cockeyed optimist. And no, this is not going to be that week either.

The legislators of the great state of California (irony intended), apparently having nothing better to do, voted to require all institutions providing hospitality--think hotels and motels--to use only fitted sheets on their beds. Oh yes, and they specifically included that the state won't be paying any of the monies required to meet this new legislation--the hospitality industry will have to meet the expenses to be in compliance.

Frankly, many years ago the truly mentally deficient were sent to state-sponsored residential institutions. In modern times that was deemed as politically/socially/humanely incorrect. Instead, someone apparently came up with a different, "better" way to care for these people-- they are duly elected to state legislatures, where they get to play with others just like themselves, and create havoc for the rest of us.

You think not? Go to the link below. The Professor has the link to the actual legislation. Mind boggling doesn't even begin to cover it.

http://lifeonacottonball.blogspot.com/

Some Thoughts on Multi Generations

2011-08-11T02:20:00.000-04:00

A recent posting by The Rebbetzin's Husband http://rechovot.blogspot.com/ on Parenting from the Torah happened to hit home with me, particularly this summer. While the gist of the scenarios Rabbi T presents deal with the who and how of taking care of elderly parents, there is another aspect that I commented on and feel needs to be addressed.

We are b"h living longer and longer as the years progress. It is not at all unusual for there to be four generations all living at the same time. In fact, it is becoming more commonplace to see even five generations all living at the same time. Since this is the case, the issue of kibud av v'em (and how to care for parents who may need special help) is also growing more complex. In the 4-generation scenario you have three distinct sets of parents; in the 5-generation scenario you have four distinct sets of parents. Now let's complicate this just a bit more: let's assume that in each generation but the last all the children are married. This means that for each married couple there are two sets of parents to be considered: those of the husband and those of the wife.

Now start at the top of that 4-5 generation pyramid and number that generation as #1. Any parents in that #1 generation are indeed going to be older, and it is likely that health issues are being seen or independent living issues are being seen. It would seem to be logical that this generation's issues will be dealt with by their children, generation #2. However, generation #2 is not all that young and members of that generation are also seeing health issues crop up or strength issues crop up. They may not be 100% up to handling or dealing with the issues of their parents while facing issues of their own. That brings us to generation #3. In asking this generation to participate in or completely handle the issues facing their parents we may also be giving them the task of taking on the responsibility for their parents' parents at the same time. While this is happening generation #3 may still be involved in finishing raising their own children and marrying them off.

In cases where there are five generations living at the same time, it is quite possible to envision a scenario where generation #3 is getting on in age and not completely able to handle the responsibilities of caring for parents in generation #2 and generation #1. This would mean that generation #4 would have the responsibility for handling the issues that come up for generations #1, 2 and 3, all while raising their young children. And as I mentioned previously, this would not be for only one set of parents but for the parents of both the husbands and wives involved.

Now complicate this further--not all members of a family will necessarily be living in close proximity to each other. Members of the various generations could be living all over the US and/or all over the world. Even when family members might be in the same general geographic area, you could still be talking about their being quite spread out and with serious time/travel issues that will arise. It is not a mere hop, skip and a jump to travel from SI to Long Island, nor is it from NJ to the NYC environs, nor even from one area of NYC to another.

Let me also mention another issue that complicates the care-giving--work. What is commonplace today is to find couples where both the husband and the wife work at jobs outside the home. Given the economic realities today, those families where both the husband and wife work do so because they need the money. Generally speaking you won't find working members of generation #1, you will still find some working members of generation #2, but many are retired or getting there soon, you will find most of generation #3 working and, where there is a generation #5, you will find generation #4 working.

So, what does this mean apropos of kibud av v'em, and particularly as regards taking care of day to day matters for the older people of the generations present? Frankly, it means that we are going to have to stop philosophizing and start coming up with practical ways to deal with multiple generations all living at the same time. We don't have nearly enough programs, personnel, organizations, and facilities in place to help out with what is no longer a future problem but is here now, and getting larger. I've said it before, and it bears repeating now--tuition is not the only major item facing Klal. Yeshivas need to understand this fact, not only the parent body within a yeshiva.

There is going to be competition for the dollars of Klal, and yeshivas aren't going to be number one on the list for a whole lot of families. Frankly, if the choice comes down between paying X for a yeshiva education, to include all the frills and fancies, and making sure that our older folks are healthy, safe and well taken care of, yeshivas come dead last for me. I do not owe the yeshivas anything, but I surely owe my parents a lot, not least of which is making sure that what they need is provided for.

Not an easy problem to solve, and we'll never find any solutions until we admit that we do, indeed, have a problem.

Note: Just to give you an idea of some of the costs that could be involved in elder care, let me use an assisted living facility in Queens as an example--it is fairly typical of this type of facility around our geographic area. The cost to residents is $5000 per month, and if you can't pay it they throw you out. That figure does not include extra food you may buy for yourself, insurance, medications, doctor expenses, clothing, personal care items etc.; in short, you will easily need to add another $15-20 thousand per year, and quite possibly more. That is about $80K per year, per person, for the elderly in a residence catering to the needs of the elderly. Not precisely spare change.

Getting What You Pay For

2011-08-03T06:00:00.000-04:00

Sure, there has been a lot of arguing online and elsewhere about summer sleepaway camps and what value they might have for both campers and parents. I'd like to look at the "worth" of camp through a different lens right now--the lens of the 9 days.

I'd imagine that parents have a picture in their mind of just what a camp is going to provide for the (sometimes exorbitant) money it may charge. Yes, there will be some Judaic learning going on. However, most parents will add to that sports activities of all kinds--free swim, instructional swim, softball, baseball, basketball, hockey, track, gymnastics and field activities etc.. In addition, I'd imagine that most parents are going to add to those sports activities what I'll call creative activities--all types and sorts of arts and crafts and musical activities (both song and dance). Then add in nature activities, camp trips to points of interest nearby, competitions, both intra-camp and inter-camp, including color war.

So, if kids are totally immersed in a frum environment for the summer, just what is it that the camp is offering during the 9 days for the money charged ? I've heard that camps still provide swimming--or at least some do--under the guise that it's only instructional swim (which I guess is not supposed to be seen as pleasurable). Reading the fine print on those sites listing what is forbidden to do during the 9 days, creative activities would appear on the forbidden list, so no arts and crafts. Certainly song and dance activities would be forbidden. Taking pleasurable trips would be forbidden. Those high-spirited intra and inter camp competitions would be forbidden. Most movies and films and live performances would be forbidden.

Okay, someone tell me what is left for the campers to do for the long days and nights they are in camp over the 9 days? For those campers only attending the second session of camp--the month of August--9 out of their 28 days in camp (approximately 1/3 of the time they are there) are not going to be "fun." If those camps are serving only milchigs, except for Shabbos, then some campers are going to be truly miserable for those 9 days--camp milchigs is heavy on the starch and light on the "real" fish or on fruits and vegetables. If the camp makes a siyum every day, then the campers are going to be learning early how to circumvent the requirements. If the camp holds that no laundry may be done during the 9 days, no fresh clothing may be put on, and no fresh linen may be put on the beds, you are going to have a whole lot of those kids wearing sticky, icky clothing and getting into beds that have been sitting in un-airconditioned bunks gathering dirt, mold, pollen and who knows what else. If the camp holds strictly to showering as a limited or non-existent activity during the 9 days, you are going to be having some truly uncomfortable campers, never mind what the smell will be like.

Then there is this--camps are not reknowned for their fully stocked libraries. Substituting reading for other activities will be highly limited, and will apply only to those campers who brought some reading material with them. I suppose that campers could find a tree to sit under and play games on their cellphones to pass the time.

In short, sleepaway camp and the 9 days seem to me to present a conflict: most of what a camp provides its campers could be seen as ossur during the 9 days. I'm past the time of sending children away to camp--anyone out there whose children are in such camps and who know firsthand what the camps do during the 9 days, please chime in. Given that $5000 for a whole summer as the camp charge has been documented as "pretty average" in many places and by many people, that would be about $100 a day for the summer camp experience. Are the camps providing sufficient services of a "camp type" to be worth that $100 a day during the 9 days?

And let me end off with this: if the camps are providing many of the activities which would fall into the pleasurable category, then why do we have this non-sensical divide--not okay in the city but okay at camp.

The Courts on a Roll

2011-08-02T06:00:00.000-04:00

I once did an entire posting on toilet paper, and admitted the irony of having gone to graduate school in English so that I could produce such a piece of writing. Apparently I'm not the only one with toilet paper being kept in mind. A case involving toilet paper is wending its way upwards in the US court system. Given all the weighty matters that should be occupying our minds, why are we clogging the drains of the judicial system with soggy wads like this one?

http://www.jewishworldreview.com/0811/toilet_paper_opinion.php3

The Minefield of Shailoh Asking

2011-07-31T06:00:00.000-04:00

It seems inevitable that during the 3 weeks/9 days someone in my house is going to have a shailoh to ask a Rav about what is or isn't permissible during this time period. This year it was my turn, and I admit it took me almost three days to work out exactly how to word the questions I needed to ask so that there could be no chance of an error of interpretation on the part of the Rav being asked due to a poor English construction. I did a bit of research before asking the shailoh to see if the answer appeared anywhere on the various sites that have posted the "laws" of the 3 weeks/9 days.

My particular questions did not appear on these sites, but I was pleased to see that at least some of the points that people were complaining about just one year ago have been addressed. Last year there were a number of Rabbanim/sites that said it was forbidden to put on freshly laundered underwear during the 9 days--so far every site I've gone to has exempted underwear and socks from the "no laundered clothes" ban. Last year, in a line that still reverberates with me, a number of rabbanim/sites banned showering during the nine days outright except for a shower before Shabbos, and basically told those "who are accustomed to showering regularly" to speak to a Rav. This year a number of those rabbanim and sites are not outright banning showering but are giving reasons for when a shower could be acceptable--to remove sweat and dirt--and explaining how to make that shower different so that it doesn't fall into the category of "pleasure and joy" --using cooler water, for instance.

Where I think there needs to be some more thought given, perhaps for next year's announcements, is to the whole idea of "freshly laundered clothing." Every site I've gone to has said that you may not wear such clothing. HOWEVER, all the sites also present a way around this "dilemma." Prior to the 9 days it was suggested that you put on for a moment or two any and all clothing that you might wear during the 9 days. In this way the clothing would not qualify for "freshly laundered" since it had already been worn. Don't know about any other women out there, but I've no idea what I might want to or have to wear during these 9 days, so basically I'd had to have put on just about every single summer piece of clothing I own--and rehang and refold all of it. Now multiply this action times every person living in your household and you are talking about a seriously time and effort intensive activity.

Then there is this: what constitutes "freshly laundered"? If I washed a skirt 3-4 weeks ago and it has been hanging around in the closet until now, is that really "freshly laundered"? What about tops that may have spent a week or two or three or four in a dresser? I can logically understand the ban on wearing new clothing during this time period, but clean clothing (aka "freshly laundered") has me puzzled. It's not, here in the US, a luxury item and it isn't limited to a few people either. As a society we expect clean clothing on those around us, certainly if we are in a work environment. And no, most people are NOT in the habit of wearing the same items of clothing for an entire week, certainly not the women and probably not the men either.

Here's hoping that by next year someone has figured out a more helpful way of getting us into clean clothing during this time period.

What in the World

2011-07-28T06:00:00.000-04:00

As constituted now, we are an information-hungry world. Thanks to the advances in technology we now have virtually instant access to information from around the globe. We know more (or should know more) about every place on earth and what is happening (or not happening) there. Discoveries in every field of endeavor are easily shared with others almost instantaneously.

With all that knowledge now available it would seem to be logical that the twelve years of education that we consider required would be overflowing with important information that students should know before graduating. And yet....

Some would posit that there is now just too much information and it's impossible to cram learning it all into 12 years. Okay, a bit of that is true. But that statement assumes that all schools are actually attempting to teach everything; unfortunately, that is not the case.

I'm leaving the public schools out of this discussion for now. Let's instead look at the yeshivas. Here in the general New York/New Jersey area a phenomenon has been seen for quite some time now. Boys yeshivas, particularly the ones that qualify as "yeshivish" or more to the right, have stopped teaching secular subjects in the senior year. To be even more accurate, some of those yeshivas aren't teaching all that much by way of secular studies in the first three years of high school either, but at least something is being taught. (Note: this is not so much a philosophical decision as one one based on meeting at least some of the minimum requirements for the city and state and federal monies available to these schools and which they gladly take.) There are also some of the very right wing girls high schools which also do not have a senior year of secular studies.

What are the implications of having this type of policy in place for the future of the students enrolled in these schools and for Klal in general? The most obvious is that the students graduating from these schools are under-educated, lacking a whole lot of the basic essentials for navigating the outside world. Outside of the chinuch world for employment, these students are unable to compete for jobs in the outside world because they lack what others have.

For many of the students attending these types of high schools, high school is the end of the road as regards secular education. And as can be seen from their curricula, it would be more factual to say that 8th or 9th grade is really the end of their secular education. Thus, willfully, and yes, with malice aforethought, students in these schools are being held back from being able to fully participate in the outside world, from being able to compete with others for jobs available and for resources available.

Generally progress goes in a forward direction, not a backward one, but as regards the secular education available to far too many in Klal, going backward to a time when schools obeyed government dictates as regards education would actually be going forward.

If you aren't a parent in one of those schools, then what possible input could you have that would change the mess the education is in in these schools? That's a fairly easy answer--money. There are a whole slew of these schools that send out mailings for donations or have people calling for donations. Our family sends zero donations to these institutions, regardless of how "high" their limudei kodesh education is supposed to be, because they don't offer what they are also supposed to be offering--a solid secular education.

And just as a personal note, just how high can that limudei kodesh education be--you know, the one that is supposed to teach "Thou shalt not lie, Thou shalt not cheat, Thou shalt not steal"--when those thou shalt nots are regularly being practiced on the secular education side?

A Shared Summer #5

2011-07-26T06:00:00.001-04:00

The Web is chock full of information, some of it good, some of it bad, some of it indifferent. This is the case when it comes to medical information. Some sites out there have medical information so "out there" that they make science fiction writing look positively tame by comparison. Some sites are written by experts in the field, and some are written by those who think they are experts but aren't. Some don't give the whole story about whatever you are trying to find out about, and some give you so much information that you drown.

So, what sites have you found that generally are factual rather than fantasy and are written so that "real" people can understand what is being said? My first stop when I'm looking for factual information is http://www.usa.gov/Agencies/Federal/All_Agencies/index.shtml This is a listing of all the US Government agencies. There are a number of them which deal with health matters, such as the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, The Center for Nutritional Policy etc.. Once you find the agency you think will have the information you want, click on it. All the agencies are searchable by topic so type in what you are looking for and any articles appearing in the database will pop up.

Let us know what sites you have found useful for health information.

Note: a good place to start is at http://nccam.nih.gov/health/webresources/ which tells you how to evaluate a health information site. There are also links to other evaluation pages.

Bird Brained? We Wish

2011-07-25T06:00:00.000-04:00

There are a couple of sayings which negatively portray our bird population. If you want to insult someone's intelligence, call them bird brained. If you want to say that something is not worthwhile or is a poor choice, say it's for the birds. Frankly, I think our birds are getting a bum rap with these sayings.

I've been observing the bird population in my yard rather closely. Forthwith some observations about bird behavior that we in Klal should consider emulating, rather than denigrating.

First, territoriality and exclusivity. A whole slew of different types of birds all share our yard. Granted, many of them fly down in groups and may congregate in those groups as they eat. However, the boundaries are highly flexible. Not all members of each group rigidly stick to only their own kind as neighbors. Right now there is a mix of about 6 different types of birds out there enjoying a snack. There are blackbirds mixed in with starlings, robins, quails, bluebirds, and a couple of wrens. No one is pushing or shoving, trying to get the "other" to leave the area; there's plenty for everyone. Further, the squirrels and chipmunks are also on the lawn, and clearly so different from the birds there. And yet, they, too, aren't acting all territorial and exclusive. Live and let live seems to be the motto.

Second, survival for all. A few neighbors on the block have cats that they let roam freely. I admit it: I'm not a cat person. I am even less a cat person when I know that I have lots of feathered visitors in the yard. A few of the birds sitting on the fence noticed one of the cats slinking around the side of the house, clearly intent on attacking the birds on the lawn. Those bird sentinels raised the alarm so that EVERYONE could escape safely. They could have sat there without making a sound or giving a warning; after all, the birds on the lawn were not of their particular type. But clearly they understood an important fact: what threatens one type of bird threatens them all.

Third, birdlichkeit (think mentchlichkeit in humans). One of the quails who formed a group of three that has basically been spending their days in my yard had a mortal accident. Somehow it flew into the house side and broke its neck, falling to the patio dead. I would have expected that its two other mates might have come to investigate, to help out, and yes, they did. But what was so heartening, given what had happened, was that other birds of different types also came over to see if they might help, to investigate what was going on. One for all, and all for one.

So yes, the next time that you are tempted to call someone birdbrained, make sure that it's a compliment you want to pay that person. We could do a lot worse than to emulate the bird behavior seen in the wild.

Working on Overload

2011-07-18T06:00:00.000-04:00

I once put up a posting in which I set forth the idea that we all go not by one name or even two names but by many names. Each of the names we bear delineates some kind of person-to-person relationship and/or responsibility. The more complex the world that we live in becomes, the more names that we are likely to bear. And the more names that we bear, the more likely that someone will be calling out those names on a regular basis.

Some of those names come with fairly clearly defined parameters of responsibility; others are hazier as to what is "owed" to those names and those who call us by them at any given time. Some of the responsibilities attached to those names may conflict with other responsibilities attached to other of our names, particularly if we try to respond to the multiple callers at the same time.

There are times (and they are becoming more and more frequent as our lives become more and more complex) when we all might qualify for the psychiatric designation of "split personality." What is required of us in answering to all those names that we are juggling in the air can sometimes get overwhelming, and we drop a ball or some of the balls or all of the balls.

If you're still wondering where I'm going with this, let me set out some of those names that are causing overload for many a person. We have our given birth names. We have the nicknames we are called by those who love us and those who don't. We may have different school names. We are daughters and sons, granddaughters and grandsons, and we are parents and grandparents. We are oldest child or middle child or youngest child and we are brothers and sisters. We are nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephews and we are aunts and uncles. We are cousins. We are neighbors, best friends, close friends, friends and acquaintances. We are employees and bosses, coordinators and supervisors and managers. We are students and we are teachers, in many different situations in addition to formalized schooling. We are clients and customers. We are correspondents and commentators. We are initiators and leaders as well as being followers. We are congregants and believers in a religious sense. We are citizens. We are members of diverse groups, each with its own set of obligations. And somewhere in all of this we are also individuals, uniquely constituted beings with sometimes idiosyncratic expectations of what we should be doing or not doing, what we want to be doing or not doing, what we can be doing or not doing.

Anyone who is married can attest to the sometimes conflicts that can arise when we carry the name spouse at the same time that we carry the name parent. Your child/children need/want something at the same time that your spouse wants/needs something else--to which name do you answer first, and to what extent? And when you are a son/daughter and a parent wants/needs something at the same time that your children/spouse want/need something--to which name do you answer and to what extent? Now add in that all those other people who call you different names want/need something also at this same moment. And just where do you figure in what you, as an individual, need/want when that need/want is in a long line of needs/wants by other people?

I'm not offering any easy answers to the questions I raised, because I don't believe there are any easy answers. The longer we live, the more we add to the litany of names we are called, not subtract. I'm having one of those summers where it seems like every name I've ever acquired is being called out, with the expectation that I will respond and respond immediately. Yeah, I've dropped a few of the balls I'm juggling, and I've paid for that. But what choices do we really have? We keep going, full of the hope that all the balls will stay in the air until we can finally say "juggling time is over for now."

And I wonder if I will ever again in the near and foreseeable future find myself able to sing the words of a favorite Simon and Garfunkle tune: "Hello silence my old friend, I've come to talk to you again."

A Shared Summer #4

2011-07-12T06:00:00.001-04:00

There are a lot of sources "out there" which deal with economic matters of all types. Many deal with budgeting--the how and why. Many deal with investing--how, when, where and why. Many deal with savings--how much, when, where and why. However, not all sources are up to date, taking into account the many factors which can and have changed. Many are opinions that may or may not work as a general rule for the majority of people. Yes, a whole lot of the advice out there is good, bad or or unintelligible to the general public.

So, what sources have you found that are reliable as to facts given, are practical as to advice given and are fairly easily decipherable for an audience not comprised of PhDs in finance? Please leave your choices in the comments section.

Better Safe Than Sorry

2011-07-11T06:00:00.000-04:00

Any number of items will be mentioned if you go to a site that talks about necessary items to be included when you are considering home repair or remodeling. Certainly safety is at the forefront on the lists, items such as smoke and gas detectors, adequate lighting over stairways, updated gas and electricity delivery systems in older homes, etc.. What I'm recommending is an item that is not so frequently mentioned but that should be: a home safe.

Squirreled away in hidey-holes all over our houses are any number of items having importance to us but that need to be kept safely put away when not in use. Good jewelry comes to mind, as does "emergency" cash. So do passports and birth certificates and copies of wills. So do lists of passwords and pin numbers and ID numbers for any number and type of account we might have, online as well as in the physical world. I'm sure you can fill in with other items you view in this way. The longer you live, the more of these hidey-holes that may be present.

Instead of those hidey-holes I'm recommending the purchase of a home safe--not a free-standing one, but one that is securely fastened into a wall or floor. Obviously, the safe should be someplace that is not openly visible but that is accessible to those who are supposed to know where it is. Let's face it--we are all of us collectors, although what we collect and need to keep safe may differ. Between the mattresses just doesn't cut it any longer--it's the first place someone breaking into your home would look. I'm sure you can think of all the other places people use to stash things--and so can thieves.

The cost of these safes is not prohibitive and will allow you to truly be safe, not just feel unjustifiably safe, such as when you use those hidey-holes. If you are considering a home purchase now, make it one that will pay for itself in real peace of mind--better safe than sorry.

Reason 43,569,843,507,662,198

2011-07-06T10:06:00.002-04:00

Despite the gray hairs and the denigration that sometimes comes our way, English teachers plod on, knowing that somewhere, some time, some how we will break through and influence our students. And why should we need to do so? Because when we get messages such as the one that follows here, we rise to save the world from mis/dis-information.

Received this morning from a company whose technician is scheduled to come to my house:

"Your technician will arrive today at 5:00 pm, between 11:00 and 2:00."

A Shared Summer #3

2011-07-05T06:00:00.001-04:00

When I think shopping, I think books. The price of books, both hardcovers and softcovers, can get quite expensive. So, let's share some sources we've found for getting those books, and perhaps getting those books cheaper than suggested retail price. Please leave your suggestions--both for online and for "real"--in the comments section.

Let me start off with a suggestion to look at alibris.com I've been using this site for many years and have yet to have a problem with any merchandise ordered. The site is easy to navigate and it sometimes offers some really incredible bargains. Use it once and the site will also send you notices good for further discounts/reduced-free shipping etc..

So readers, your suggestions?

Refuah Shelaimoh

2011-06-29T06:00:00.000-04:00

My mother is having surgery this morning. For those who would add her into their tefilos today, the name is Feiga bas Leah.

A Shared Summer #2

2011-06-28T06:00:00.001-04:00

Those out there who like to bake are frequently on the lookout for new sources for recipes and baking tips and hints. Let's face it--cookbooks are more often than not very expensive to purchase. Add in that, unless and until you've gone through the book page by page, recipe by recipe, you don't really know how much of a particular cookbook you will actually end up using. Spend $30-40 on a cookbook containing recipes for 50 different baked goods, and assume you will make all 50 recipes, and you are initially spending about 80 cents per baking recipe. But most people do NOT make every recipe in a cookbook; in fact, they make relatively few of the recipes. Let's say you only try 1-10 of those recipes. Now the price per recipe is way higher--anywhere from $4 to $40 per recipe.

So, what cookbooks that are out there, whether kosher or not, have you found particularly useful? Why? Is it the illustrations, is it well-written instructions, is it the general hints and tips that make it useful? Please post your choices in the comments.

Now to online sources for bakers. There are certainly many sources available online. One that I find particularly useful--and gorgeous to view--is baking911.com. There are hundreds of free pages to browse through. In addition, a premium membership to the site costs $19.95 per year and gives you access to thousands of recipes--fully illustrated--as well as individual help and baking forums. For instance, ever wonder just how much frosting you need in order to correctly and evenly frost various sizes and types of baked goods? The free pages have a chart that gives you the amounts for virtually any kind of baked goods you could consider frosting. And referencing that recipe to cookbook cost I gave above, $20 gets you 2000+ recipes. This is far more recipes for far less money than you will find with a conventional cookbook. It's a great site to browse through even if you're not considering joining it. Again, take a trip over to
baking911.com

Any other online sources you'd like to share with us? Again, please put those sources--and your reasons--into the comments section.

Bon appetit!

Oh English, I Weep for Thee

2011-06-26T10:16:00.002-04:00

A member of one of my professional chat rooms reported an incident that happened to him this week. He wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. He and his wife and three other couples went out to dinner together. They picked a local diner to eat at. Because it's summer and high schoolers are now on vacation, this particular diner hires a number of those highschoolers for various positions, although not normally as wait staff. However, the diner was busy so one of the busgirls was co-opted into taking their dinner order. She asked what everyone wanted. Two people ordered fried chicken. As she was writing down their orders she repeated them aloud: "Okay, that'll be 2 fried cluck."

One of the people who had ordered the chicken corrected her and said, "I'd like fried chicken." The busgirl replied: "Yeah, I know. You get fried cluck." Finally someone at the table asked her why she was calling it fried cluck. She answered: "Everyone knows that chickens cluck and the word is shorter to say and write then chicken is." Yes, one of those at the table is a professor of English, and I can understand why he couldn't resist saying "You know, chickens only cluck if you are a native speaker of English. In other languages they make different sounds and different words are used to represent those sounds. What if we had been non-native speakers of English? Using cluck would have told us nothing we could understand."

What was the busgirl's answer? Quite seriously she said: "Let 'em learn English!"

Yes indeed.

San Francisco, cut it out

2011-06-23T09:41:00.002-04:00

To mangle a few common sayings "Necessity makes strange bedfellows." Jews and Muslims in San Francisco are joining together in common cause re the proposed ban on all circumcisions.
This is not the first time that anti-circumcision measures have been proposed here in the US. Yes, even in New York there have been those in favor of the measure who have tried to get it adopted here.

Please go to http://www.jewishworldreview.com/0611/circumcision_jews_muslims.php3 for an interesting update on the situation in San Francisco.

School Change

2011-06-22T06:00:00.000-04:00

While we in Klal continue to debate the high price of a yeshiva education, others here in the US frame that education debate in other terms: should the US be on a year round educational calendar.

Our standard calendar--September through June--is traditionally thought of as having been put into place when our country was a more agrarian one. Children were needed as help during the productive growing months. There is a flaw with this, however; huge swathes of our population lived in cities, in urban environments, and there wasn't any farming going on in those areas. So why did we have the long summer vacation from school?

Frederick Hess, in a WashingtonPost.com article, gives some reasons. "Summer vacation once made good sense -- back when we lived in a brawn-based economy, academic achievement
mattered less, an absence of air conditioning or modern hygiene turned crowded schools into health risks, and children had moms who were home every day.

Historian Kenneth Gold has noted that summer vacation, as we know it, was an invention of the mid-19th-century belief that "too much schooling impaired a child's and a teacher's health." Community leaders fretted that summer was a "period of epidemics, and most fruitful of diseases generally," and sought to keep children at home or send them to
the countryside.

In that era, the nation's first professional educators believed that too much schooling would exhaust both teacher and student. They thought that placid summers under parental supervision would be more beneficial than time spent in humid, crowded schools. " http://www.nayre.org/Frederick%20Hess.pdf

At present there are some two million students across 46 states that are on a YRE program--year round education. This represents about 5% of all K-12 students in the US. To my knowledge, with the exception of yeshivas of higher education (batei medrash and kollelim), there is no yeshiva that is on the YRE system. So, would there be an advantage for parents if yeshivas went to a YRE system?

First, let's look at the cost. For families where both parents work some type of summer program is a necessity, not a luxury. Someone has to have the care of those children when the parents are not home. For some parents this translates into day camp plus a care provider in the home until the parents return--cost of camp plus the cost of after camp provider. For other parents this translates into sleep away camp. The cost of day camp is highly variable; the cost of sleep away camp pretty much falls into the $3-4K range.

Now look at yeshiva school tuitions. The cost of tuition falls into the range of $10-15K per child per year, with outliers on either end. Using the $15K figure, this is $1500 per month of the 10-month school calendar year. Go to YRE and you would add $3K for the additional two months of school. That $3K is pretty much the cost of either the day camp/home provider expense or the sleep away camp expense. In other words, that YRE calendar should not really cost more than it already costs working parents who must provide childcare during the summer months, whether at some type of camp or in-home.

On the negative side, older high school children in YRE would lose the chance to make money over the summer by working in summer camps or at other jobs. In addition, those parents whose children go to summer camp now would find their summer budgets having to expand to include the cost of food for children who would now be home, for entertainment expenses when not in school, for added electricity expenses for running air conditioning in bedrooms that would be occupied for over the summer, adding back in laundry expenses that aren't there when kids are in camp etc..

There's also this: Some families do not have working mothers, and children, particularly young children, are cared for at home by the mother, with no camp being used, either by choice or by not being able to afford camps. Some parents simply cannot meet the costs of a yeshiva education as it is formulated right now. Add $3K more to the bill for YRE and you might be providing the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back--you will be pricing these parents completely out of providing a yeshiva education. The only way such parents could hope to send their children to yeshiva would be with a hefty tuition reduction. And just where would yeshivas get the additional monies needed to provide such tuition reductions? They are in trouble now, with only a 10-month schedule, in trying to make up the deficit created by numerous parents on scholarships (in addition to poor management, excessive spending etc.).

YRE comes up every year in virtually every state. Slowly many municipalities are adding YRE schools. In addition, a high percentage of schools on YRE are charter or private schools. Many whose job it is to forecast such trends believe that YRE is where our educational system has to be heading. Would there be any benefit to Klal in adding discussion of YRE? Would YRE offer any pluses to yeshiva parents or would there be more minuses? And if YRE is where education is heading in this country then what changes are going to have to be made to the tuition structure to allow yeshiva parents to be able to pay for this education?

A Shared Summer #1

2011-06-21T16:44:00.005-04:00

For the fourth year in a row I made plans for an absolutely free summer--a time to take care of whatever I wanted to take care of and to do whatever I wanted to do (except for my summer job, of course). Sigh. As the saying goes, the best laid plans of mice and men oft go astray. Not going to have all that free time to develop postings for the blog, or for anything too much else for that matter. My mother is having surgery next week and that will take a lot of my time, as it should.

So, I came up with one way to keep the blog regular--shared information. Once a week on Tuesdays I'll be putting up a topic and asking my readers to share resources relating to that topic. They can be online, print or "real world" resources. Please don't just pick a random Internet site to post--make it sites or sources that you personally have found useful or informative. Just to get you started thinking ahead, what sites/places--whether informational or actual sales sites--have you found that make shopping easier/safer/cheaper and that have reliable information?

Just to get this started, I'm posting links to some prior posting on good reading matter for kids (and for adults too in some cases). Feel free to add any works/sites you've read/used that you think others would also enjoy.
http://conversationsinklal.blogspot.com/2008/07/online-reading-treasure-trove-for-young.html

http://conversationsinklal.blogspot.com/2008/07/some-recommended-books-for-reading-part_15.html

http://conversationsinklal.blogspot.com/2008/07/another-great-find-for-childrens.html

http://conversationsinklal.blogspot.com/2008/09/and-yet-another-site-for-childrens.html

Daytime Programming

2011-06-20T06:00:00.000-04:00

Note: I've been thinking about the present and upcoming "senior problem," and what follows are some practical suggestions that could be put into place now.

Back when my children were very little PTA functions for their schools were held during daytime hours. Most of the women back then were not working full time or had the types of schedules that made daytime programs acceptable. Today the reverse is true: school programs are held in the evenings or there would be almost noone in attendance.

However, the need for daytime programming is once again arising. Those who are in our older generations, who are no longer working, have those daylight hours available and yes, many need something to fill those hours with.

Not every community has a free-standing senior center, specifically set up to meet the needs of seniors. Nor is it necessary for every community to go to the added expense of building such a center. There are already buildings available that could house such senior programs. For one thing, shuls could do so. Most shuls not only have meeting space available but also kitchen facilities so that some kind of food offering during the day could be made. In larger communities with multiple shuls it would be possible to share such programming responsibilities, so that Shul A offers Monday's programs, Shul B offers Tuesday's programs, Shul C offers Wednesday's programs, Shul D offers Thursday's programs and Shul E offers Friday's programs. Or certain shuls could offer morning programs and other shuls could offer afternoon programs. Or certain shuls could offer programming appealing to men and other shuls could offer programming appealing to women. In short, the possibilities are really endless as to how shuls could be involved in providing activities for seniors.

Now let's look at schools--they, too, could be involved in programming for seniors, whether once a week or more often. And yes, I mean during the daytime hours. Most schools offer a lunch program to their students--and the amount of food that has been paid for that gets thrown out is horrible. Schools get government subsidies and supplies for their lunch programs. Why not invite seniors down to the school at a lunchtime hour, offering either a free or $2 lunch? The kitchen is open and working, the food is there and a few tables of seniors sitting in "their" section of the lunchroom isn't a space problem for most schools. Even if space might be an issue, hold the senior luncheons right after the last class has eaten. It would give seniors someplace to go for a meal and company to converse with.

What's more, with the variety of staff available in a school there would be any number of people available to perhaps give an interesting "shmooze" during lunch. For example, a school librarian could certainly run a book club meeting during or right after the lunch. Any number of people in a school who could give a series of small workshops or classes to seniors, such as on how to use X on their computers. And some of the specialized assemblies that schools hold for their students--such as speakers or programs for Yom Ha'Atzmaut--might also be enjoyed by seniors. School lunchrooms and auditoriums stay empty for most of the day, and these facilities could certainly be put to use for senior programming.

Oh yes, and there is this: just because you are older doesn't mean you suddenly stop being interested in learning about something. Surely in a school, of all places, there would be people available who could give interesting lectures on topics of interest to these seniors. Many schools have chesed programs that include visiting the elderly in their places of residence--reverse that and have the elders come visit the students in their "place of residence." [Note: and if anyone should be wondering why schools, of all places, should be offering these types of services, kindly remember that it is precisely these seniors who once provided the money and manpower to build the schools--what goes around comes around.]

Another thought on daytime programming: get the medical community involved. Seniors have questions and concerns about medical issues that they might experience in the years to come. The rules change about what constitutes proper nutrition when you get older. Drug interactions change as you age and/or start taking more types of medications. Safety issues may change. With the number of professionals involved in the health care field it is more than possible to schedule and provide a wide variety of programs and activities that would both appeal to seniors and be instructive for them. And again, shuls and schools could provide the space for such activities.

And then there are the seniors themselves: thousands of people with skills and interests and specialties that could provide an interesting daytime event or activity for others to join in with. One of the problems for seniors who don't have the same energy they once had and who don't run around as frenetically as they once may have done is that they can spend far too much time alone, not seeing other people for days on end. They miss face to face conversation. Provide them with a facility and some basic services and let them input what they want to do there. Some just want a chance to see others, eat a meal and have some conversation. Others would welcome hearing one of their own talk about topics that are of mutual interest. Others have interests they'd like to pursue but need some help with the practicalities of pursuing them. Talk to the seniors! Find out how together you can offer programs they'd like to participate in.

Words to Ponder

2011-06-19T06:00:00.000-04:00

So often we look at others both for the source for and the blame for the absence of happiness.

"Happiness depends upon ourselves."

Aristotle

When All Else Fails to Delight

2011-06-15T06:00:00.000-04:00

Early, early in the morning with the sun as yet not high and bright in the sky. There's a stillness in the yard broken only here and there with the faint stirring of a leaf. The creatures of the outside take full opportunity of the shade still present to start their busy days before the sun beats down.

Bees busy gathering nectar from the waving flower heads, bouncing from blossom to blossom in a rhythm uniquely their own. In the corner of the yard a hummingbird hovers over a plant we put in precisely for its delight. Forward and backwards it flies, stopping to take a refreshing sip here and there. Our blue jays are out for an early morning stroll, perambulating around the grass like guests at a smorgasbord. Every few feet they stop to sample a morsel. Last year brought us a new treat: we have a chipmunk family in residence. They are a delight to watch as they hurry across the patio on their way to gather up the bounty available to them in the yard. Occasionally one of them will stop for a second by the sliding door and give me a quizzical look. It's a time for fancy, and I imagine that chipmunk wondering as to what kind of creature has been locked into that glass box he passes.

Early morning, when all things for this day are still possible, when enthusiasm begins to build, when I can face anything and do anything. If my outside creatures can face the day with enthusiasm then how can I do any less? I head upstairs to begin my day officially and the sound of birdsong lends ease to my steps. No better way to start the day than this.

The Arrogance of Gaivoh

2011-06-13T06:00:00.001-04:00

Our use of language can get us into all sorts of sticky situations, and perhaps nowhere is this better illustrated than with the idea of gaivoh--arrogance.

Arrogance has both negative denotation and negative connotation. It's dictionary definition is: offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride; having or showing an exaggerated opinion of one's own importance, merit, ability, etc; conceited. It has been negative from its inception--c.1300, from O.Fr. arrogance (12c.), from L. arrogantia, from arrogantem (nom. arrogans ) "assuming, overbearing, insolent," prp. of arrogare "to claim for oneself, assume." It keeps company with a number of synonyms whose meanings are also negative, words such as haughtiness, insolence, and disdain.

In short, arrogance is not a personal virtue; one who displays arrogance lacks humility and modesty. It is bad enough when arrogance remains fairly individual-centered; that is, when the arrogance takes the form of personal boasting about accomplishments or possessions. Where the arrogance becomes intolerable is when it moves from personal boasting into the realm of putting down others.

Let's make a distinction now between statements of fact and arrogance. If, in the course of a discussion taking place among a group of students who have just received back test results, one student asks all the others "What mark did you get on the test?" and they all respond with their marks, none of those students can be said to be exhibiting arrogance when they report the numbers. This would be information gathering and fairly neutral. Now let's say that two students in that group both received a mark of "100" on the test and they both say so. Are they being arrogant in reporting a perfect score? Again, no--it's a factual matter. However...let's say student #1 simply answers "I got 100" and leaves it at that, but student #2 says "I aced the test as usual. Doesn't take much to get a perfect score on Mrs. G's tests" or perhaps "I got 100 of course." Now we've moved into the area of arrogance.

And what if no one actually asked the others what their scores were? What if student #2, unbidden, announces with glee to the others "What an easy test that was--I aced it of course!"? Now we're dealing with self-aggrandizement, and that is arrogance.

But let's move away from children--let's move on to adults. Not only are arrogant statements used to boast about personal qualities, characteristics and attainments, but they are used to put down others. Were I to boast that I am the best at something then that would mean that others around me can only be second best, if that.

This is not to say that in some some specific areas there is not a hierarchy of achievement in which some are rated as being on a higher level than others are. But that ranking is done based on specific requirements for attaining high ranking, requirements that everyone knows about and agrees to. What is more, those who are placed in the top ranks are PLACED there by others--their ranking is not based on what THEY say they know/have/do but on some sort of an objective scale of measurement. Thomas Edison is considered one of the most prolific and greatest inventors of all time but he didn't say so--others did and do.

Now to a look at Klal and how arrogance plays a huge part in its workings.

I mentioned in an earlier posting that talking about Klal as a unified whole is an error--it isn't, nor has it ever been. Go back in history not all that far to pre-War Europe and you will find that Klal was a highly splintered entity. One divide was the east-west divide. Western European Jews looked down on Eastern European Jews and Eastern European Jews looked down on Western European Jews. Each group believed themselves to be the best and had no problem with over-the-top aggrandizement of their own "superior" characteristics and achievements and no problem with putting down all the others.

Nor was the splintering strictly along the lines of West vs. East. Within each geographic area the arrogance flowed unbounded as people from country A looked down their noses at people from country B, where, even within the same country, people from city A looked down their noses at people from city B. And yes, even within the smaller confines of a single city people from area A of that city looked down their noses at people from area B. And yes, the divide also was global, as Europeans looked down their noses at non-Europeans. And then we had the ashkenazic/sephardic divide.

Well, here we are, living in the good old US of A, and you wouldn't know it in a lot of places as that European arrogance is alive and well and living in Klal. Despite the fact that most Jews living here were born here, there are some members of Klal who don't use American as their identification when talking to other members of Klal--they reach a long ways back and self-identify as German or Polish or Italian or Hungarian or what have you. Do they do so when speaking to others as a means of determining if that stranger they've just met might have come from the same area and maybe they are related way back on the tree? Nope, they don't. So what practical purpose can such self-identification serve today?

One purpose is as a social divider--you can't be part of my social group because we long ago did not come from the same place and where you came from is so not a place that was admired by my ancestors. It's purpose is exclusionary rather than inclusive.

Another purpose is to build a hierarchy within Klal--a totally artificial one. Depending on who is doing the ordering, some groups will be placed much higher than others, based on factors that are totally and completely idiosyncratic, without any real or factual basis, and not agreed upon by other members of Klal, whose ordering of the hierarchy will be radically different.

Still another purpose is for carrying forward the myths and half-truths that fed animosity in Europe and other parts of the globe, bringing history (or a highly perverted form of it) forward into the present. "Everyone" knows that people from place X were highly intelligent, well educated, wealthy and talented. "Everyone" knows that people from Place Y were peasants, uneducated, poor and backwards. Right---wrong! Making all statements about any group will lead to the inevitable conclusion that the statement is wrong in virtually every case. The "rule" as to what a "German" is or a "Pole" is or a "Hungarian" is or an "Italian" is or a "Russian" is has way more exceptions than it does examples that support the rule.

Okay, the purpose of this posting? We in Klal have a long history of pointing fingers elsewhere and blaming "them" when things go wrong--it can't possibly be our fault so it must be theirs. Look at the various communities living here in the NY area alone and you'll see that the geographic animosity is alive, well and mutated to include American places in addition to global ancestry. And then we've taken that geographic animosity and extended it to include highly artificial religious practices divisions. Look at those shidduch questionnaires and you will find anywhere from 10 to the sky is the limit listings of "what type" of Jew are you. "Frum" doesn't cover it any more--what type of frum are you? And the purpose for this type of nit picking categorization? Division.

Kol Yisroel Areivim? Not as long as a map of ancestral descendance plays a crucial role. Not so long as arrogance is the filter through which we deal with others.

Hurray for Fleishigs

2011-06-10T09:05:00.003-04:00

There was something wildly gleeful last night about staring into the freezer at the choices of meat. Yes, meat. I don't normally rhapsodize about chickens but today is just a tad different. Last time we saw fleishigs in my house was Monday night and everyone is missing it. Please don't get me wrong--we happen to love milchigs in my house for the most part. And it's not like I just kept serving the same meal over and over again over yom tov. But I definitely have some meat and potato guys living here (and yes, a few gals also) and the thrill of cheesecake and trifle and fish in its many guises is wearing a little thin. (You know that you have milchigs overload when, in watching the birds feeding in the backyard, the conversation turns to how quail is considered a delicacy in uppercrust Europe, and how would you raise those quail so that you could shecht them properly.)

I'm inhaling deeply and the smell of cholent bathes me in a mist of delight. I've decided that there is a life lesson in here somewhere--perhaps something about balance across a spectrum of choices. Forget the philosophy--I've a chicken to bake. Have a gutten Shabbos.

A Gutten Yom Tov

2011-06-07T06:00:00.000-04:00

Wishing all my readers a chag sameach with hopes that Shavuous will be for you a wonderful chag, one filled with happy moments and the creation of memories that you will cherish a lifetime.

And yes, please, make those memories. One has no idea of just how long any of us is going to live, so live the moments now to their fullest. Tomorrow marks for me the yahrzeit of my father, Yechezkle ben Yitzchok a"h, the 35th yahrzeit. So many years, and yet the memories created during his lifetime offer comfort now as I think back to all we shared and all I learned from him. May he be a melitz yosher for us all and may his neshomah have an aliyah.

And the Pain Keeps Marching On

2011-06-06T14:10:00.003-04:00

Last week there were reports in various media, made by those supposedly in the know about these things, that food stuffs are expected to double in price by ten years from now. So, in 2011 whatever you are paying for food now, you'll be paying double then. In the grand scheme of things ten years is not all that long a time period.

What with yom tov coming, company for meals and a large kiddush in the house I've been doing a lot of shopping last week and this week. One thing I can tell you--the prices this year for produce are far higher than they were a few years ago, particularly given that we are in the growing season for a lot of this produce, a time when the prices traditionally used to go down. Now granted, prices have risen and risen steeply since I got married 39-1/2 years ago. No, we are never going to see 39 cents for a pound of ground chuck anymore. And I don't imagine we'll see 5 cents for an apple or 19 cents for a dozen eggs either. But given the steep rise just in the last few years when you are talking double you are talking serious money just for food.

And here is one thing I can predict, and I don't have to be a Harvard-trained economist to do so: wages will not double in the next ten years. While there has been a lot of discussion about which foods might be considered as wants or luxuries and which ones not, no one has found an alternative to eating to stay alive--we all have to do it, one way or the other. Ten years from now it just might be the other because for a whole lot of people the money just won't be there to buy everything they want or need.

Those who can't seem to get the knack for budgetting (or who don't see any reason to do so) are so going to be in big trouble in ten years from now. JS once asked me what I predict Klal is going to look like 50 years from now. Not sure about the 50 but I can tell you something about ten years from now: we are going to be in deep trouble unless we put into place some workable fixes now. We are already having trouble providing for the huge number of people with insufficient funds to maintain themselves and their families without outside help. A lot of that help involves providing food. If we are barely making it now, just how does anyone expect that we will continue giving that assistance ten years from now when costs are double? This I will predict--the programs will change and so will the recipients. I can see where any number of those programs are going to limit their donations of food to only those who are in desperate need despite trying to provide for themselves The key is provide for themselves. Those who think that working is antithetical to the frum life are going to be in for a really big surprise--if you don't work you won't eat. The entitlement mode of thinking is going to have to be scrapped (and I for one won't mind its demise at all) and young couples are going to have to face the music right from the beginning of their lives together.

Yup, it's going to be little things like potatoes, and tomatoes, and flour, and eggs and the whole panoply like them that are finally going to force some changes out of necessity. A lot of people in Klal right now are juggling any number of financial balls trying to keep afloat. Double the cost of food and those balls are going to come tumbling down.

Thank You Hashem

2011-06-05T18:17:00.003-04:00

It's been a very busy day, what with marking end of term papers and preparing for a big kiddush on Shavuous. The last bunch of cakes is in the oven and I came downstairs to take a break. Why downstairs? Because outside of the sliding doors by my desk is the most amazing relaxation aid ever created--the backyard. And in that yard our resident wildlife freely roams, giving me a front row seat for the action. This time of day it's mostly a bird show, with the performers flitting on and off the stage. And what beautiful and uplifting creatures they are. Some come singly and some come in groups, and I am reminded once again about some of the truly lyrical and also truly strange names that are given to the different types of bird groups. Representatives of each of the following come and visit us, along with many others as well.

A group of jays (we get bluejays)--a band, party or scold of jays
A group of larks--an exaltation of larks
A group of finches--a charm, trembling, or trimming of finches
A group of quail--a bevy or covey of quail
A group of sparrows--a host, quarrel or ubiquity of sparrows
A group of wrens--a herd of wrens
A group of swallows--a flight or gulp of swallows
A group of ravens--a conspiracy, unkindness, murder or storytelling of ravens
A group of starlings--a numeration, scourge or chatter of starlings
A group of cardinals--a college, conclave, deck or radiance of cardinals
A group of hummingbirds--a charm or hover of hummingbirds
A group of robins--strangely enough there is no group name for this type of bird

We sometimes--often times--get so caught up in what man has created that we forget to look around us at the wonders that God has created. So yes, thank you Hashem for allowing me my little adventures and glances into the magnificence you provide in the great outdoors. Thank you for the sweet trill of birdsong. Thank you for letting me slow the pace a bit and look out in peace and contentment.

If You're a Fan

2011-06-03T08:01:00.002-04:00

Today is National Doughnut Day. Yup, we've raised this doughy treat to national observation status. Should you be a fan there are all kinds of specials being run today by the various doughnut purveryors. For instance, Dunkin Doughnuts is offering a free doughnut with the purchase of any drink.

There's A Sucker Born Every Minute

2011-06-02T06:00:00.004-04:00

I don't usually write postings that take to task other communities for their culinary habits. I am sort of making an exception with this posting. My offspring sent me a copy of a Kosher Koupons offer--pay only $99 instead of the regular price of $125 for the "incredible" package described below. The deal is for a kosher restaurant in the NJ area, not south but north. The restaurant describes itself as being "middle fancy."

Deal Overview
Here's a Shavuos meal that you can proudly admit that you didn't cook yourself.
How much would you pay for:
2 Large Egg Challahs
2 Water challah twist rolls
1 Large Broccoli Quiche 9"
1 Tray Penne Alla Vodka (feeds 8-10 people 9"x13" half tray)
1 Par Baked 12" Marguerita Pizza
1 Large 7" cheesecake
1 Litre of Rieme Lemonade (Made in France)

Go ahead shoppers and cooks out there--tell me just how many meals and of what variety you could produce given $99 to go shopping with? Shall I mention the total inbalance of nutrients in this meal? How about that the portion sizes are seriously out of whack--penne that will feed 8-10 but nothing else that matches that number in the other dishes.

And personally speaking, the day will never arrive when I proudly admit I didn't personally cook a meal for yom tov.

For a community where the school tuitions average out at about $15K per child and everyone is yelling that tuition is too high and they can't afford it or it is seriously straining their budgets, perhaps they should look at their eating habits a bit more closely. If this represents a desireable bargain (and I'll assume the restaurant knows its customer base), please don't tell me what expensive in this area looks like.

Yes, there's a reason for why I personally feel that everyone should learn how to cook--the offer above is part of that reason.

Let's Hear It for Bourbon, Down with Scotch

2011-05-31T20:06:00.003-04:00

The Council of West Dunbartonshire, Scotland, passed a resolution banning the purchase of all products produced in Israel. Well folks, time for a little activism.

To read about the boycott and to see the list of Scotch whiskeys not produced in the area and, therefore, okay for purchase (scroll all the way down) go to http://muqata.blogspot.com/p/official-scotch-whisky-counter-boycott.html

Please keep this in mind--drinking Scotch is a want, not a need, and we so do not need to support an area whose anti-Israel, anti-zionist rhetoric is appalling. They want to ban Israeli products? Well two can play at that game. I hope they find out that they've bitten off lots more than they can chew, and I hope they choke swallowing.

Yes, I hope you pass this information on to others, lots of others, and I hope you add a personal request asking people to not buy any of the Scotch whiskeys from this area.

Please note: taken from the muqata (thanks Jameel): The following Scotches are not under the ban, not being made in West Dumbartonshire-- Glenmorangie,Oban,Glenfiddich

On Prioritizing

2011-05-31T06:00:00.000-04:00

Thanks to my offspring for sending me this via email. Has some points to ponder that are well worth pondering.

The Mayonnaise Jar

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,When 24 hours in a day is not enough,Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - family, Children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions – Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So... Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. 'Take care of the golf balls first -- The things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. 'I'm glad you asked'. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

What Price Choice?

2011-05-30T06:00:00.002-04:00

The theme this year for my college's second level composition classes is "What Price Choice?" All the class readings are exemplars of people who face a choice and who pay a price for that choice. In many of the readings an individual's choice is complicated by the choices of the groups/society around that person. How do individuals choose when the results of a choice may put them in conflict with what their society has chosen? Do they choose to go along with everyone else, even if that choice may not make them happy or may cause them difficulties, or do they choose to go against society, where negative consequences may ensue?

This idea of choice and its consequences can certainly apply to the members of Klal, and, indeed, may be at the root of some of the problems and issues that are important today. I'd say that the majority of us in Klal are fairly intelligent. Faced with actual facts we can see if continuing to do something may be detrimental or not. And yet, few individuals, even knowing that the choice they are about to make won't be good for them, personally choose not to make that choice.

A rational human being can add 2+2 and see that if you only have X number of dollars available to you, you can't spend X+30,000. But members of Klal regularly do spend that X+$30,000 and find themselves in financial straits. Why do they do this? Because the group they are a part of has declared that what that 30,000 pays for is a "must have." If you want to be a member of this group then you have to have what the group says you have to have. The group lets you know that if you choose not to spend that 30,000 you don't have to pay for the required items then you will not be a member in good standing, you will be outside of the group, you may be shunned. And most members of Klal buckle under.

Here is where things get sticky however. Just who is this "group" that exercises this control? We know that Klal has no centralized leadership, no group at the top of the pyramid that can be pointed to. Granted, smaller groupings within Klal may have a Rav that they consider as their final decider. Certain geographic areas seem to have some cohesion when it comes to practices that that area "approves" of or doesn't approve of. There are customs as regards public (and yes, some private) gatherings. So, we all seem to buckle under, at least in some areas, without any real idea as to who made the decision that X has to be done. So yes, just who is it we are afraid of going against when we do things that "they" have decided we must not do? If "Big Brother" is watching, just who is this Big Brother? And what is our culpability, as individuals, when we contribute to this ephemeral but powerful peer pressure?

This whole issue reminds me of back when I was young and people were sometimes afraid of the dark because "The Bogeyman will get you." Strangely enough, or perhaps not so strangely, not one person ever, ever saw that Bogeyman, nor were there any reliable documentations of anyone ever being "gotten" by that Bogeyman. And yet, the warning was internalized and worked with as if it were a proven fact. So, doing anything that "they" deem outside of the norm will be "bad for shidduchim" seems to be just another Bogeyman--no proof, no sense, sometimes wholly irrational, but held onto as if it were, in fact, Torah Mi'Sinai.

Tidbits from the Past

2011-05-29T06:00:00.000-04:00

Some interesting happenings for the period of May 29 through June 4.

May

29 Famous Abraham Lincoln quote: "You can fool some of the people all of the time, & all of the people some of time, but you can't fool all of the people all of time." (1849)
29 Sir Edmund Hillary is on top of the world. He is the first person to reach the summit of Mt. Everest. (1953)
29 Bing Crosby sings "White Christmas" into the record books as the biggest selling record. (1942)
30 The brassiere is invented. As we understand, it received a lot of support. (1889)
31 The trans-Alaska pipeline is completed. (1977)

June

1 The term "Don't give up the ship!' is coined by Captain James Lawrence of the U.S. Chesapeake. (1813)
1 Superman Comic is published (1938)
1 Ed Sullivan's final show. (1971)
2 PT Barnum's circus begins first tour of US (1835)
2 Grover Cleveland is married while serving as U.S. president.(1886)
2 Congress grants U.S. citizenship to people of American Indian descent.(1924)
3 The Rolling Stones begin their first US tour. (1964)
4 China becomes the first to record a solar eclipse. (780 BC)
4 After winning 122 straight races, hurdler Edwin Moses' winning streak is broken. (1987)

Before We Talk About the Golden Years

2011-05-24T06:00:00.000-04:00

More than a few comments on The Golden Years posting asked "So where do we go from here?" I've been giving that some thought. I think we have a major job to do before we can set into place any programs for our upcoming Boomer seniors. Thoughts about what? Read on.

Intuitively, based on personal experience, we know that there are an awful lot of tzedaka organizations and programs and institutions serving Klal right now. It seems like our mailboxes are always full, the emails come by the dozens, the phone calls by the hundreds and the collectors by the carload. And yet, do we really have any idea just how many organizations, programs and institutions we are supporting? The problem of gaining this knowledge is further complicated by the fact that not all programs are just in the NY area but across the country and certainly all over Israel.

Why should we know this information? You can't budget when you don't know precisely just what will need to be supported. You can't divide money if you don't know into how many portions that money needs to be divided into. I've written before that there is duplication in some areas where there really should not be. That duplication--let's say 12 smaller groups instead of 1-2 larger groups--results in duplicated expenses and overhead, taking away from the funds available to be used for the purposes of a program. Yes, in some cases that duplication is actually necessary. To do what it is supposed to do, to serve well, Hatzoloh of SI can't also service Brooklyn, and vice-versa. It certainly can't service Baltimore, or Chicago or Los Angeles. The same can be said about the various local Bikur Cholim groups. But there are hundreds of other groups out there, many of which do duplicate services within a geographic area or cross geographic areas, and many of which leech money out of the community without actually providing a needed/well-run service.

So, first thing some people with an organizational bent need to compile what we don't presently have--a master list of all organizations providing services to the Jewish community. The easiest place to start is by asking every community here in the US to compile a master list of every organization/program/institution that is based in that community. Also, people active in a particular type of organization seem to know about other such organizations located elsewhere--get their input. Synagogues and the programs they offer should also be included in this discovery. Those communities which have Jewish Community Centers should also include the programs offered by these places.

Once such lists are compiled and sent to a central place, we'd need volunteers to create a computer database with all the information. Then the information needs to be divided into categories.

Of course, this is only step one. Once we know how many of each type of organization might be present, we then need to do some investigating into how many people are actually serviced by each group. What kinds of expenses do each of these groups have?

The next logical step, after we know what we presently have to support, is to make a list of what types of services and programs are missing that we need for the community. How many of these services will be necessary? Relatively how expensive or inexpensive will it be to put these programs into service?

Yes, I know this is going to be considered a time-consuming project to undertake. But what choice do we really have? It is more than clear that Klal is in financial trouble, and that the money to support all its programs and institutions as presently structured doesn't seem to be there. But it's all conjecture unless and until we see actual figures in front of us. If we don't know what needs supporting and how much money that supporting will take, how can we possibly have a rational discussion on where Klal's money should go?

So, first things first. Let's get the real facts about just where our money is going now, to what types of programs and institutions. We need to become good gardeners in order for Klal to be healthy. A good gardener knows that first you look at your plot and see how much space you have for new planting. A good gardener recognizes when some plantings have become rampant, taking over the area dedicated to a different planting and threatening that different planting's health and vitality. A good gardener knows that there needs to be balance among plantings so that every plant can get what it needs, but not at the expense of another plant. And a good gardener also knows that first you weed the garden, getting rid of the chaff, before you plant a new plant. So yes, in this season of gardening it's time for us to look at Klal's plot and to do the maintenance required so that the garden of Klal can grow healthily and provide beauty and joy and sustenance rather than being a tangled mess.

Someone is Paying Attention to Marketing

2011-05-23T06:00:00.000-04:00

I'm not telling you anything new when I say that Jewish publications and organizations have gone slightly batty in what they consider appropriate pictures. Where once pictures of women and girls routinely appeared on the pages of the publications, today they are photoshopped out as a matter of tsnius, or so they say. And it's also no secret that this attitude is causing a further breach between the more left and more right wings of frum Jews.

Enter money. Sure, there are some in the most right sectors of the frum world with some money. But given attitudes towards education, training and working in this sector I'd venture to say that there is more money among those in the groups more to the middle and the left of the frum world. The right wing elements aren't stupid--they know where the money is--and they routinely approach those of the middle and left for donations to support the structures of the right. A lot of those so approached are not giving any longer or have greatly reduced what they are giving, not liking what they see happening in the far right.

Well, someone on the right finally figured out that "tsnius" is going to have to take a backseat when money is involved. I received in the mail a full-color 5x12 postcard, printed on both sides, reminding me about the 103rd Anniversary Dinner for one of those truly to the right schools. And yes, my mouth dropped open. I know this school rather well, and what I was seeing on that postcard was not what you would see in the school.

First, one one side there were pictures of girls and on the other side there were pictures of boys. Pictures of girls? Okay, the girls were fairly young--maybe in the 4-7 range, but still. The boys looked a bit older than that. But here is what was truly puzzling--not a single picture showed a student wearing the school uniform, nor were the students pictured wearing what we usually think of as right wing dress. Two of the girls were--gasp!--wearing articles made out of denim. The outfits were in a variety of real colors. Of the six boys pictured only one was wearing a white shirt--the others were wearing colorful plaid shirts, one wearing an obvious hoodie.

Yup, I'm truly suspicious as to why this postcard was sent out. Further, I wonder if everyone got the same postcard or if this postcard was mailed only to those not in the yeshiva's "family." The whole presentation reminded me of the type of literature you still might get from a kiruv organization, showing children who were being brought back into the fold but not yet right wingers.

As I said, I know just what position this particular yeshiva holds in the frum world, and it isn't anything like what is pictured on that postcard. But for someone who wouldn't know, the postcard makes the school look like a middle of the road place, someplace the middle of the roaders might want to give some money, or even those way to the left.

Amazing--when it comes to money then hyper tsnius takes a seat so far back on the bus it isn't even a passenger.

Tidbits from the Past

2011-05-22T06:00:00.001-04:00

Some interesting happenings for the time period of May 22 through May 28.

22 Former Vice President Aaron Burr is tried and acquitted for treason. (1807)
22 The Great Train Robbery. (1868)
22 First reported sighting of the Loch Ness Monster. (1933)
22 The debut of "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood."(1967)
23 Legendary bank robbers Bonnie and Clyde Barrow are shot to death in a police ambush in Louisiana. (1934)
24 Nursery Rhyme "Mary Had a Little Lamb" was written by Mary Hale of Boston. (1830)
25 Ford ceases production of the Model "T." (1927)
25 The movie blockbuster "Star Wars" is released. (1978)
26 Michael Jackson marries Elvis Presley's daughter Lisa Marie Presley. (1994)
27 Achsah Young is the first woman to be executed as a witch in Massachusetts. (1647)
27 The pop-up toaster is patented. (1919)
27 German battleship Bismarck sunk by British navy. (1941)
28 President Franklin D. Roosevelt pushes a button that opens San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge. (1937)

A Note to Readers

2011-05-19T09:50:00.002-04:00

I'm not ignoring the comments on The Golden Years posting, but I'm formulating a response and some suggestions, and I'd like to get them into a form I'm happy with.

Paraprosdokians to Lighten the Day

2011-05-19T06:00:00.000-04:00

Thanks to one of my fellow teachers who sent this my way via email. Ahhh, when those who practice the craft of English practice it well.

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.
===================
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience...
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit;
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research...
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.......
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Some people are like Slinkies.... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...
so I said "Implants?"
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lime, and a shot of tequila.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Those Golden Years

2011-05-18T06:00:00.000-04:00

It's stating the obvious to say that the composition of Klal is changing and changing in major ways. What I'm specifically referring to is the ratio of older people to younger people present in Klal.

Obviously the horrendous events of WWII decimated a great part of the generation before mine. Those of that generation who survived procreated sufficiently to produce a generation much larger than that war time generation--what is generally known as the Boomer Generation. That was a good thing--the numbers for Klal were being re-generated. But it is not only the number of people in each of these two generations which are important to look at: it's the longevity. The war-time generation underwent horrific deprivations, deprivations that would affect them many decades after the war. Many from that surviving war-time generation died fairly young given today's longevity tables. Many of them suffered a wide variety of illnesses and medical conditions that could be linked specifically to the tremendous physical and emotional stress they were under during the war. Their systems had been weakened and never fully recovered.

For that Holocaust Generation the celebration of a 50th wedding anniversary was truly a momentous occasion; for that matter, celebrating a 40th anniversary was also a momentous occasion. For many of that generation a spouse or both the husband and wife died before such milestones could be reached. [Note: my mother tells me that it was not just the Holocaust Generation that did not see this longevity of marriage. In going back over her grandparents' and great grandparents' history, none of them managed as a couple to come close to 40 years, never mind 50 years.] Look around at those from that generation who are still alive today and the number of couples who have survived together is miniscule.

Now come to the Boomer generation. That generation's ages span from the 50s through the 70s. We have friends and family across that age spectrum. And the vast majority are, B"H, still alive and are part of a couple. Hitting a 40th anniversary for this generation is not unusual at all; neither is hitting a 50th anniversary. We have a couple of friends who have already achieved that milestone and many more who are within a few years of it.

So why mention what is surely a wonderful thing to have happening? Apparently it needs to be pointed out that the Boomers are no longer youngsters and most are sitting on the cusp of leaving middle age or have already left it. Yes, this generation is aging. And because of the size of this generation and because of the longevity of the members of this generation, some serious planning and consideration needs to be taken care of if that generation is to continue to thrive as it enters the golden years.

There needs to be some thought given to what kinds of activities and programs will have to be in place for this generation as it grows older. And yes, there needs to be some thought as to what type of living accommodations might become necessary, for those who are still capable of being independent and those who might need some type of help. I've heard a number of times that the "obvious" solution is that parents will move in with their children when the time comes that they might need some help or not be fully independent any more. Oh boy, not! That might be an answer for a very few of the Boomers but not for the majority. Look at you and your spouse if you are the children of Boomers. Are you both working? Do you both plan on working until "official" retirement age? The answer is most likely yes. So then, just who is it that will be at home caring for those parents that are going to move in with you? Your kids? The ones who are married, working and have kids of their own? And let me ask you this--do you have parents in their late 50s, early 60s? So, do they have the exact same energy they had when they were younger? Probably not. So just when these children of the Boomer's are themselves slowing down a bit we want to hand them 2-4 aging parents to be fully responsible for on a 24/7 basis? [Note: there is a reason why in Yiddish there is a saying "Och und vei ahz elteren darfen unkimmen tzu kinder."]

Even in this geographic area chock full of every type of medical specialist there are relatively few whose specialty is geriatrics. What we have in place for the seniors we presently have is insufficient, never mind that it certainly won't cover what the Boomers might need. Senior care programs are woefully inadequate, with some areas of the city having none or just one. Assisted living facilities are also inadequate and have long waiting lists. Nursing homes also have long waiting lists, and there aren't enough of them.

Now add in that there are some in the Boomer generation who have been shelling out megabucks to help support their children and grandchildren, particularly as regards the payment of yeshiva tuition, not to mention donations and support of every other type of organization. Every penny that these Boomers are spending on succeeding generations is a penny that they won't have in savings to cover their non-working, older years. There's this as well: things get more expensive as time goes on, not less. Economic turndowns are cyclical and occur about every 10-15 years. What might seem like adequate savings now might well not cover what needs to be covered way later on. Even those who have diligently saved towards their eventual retirement may well find themselves with money problems in their later years. At that point they are going to need community financial help, and just where is that going to come from? Yes, some children might be able to help out their parents--and some won't be able to.

In short, what I'm advocating is that Klal needs to broaden its outlook of what services it must have in place for its members, and it needs to consider ALL of its members, both now and in the very near future. Any solution for yeshiva education that counts on all/most/the majority of the money in Klal going toward it is not a sustainable nor workable solution. Solutions to Klal's problems that count on continued large infusions of money from the Boomers is doomed to failure, sooner than later. Whatever complaints there may be about the Boomers--and yes, there are many--they give and gave while the money is and was available. Now the question is, what is Klal going to do for these Boomers when they become our elder statesmen, when they are the oldest generation, when they need Klal's help? Are we going to help them have truly Golden Years, or is that gold going to be heavily tarnished?

A Case for being a careful Consumer

2011-05-17T06:00:00.001-04:00

Okay, I'm not naive--manufacturers are in business to sell their products and that's, for most of them, their bottom line consideration. But as I pointed out Pesach time (regarding a pictured and labeled yellow cake mix which wasn't yellow), looking at the box doesn't mean that you're going to get what is illustrated/stated there.

Any of you enjoy products with blueberries in them? Are you sure those are really blueberries in the package? Go to the link below and get an education about what blueberry means to a whole lot of product manufacturers.

http://naturalnews.tv/v.asp?v=7EC06D27B1A945BE85E7DA8483025962

The Survivor Generation, Level II

2011-05-16T06:00:00.001-04:00

My mother's generation is known as the Holocaust Generation or sometimes as the Survivors Generation. Yes, the appellation is a true one. Members of this generation went through the horrors of the Holocaust, and some survived it. But there is a group of us, a large group of us, who are labeled as part of the Boomer Generation but should more aptly be labeled Survivor II--the Next Generation. The members of this Generation are those who were born to members of the Holocaust Generation immediately following the events of the Holocaust. For a large part, members of this sub-generation were born in the war-torn hellholes of Europe. A large number of these Holocaust Survivors/Survivor II people would, within a couple of years of the birth of the Survivor II children, emigrate to western Europe or the US or Israel.

Why make those of us who were born immediately post-War into a separate generational listing? History, for one thing. It is true that the numbers of those of the Holocaust Generation still surviving are dwindling. These first-hand witnesses to the history of the Holocaust are becoming a small number. And for those who are trying to trivialize the events of the Holocaust, who are trying to change what history will really tell about the events of the Holocaust, the death of those Holocaust Generation members is a welcome thing. The witnesses to history are disappearing and revisionists can hardly wait until they are all gone.

And that is where Survivor II children come into importance. No, I did not first-hand experience the actual atrocities of WW II. I did, however, experience the immediate aftermath of those atrocities. You think that young children don't have memories of their early days? You think that infants and young children don't pick up on the tension of their parents and the other adults around them? You think that these young children were not affected by the constant moving that many of their parents had to undertake post war, as they tried to return home to what was once their homes and no longer was? You think that these young children had it so easy just because the war was officially over?

I know of at least a couple of my readers who are, like me, from that Survivor II generation, and there may well be more. The early memories we share are all war-tinged to one extent or another. We were the children who were there in the background when the adults around us shared their war stories and tried to get a picture of who was still alive and who was missing. We were the ones there to see our parents crying when they thought no one was watching. We were the ones who bore the names of the dead. And yes, we are the children whose birth certificates in many cases bear the names of places of horror, extermination camps that were turned, after the War, into displaced persons camps. We are the ones whose citizenship in the countries we would finally settle in was not a given but needed to be applied for. We are the ones who sometimes have sudden flashbacks to earlier times that give us the chills.

And yes, we Survivor II generation members also have the responsibility of bearing witness so that history will not, conveniently for some, erase the true facts of what transpired in the dark annals of human history. My birth certificate does not read Bergen Belsen because my parents thought it would be a nice place for a child to be born. I am not a naturalized citizen because my parents made a positive choice based on lots of choices of where to go to live. Many of us are still multi-lingual, and multi-experienced as well, because of lives that began in the aftermath of the War.

The responsibility of passing down the true facts of what happened in the Holocaust should be the responsibility of all of us, but it is particularly incumbent on my generation to lead the charge, because as the Holocaust Generation dies out we are the ones left with the direct connection to the events of that horrific time period.

And here is what I am telling those who wish to deny that the Holocaust ever took place, that the events history tells us about were exaggerated or fabricated--you try and peddle your trash and I'm going to loudly and with passion shoot you down for the liars you are. I'm not slinking into the shadows and letting you make a mockery of what really happened. You and your kind murdered my family and the families of millions of others, and you're not getting a pass. No, I'm not going to turn the other cheek--no, I'm not. Beware, for our motto is "Never Again" and it's not just empty words. Try and take us on and you will be getting way more than you ever bargained for.

Tidbits from the Past

2011-05-15T08:06:00.002-04:00

Some happenings in history that took place from May 1 through May 21. Looks like May was an interesting month for making changes and for being "the first."

1 England releases the first 1st adhesive postage stamp(1840)
1 The first wagon train 1841 1st wagon train leaves Independence, Mo for California (1841)
1 "Buffalo Bill" Cody's first Wild West Show (1883)
1 The Empire State Building was dedicated. (1931)
1 Cereal food "Cheerios" hits store shelves. (1941)
1 Slugger Mickey Mantle hits his first home run (1951)
1 Mr. Potato Head is introduced. (1952)
2 Good Housekeeping Magazine first hits the newsstands. (1885)
2 Lou Gehrig plays in his 2,130th game, a baseball record that will last for 57 years until Cal Ripken comes along. (1939)
3 Christopher Columbus discovers "St Iago." It is later renamed Jamaica. (1494)
3 Joe DiMaggio makes his major-league debut with 3 hits for the NY Yankees. (1936)
3 Margaret Mitchell wins Pulitzer prize for "Gone With the Wind." (1937)
4 Manhattan Island is sold! Indians agree to the deal in exchange for $24 in cloth & buttons (1626)
4 Phonograph is played for the first time at the Grand Opera House. (1878)
4 Academy of Motion Pictures is founded. (1934)
4 Atlanta Penitentiary has a new resident after Al Capone is convicted of income tax evasion. (1932)
4 Soap operas "Another World" and "As the World Turns" premiere. (1964)
5 Mexican forces under Benito Juarez defeated French troops in the Battle of Puebla. Today this battle is celebrated as Cinco de Mayo. (1862)
5 North Bend, Ohio gets on the map. It's the site of the fist US train robbery (1865)
5 The New York Stock Exchange crashes, causing the "Great Panic of 1893." (1893)
5 Alan Shepard rides "Freedom 7" to become the 1st American in space. (1961)
6 John Deere produces the first steel plow. (1833)
6 The Yale lock is patented. (1851)
6 The Paris Exposition opens with the just completed Eiffel Tower as its centerpiece. (1889)
6 The Dirigible Hindenburg explodes into flames at Lakehurst, NJ. (1937)
6 Chunnel linking England & France officially opens. (1994)
7 The first inaugural ball is held in honor of George Washington and his wife. (1789)
7 George Eastman patents the Box Camera. (1888)
7 The World's largest pearl (6.4kg.) was discovered in the Philippines. (1934)
7 Big band leader Glenn Miller records the "Chattanooga Choo Choo." (1941)
7 Germany signs an unconditional surrender at Rheims, France, ending WWII in Europe. (1945)
7 The Beatles last album is released- "Long and Winding Road". (1970)
8 The U.S. Post Office is established. (1794)
8 V-E Day, Germany signs unconditional surrender. (1945)
8 Mad Magazine hits the newsstands. (1952)
8 The World Health Organization announces that Smallpox has been eradicated worldwide. (1980)
9 A "Golden Spike" was driven into the railroad tracks at Promontory Summit, Utah, connecting the tracks of the Union Pacific and Central Pacific railroads, creating the first Transcontinental railroad. (1869)
9 The syrup for Coca Cola is invented by Atlanta Pharmacist John Styth Pemberton. (1886)
9 The lawnmower is patented. (1899)
9 Americans Richard Boyd and Floyd Bennett become the first to fly over the North Pole. (1926)
9 The Birth control pill is approved by the FDA. (1960)
10 The first color pictures of Earth from space are sent back from Apollo 10. (1969)
10 Nelson Mandela becomes South Africa's first black president. (1994)
11 Einstein presents his Theory of General Relativity. (1916)
11 BF Goodrich manufactures the first tubeless tire. (1947)
11 Jay Forrester patents computer core memory. (1951)
12 The flush toilet is patented. (1792)
13 The Rolling Stones record the now infamous song "Satisfaction." (1965)
13 The Beatles movie "Let it Be" premieres. (1970)
13 "Mr. October,"Reggie Jackson, becomes the first major league ballplayer to strike out 2,000 times. (1983)
14 A party of settlers led by John Smith establishes the first permanent English settlement in the New World at Jamestown, Va. (1607)
14 Vaseline petroleum jelly slides onto store shelves for the first time. (1878)
14 The first U.S. space station, "Skylab," is launched. (1973)
14 The last episode of Seinfeld is aired. It's a sad day in May for millions of Seinfeld followers. (1998)
15 Regular airmail service inaugurated (between New York, Philadelphia & Washington DC) . (1918)
15 Nylon stockings hit the market for first time (1940)
15 "If I had a Hammer" by Peter, Paul, and Mary wins a Grammy (1963)
16 Charles Hires invents Root Beer. (1866)
17 "And They're Off!" as the first Kentucky Derby is held at Churchill Downs. (1875)
18 Napoleon Bonaparte becomes Emperor of France (1804)
19 Ringling Brothers circus premieres. (1884)
20 Hubble Space Telescope transmits photographs from space (1990)
21 The American Red Cross was formed. (1881)

When One Hour Seems Like Three Days

2011-05-15T07:56:00.003-04:00

I really can't complain that Blogger has been unreliable over the almost 4 years I've been blogging. However, last week it caused me a whole lot of problems, so I'm now apologizing if the blog is going to look rather bleak as to new postings this week--not my fault but Blogger's fault. A one-hour shut down scheduled for last Wednesday lasted until late Friday afternoon. They do promise that postings that have disappeared or not been saved will come back to us. Serves me right I guess; I decided to devote a few hours to polishing some pieces that have been percolating and, of course, they are now nowhere to be found.

A timely reminder to us that those electronic devices we depend on so heavily are not foolproof.

You're Offering What?

2011-05-13T14:47:00.003-04:00

It seems like just as soon as one phone/mail scam is closed down, another takes its place. The scam I'm warning readers about originally was all through the mail but is now using phone "telemarketers"--and I use that word very loosely.

I received a call today telling me that I had won a free 2-night cruise to the Bahamas. (A quick call to a friend in the neighborhood brought out the information that she, too, had gotten the same call.) Given that we were supposed to take a cruise this past winter and had done a lot of research on cruising I wouldn't have been all that suspicious. However, the first tip-off was the supposed name of the cruise line. There is a major, well known cruise line called the Royal Caribbean Line. The phone caller said they were calling from Caribbean Cruise Lines--not the same line at all. In point of fact there is no actual cruise line called Caribbean Cruise Lines.

To get to the point, if someone calls and offers you such a cruise just hang up the phone. And do not under any circumstances give these people your credit card number. For more information, go to http://www.cruisecritic.com/news/news.cfm?ID=4035

Please remember the old saying: if it sounds too good to be true, it probably isn't.

It's All Perspective

2011-05-12T06:00:00.003-04:00

There are plusses and minuses to all the various places that we live. What we need to do is keep things in perspective when we grouse about a particular thing that is bugging us. Certainly you readers should know that if I have to be living in NY I really like SI. And I love the sense of living with nature that our house gives me, with the full woods at the back of the house. And yet....

On the occasions that we have had to stay overnight in Brooklyn for a Shabbos simcha I've been unable to get any sleep. The constant sound of traffic and the inevitable sirens have me tossing and turning. Yet the reverse is true for others; those who have stayed with us over a Shabbos have more than once complained that it's just too quiet and they couldn't fall asleep. Well, if they came now they wouldn't be able to make that statement.

Right now It's that small window we get of just perfect weather. We're between full heat blasting and airconditioning blasting. The windows are joyously thrown open. Even though it's still a bit cool at night, it's refreshing, snuggle under the covers cool rather than bone chilling. And I haven't had a full night's sleep since we opened the windows. The problem? Ralph and Alice and all their feathered friends are running on a biological clock way different from mine. At even a small suggestion of light breaking over the horizon those dratted birds break out in full concert. In the blink of an eye they go from full sleep to a 1000 bird rendition of the Brandenburg Concerto.

Nope, 5:17AM is just not my favorite time of day, and raving at ravens is not the way I want to start that day. Yes, yes, I know--get some perspective. I'd be a lot unhappier if I lived where there were no birds, where nature was something I read about rather than experiencing first hand. A lot easier to get that perspective if I weren't facing a 19-hour day on too little sleep. I guess our esteemed government leaders haven't yet figured out how to get our wildlife on the daylight savings schedule so that it meshes with the humans with whom those birds share the world.

Right about the time that I finally learn to sleep through the birdsong it will be time to turn on the air conditioners, and I'll have to start all over again in getting used to weird sounds during sleep. But hark--there's a lull in the concerto and I'm heading back to bed to make up the sleep deficit. Shakespeare sends me off with hope--"To sleep, perchance to dream."

The Worth of Ghetto Living

2011-05-10T06:00:00.000-04:00

I accidentally walked into the middle of a conversation in school that kind of floored me. What was being argued was the idea of Jewish isolation, specifically the idea of a ghetto. Points that were being made--1)it's only a ghetto if THEY force you to live there; if you choose to live together in isolation that's protecting the purity of klal; 2) too much has been made out of the forced ghetto-ization of the Jews in Europe--far from being a bad thing for the Jews it helped to keep Judaism flourishing, in some cases gave us the strength of numbers and reduced the number of Jews going off the derech since they couldn't just up and leave; 3) being in a ghetto prevented exposure to the outside culture and allowed Jews to live a Jewish lifestyle rather than one that constantly had to adapt to the outside culture or that quested after that outside culture.

I'm going to reserve my comments and throw this one open to my readers--what say you? Was/is isolated ghetto-type living a plus or a minus for Klal? How or why?

On Mothers Day

2011-05-08T11:29:00.003-04:00

At the local Bikur Cholim breakfast this morning one of the speakers alluded to its being Mothers Day today in the secular calendar, and immediately followed that with "of course, for us every day is Mothers Day." We women at the table looked at each other, smiled, and wished each other a happy Mothers Day. One of the men said, "Didn't you hear the speaker? Every day is Mothers Day so no special greeting needed today." Thankfully one of the other women answered, and we all nodded in agreement. As she said, "You have that wrong. Not only do you have to say happy Mothers Day today but on every other day of the year as well. After all, if every day is Mothers Day then every day should have a recognition of that and a fond greeting to your wives and mothers."

So yes, a happy Mothers Day to all the moms out there, today and all the days of the year.

Do NOT Try This

2011-05-04T06:00:00.001-04:00

I don't generally post emails that are making the rounds, but I'm making an exception with this one because of the possible danger involved. The following email has now been sent to me by three different people. It is quite possible that some of my readers have received it as well. I do wish that people would check things like this out with snopes first. Nevertheless, it is out there and I urge you all to ignore the advice given in it. Check out snopes to find out why. Not only does flour not work as a cure for burns, but tossing flour on a person on fire or on a fire in general will work as an accelerant. Go here to read the full explanation http://www.snopes.com/medical/homecure/flourburns.asp

Subject: Burn Treatment

I personally have never heard of this but did have the opportunity to try it out and it is a miracle. (I always have a small container of flour in my frig)

Lexie
Sounds interesting.
Once I was cooking some corn and stuck my fork in the boiling water to see if the corn was ready. I missed and my hand went into the boiling water....
A friend of mine, who was a Vietnam vet, came into the house, just as I was screaming, and asked me if I had some plain old flour...I pulled out a bag and he stuck my hand in it. He said to keep my hand in the flour for 10 mins. which I did. He said that in Vietnam , this guy was on fire and in their panic, they threw a bag of flour all over him to put the fire out...well, it not only put the fire out, but he never even had a blister!!!!
SOOOO, long story short, I put my hand in the bag of flour for 10 mins pulled it out and had not even a red mark or a blister and absolutely NO PAIN. Now, I keep a bag of flour in the fridge and every time I burn myself, I use the flour and never ONCE have I ever had a red spot, a burn or a blister!
*cold flour feels even better than room temperature flour.
Miracle, if you ask me. Keep a bag of white flour in your fridge and you will be happy you did. I even burnt my tongue and put the flour on it for about 10 mins. and the pain was gone and no burn. Try it! BTW, don't run your burn area under Cold water first, just put it right into the flour for 10 mins and experience a miracle.

Israel's Gain, our Loss

2011-05-03T06:00:00.002-04:00

Conversation on Shabbos brought to light that an acquaintance's son and family were moving to Israel this summer. Now in our community hearing about someone making aliyah is not all that unusual. However in this case the son was very clear as to why they are moving and moving now--tuition for his kids.

The son owns his own business and is doing well in it, if working very hard. But in his business there is a saturation or cap point--he can do only so well and not really go beyond that. By most tallies he should not be having any major financial problems. However, he has four kids with the first heading to high school next year. Yes, this couple owns a home, but not a palace. Yes, they own two cars--both husband and wife have to drive for business. No, they aren't wallowing in luxuries. They also aren't able to put away any money either, and their expenses only go up.

This family is quick to point out that the move to Israel is not going to make their life problem free by any means. The husband is going to be a commuter from Israel to the States because his business is not transplantable to Israel and parnoseh is needed. This is going to cut into family life as they know it now--daddy won't be home for every night nor for every Shabbos. The full responsibility for family life will fall on the mom's shoulders, and she will be working full time. The kids won't have their grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins around. They will be leaving all of their friends behind. BUT they will be cutting their yeshiva tuition bill by more than 3/4 of what they pay now. Their insurance bills will also be cut. The difference will give them some financial breathing room.

Yes, at least in theory, we should all be making plans to head to Israel to live. And we also know that for many reasons and for many people this just isn't possible, at least now or in the forseeable future. I think it's a sad commentary on what is happening in our frum communities that the decision to make aliyah may be based on the cost of tuition in yeshivas here in the States. What's more, I expect that we'll be hearing a lot more stories of young families making just this type of decision. Those who head up our yeshivas are far too sanguine about continued, steady applicants to their schools. If this one family can be making the decision to move because tuition has become ghastly, there will surely be others.

While I wish this family hatzlachah with their move, I can't help but think that our communities need a real wakeup call. With all the talking and yelling going on about tuition there has still been almost nothing or very little done not just to address the problem but to solve it.